ALESSANDRO'S POV

The world is blurry, everything seems calm and quiet.

I was about to shift on the bed when a weight on top of my chest stopped me. My vision now is clear, I looked down and found Akila breathing heavily as her head rested right underneath my neck. I swallowed hard, unsure what to do. I watched her chest rise and fall for longer than it should, something is wrong.

She took seven seconds between each inhale and exhale, and repeated the process over and over again. Her heart beats sound stable and normal but I'm certain there's something in her body, pressuring and weakening her lungs. Maybe it's her current position, maybe it's my legs connected with her, I don't know. I don't know what to do.

I have no idea whether she's asleep or not, and I can't move in case she is. Hell, it's a miracle if she's asleep and I can't, I can't risk waking her up.

Maybe she's dreaming, or having a nightmare. I sighed as quietly as I could while my thoughts didn't help my nerves.

Her right hand shakes, she dragged it downward until they touched my abs. My face suddenly flustered into heat and now was my time to breathe heavily.

After a minute or two, she moved again but this time, she lifted her head up, eyes closed, turned around and dropped her head on top of me once again. I smiled softly at her adorable figure in my arms and gently caressed my hand down her hair. We stayed like that for a while, thirty minutes, maybe an hour. I twirled her strands around my fingers as she would scooped her face closer to my neck.

A few images of yesterday would creep into my mind once here and then but eventually it would haunt me down. Akila doesn't know her parents are here, she doesn't know any of them are here. I never got the chance to tell her and I feel guilty, guilty that I let my needs for her win over what happened. I should have told her the second I laid an eye on her, I should have spoken the words before anything.

As if the world was punishing me, Akila slowly started to wake up. Her eyes blinked numerous times and her arms hung in the air as she stretched. I fixed my eyes on her, not allowing myself to miss this moment. A moment where she woke up next to me, on the same bed, in my arms.

"Good morning" she calmly said with a dimpled smile. Her sleepy voice might be the best thing I've ever heard. God. It is the best thing I've ever heard.

Her smile only grew wilder the longer she looked at me which made me feel things, things I don't think I will be able to take before my body explodes. She kept getting closer to my face until her lips brushed softly on my left cheek, leaving a cold kiss on my skin. How could something so cold make you go ten times hotter. 

"Good morning, love" I finally managed to find my voice again. "How did you sleep" I asked partly hoping she got any and partly hoping she wasn't having a nightmare. Her lips separated and her eyes widened. She jerked away from me as if I'm some sort of monster. She rose to her feet in a matter of milliseconds and looked at me terrified. A look I thought I would never see on Akila. And I hate it.

I hate it so much.

I made it on my knees and tried to touch her when she took a step back. My shoulders fell and I felt completely wrecked. What have I done.

I didn't know the answer to that question, I didn't know if I even did anything but I know I've upsetted her somehow. I wanted to apologize, I wanted to take her in my arms and beg for her forgiveness but she didn't let me. She kept a distance between us, she looked at me in a way and it felt like she's haunted by ghosts and demons.

"Akila, what's wrong? Tell me. Please" I heard my own voice break. There was a drop in my stomach, twisting and knotting my guts with worry. Akila had both her hands on each side of her head, gripping the small pieces of her hair tightly. She looked like she's about to scream, about to break out of her skin and kill me.

"It's impossible." she whispered to herself, not once looking me in the eyes. I need her to look at me, I need her to tell me what's wrong so I could fix it.

After five or ten minutes she finally stopped. She let her arms fall to her waist and took a deep breath in. I stared at her the whole time, I kept my eyes on her unblinkingly, worried of what to become.

A few moments later, her head snapped in my direction, so fast I thought she broke her neck. But then she relaxed and her gaze softened as her body language radiated confrontation and calmness.

The thoughts started pouring in my head, and I braced myself for whatever she was about to tell me I did wrong, "No no no no" she repeated those words as she got back to me, she quickly sat on the bed and held my cheeks in the palms of her hands. My mind couldn't process. For a moment, I didn't know who I was and what was happening until she forced my eyes to meet hers.

"You didn't do anything, don't worry. Breathe with me" she guided me slowly, she inhaled and exhaled with me. We did that multiple times until my breath steadied and went back to normal. I don't know what happened to me, I've never experienced something like this. Never.

It all went away when I remembered what happened to her. "Why did you—" she stopped me with her index finger on my lips and smiled. "Nothing is wrong. I just," she sighed deeply, before going on, "I fell asleep, Alessandro, and not the type of sleep I get. I slept. I closed my eyes and my body, my mind went unconscious for hours" my head sprinted, memories of the night on the beach when I asked more about her insomnia. I remember her face, her voice, her words. She told me she can't sleep, she told me whenever she get a glance of slumber it's not the normal sleep we get.

She said it feels like her body is drowning away, drifting, losing it self to sleep but her mind—her mind is always aware of her surroundings, always ready for anything, any attacks, any unusual movement. Her body, her strength is weakened except for her mind. It's always awake no matter what, conscious and prepared for the slightest.

It amazed me, only to realize that she once suffered from it. Her mind never rests, never takes a break from the thoughts, the fear she used to lived in. I remember, that night I held her near me and promised to wake my ass up if she wants me to stay up nights after nights, I would do it in a blink.

"I was shocked. It feels so weird." she trailed with her voice and I could see it, the surprise on her face never faded away. I studied her for a while, waiting for her to do, say something. When she didn't, I separated my lips and started, "Do you need me to do anythin—" Her lips crashed on mine and the world was spinning again, spinning backwards, upwards and sideways.

My tongue pushed into her and a sound escaped her mouth. Her hand reached down my neck and she held onto me as we deepened the kiss.

Her breath grew rigid and my lungs begged for air. She bit on my lower lips roughly one last time before pulling away for air.

The sound of our panting lowered and I swallowed down my throat. I never knew a kiss could speak words louder than our thoughts, I never knew a kiss from her would do this much to me. I never knew.

She gently rested her forehead against mine. "Thank you," my eyebrows rose, "For being here, and helping me sleep for the first time." She chuckled at the end of her sentence, still unable to process the night.

But I didn't expect what she said next, "You've been here for me, ever since I walked into your doors. You've been by my side, supporting me, trying with me and I know I'm hard sometimes, to explain myself instead of walking away, to talk it out instead of keeping quiet. I know I should work on those things and I'm trying. For you.

"I trust you. I want you to know that. I need you to know. I trust you with my past, my future and now," her hand tugged on the back of my neck, "And I don't care what you've done before, I only care about what's in here," I felt her other hand slide down the left side of my chest, right on top of my heart. "Those heartbeats are the only thing that matters to me. You have no idea what I would do, what I would sacrifice just to keep them alive, just to keep them going, even if it takes my own heartbeats."

We stayed like that for a while, my arms around her hips and her head in my neck. I wanted to say many things. I wanted to say I love you. But the world seems to be hard on us, the world seems to know when to wait, when is the right time. So I pushed away my anger when my eyes fell on the opened door of my bedroom. Emilion and Adriano stood on the other side, both of them started to clap for some reason I didn't bother to know. "Good evening birthday boy. You should really get out of bed, we didn't prepare all of this for your lazy ass to sit here all day" And then I realized what day it is.

Of course. I remember weeks ago when Julia whispered something to Adriano while we were on call, I totally forgot about this whole thing. "Okay less staring rush the progress don't we all agree?" Emilion waited for an answer, no one answered. "Fine. Just get up, it's seven o'clock. I don't even want to know what you stayed up doing to sleep for that long" the bastard turned around and rushed out of my sight before I could chase him down the hallways. I glared at Adriano, he only shrugged and followed Emilion.

"Shall we" I was lost of words, lost of my own voice but I nodded. She took my hand in hers and pushed both of us up.

[V]

Akila and I first went to the bathroom, we brushed our teeth and I tried to fix my hair but failed miserably. After that, she left me in my closet to change while she went and got ready as well. She said she would meet me downstairs. I hate birthdays, I hate birthday parties and I hate surprises. They do this almost every year, a little gathering downstairs or dinner in one of my restaurants, and then it's over. It's useless, birthdays are useless. They repeat themselves year after year, what's so special about them? I will never know.

I slid my cargo pants up my legs and tugged my shirt in them. I went all black today, didn't feel like coordinating colors for the day.

I didn't even dare to touch my hair again, it's a long loss. I made it out of my closet and put on my white yeezys before heading out of the door. Music. I heard music. Dear lord, save me.

I forced myself to walk down the stairs. I have no idea what these people prepared and I don't like it already. But then, I smelled croissants.

That made the adrenaline kick into my guts as I rushed down the stairs. Don't worry, I didn't trip and fall on my ass.

The living room is crowded. I see dozens of faces across the room, some I recognize, some I don't. I could see from a distance Adriano's parents and is that Aurora?

Armando was the first to see me and when he did, he shouted my name and everyone came up to me. I shook hands with relatives I haven't seen for at least two years. I thanked them and welcomed them even though I don't remember their names.

By the time I made it through the crowd of people wishing me happy birthday, I finally made it to the end of the room where they made a small group in the corner and whispered. I sneaked up on Armando and blew in this ear. He trembled a few steps back while everyone giggled. "What the hell is happening here" I eventually asked and for some reason, my question made everyone smile. "It's your birthday and we are celebrating" Kira simply said with a shrug, "Yes. You and everyone is celebrating and no kids are allowed in the party, enjoy" Julia winked at the end of sentence, winked. What is wrong with these people.

Lilianna came out of nowhere and took the arms of both Kira and Julia, pulling them away from us. Adriano took the hint and followed them. I heard Emilion cough before going their opposite way and dragging Armando with him. "Um I gotta go" Dante didn't even let me say a word and he stormed out of my face.

I stood alone in the empty corner of the room, a few feet away from the birthday party as they call it when the two people I'm supposed to meet showed up. My parents.

It made me gag from the inside, my mother connected her arm with my father's as they both walked towards me. I haven't seen them this touchable in a while and it's clearly not a good view. "My boy" here we go. See this is the part of the year that keeps repeating over and over.

I was met with the birthday hug of my mother, which included spinning for some reason. I guess she likes twirling. We made at least three turns before she finally stopped and pulled away. Her eyes are watery and her cheeks are a light rose. I straightened my back and heard a crack, this whole bending and spinning thing always tense my lower back muscles. My mother wiped her tears and stepped back next to my father. I looked at him and waited for nothing. He doesn't say much, he just stares at me and that's it.

I was about to excuse myself when his voice stopped me. "Happy birthday" he said, handing me a small velvet box. I ignored him and opened it to find two bullets, one silver and one golden. My gaze fell coldly on him, trying to figure if it was actually him who bought it. And it was.

We locked eyes, not speaking a word. He looks tired, drained and I don't care. I closed the box and thanked both of them. My mother asked if I liked it and all I gave her was a head nod. Thankfully, they left shortly after. I let my eyes explore the tiny box in my grip, the last time my father bought me anything was back when I was fifteen, he handed me my first gun and that was it.

The thoughts seemed to disappear, to travel far away from me when I saw her across the room in a oversized turtleneck, tugged in a short skirt reaching her thighs, on top of them is short fine coat with the same strength of her skirt, she wrote tights and a pair of long boots just beneath her knees. She went all black like me. I went all black like her.

The air got caught in my throat. It felt impossible to hold back my smile. She's so much, she's too much for the human eyes, her body, her walk, it's all too good for the world, she's too good for this world. Too good, it causes me pain, pain I would die for.

I lifted my eyes again and observed her one more time. Chains. She's covered in chains. A silver chain belt hugged the curves of her hips, three or four chains dominated her neck. Rings. A set of silver rings on each hand. Her nails are long red, matching her dark lipstick. Her hair is down, the soft curls brushed against her waist as she moved closer, closer to me.

She looks like she's coming out of the dark, out of the deepest part of earth with power and confidence. She looks, she feels like thunder, as if she's created in the dark blue sky with lightning and rain, as if she's holding the darkest secrets of the universe in the palm of her hands, as if she can crush this world with a blow, with the tip of her finger.

A goddess. She looks like a goddess. She is a goddess.

And out of the millions she could have, she chose me. She chose to approach me with her magical scent, with her addicting figure that took my breath away. "Hey you" my stomach danced around in circles, I didn't know what to do with my hands, my eyes wouldn't focus on one place, what is happening.

"You look very handsome" she spoke again, her hands connected behind her back. I found her face again when she bit gently on her lower red lip, yeah definitely not breathing.

She took another step forwards and giggled, God when she giggled. I can't feel my knees anymore, everything is vanishing away, it's like the world is floating and she's the one holding it back.

"You know" she started, dragging her hand down my chest. "It's really hard seeing you stand here all alone, it makes me wonder what we would've been doing in your bedroom" she leaned into my ear and whispered the last word. My eyes rolled to the back as my body tensed. Shivers, goosebumps, every inch her finger touches, it drove my body out of its own skin.

"I'm killing you, am I?" She teased, bringing her hand lower and lower. My body is on the edge, it will get out of control any second if she doesn't stop. Now.

I opened my eyes and saw my uncle heading my way. I looked down at Akila who smirked so bright, so devily I wanted to kiss and suck on that smirk. My hands found her waist, "You will pay for this" and before she could protest, I turned her body around to face my uncle who's coming towards us. "Alessandro" he's so Italian. "My son that I never had" he greeted me with a cheeky smile when Adriano came into the picture, "Thanks dad, I knew you loved me so much" the three of us laughed it out as Matteo messed up Adriano's hair. I've always admired Adriano and Matteo's relationship, they have the best ideal father and son around the family. Matteo cares for his son more than anything and Adrino makes sure his father is always happy, they have so much respect and honor for each other, it could make the whole room in awe.

I brought my attention back to Matteo and caught him checking Akila out. "What's her name" Matteo directed his question to me, never once breaking their tense eye contact. He's curious, Matteo has always been the curious kind of man. Sometimes he lets his curiosity show and people think he's being rude when he's genuinely interested.

The longer I didn't answer him, the quicker he let go of Akila's gaze, only to meet mine. He titled his head and waited, I didn't say anything. His eyes slightly narrowed and then he tried again. "What's your name" this time, the question is for Akila which was how it should've been from the beginning.

Akila held her hand up for Matteo, he gave it a quick glance and took it, he brought her hand higher to kiss her but she twisted both their hands back to normal and shook it.

For some reason I will not be talking about, she made me smile. We were cut off by the attacks of my aunts, Akila stepped aside and let them hover around me. I sighed and took a hug after another, my cheeks felt sore from the amount of kisses. I don't know why they have to press their lips so hard against my poor cheeks, not forgetting their rings making holes against my skin.

After what felt like years, they eventually left along with Matteo and Adriano. I turned to find Akila and rolled my eyes with a deep breath. She chuckled and signaled me that someone was coming behind me. I rolled my eyes again and put my fake smile on, I hate birthdays.

[V]

Have I mentioned that I hate birthdays? Because I certainly, deeply do.

Somehow, I ended up crushed between my mother and her sisters on the same couch. Across from us sat my father's side of the family which included Matteo and Adriano. Everyone else spread around the living room on the remaining seats. We ate dinner and drank wine. By eleven, my mother and aunts started to get off the coach and allow me to move. Each group seems to enjoy their time with light conversations and laughter. It's not your typical club party, just a simple family gathering to celebrate my so-called birthday.

Throughout the hours, I would check around for Akila but it was really hard to spot her. I know she's probably somewhere alone avoiding any attention towards her. It felt weird sitting here, knowing she's around yet not too far. She's around yet not here with me.

You know, sometimes when a shooting star lights up the sky, sometimes when you make that wish, sometimes it becomes true. Because it's either that or I'm hallucinating.

About five feet away, Akila's boots clicked on the floor making every man in the room watch her as she slowly walked towards me. 

Every man in the room. I might be an idiot, I might be an asshole but I don't care. My blood boiled. I held back the urge to break their legs in half and torture the shit out of them. They're not supposed to look at her in that way, undressing her with their eyes, imagining scenarios of her naked body on top of theirs. It made me sick. It bursted something in me, ready to kill, ready to murder and seek blood.

The bastards noticed she's heading my way and minded their business but that didn't easen my temper. I wanted murder. Murder. Dead bodies. Blood.

"Calm down sexy" and it all faded away.

My eyes couldn't leave her lips, they're so red, so soft, so perfect. Her heels pushed her height a few inches longer, making her body almost reach my eye level. "Oh my god. What is she doing here"

Murder.

Angela. Goddamn Angela. Of course she's here. Of course she has to ruin every last bit of serenity left in my body. Akila didn't respond, in fact, she didn't even turn to look at her and I thanked her because I know, God I know how much she wants her head on the floor between us. 

A miracle was sent from the universe. I call it a birthday gift. Someone called out Angela's name, someone I want to reward with millions of dollars and gold. She hesitantly looked at both of us and forced herself to leave when the person kept screaming her name. Akila and I stayed in position, both sustaining our anger. But it was too early.

As Akila made it just in front of me, some blonde chick got in my face. "Al. I'm glad to see you're okay after what happened at the ball" Caterina.

I sighed my lungs out. I'm so done with this night, I want to go to bed and steal Akila with me. Akila. "I hope you recovered, it must have been really hard on you" Her voice is higher pitched than normal. She smirked at me as her filthy hand rested on my shoulder and went down my toros. I've had enough. I grabbed her wrist tightly, stopping her hand from going down any further. I snatched it away from me and let her break away from my grip. She held her pathetic wrist with her other hand and rubbed on the red skin. "What the hell is your problem you dickhea—"

Caterina's voice cut off, as if her words broke into pieces and her tongue got swallowed. Akila held a pistol to her waist, she pointed the tip of a beautiful desert eagle to her ridiculous pink dress and whispered, "Keep going princess"

I heard the sound of Akila's finger on the trigger, her chin rose high with so much calm, with so much fire I couldn't get enough of. Seeing her in this position turns me on in so many ways my mind won't be able to comprehend. I wanted to see her pull the trigger, I wanted to see her expose blood. I don't care about the people around us, if she kills today, we will both unalive a room full of my favorite targets.

"Please don't" Caterina held back her tears as Akila dug the gun deeper into her flesh. "I want you to disappear, I don't want to see your ghost and if I do, I will make sure to burn you alive princess" and with that being said, she pulled the pistol back and fixed her eyes on her for a few seconds. Her face is so neutral yet full of thoughts, thoughts of the sick ways she could play with her body, sick ways she could cut it into half and turn it into ash, my type of sick ways.

I have issues, big ones that witnessing this attracts me even harder towards her, mad issues that I'm enjoying having them.

I couldn't hold myself anymore. I got closer to Akila and wrapped my hand around her lower back, "Come on" I tried to guide her to move when she stopped us. "I lay an eye on you one more time Bianchi, one more time" Caterina squeezed her eyes shut and nodded, Akila adjusted her pistol in her back hollister and finally drew herself away from Caterina's shaking figure.

She murmured a few cursed words underneath her breath as we walked away, to somewhere she's leading me to. Her hand found mine, gathering hot and cold. I almost let out a chuckle but held it back, I don't know what's so funny about this.

We kept walking through people, Akila may or may not shoved a couple women on her way, she led us to the garden and then climbed up the wall. She sat on top of it and looked down at me "Are you coming" I'm way too stunned and curious to say no so I brought my hands on the wall and pushed my body upwards. Far in the distance on top of a small hill, I could see some object with the shape of a rectangle laying on the floor.

We both jumped off the wall and a rush of air hit us. This time, not only did my hair get messed up, Akila's hair took every direction possible and flew freely around her face. She groaned loudly and tried to tame it yet the air was too strong. She raised her hands in the air and flipped both her middle fingers into absolute emptiness.

I don't know if I should feel concerned or admire the view. I reached for her shoulder and softly lifted her chin up, "You look beautiful, love" I stared into her eyes. It's dark out here, the moon escaped with its shining stars, leaving my only light and source of happiness in front of me, so close, so marvelous I've never seen anything better, anyone with such fire, such face and heart. Everything, everything about her is killing me, she doesn't belong here, she doesn't belong in this world, she belongs somewhere, into another universe that could handle her mind, her movement, her power. She's too powerful for this planet, she's so many things my heart can't take. So good, so perfect, so beautiful.

I leaned down and pressed my lips on her cheeks, I left a light kiss next to her dimples and stayed like this for a moment. I dropped my head on her collarbone and let her coldness vibrate my body. "We will do a lot of this when we arrive, let's go" her breath left shivers down my neck. She's my life but one day, she will kill me, she will take away my soul or my soul will follow her anywhere she goes. "What are you thinking about"

"I'm thinking about how you're slowly, impolitely killing me" I grabbed her waist and managed to push myself off her. She walked past me and said, "Would rather someone else kill you" her question caught me off guard, I didn't even know this question existed. "Absolutely not" I almost said it too quickly, she giggled and continued walking up the hill. I had to rush a few steps to reach her but she kept speeding.

We ended up having a small race to get on top of the hill which she won. I guess I'll never win with her. Akila is so competitive, much more than I am. It's cute seeing her winning over the smallest things, it looks a lot different from the time she wins a fight or kill, on these occasions, she looks like death dragging you out of hell little by little, taking your beaten flesh into a void you'll never be able to run away from, a void only those who crossed her path got to witness.

The weather is windy, cold and quiet. The wind travelled back and forth, crashing into the livings around us. Each creature benefits from the wind, rain and sunlight, the sky provides us with numerous conditions to help all kinds of life on earth. Our bright moon orbiting the earth, making sure the waves are settled, the ground is stable. So many blessings we forget to count, we forget to be thankful for, little—big developments caused by nature at all times, things we can't see that allow us to follow another day, another night.

Akila and I layed on the grass, next to the mysterious box I saw earlier. She opened it and got out two plates of food. Croissants.

"I know you don't like cake and I'm not that good at baking either but I tried making cupcakes alongside the croissants you're in love with" my mouth fell open as my eyes kept going to the food then to her. Her lips curled into a smile before she leaned in and kissed my mouth shut. "I'm glad you like it" I blinked a couple times, feeling my heart racing into my chest. I wanted to jump, I wanted to scream in joy, I wanted to kiss her for hours, just thanking her for making me happy, for giving me a chance, for sitting here with me.

"And one more thing" she shifted her body and dug her hand into a pocket I didn't know she had, she blocked my sight from the object she's holding and took a deep breath, "I know it's nothing big, but I really wanted to get you something you could use and I know how much you wear them like me" I swear, I swear she blushed at the end of her sentence before opening a small forest green box. "It's a white gold ring and inside of it" I held my breath and released it with her, "Alvaro" the word is carved into the ring with diamonds pushed deeply into the metal so it doesn't bother the finger.

I didn't know what to do, what to say, no one has ever given me anything meaningful with worry and hope I like it, no one has ever made me feel so special, so important to another.

"Thank you" I finally found my voice and forced a quick short answer because I wanted to say so many things, so many things that I'm not sure if it's the right time to say.

Akila and I sat far away from the house, eating and rambling about the most random stuff. "You're not scared of spiders" I said, straightening my back and looking at her in shock. Her face lit up with a weak smile, "I don't really think I have a fear or even a phobia of anything" I widened my eyes at her, they kept growing until I couldn't feel them anymore. "That's awesome" I sounded like a three year old, staring at her like a knight riding a black horse. She only giggled and dismissed my behavior.

I bit on my lower lip and felt a rush of heat creep up my arms. Fanculo. I rapidly snuck my hand underneath her skirt and grabbed her thighs, I moved her closer to me as a scream left her mouth. "Alessandro" she called my name in a warning tone. "No" I responded before crashing my lips on her jawline, her jawline is so sharp, so strong I love to touch it and feel it against my lips. Her back leaned on my chest, she took off her coat a long time ago and stayed in her turtleneck. "I don't like this" I pointed at her turtleneck which blocked her neck. "You don't like my outfit" that made my head snap and reach to meet her eyes, "I love your outfit, you have no idea how bad it took me not to rip through every man who glanced at your define body and magnificent clothes"

"Is the great Alessandro jealous" she teased, drawing me further into making my wishes come true. She noticed my silence and shifted in my grip, her face was now a few inches away from me, her lips were full and so kissable. I was about to kiss those lips that seem so lonely, those lips that barely leave my mind.

"Wait a second tiger" I pulled myself back and frowned, she lowered her chin and smirked, "What are you hiding from me" SHIT.

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