ALESSANDRO'S POV
[ one of my favorites ]

I will kill him.

I laid down on my bed, listening to the clock as time passed by. I couldn't sleep, not even the thought of it crossed my mind and the worst thing is the problem that's keeping me up is one hell of a problem that I can't solve.

No matter how much I was angry, I knew he only did this because he cares. Armando was upset that I wouldn't just open my mouth and speak to her. I knew it hurt him seeing me like this, just as much as it hurt me but I can't change reality.

The arguing never helped, not between me and Armando but between me and myself. I said once I would let it go and accept what happened, and I didn't want an explanation. For the first time, I didn't want an answer nor was curious to find out what she was hiding. All I care about is my mafia and the war ahead of us. I can't sit around, worrying about a woman who her and I can't get ourselves together because of a ridiculous name.

I trusted her, yes absolutely and that's over. I don't know why Armando wants me to go back, reopen something that already ended. It doesn't make sense. Yes I'm still mad, yes I'm still upset at what she has done but I can't change the past. It will be the same no matter what so why should I care so much or even want to fix it. She never spoke to me two whole sentences, that's who she is and she'll stay like that no matter anything or anyone who crosses her path. I won't sit around, wishing she would let me in or open up. If she doesn't want me anywhere near her nor her personal life then that's what she's getting. I don't care, that's what it is. I don't give a singular care anymore, whether she's lying or staying it does not concern me.

Yet that was so hard for Armando to believe.

Eventually I had to reach this point. There's no way to solve this other than the two of us separate and work on ourselves. She won't be here forever and I won't either, so why should I hold onto us so hard and try to fix it while she's out there doing whatever's happening in her life. I have the chance to live without any more problems or someone to complicate my life and I will take advantage of that. I won't let some old curiosity she built in me make decisions and take the best out of me. I've got a lot ahead of me and even more responsibilities to think about her. She should be the last on my mind or not there at all but isn't that giving up.

Precisely it is however I can't control her, I can't sit her down and make her speak. That's her life, that's her own self and I can't ask her to give me a part of it or explain her past. You never know what happened years back, you never know what a person could possibly be going through. We never know the other person so why disturb them.

What if she's happy in her own world, she's happy doing it all. If I really care about her then I should be happy as well even if it hurts me. Whatever she's doing or whoever she chooses, I wish her to be happy and never feel unwanted. I will never know the feeling of the whole world after you. Everyone wants her dead, her name is brought up next to 'wanted dead' or 'kill her'. Our lives are so different that it shakes me, how one person can get so much abhorrence and disgust especially when that person is so beautiful and courageous. She has a heart of a soldier, a soul that's left alone with itself to protect. She wakes up everyday to make sure she's alive, to make sure she's able to breath and live another day. I know she killed a lot of people, I know she has done a lot and a lot but in the end we're all humans. Some souls running from death each day, the only difference is she has to face it every single day. She's one person left on her own to fight, to get back up because if she didn't it would be the end. It would be her end that no one will care about, the end no one will remember. She's living and taking each breath knowing people will celebrate the second this breath is cut off, the second her body hits the floor lifeless.

The life inside of her will be gone along with a poor heart that deserved better. No matter how much she keeps in her emotions maybe doesn't have them, I still believe there's something or someone who can release all these unused feelings. And no matter how much I deny it, I once believe I can help with that.

But then I switched it around, I wouldn't accept any help if I were in her place. That was the reason I never asked for an explanation nor confrontation. We all set rules to ourselves, who to trust and who to leave. Who's the person to kill and who's the person to kill for.

When it came to Akila, I sure completely without any doubts would kill anyone for her. I say that easily, knowing she'll never need me to kill someone. She got it all in her hands, all under her control. Even if one day she struggled, needing a hand to hold I know I'll be the first to hold her and give her the whole world including my own.

That was before the rules were set, now it all changed. I should have built up these rules a while back, it would have been easier dealing with this. Two weeks ago I would have searched around the world for whatever she wishes for and brought anything taken away from her but now it was no longer my concern nor it was any of my business to begin with. I was ready to be that person she tells everything either as her best friend or more. I was ready to take in all of her with no questions, with absolutely nothing.

It didn't matter to me who she was, all I wanted for her was to feel safe and needed in this world. The thought of every single human being hated you, wishing nothing but for you to disappear out of this world didn't sit right with me and it never will.

She doesn't deserve this, she never will in my eyes because no matter what she's doing she still is the woman I looked into her eyes and felt delighted. The only woman who touched my heart warmly. She makes me want to do anything in my power to see her smile bright up her face for one more second, one more chance for me to love and admire.

Here I am, sounding absolutely ridiculous yet again. Although she broke a big part I gave her, the broken pieces are still there. I can't get rid of the feeling she gave me, I can't just erase her out of my mind and life. It's much harder when the woman is living next to me, in the same house under the same roof. I chuckled softly at myself but then it all faded away. I can't let these thoughts get to me anymore, I've made the decision and it's over.

I can't go back and switch things around, if this is meant to happen then it's how it should go. I won't change my own rules and for what? just because a few wrong thoughts crossed my mind, it doesn't mean I follow them. Sometimes your mind tries to convince you to do the wrong and tear you down but this time I won't let it get to me.

Rules are rules and I won't get an inch near them. My mind can think all it wants, go back and forth. I still won't break the rules. I created these rules for a reason, to protect whatever's left between me and her. To keep it professional without anything getting out of hand.

But then I remembered one thing "Sometimes, it's right to break the rules"

[V]

It was past midnight, the whole house was quiet as the wind moved the trees. The sound of knocking rang in the place, the lights were off but I didn't care.

The door finally opened as the wind hit my body, making my hair fly in my face. The huge glass window above her bed was wide open, which gave me an idea where she could be. Taking a few steps into the room, I let her scent fill my lungs as my body relaxed at the memory of her. I didn't waste any second and looked through the window, in hope to find her somewhere. Although I expected otherwise, she was laying in the garden. Her face was brought up to the sky as her hair flew on her side. I looked down at the distance before jumping off, it wasn't that far.

I tried to walk lightly just so I wouldn't disturb her. As I got closer-she moved slightly to the left, making room for me. I smiled feeling my cheeks getting warm, not this again. I sat down next to her, I turned my head to her looking up at the sky in silence. I kept my gaze on her for a few seconds, I missed looking at her freely without my mind complaining about it and my heart finally appreciating it.

I sighed before laying my back on the cold grass.
The blue sky is dotted with countless small stars. One by one, as if to invite people to the vast space to invite. The beautiful stars that shine in the sky sprinkle the dreamy light into the world, turning the earth into a strange world, inducing people to explore the starry sky. Looking into the distance, the chaste moon sails like a silvery boat in the deep blue sea. The air is filled with a sweltering moisture, like a fog. I heard a humming sound from time to time in my ear coming from no one but her.

As a bright moon rises, bringing a starry night sky it felt like everything belonged to us. The same feeling she gave me sat comfortably around my body, the one I've been missing for longer than I should.

[TW]

After a long thirty minutes of silence with both of us staring at the moon, I wanted answers as the second went by. She knows I'm here for a reason, let's just hope she accepts that. I'm not here to make her talk or tell me something she's not comfortable with, I'm only here just so we can fix the misunderstanding between the two of us. The idea of living under the same roof as I have to resist her is quite hard and it doesn't make me any more happy.

I sighed softly before turning my body around, I laid on my stomach while I rested my elbows on the grass, holding both my cheeks in my hands. The second I finished adjusting myself on the cold grass, my eyes found hers as if they knew when the other was looking. It brought a smile on my face that I had no control of.

She sighed before focusing her gaze on the moon. I didn't need a moon nor glowing stars, I had her.

"Akila Eduardo Lorenzo"

She finally spoke softly without looking at me, which is fine by me. "That's a" I stopped for a second, noticing she's looking for something. Only if she knew, just by the slightest thing she makes my heart dance around in circles and wait for her command. Her, and only her command because since the first day I laid my eyes on her, she was the only one who stood alone. The only one who's left in my mind and took all of my heart leaving me with absolutely nothing but it didn't matter because in the end, it was hers from the beginning.

"A good name" I told her, unable to put in the right words, the ones my heart spoke. There are so many things in this world a person could love whether a human or an object, sometimes it can be a pet but none of these will compare next to mine.

There are so many ways you smile, and only a few are told with your lips. There are times you smile with the lilt of your voice, or an unexpected bounce in your stride. There are times you smile with your choice of words, or the way you pause to hear a bird sing. Yet my favourite is when she smiled. I could see how it came from deep inside to light her eyes and spread into every part of her. The way both of her cheeks raise, revealing the dimples she has been hiding from me. What an evil move.

"I know it is" I looked at her as she turned around, landing on her stomach just like me. "I changed it to Venom a few years ago when I ran away from my parents" she finished her sentence quietly, not knowing how I would react to her confession. All I gave her was a 'hmm' I didn't want to and couldn't say anything, I wanted her to let it out. I want to be the person she talks to, knowing I would never judge or stand against her because I could never see myself thinking she's a bad soul. I would give up anything to prove she's much more to the world and much more to me.

"It's not that I didn't trust you Alessandro, I didn't tell you because I couldn't tell myself. I changed my name for another reason, one reason that woke me up but not into a dreamy life, no" she chuckled as the moonlight sparkled the water filling her eyes.

"The second my eyes opened I was met with a hit. One after another, I grew with it. I learned in my world this was my path, my whole life no matter how much I fight. I was told to give up and stop screaming like the pathetic person I am, that I was not worth to live. But that's not a problem anymore since everyone in this universe wants me dead"

"You know what's funny, all of this was caused by something I had no control of. I didn't do anything Alessandro, I didn't ask to be born nor for my repellent parents to throw me away like they did. Only if he sat down and thought for a second how much this would affect his granddaughter and how much she needed a grandfather, not an abuser"

She brought one hand to her cheek, wiping away the one tear that managed to escape. As her hand fell on the grass, I reached down and held it tightly into my grip. Her skin was so cold compared to mine, the warmth of my hand traveled all the way to hers which is all I wanted for her to feel. Our touch felt so different, so disparate. Hers is cold, tense. While mine is warm and careful. Despite our dissimilarity, they both rested in full comfort. Her hand wasn't small nor too big, it was just perfect.

"You know my parents, you just never got the chance to meet them" she stopped for a long time, leaving my mind to take in all she told me. Akila ran away from her parents and by what she said, someone used to touch her.

I felt my muscles tense as my grip tightened around hers. How could. How dare a grandfather put a hand on a child and not any child, it's his granddaughter. Just when I thought she went through a lot with millions of people wanting her death, to find out she was abused as a kid. Imagine having to run away from your home, a home that was supposed to protect you and make you feel safe. Yet, the people who wanted you did nothing but destroy your innocence, destroy every single humanity left in you. Those who have the nerve to harm a virtuous person whether a child or a grown up deserve nothing but painful and aching death. We are brought to this world to learn and make mistakes not to live in fear of someone physically abusing you, breaking each bone in your body as if you're a toy used over and over for their satisfaction.

We're made of flesh, blood and a soul. The flesh deserves to stay healthy and for the soul to be pure, not torn down. It hurts knowing some people out there are suffering from conditions they can't even fix, conditions they didn't create. These cruel living beings tend to forget that the person you're mistreating is just like you. They breath like you, they eat and drink like you so why treat them like objects you use now and then for your own pleasure. Have they all forgotten that in the end we're all going to die. You'll be buried alone just like they will but the only difference is they suffered and survived until the last breath while you died with no meaning, with no sympathy. Despite the amount of harmful things that happened to them, they held onto the fight for the last second. They lived through a vicious life and left it for the one they deserve. It's not only about abusing, it's about having the guts to do it.

In my world we all kill, we all lose someone but at least there was a reason that person got taken away. She didn't deserve this. It's driving me insane knowing that Akila was once a victim between the hands of a sadistic person who got his pitiful pleasure off hurting her in any way possible.

He made her go to sleep at night not knowing if she'll wake up alive. He made her wish she was never born, wish she was dead.

I didn't know what to feel at this point, I couldn't decide whether I was angry or sad. Angry with the need to chop off whoever did this and sad because someone did this to my Akila while I wasn't there to protect her.

And suddenly I felt guilty.

I know I would have helped a million times if I knew, only if I knew. She shouldn't be feeling this, she shouldn't have a memory full of this shit. It's not fair, how could life throw such a thing on the most precious person who deserves nothing but pure happiness. I don't get it and I never will.

If I can't do anything to the past, I'll do something in the present. It's not 'if I have the chance' no, I will have the chance and kill whoever did this with my own hands.

I felt her grip tightened around my hand, I looked down at our hands connecting and for a moment I felt calm again. She might have been through a lot but in the end she made it. Even in the hardest situations, my girl stood still and fought back till the end. She came out strong and most importantly the badass woman I know.

I watched her lips slowly separate before she spoke the last sentence I least expected. If I thought her name was an issue, I guess this one is a catastrophe.

"EVER HEARD OF GERARDO ABLIR"

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quotes by: Angela Abraham
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