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The environment was calm. You listened to the soft splatter of rain on the roof above you as you watched drops of rainwater chase one another on your window. You were completely at peace— something that seldom happened. It was something the rain did for you, it brought peace.

And then you sighted her from a distance, approaching your house on her bike. You smiled to yourself, you really enjoyed her company. Sometimes, you wondered why she even settled to befriend you, giving that she was considered as one of the cool kids at school. Meanwhile, you were just a mere wallflower, there was absolutely nothing interesting about you.

She was pretty— scratch that, she was drop-dead gorgeous. With skin soft like silk, and a natural dark skin glow. And then her sense of style was a juxtaposition of masculine and feminine pieces, somewhat of a tomboy with feminine elements thrown in.

By this time, she had parked her bike in your driveway. You watched her keenly as she approached your front door. Shortly, you heard the door to your room swing open. She did not need to knock before getting in your house, it was practically her second home.

“Why are you seating there looking so damn depressed?”

You turned to look at her, feigning a stoic expression. “This is how I look without an expression, Tania.”

“Whatever.” She waved you off and then busied herself with taking off her raincoat.

Underneath, she had on a pair of black, baggy, cargo pants paired with a baggy, graphic tee. On her feet, she had on plain black crocs… in your room.

“You’re wearing footwear in my room.” You stated the obvious, futilely attempting to glare at her.

“Girl, the floor is too cold for my precious feet.” Her reply came with complete nonchalance.

“What are you even doing here?” You eyed her from head to toe.

“Aren’t you supposed to be at Lanre's pool party?”

“Look at the weather.” she pursed her plump lips. “Obviously, it got cancelled. Not like I would have gone, though. I hate swimming.”

You expected that response. She didn’t hate swimming because she couldn’t swim, she hated it because she absolutely hated wearing swimsuits. As a matter of fact, any figure-hugging piece of clothing was a big no-no for her. She claimed they were too constricting. You could pin that on the tomboy in her.

“Anyways, I got some things for you.” She scrapped your previous topic. You glanced at the plastic bag you had failed to notice when she walked in.

“What are those?”
She threw it at you, you were lucky enough to catch it.

“Check am.” She plopped on your bed and planted her elbows on her knees.

With a slight frown, you opened the plastic bag to get a view of its content. They were clothes.

“You got me clothes.” You looked at her, still maintaining your little frown.

“Oh my gosh, I wasn’t aware.” Came her sarcastic reply. “They’re for our Christmas party, go try them on.”

Christmas party? What even gave her the idea that you would attend the Christmas party?

But you weren’t ready for her drama, so with a tired sigh, you rose from your window seat and dragged your feet into your closet.

After about five minutes, you emerged from the closet with the first outfit on. You made sure to convey your displeasure to her with your facial expression.

“What? You don’t like it?” It was a damn sleeveless, figure-hugging dress. You would never be caught dead wearing that.

“Girl, you should show off your banging body.” Tania tried to convince you.

You walked to your full-length mirror and asked yourself; what banging body?

You imagined actually stepping out in the red dress, you almost passed out from the scenarios that played in your mind.

With a frivolous shake of your head, you insisted, “No, I don’t like it.”

“But it fits you perfectly!” Your best friend was literally sulking behind you.

“Come on, Sam!”

“You know I don’t clothes like these.” You spun around to look at her. “I don’t plan on starting now.”

“Why?” she crossed her arms, looked at you with squinted eyes.

“‘Cause—” you exhaled heavily. You knew she would never understand whatever you were going to say, she literally had the perfect body. Curves, a pretty face, prominent feminine attributes… she had it all. And there you were, as flat as an ironing board.

“I just don’t like it.” You settled for a simple explanation.

“Bu—”

“You don’t wear things like this either,” you cut off her speech. “You literally have the perfect figure for these yet you don’t wear them. I don’t like the dress, don’t force me, abeg.”

You didn’t plan the bristle tone your voice came out with, but she was beginning to push you in a direction you didn’t want to go.

“Na my fault sha, it’s my fault.” She was clearly upset; anger was evident in her eyes.

“I got that dress with so much excitement, thinking how pretty it’ll look on you. And I wasn’t wrong! You look stunning in the dress!”
You were beyond perplexed. Was she complimenting you in anger? You knew she was crazy, but not this crazy.

“Wha—”

“Do you know how many girls are praying to have a body like yours?” She didn’t let you speak. “Do you know?!”

“I don’t understand what’s getting you upset.” You were indeed confused. “Saying girls are praying for a body like mine, those must be very stupid girls.”

“Ehn?” She stared at you in incredulity, like you were a lunatic speaking rubbish. But you knew she was the crazy one amongst you both.

“Leave the matter, abeg.” You weren’t ready to thread down that path.

“No,” she firmly persisted, “we’ll finish this talk today. Repeat yourself.”

You stared at her in silence. If she was going to start with her madness, you were just going to watch in silence.

“How don’t you get it?” She asked in a whisper, her shoulders dropped.

“Have you seen yourself? No, are you blind?”

“You should be getting these things for yourself, not me.” You told her in all honesty.

“You’re the one to show off your body, not me.”

“Again, have you see—”

“No, you, have you seen yourself?” Your arms flared in the air. What was she even going on about? “You’re the one with the curves, thick thighs, pretty face and all that!” At this point, you were panting for some reason.

“I’m here, still looking like a ten-year-old, so tell me what I should show off about my body!” If she was mad before, then it was now full-blown lunacy.

Because you did not understand why she was laughing like a maniac all of a sudden, so much so that she had to grip her knees for support.

“You call these curves?” She motioned at her body. “It’s just useless fat, combined with ugly stretch marks and cellulites.”

You were perplexed. How could anyone with a body like hers speak in such a self-deprecating manner about themselves? She was delusional, you were convinced of that.

“Stop looking at me like I’m crazy, abeg.” She told you— no, warned you.

“Then drop the case, please. I don’t like the dress, let it rest.”

She was staring at you as you walked into your closet. You felt the burn of her eyes on your back.

You walked back into your room wearing the large dress that hid all your shame. But Tania was strangely quiet. What was even more strange was that her eyes were watery as she looked at you. You had never seen her cry.

Hard guy. That was what she called herself.

“Why are you about to cry?” You asked her worriedly, but you still kept your distance out of fear that she could pull a stunt on you.

“Do you really feel like that about yourself?” She asked you with a low voice.

“I—” you sighed tiredly; your shoulders dropped. “I don’t want to talk about it, Tania.”

“I don’t understand.” She shook her head as looked you straight in the eye. “I don’t understand why you would even feel that way.”

“You don’t understand, Ta—”

“I don’t want to understand!” Her yell intercepted your speech. “There’s nothing to understand!”

“Why are you even getting upset now? Because of a dress?” You were really finding it hard to justify her anger. Why was she hell bent on making you keep that dress?

“It’s more than just the dress, Sam.” She buried her head in her palms.

You heard her take deep breaths just before she looked up at you again. “You know what? I’m leaving. Bye.”

“Huh?” You blinked at her in confusion.
She did not respond; she was already gathering her belongings.

“Tania, talk to me. Why are you—”
You could not ask your question; she was already out your door.

The loud bang made you jerk.
You wanted to go after her but your body was rooted in its place. You felt confused, mixed with anger. You could not comprehend the situation.

You took your time to replay the events of the last few minutes and you still could not think of a candid reason Tania would want you to show off your body.

Did she think you had it easy like her? She was the one with breathtaking physique, not you with the body of a ten-year-old.
All the while, you stood there, in the middle of your bedroom, confused as to why your best friend was upset over a dress.

      •••••

Three days. It’s been three days since you last spoke to your best friend.

After you were able to snap out of your confused state, you tried to reach out to her. Calls, texts, you tried it all; She refused to respond, like she had forgotten you existed.

So, you decided to give her a visit, unannounced of course. As you nervously stood at her front door, you were seriously considering turning around and going home. In fact, you were going to do just that, but it was too late; Tania's senior sister had already sighted you from their greenhouse.

“You know you can just go in, right?” She motioned to the door with her soil-stained gardening gloves.

“Yeah, I just… I was about to go in.”

“Hmm.” She nodded, scanning your face with eyes like Tania's.

“You and Tania, you both had a fight, didn’t you?”

You were a terrible liar, so you settled for telling the truth. “Yes. That’s why I’m here.”

She swung the door open, smiled at you. “Go in, and don’t step out until you make things right.”

“Uh… okay.” You made your way into the house and then up the stairs to Tania's room. Unlike her, you knocked first.

“I don’t want to talk to you, Tracy.” You were still nervous as you slowly opened her door. She hadn’t seen you yet, she was covered all the way to her head by her green duvet.

She must have heard your footsteps as you walked, so she groggily mumbled, “Tracy, go away.”

You sat by her side, that portion sank. With swift swipe of the duvet, she sat up.

“Tracy, for goodness’ sake—” Gradually, the frown on her face disappeared and now, she was staring at you blankly. You did not like that, you’d have preferred to have a hint of what was on her mind. But with her stoic expression, you could not make out anything, and it was making you more tense.

“I’m positive you didn’t come all the way here to stare at me, Sam.”

You heaved a heavy sigh and asked the question that had bugged your mind for days, “What exactly is the problem, Tania?”

“Nothing.”

“It’s nothing and you’re suddenly upset with me? Tania, if I have done something, let me know.”

“You didn’t do anything, Sam.” She breathed, looked down at her fingers.

“So, what was your attitude about?” you were now even more confused than when you arrived.

“I overreacted, I’m sorry.” She was still not looking at you as she fiddled with her fingers.

“You overreacted? Tania, we both know that whatever happened three day ago was beyond overreacting,” you told her firmly. “You acted like I triggered something in you by simply not liking that dress.”

“Sam, I just—” she sniffed in sharply, buried her face in her palms. “I don’t even know how to say it.”

“Tania, just—”

“I’m jealous of you, Sam.” She mumbled through her fingers. “I just… I just wish I were you.”

“Huh?” That was all that could come out of your mouth as you gaped at her. What was she even saying? How could it even be possible?

Jealous of you? Tania Adebayo was jealous of you? Did you somehow shift into a parallel universe?

“What do you mean you’re jealous of me?” you found yourself asking.

“Look at yourself, Sam.” She raised her head from her palms. Her face was wet, eyes slightly red. You hadn’t even heard her sob.

And why the hell should you look at yourself?
“Slender, flat tummy, tiny waist… Sam, you even have thigh gaps.” She was describing your body like some sort of eloquent thing.

“So?”

“So?” Her eyes reduced to slits, “you’re asking me that? Sam that’s how every girl wants to look! Every girl including me, Sam!”

Again, was this a parallel universe? Because what Tania was rambling was the opposite of your reality. The last time you checked, you were too skinny in the eyes of the world. People told you to eat more because you looked like a skeleton.

“Tania, what are you even talking about?” You really just had to ask your best friend.

“Which stupid girl wants to have my body? Tania, your body is the standard, how don’t you see that?”

“You call this standard?” She motioned to her body.

“Stretch marks, cellulites, bloated tummy, jiggly thighs and arms, do those sound like standard to you?”

“Those things are normal in humans, Tania.” You stated, matter-of-fact. She scoffed, shaking her head.

“They. Are. Disgusting, Sam. Freaking disgusting!”

“And you think looking like a skeleton is not!?” You flared up; your breath was becoming ragged. “You have it all! The curves, pretty face, everything! And there’s me with bones peeking out my freaking skin!”

“What are you even—”

“Tania, I wish I were you too!”

You felt tears roll out your eyes, and mucus run out your nose. You were shamelessly crying and you didn’t care.

“So, don’t look at me and give that crap of other girls wanting to look like me, because that’s just painfully hilarious.” You let out a bitter chuckle as you wiped your tears and mucus with the back of your hand.

“We can’t all look the same.”
You didn’t say that. And unless Tania could speak without moving her lips, she didn’t say that either. But Tania was looking at something behind you, so you turned to see Tracy leaning on the door frame.

“Tracy, please just—”

“I’m not going anywhere until I say what I came to say.” She sauntered into the room majestically.

“You were eavesdropping on a private conversation.” Tania pointed out.

“Wasn’t so private with all the yelling, you didn’t even notice me standing there all the while.” Tracy told her sister, and then proceeded to have her seat beside me on the bed. “As I was saying, we can’t all look the same.”

“Oh my God, lovely discovery.” The sarcastic reply was from Tania.

“Let me land.” Tracy adjusted on the bed. “If we were all meant to look the same, God wouldn’t have made it this way. We come in different shapes and sizes, there is not a specific way anybody should look like. You see, these standards you both have been screaming about are what push people to take unhealthy measures to attain the body they think is the standard.” She paused, took a quick glance of both our faces and continued.

“Slim or chubby, you can be healthy as long as it’s not extreme. These standards keep changing with time, would you keep changing your bodies to fit them? That sounds like torture to me. Living based on what other people think is proper doesn’t make sense. And you should understand that if anybody doesn’t like how you look, it shouldn’t be your business since you’re not responsible for anybody’s emotions.” Again, she paused. This time, to catch her breath. And then she went on.

“Your goal with your body should be to keep it healthy, for longevity, not struggling to fit certain standards that people have made. You’re people, too. Make your own standards for yourselves. I promise you that living your life thinking of what people will say is the worst thing you could do to yourself. Don’t get me wrong, transitioning from your present mindset would not be easy, but it’s a process. Little steps will make a great difference with time, you really just need the will to want to make those changes in your mind.” Her lips curled in a small smile; her eyes held affect like those of a mother. “You both are beautiful young ladies; do you understand me?”
You were in a daze as you looked at Tracy.

Your brain was trying to recap and reanalyze all the words she had just spoken. And like lighting a match, a part of you was ignited. That part you that began to ask questions you had never asked yourself.

You began to ask yourself why you had ever thought that other people’s views applied to your life, why you formed your opinion of yourself based on what other people said, why you didn’t give your body the love it deserved.

But then there was still that part of you that always reminded you of your place, how you’ll always be the unfortunate looking girl and how you were a fool for thinking that your opinion even mattered.

But for the first time ever, you countered the little demon in your head. It was still saying its nonsense but you fought back.

As you took in breaths, you felt a little change in you, you searched yourself for the difference. And then you figured that the difference between now and when you walked in was the will that was sparked in you, the will to grow and move into a different headspace, the will to transform your mindset from the belittling one you possessed and most of all, the will to love your body and be the healthiest version of yourself.

That was what you were going to do, take steps- no matter how small- towards elevating yourself.
“I’ll leave you girls to talk now.” Tracy rose from the bed and walked out the room.

Slowly, you turned your head to look at Tania; she was already looking at you.
“I know how you’re feeling.” She let out; her voice cracked. “Like you’ve had an epiphany, I feel it too, Sam.”

And just like that, you and your best friend were crying again. This time in each other’s arms. Your arms tightened around Tania's torso as she cried into the nape of your neck. You cried out of relief and gratitude for you and your best friend.

It felt like a new beginning in your life, this journey towards self- acceptance and love, and you were more than happy to go in it with your best friend.

AUTHORS:

Vicky vickyraee& Funmbi theofficialfunmbi_.