The minutes of practicing hand massaging with Jennifer helped.

It's close to fidgeting with my hands as I can't find Lelia, but it feels nicer and does really calm me down.

"Don't worry," the familiar British voice comes closer. "Minho told me Lelia wanted to go home. He went with her."

At first, I hate the idea. Lelia not being close to me and all... but then I relax my shoulders. It's okay. She's safe at home. This might be good for her. And I know my sister: she will clean her room when special guests come over.

Plus, she might like not being around me for a while. I for sure don't like it, but I understand if she does. And I'm here with Newt, so it's not that bad at all.

"Alright," I say.

I catch the surprise in his eyes at first, but then he nods. "Alright. Now we're gonna do something to make this day less bloody depressed."

My eyebrows fly up. "I'm not hiking to that spot of yours again. I hate walking."

"It might even be better. Come on." As always, he gently pulls me with him, holding my wrist. I follow him all the way to the back of the Homestead, where the pin board is still to be found. I've got to admit that I've never paid attention to it before, except for checking which chores I had. It now occurs to me that there's other activities we can do after arts.

Newt points at a specific note.

10 PM, lanterns.

"That's where we're going."

☀︎︎

"And there you go." The boy I recognize as Gally pushes one of those disgusting drinks in my hands.

Trying not to seem too horrified by the smell, I hand it back. "No, thanks."

"I know the rumors. And I swear it's not my piss."

I stare at the smelly, yellowish liquid. "Are you sure about that?"

"Positive. But okay, not everyone is a fan of strong drinks like these." He scratches the back of his buzzed hair. "It's Lyndon, right?"

"And you're Gally," I say.

He nods. "Yup. Guess it's nice to meet you. Where's Newt? I figured he'd be with you."

"Said it was 'bloody busy' so forced me to stay here as he got the lanterns." I point at the line of kids waiting for a lantern. Janson is one of the people handing them out. Gally showed up with his drinks the second that man no longer paid attention.

After the whole Thomas thing, my opinions on him have definitely changed.

"Well, lucky for you we, my friends are your friends, always go to a less crowded place to release the lanterns. A big field with a bonfire and all. I'm sure Newt will show you. See ya."

A few minutes after Gally left, Newt arrives in front of me. "Hi, there. I've got a single lantern and a lighter. Let's immediately hurry. I have a better place."

"A big field with a bonfire and our friends?"

Shocked, he turns to me. "How the hell did you... was that a random guess?"

"Yup," I lie. "I'm not right, am I?"

"Uhm, you are."

☀︎︎

The walk to the field was about fifteen minutes long, through not too scary woods. It was worth it, even though I hate walking: Janson will never find us.

I already see a few familiar faces. Sonya and Harriet stumble over to us, their arms around each other. It's clear they're tipsy. "Finally! We were about to release them. Come on! Hurry."

Newt and I (mostly Newt) greet the people around the bonfire. Everyone except for Lelia and Minho are here. I recognize pretty much everyone, even Gally's friends.

"Come on. I have an even better place for us to stand," Newt mutters. And just like that, I'm pulled along again.

The place he spoke about is further away from the rest. It tunes their voices out in a satisfying and comforting way, but I can still feel the warmth of the fire. Perfect.

"You light it as I hold it?" He suggests.

"Sure," I agree.

Newt hands me the lighter after perfectly angling the lantern. I make it a quick job to light the thing, afraid I'll burn the wrong things, like my fingers.

We wait until the whole thing is filled with hot air, then release it into the air together. Our hands touch. The shock it gives me almost feels as hot as the fire.

Then I follow the thing with my eyes, as well as my head. I watch it fade further and further away. Once more lanterns join in, I'm absolutely hypnotized by the sight.

I keep watching until our lantern is hard to tell apart with stars. From then on, I watch others. So beautiful.

"Lynn."

"Hm?" I can't get my eyes off the sky.

The one Newt and I released is for Mom. He might've not known her or even know that I'm thinking this, but it's the truth. I imagine the other lanterns as more deceased family members or pets.

"Lynn," he repeats. The urge yet nervousness in his voice makes me look at him.

Oh, wow. He's so beautiful.

He's wearing almost the same denim pants as mine, except my shirt is red and his is white. The wind ruffles through his hair, which is getting lit up by the bonfire and glowing lanterns. So are his eyes. So brown and big and pretty. "Yeah?" I ask.

"I think I'm going to kiss you," he states. "If you're okay with that."

The lighter drops out of my hands. I know that brings no danger because even though I was focused on the sky, I kept on checking I wasn't accidentally turning it on– what does it matter, he literally just asked something... crazy? Surprising? Scary?

I think I should reply. I don't know what. I have no experience. I have never kissed a boy before. There's always a first time to everything, Jennifer had said. Don't be afraid to be afraid, she had said.

"Okay," I say slowly.

I'm in fact not okay.

I'm not ready– his lips are already touching mine.

My heart is slamming painfully hard against my ribs.

I don't think I can breathe.

I'm frozen in my place– wait, this is pretty nice, though.

His lips are soft. I already knew because I had to know to paint him.

...Did I ever paint his face?

I'm too dazzled to remember.

I feel his hand on my back as always, though it's different. His other arm is wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer in some sort of yearning way.

Then I finally force myself to move. Wait, no. I want to move. I just have no idea what I'm doing.

One of my hands reaches to hold his cheek. The other one struggles to find a position. Eventually, it ends up holding his arm.

Like this, it feels even better. He moves a bit, I move a bit. We press against each other, let go to take deep breaths, then kiss again, our lips also moving.

I never want it to end, but unfortunately, it then does.

I'm breathing heavily, both from the kissing and shock.

He watches me, scanning for a reaction or emotions, except I have no idea what to do now.

"Lynn, I really like you," he then admits. There's a pause that's too short for me to say anything in. Not that I would've known what to say, though. "I've told you before. But I mean, and meant, that I like you more than... whatever we were before. You're bloody amazing. I'm noticing things about you and thinking about you without even trying to. And I don't mind. Not at all."

I blink.

"That means I'm bloody in love with you," he hints.

I blink again. Mentally, I'm laughing at the way his face falls when he realizes what he just blurted out.

Oh, wait. I have to say something back."

"I'm in love with you," my voice comes out quieter than expected. "It's how I figured out my sexuality. You."

Now it's his turn to blink. "Wow. I didn't... I don't know, I never thought you'd... like me in that way."

"I never thought you would like me in that way."

"But you're amazing."

"So are you," I say.

I wipe my sweaty hands on my pants. Damn, it's quite a relief the confession is out now. My heart is warming up, even better.

He. Likes. Me.

Lelia won't freaking believe this when I tell her.

"Alright, so are you gonna allow me to be your boyfriend then?" He asks, close to a triumphant tone.

I have no idea how relationships work and– "Yes."

What was that.