It's been a hot minute, and I don't even know what to say right now. So, I'm not even going to say too much. But I'm very sorry, for leaving y'all hanging like that. I really am.

Now that I have managed to come out of whatever it was that I was battling with, I will try my best to be as steady as I can.

I will not come here and make promises to be consistent (we've seen how horrible I was in keeping up with that), but I will be as steady as my strength can take me.

The goal is to finish the book this year and have the next one out by February 2024. So help me, God!

But for now, enjoy 🍻.

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Dedicated to daniellaaniii ❤️❤️❤️

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I was going to make her scream even more. Not for help anymore, but for mercy.

❦︎

~[TRACY]~

These kids were always talking about the most stupid things, further proving my point that they grew even more senseless with each passing minute.

Currently, they were debating on which guy in our set had the longest rod. And I immediately switched off my phone the moment one they called Femi claimed to possess one of eight inches.

Stupid kids.

Stupid phone.

Everything was just stupid... save for the eyes I was busy trying to avoid, the reason I picked up my phone in the first place.

I could feel the warmth of his gaze on the side of my face, yet I refused to acknowledge them.

"You'd have to stop ignoring me at some point."

I pretended to be deaf.

"Tracy..."

Still, I was pretending to have lost my sense of hearing.

"Tracy..."

Now, I wished that my ears would actually stop working. Forever.

He called me Tracy?

Tracy!?

Never, in my entire life, had I ever hated hearing my name from someone's lips like that. I used to be Tee, his Tee.

And now, I was just Tracy. Like any other person.

"Tr—"

"Shut. Up."

If it was just a pain in my chest, or my temper rising, I didn't know. But my jaw was about to shift from how hard it was clenched.

"Go away."

"No." From the corner of my eye, I saw him move farther slightly. "I'll give you your space, but I'm not leaving."

I scoffed, chuckled in everything but humour. "What happened to staying away from each other?"

That question, I aimed it specifically to go through his chest and slash his heart. But my own words had turned against me, and it was my own heart ripping,

"I still maintain that stance, don't get it twisted." He started off, and my whole chest felt like an active furnace. I wanted to rip my clothes and scream. "And I'm not here to talk about us, Tracy."

I hated everything at that point: my name coming from his mouth, him for shredding my heart like that, most especially, myself for crying within like the helpless wretch that I was.

I wanted to combust, evaporate, disintegrate. Anything that would have me off the surface of the earth.

Alas, I was still there, struggling to not falter in the presence of the boy that I both loved and hated.

It had me baffled, how someone that was once my strength now had me wishing for death.

"You called Chris." He told me like I didn't know. "All you did was sob."

I remained mute. I had to. With any slight attempt to speak, I would have broken down. I didn't want to. At least, not before him.

He didn't have to know that I needed him, wanted him to smile at me again, to be his Tee again, that I just wanted him close.

He didn't have to know all that.

The silence remained thick between us. And while I was forcing my eyes to focus straight ahead, I could still feel the burn of his gaze.

"At least, tell me how you got these bruises." He reached out and stroked my elbow.

I hissed in pain, leaned into the arm of the bench. And like someone pressed a play button, yesterday's events began to replay in my head.

"What if your father had died!?" She was screaming all up in my face. It wasn't my business though, because all I could notice was the piece of lettuce stuck between her incisors. "Just imagine the condition I found him in!"

That piece of lettuce was still bothering me, especially the contrast it had with her red lipstick.

"He was very—" she had paused for some reason, my eyes lifted to meet hers. "Why are looking at me like that?"

She took a step back, "what is your problem?" And then another step back. I didn't understand what it was that she was seeing, but her anger was already out the window. She was scrutinizing me carefully, maintaining a good distance between us.

"Stop looking at me like that." Her voice carried something between a plea and a command, like she was trying so bad to take her fear.

But fear of what exactly?

I was both confused and  concerned, because what was up with her? I would very much have her yell at me than behave like I was some kind of demon.

But to maintain world peace, I looked away, focused on my curtain blinds.

And she should have just stayed quiet and carried herself out of my room. But no, she had decided to spew nonsense to me.

"Y-you are beginning to act like your mother." My eyes were back on her immediately, and she seemed to have swallowed a rock. "You're running mad like her."

Something ticked in my brain. A screw, a vein, a nerve, I didn't know which one. But I was ready to harm somebody.

I was ready to hurt Kathryn.

It must have hit her, the rage that had risen within me. And in two seconds, she dashed out the door.

I followed her.

With everything in me, I trailed her, like a hungry predator chasing its prey.

Her frantic screams and calls for help were practically useless. There was nothing Preye and Tega could do to stop me. And Baami? He was in no condition to even step out of bed.

I was going to make her scream even more. Not for help anymore, but for mercy.

And I was so close to gripping her chiffon top. But my fingers had barely grazed the fabric when everything started spinning, and before I knew it, I was on the floor.

It was like a million needles simultaneously pierced my skin as I landed on my elbow. The pain that spread through my arm had me squeezing my eyes shut and stifling a scream.

I laid there, with my sore elbow, crying from the pain I was feeling both within and without.

I don't know how long it was until Tega found me, lifted me from my misery and guided me to my room. I wanted to scream until my throat split, pull out all my hair, anything to distract me from the hole Kathryn had dug in my chest.

But somewhere in my mind, I knew that all these things coming out as rage was just fear; I was scared that she may be right.

What if I was becoming just like my mother? What if, one day, I completely lose my shit and disconnect from reality? What if, just like her, I become just a fragment of people's memories?

How was I even sure that anybody would remember me?

Tega wiped something of my face, if it was tears or sweat, I wasn't sure.

"You're stronger than this, Tee." She had told me lowly. "You're the strongest person I know."

Really, she deserved a crown, for the biggest liar of the century. And if I could have brought myself to move, I would have given a solid round of applause. Instead, my pathetic self watched her walk out of my room.

Minutes, or maybe even hours passed before I fell into a shallow slumber. And I woke up with my chest twice as heavy, even my vision was cloudy.

And as I left the house, my aim was to just drive around until my spiralling mind settled. But I found myself on this beach, laying face up to the smooth sky. The dark orange hue of the sun rising reminded me Maami's aura: kind and welcoming.

Then as the sun came up, this one's face was all up in my business. Him and his annoying questions.

"I know you can hear m—"

"And what if I just don't want to talk to you?" I bit back before he could even land. "What if I just need you to leave me the fuck alone?"

By this time, I had faced him, looking in his eyes that seemed too calm for the tension between us.

"This is not the time to be stubborn." He simply told me. "You need to let us help you."

"I don't need anybody's help." I turned away, tried to cross my arms but winced as my fingers grazed my bruised elbow. Everything was still stupid.

He just remained there, observing me in silence. And after a short while of just listening to our breaths, he announced,

"You're coming home with me."

"I'm no-"

"Chris said to bring you if I found you." He cut off my dispute. "So," he pointed behind him with his thumb, "we better get going."

I would have argued, made it difficult for him, frustrate him until he had to beg or drag me by force. But Chris asked that I was brought to him, and it could be one of two things: he was extremely worried, or he had news.

I chose to hold on to the latter, gripped the little tinge of hope it came with.

Something in my chest tingled and it became slightly easier to breath.It was hope, an expectation, that maybe, just maybe, Chris had another lead on Maami's whereabouts.

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A/N

Y'all didn't get much in this chapter, I know. But I'm still trying to bounce back, okay!? 😭

It'll be either Victoria's or Jason's POV in the next chapter, maybe I'll just combine them, I'll decide later.

Meanwhile, tell a friend to tell a friend that I'm back!! 🤭✨ And hopefully, I'm here to stay.

And I'll try as much as possible to update at least once in two weeks, twice if I'm feeling generous 🤭. I think that's a schedule I can put up with for now, since I have to devote time to other pieces I'm working on, and my personal life too.

Goodbye for now,
Love ya! 💗✨