ALESSANDRO'S POV

My eyes slowly open, my vision is blurry and uneasy. My body is tired, too heavy pushed against my back. I can't move, my bones are frozen and my strength is gone.

My mind is working little by little, it's waking up before my energy, my will and power. I blink numerous times and my sight becomes clear, I see nothing.

The place is empty, black, dark with no source of light. It may be my head, it may be some hallucinations I'm creating but it feels so real, so real I'm starting to forget what reality is, what matter and air feel like.

I can't shift, my body is being pulled down, trapped by this mysterious force that's almost nonexistent. I don't feel ropes, I don't feel my legs wrapped up nor my wrists cuffed. It's strange, a strange feeling of being there, alive yet not in control. I'm breathing. My chest raises up and down every second but I'm not the one doing it, I'm not the one breathing.

It's like there's someone, a soul locked in my body with me, and neither of us know what to do, what to feel, what to think and what to remember.

We're confused, we're clueless and weak. I no longer feel pain, I'm not feeling at all.

I force my eyes to move, alongside the darkness, searching and collecting since they're the only thing I'm in control of. The rest of me is not here, it's not me, it's not next to me but I know I'm in it.

I squeeze my eyes shut and see no difference. I mess with my own mind and drain it. I stuck away the effort it gave in to open my sight and now I'm blind again.

A few moments passed, hours, days, weeks. I don't know, I'm kept in the dark behind knowledge and understanding as if the world is punishing me, as if the world is trying to tell me something, as if it's begging me to remember.

I recall my name, my age, my date of birth. It's all there except for the part I am supposed to know. And it does feel empty, it does feel like something, someone is missing.

Events are unable to replay theirselves, they're lost somewhere far I'm too weak to reach, I'm not strong enough to touch, to know, to live and maybe I don't deserve, maybe I never deserved to be who I am.

Blood breaks through my veins, my bones tense and my flesh sets on fire. Marcello.

I sit up on a bed, I'm on a bed, I was sleeping on a bed. A bed not my own, someone's bed. My sight loses its focus as my body manages the head rush. I see black and white spots when suddenly there's light, there's a whole glass window with opened curtains to allow sunlight, sunlight that magically appears in the room.

I hear a noise, a door, a door swing open. It's a man, it's a man with brown hair so light, so unique and almost blond. I can't see his face, it's hidden, my mind is shutting him out, my mind is terrified but my body is curious and demanding. Thoughts and fear tell me to back away, back away from my own challenge yet that seems to only push me further.

The name, the name I said earlier, what was it. Is that him, what's his name and do I know him.

The guy doesn't move, he stands in place and does nothing for a while. I narrow my eyes and try to observe his face again but I fail for the second time. He leaves, he disappears out of the door frame for a second and comes back, this time, he was not alone.

Many brown tall heads surrounded the bed I sat on, I think they are speaking, I'm not sure, there's some noise but it's distant, it's running away from me.

They are close, some of them are experiencing the same reaction as the first guy. I still can't make out their features. They have eyes, one nose and lips but they don't. I claim they do because that's what I know, that's how I remember it, remember them, remember.

This word. It's getting louder. It's speaking over their voices, my thoughts and spreading. It's taking all space, all of me and roaming my body, it's ruling me, it's overpowering me and snatching away lungs, my heart and life.

I separate my lips and I look for air. I breath heavily, desperately for oxygen. I'm losing the ability to breath, to inhale and exhale. The people around me are panicking, I could feel it through me.

I got through these stages, these steps, of falling down, of gradually dying. I always thought death would be much more peaceful, faster and welcoming. I always thought the day I die is when I sacrifice, when I give all I've got, when I give her all I've got.

She's a void, she's a fairytale I'm making up because I don't know who she is, who her is.

The letters are stuck with me, like memorizing without understanding. I want it to stop, I want her to stop hurting me.

A rush of agony, pure pain once never felt before. I'm being punished again, I'm being hit for what I've said. I made a mistake, I committed a sin and the distant voices are ordering me to suffer; to hurt until I realize, until I snap out of it because no one will help, no one will be able to bring me back except for her and she's not here.

She's leaving, I watch her walk away with an ache, with an ache reaching down the deepest part of my heart. I accept her decision even when it pains me. I don't stop her, I don't block the feeling out as I always do, as I was supposed to do.

This is not me. This is not who I am. I don't let this happen, I don't let emotions, I don't feel emotions. She breaks me again, she crushed my heart and smiles at me with colorful eyes, with shifting hazel eyes. They're green, deep confusing green like nature and amber, amber and bright as the sun we can't touch, we can get a millimeter close to. She's far again, she took the pain away and is next to me. She keeps going back and forth, a moment next to me and the other vanishing out of my life. She's a dream, a cut off scene from a scenario, a long story, years and decades of living. Her name is written on my flesh, she's a scar, she's a memory. She's a core memory.

She. She has no name, I call her she and stop. Time runs out and repeats itself. Time, times she was not there. Times she held onto me. Times she lied to me. Times she hid from me. Times she looked into my eyes. Times she smiled at me with her full lips, her dimpled cheeks. A time, a day, a night she said, she told me that she loves me.

Akila.

My heart is racing again but not in panic, not in the last moments of death, not yet.

My vision is back, my lungs are working and catching up. Dante. Adriano. Emilion. Armando. Everyone. They're here, they're roaming the room with eyes full of worry, full off tiredness and lack of sleep. I can speak, I can form words and use my tongue but I choose not to. I'm sit back from the world right now because I am remembering. I remember.

She's there, she has always been there. Akila Eduardo Lorenzo. Hazel eyes. Long brown hair. Define nose. Sharp jawline and cheekbones. Lips. Her lips. Full rosey lips, curves of her lips I kiss, I crave and die for.

She's keeping me alive, she's killing me and holding onto me. She's not here, she doesn't stand among them and saddens me. She left for a mission, a mission that will take a while, a mission I don't know about.

Tell me where she is Alessandro. Tell me what she's doing right now and I will back down, I will serve you my head for revenge.

Enzo. Enzo Santoro. My father. Our father.

I'm suddenly wide awake, suddenly shaking and busking up rage. His father. My father. Our father.

I look around, I search, I hunt and I attack. I'm off the bed, I'm on my feet and I'm choking him. I don't feel exhausted, I don't feel drained and lifeless, I feel anger, I feel blood and livid.

He struggles in my grip, his legs fighting in the air as I hold him up against the wall. He says something but my ears are deaf, my mind is lost and my hands are tightening. They're buried in his skin, digging a hole and killing him. He's still fighting, he's trying and crying. Someone touch my shoulders, they try to pull me back but I'm too determined, I'm too set and ready, so ready and insane, insane and broken enough to kill my brother.

My brother that I just found out about, my brother I didn't know existed, my brother who was hidden and somehow showed up in my life for something, for something either happy and warm or something burning and sad ending. I didn't see him, I didn't see myself nor my father in him until now. His eyes, they were the key from the beginning but I've been in denial because it seemed too functional, too unreal and stupid in my head. Turns out, I was right, my guts were right, the signs, the warnings, they were all true and I was the one to ignore them, I was the one blinded by reality to believe another one.

"P-please" His voice is losing harmony, his will to fight, to keep going is slowly failing him, slowly and painfully doomed.

The taps on my shoulder never stopped so I used my other hand to choke the other person. Now I stand between the two, each hand is wrapped around their necks.

I don't realize who I'm holding on the other side until someone screams that I'm killing him. My head snaps his way and I see Armando giving up quietly in my hold. His face is neutral yet full of emotions and unspeakable words of pain. He stares deeply into my eyes and smiles weakly. He moves his lips and tells me it's okay.

I break. I break away from Armando, Marcelo, both of them and drown. I drown into a world or nothing, a world of shattered souls, a world of mine.

They stand beside me, they help me walk but I refuse. I need to get out of here.

I storm out of the room and slam the door shut behind me. I gaze around the hallways and perceive that I was in a spare room in the house. I avoid the thoughts and go to my office. It's dark, it's bare and no longer motivational to work in. I've dreamed of this office since that one day I walked into my father's office. I always said and promised myself the most elegant and pleasing office to stay nights and days in, working and achieving my dreams.

Someone opens the door and I don't bother to check who, it's Dante. He paused for a moment, no words nor conversation would be enough to take away what I felt. No apologies, no death will ever, ever be able to heal this part of me, the part of my life that was a secret and snatched away from me. I have a brother, I always had a brother and I didn't know. Throughout the years, the struggles and survival, he was there. He was out there in the world and so was I.

Although my many men, spies and assassins, it wasn't sufficient to figure out, to find out I have a brother who I interacted with, who I gave a job to and saved one night.

"You two have to talk" the silence finally interrupted and the truth hit harder each time. "Twenty seven years Dante. Twenty seven."

I lift my gaze and look at him. He's sad, he's defeated and surrenders. He's mirroring me, it's like seeing your own reflection in the mirror but it's much worse, it's much more throbbing because the mirror will never get it, the mirror will never understand what you truly feel no matter how many times you tell, you explain, you scream.

It will only reflect you crumbling, falling down and do nothing. It just shows you, it lets you discover and learn what it looks like because while the heart feels and the body is wrecked, the mirror visualises it and confesses, exposes and uncovers you, revealing your nightmares and fears.

I shut it off and nod. I breath out and shove it in because this is how we do it, this is how we survive.

Dante steps aside from the door and watches me carefully. My hand forms into a fist, my eyes closed and my mind is gathering strength. You've got this Alessandro. I know you do.

I'm back in the hallways, deciding and choosing. It's not a hard decision, I will have to face this sooner or later. And I choose to do it now.

I'm sitting on the balcony, arms crossed and thoughts louder than the wind. The sun is barely producing light, it must be around five or six when the sun starts to set, leaving a cold breeze and a colourful sky.

And then I hear him. I sit still and listen to his footsteps getting closer, closer to variety, closer to family.

He hesitantly took a seat beside me and let the sound of the wind guide us into feelings, discussions and consultation.

"How old are you" I am the first to speak, I'm the one to negotiate the first question. "I will turn thirty in a few months" he responds calmly and I think he may be smiling. I'm consumed and out of context but I keep going. "How long have you known" I already had an answer, he must have known from the day I was brought to this world but I need to hear his version of the story, I need to know what it was like, what it felt like.

"I was young when I found out he got married and left my mother for yours. Our father never had a strong relationship with my mother yet she was convinced he cares for her. When she told him about the pregnancy, he couldn't stay, couldn't give up his mafia and reputation so he promised my mother to financially support us until I get a job and in return, she doesn't tell anyone. He left the woman he got pregnant all alone and went off to marry your mother, to get her pregnant and stay by her side" he catches his breath and leans back on the chair. His leg is bouncing up and down, he plays with his fingers and sits nervously. "I never thought I would meet you one day, I never thought I would be able to see my brother this close" he stood and I feel his eyes on me. I blow air out of my mouth and force myself to face him, my gaze lands on him, green eyes, so dark and emerald like mine.

He smiles softly, tears holding themselves in. "I've watched you throughout the years from afar. I didn't want to disturb your life but when the Russians attacked your circle, planning to destroy your empire and get rid of you, I couldn't hold back. I wanted to help, I want to help even if we just met, even if you just discovered who I am, you're still my younger brother Alessandro and I'm your older brother" it's like a movie, a tragic storyline where the hero is trembling, the ending is not sad nor happy but endless. I see no end, I see no start, I see nothing.

"I want to protect you, take care of you and sacrifice my own life for yours. I want to participate in this war Alessandro, I want to help and I'm willing to do everything, anything you ask me to do" his voice doesn't break, he's confident and not looking back, he presents his life so I could live mine.

It's too much, the story, the pain, the lost memories. I'm uncertain, I can't set my mind straight. All of a sudden this occurs, all of a sudden my childhood is a lie, all of a sudden I'm a younger brother and have an older one.

"You're a hacker right?" My question is out of order but I need a few answers. "I am indeed. I used to be a doctor. I tried to major in law after graduating from medical school but as the heats passed, I decided to cross paths and train, build up my body and grow some decent hacking skills. Eventually, I became too good at it, and it led assassins and people in the illegal business to contact me. I first rejected it but money sure is one hell of a seductive lifestyle" he's not wrong and I hate how I agree with everything he says.

Marcello continues and tells me more about the jobs he got, the people he got to work with and the numerous times they tried to finish him. He's a man with talent and wisdom, a strong man with pure potential and a soft heart.

"I'm sorry if I came into your life in such a hectic way, I didn't know how to do it right. I started attending events you're invited to a year ago, your company, other companies you made deals with. I hack into the system and add my fake name on the list every time. I did it over and over, I took the risk just to see you, to be able to stand across the room from you because even when you didn't know I existed, I still wanted to watch you, watch you grow and succeed. It made me feel some kind of peace and sanity if that makes sense"

I hardly swallow his affectionate words down my throat and say nothing in return. He seems like a nice guy, a good brother I would have loved to have in my younger years to fill in the loneliness. I think, I think he may actually care about my safety and looks out for it but I'm sure there's more, there has to be.

I push myself off the chair and adjust my clothes. "Thank you" and just like that, I walk out and leave my brother to wonder, leave my brother who shares my blood, my gens and EYES.

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