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May 2020

Pune

Indian Defence Station, Indian Air force

Quarter No. 15

Letting Go. It is perhaps the easiest to say and toughest to follow. It is a phrase we more than often use when we are one of those moments in which we do not know that holding onto things is just keeping us away from moving forward. Ironically enough, the art of letting go is what we learn and un-learn all our life. We might let go of people, of things and we in our entire life span do so, more than frequently but what about moments? How do we let go of them, the ones that walk alongside us, till the very last? Those breathing moments which at times withhold the element of life in them? Our life swings in between, tossing on the ends of holding on and letting go. But what makes this edge edgy is the very fact that how our mind juggles endlessly and painfully to let go of our tightly held attachments and somewhere, detachments too.

As draining and excruciating it is to let go of attachments, it at the same time allows us to think and envision in a different light. It is that clung on attachment which oftentimes refrain us from letting go of those essence filled moments, those serene chunks of memories, those people who left us after contributing their bit, those things with which we grew up and why not, we are humans and so it is rightly justifiable. Haply, why we find it difficult to let go is because we’ll have to let go of a cent of our bit along with it too, and that’s definitely not easy.

Hence this is the very reason, why Karan is having a tough time convincing his inner self. How can he simply accept the fact that his wife was supposed to be on a mission, and he would have no other option but to pray? It was not that he wasn’t aware about how these things work but well, it was something inexplicable from his end and something incomprehensible from anyone else’s end whose partner was not someone who would go on these life threatening as well as the same time, life saving missions.

The last night was spent in a blur; it was like a faded reality. Monami and Karan did nothing but simply slumped against the headrest of their bed, with their fingers entwined with each other, whilst her head rested on his shoulder and his head on hers.

They hardly had a time span of some two odd hours and so they made no efforts in vocal assurance or stating the obvious facts, instead they basked in the bodily warmth of each other, the silent affirmation that no matter what, they’ll be back to each other and that, that this was just a phase. The what ifs had taken a back seat, feeling insecure of the selfless sangfroid that was between them.

Hearing the blaring sound of her alarm, Monami’s grip tightened on their intertwined fingers before she heaved a deep sigh. She stretched her left hand that was free and turned it off, before feebly grasping Karan’s forearm and slightly turning her face, rubbing her nose on his shoulder, inhaling his breath, she leaned her face upwards, to witness him looking at her.

Karan softly bumped his forehead with hers, before curving his lips in a tender smile. “Chalo, jao ready ho jao.”

(Okay now, you go and get ready.)

Monami always knew that Karan was stronger than anyone could comprehend and she clearly knew what she just saw was nothing but just a sneak peak. She inhaled a deep breath, not once averting her eyes from his and gulping a lump she nodded. She won’t make it more difficult for this guy who has become so fucking essential to her being. But even in all this, she knew he cannot become her attachment, because she cannot afford it.

“Hm.” Monami hummed and went into the washroom.

Karan left the room to give her the privacy she would need before running his hand down on his visage and tousling his hair. He went in the kitchen and took the milk vessel out, along with a tiny box that had some kneaded dough in it.

He quickly poured some milk in the sauce pan and kept it on the burner before lighting another one and keeping a frying pan on it, to heat. He quickly rolled the dough in two balls and made a simple paratha. Once ready, he placed them in a plate, along with the warm milk and walked towards the dining table to place them, before making his way back in the kitchen and took something out from a cabinet, before placing it in a little bowl and kept it on the slab and moved out.

When Monami came out, after her bath, she quickly picked up her phone to drop the mandatory message to her people and then went to her wardrobe and picked out her ironed uniform. Trailing her fingers delicately over the light blue fabric of her army uniform, she kept looking at it for a few seconds, before her face turned into that of a confident soul and her eyes gleamed in pride. She wore the uniform and twisted her hair in a neat bun, before securing it. She took a glance of herself in the mirror and then nodded at her reflection; she put her belt and corrected the sleeves and held her cap beneath her underarm before moving out.

Karan was about to go and knock on the door, but he was hooked on his place when the door opened. Gone was the Monami, which Karan was so used to seeing. Because standing in front of him, whilst adjusting her belt on her waist, with a face bereft of any emotion except a confident pride, was the actual version of his Officer Sahiba. He was left in a pleasant bewilderment when he saw her, she was all dressed up…like a soldier; that… she was.

Monami could read the swirling appreciation that was so apparent on Karan’s visage and she could feel the selfless and the wordless warmth that radiated through him. She blinked her eyes at him, perhaps affirming that she was all set.

“Aajao, breakfast ready hai.” Karan cleared his throat and said.

(Lets go, breakfast is ready.)

Monami’s heart fluttered seeing the efforts this guy made, without even saying anything explicitly. She could swear that this was indeed like a dream. Having someone home, ensuring her meals regardless of the time, when she was supposed to leave for a mission.

Sure, she has had her family members visit her, when it was possible but ironically, they were never near her when it was time for a situation like this. So she was nowhere wrong when she felt that this was a dream.

She silently occupied her chair when Karan gestured to her and whispered, “Thank you!”

“Tum sirf khaane pe dhyaan do abhi, baaki baton ke liye bohot time hai.” Karan frowned hearing the words of formality from her mouth and so he waved it off.

(You know what? You just keep your focus on food because we have ample time for us to talk.)

A small smile tugged up at her lips, when she heard him speak. Trust this guy to put all the effort and then act nonchalant about it.

Once done with the early morning breakfast, Monami stood up to wash her hands and keep the plate in the sink, but her man did not allow her to carry on as he simply took away the plate. Monami shook her head and followed him into the kitchen.

“Mujhe bhi toh yahi he aana tha, toh yeh toh mai bhi rakh sakti thi na.” Monami turned her head and peeked at Karan who was just wiping his hands.

(I anyway had to come here only and so I could have kept it.)

“Haan haan, vaapis aake kar lena.” He turned his head to look at her. “Ab chalo bhi, varna late ho jaogi.” Saying so, he draped his hand around her shoulder and walked them out of the kitchen, whilst picking the small bowl from the slab.

(Yeah, yeah! You do it once you come back.) (Now come on, otherwise you’ll get late.)

Monami wasn’t oblivious to what Karan was trying to do; he was just pretending to be all calm and composed only for her sake. And the reason was so obvious, wasn’t it? He didn’t want her to go with his gloomy face. So Monami too made it a point to follow his footsteps.

Once they were back in the living room, Monami walked to the shoe rack and wore her boots and then walked in the room to wash her hands and then prayed to God.

Meanwhile during all this, Karan was waiting patiently for her, near the sofa in the living room. He straightened up when he saw her taking steps in his direction. His eyes followed her vision that traveled down on the bowl in his hand. He smiled and walked up towards her, to cover the distance.

He asked her to open her mouth and then fed her a piece of jaggery. “Mummy bhi papa ko khilati thi, toh maine socha mai bhi tumhe khila doon.” He smiled and then continued, “Ab kyuki abhi he doodh piya hai dahi cheeni toh nahi par yeh th banta he tha, nahi?”

(Mummy also used to feed this to Papa and so I thought I must make you eat this too.) (Also since you’ve had milk not too long ago, so sweet curd was out of the question but this can be done, isn’t it?)

Monami felt heavy in her heart, she was once again feeling grateful for his presence in her life. He was a walking reality of composure in her life.

Gulping the lump in her throat, she looked at him quizzically when she saw him scratching his forehead with his index finger; a habit of his she was so well acquainted with. “Kya hua?”

(What’s wrong?)

“Umm, can I make you wear that cap?” He pointed to the cap that was tucked beneath her underarm. She followed the direction of his finger before looking back at him.

“Haan.” She muttered after a couple of seconds, completely taken aback by this sudden request. Albeit she wanted to ask him about the reason, but the earnest sincerity that laced in his voice and eyes and that rendered her throat too parched to speak anything more than the syllable she uttered feebly.

(Yes.)

Karan took a step forward, while biting his lip for a millisecond before releasing it. He forwarded his hand and she kept the cap on his waiting palm.

He then took yet another step, close in her personal space and made her wear the cap. He then allowed his orbs to wander down to her eyes only to find her eyes on him. “Tumhe pata hai, mummy na papa ko pehnati thi cap jab bhi who chuttiyon se vaapis jaate they. Unhe dekh kar na meri bhi iccha hoti thi ki kaash mai bhi aisa kar saku.” He paused before smiling and continued, “Papa ko toh shayad pehnaya bhi hai lekin tumhe pehnane mein jo ehsaas hai na, who na mai bata nahi sakta aur tumhare alawa, woh na toh kabhi mila aur shayad na kabhi milega.” His voice turned heavy by the time he completed it.

(You know what? Mummy used to make Papa wear his cap whenever he used to return back to the base from his vacation. Seeing her like this even I used to have this tiny wish to do something like this.) (I might have made Papa wear his cap a couple of times too, but this feeling, when I made you wear your cap is so inexplicable and besides you, I don’t think that I’ll ever get it, neither now nor ever.)

“Karan…” Monami found herself getting too overwhelmed to say anything. How did she become so lucky to have a man like this, by her side? She for the very first time made a profound resolve of never taking this man ever, for granted. She promised herself to cherish him, till she can.

She raised her hand to wrap them around him, so that she can feel the same quilt of warmth around her, which she feels in his embrace but Karan took a step back and shook his head in a no.

“Karan, please?” Monami’s voice was barely above a decibel. She simply could not comprehend the reason behind this action. She looked at him quizzically.

“I am not going to give you goodbye hug, because it is not. I’m sure you’re somewhere hurt with this action, but this is to make sure that you do not forget this and so to fulfill this desire; you’ll have to be back; safe and sound. I’ll not say any other thing other than the fact you are indefatigable and you have to be just that.” Karan said with all the calmness he could gather, for this was equally difficult for him, if not more.  This one step that he took back, took everything in him to do so. He wanted nothing but to hold her in his arms, tightly.

Sensing that the air around them was charged with seriousness, he got in his element, though with utmost difficulty. “Baaki chaho toh mere kaan kheech dena vaapis aake, aakhir badi ho mujhse.”

(And if you want, you can always pull my ear, when you get back, after all you are older than me.)

Monami narrowed her eyes and smacked his bicep, he always had fun, at the expense of her age but she couldn’t deny that this was actually funny for he would always do some mischief or be his own dramatic self and then he would simply throw the gun in her hand stating she could do anything since she is elder to him.

Karan slightly pulled her cap a bit down and said, “It’s the time. All the best, Monami. Keep yourself safe, okay? For me and everyone else who are back at home.”

Monami remembered something and pulled out her nuptial chain and engagement ring and forwarded it to Karan. “Jab tak mai nahi aa jati, tab tak yeh tumhari amanat hain. Sambhal ke rakhna.”

(I’m leaving these under your care, until I come back. Keep them safely.)

Karan clenched his fists before unclenching it and moved his hand towards his neck before opening his chain. He silently took her ring and slid into his chin before clasping it back. He then held her nuptial chain and placed it in their little temple. He came back and held her hands and squeezed them with an affirming nod.

“Take care Karan.” Monami nodded at him before peering deep into his eyes for some uninterrupted seconds and then they both walked till the main gate and wearing a mask, she left.

Karan closed the door behind her and he let his eyes roam around the confines of their space, which was bare of his partner. Sighing at the gnawing emptiness, he slouched down on the sofa and rested his head on the pillowed back rest and unknowingly the due slumber lulled him to sleep.

Meanwhile on the other side, Monami along with her fellow soldiers made their way towards the briefing room and there they were informed about how there has been constant activity of trespassing at their north western frontiers and how there were a few attempts too, to disrupt the tranquility of the place and peace of people, though they were not completely successful but alas, they weren’t unsuccessful either. But what angered them was the fact that there were casualties too, and this was the thing that went wrong.

As the First Responder’s Team, The Eagles will be the ones carrying out this operation. The army officials were already deployed there and as of now, they were successful in their responsibilities. But the update for The Eagles was that there were only two Mig 23 flyers and so, two officers from Jodhpur Airbase will join them in the sky space of the area. Helicopter Officer, Madhvi Barot, accompanied by officer Sanjay Garg were responsible for carrying the remaining officials of their unit along with the ammunition and other necessities that for an approximation of 5 days, since they were unaware of the number of days it would take them to be back again.

Once assigned with the duties and how they were supposed to implement the plan in action, the officers dashed towards the changing area to get dressed into their combat uniforms.

Before stepping out, Monami’s gaze fell into her now empty ring finger and she traced the mark that the ring left behind and closed her eyes before trudging towards the base.

The Eagles soon jumped to action and the true to their unit name, they were indeed soaring high in the blues of the sky before they stepped back on the ground.

Soon the helicopter landed and the officers carried their equipment and with a bag of the necessities on their back they joined the deployed Major to know the latest developments. All this while the two Mig 23 planes, remained in the air after the mutual coordination of patrolling the two different zones so that they can keep an eye on the suspicious activity, if any.

This entire mission was carried on for an approximation of 8 days for the people with psychotic mindset of destruction were too hell bent on creating chaotic ruckus and nuisance and their surroundings screamed nothing but the smoke, some splatters of blood, the constant outcry and the endless noises of bullets and bombs. By the end of their completion, all they were left with sleepless days and nights, a few injuries, a couple of deaths, disruption of peace, lack of food and energy. But what they were filled with was the constant determination, satisfaction of saving the lives they did, the will power to be back, in one intact peace.

How rightly it is said that a soldier is never off duty because no matter what they never shy away from taking care of life even when their own is at risk, regardless of duty. One such incident was when even after knowing that the aircraft could lose its control which might even hurt them, the aircraft of the officials from IAF, never hesitated before literally dropping the bomb from close, in the area of the trespassers.

But then even it is aptly said, that all’s well that ends well and so was the case here. Hence, the officers wrapped up their work and went back to their pavilion. Reaching back their defense station, they were taken to the isolated room filled with beds where medical practitioners awaited them. Their nasal and swab tests were taken before they were asked to complete their given paper work. They were supposed to be quarantined until the next 36 hours. But did anyone of them mind? No. because they were in dire need of having rest so they literally dozed off after having a small meal.

Meanwhile, during these 8 days, the only source of the positivity for Karan and his entire family was the hope that they had and how constantly it was charged up, by the two calls during the day and the night time which ensured them about the safety of the officers.

And during all these days Vedant was the one guy, Karan grew close to. That boy has had too many of such moments in which he had missed his sister to a lot of extents and those memories have deepened their bond.

Vedant shared a lot of anecdotes of Monami, tid bits of them were her visits back at their home after her long posting, about her missions which also included the phase when she was first sent on a mission, some of them were also about how she used to whine after long intervals when she used to be utterly frustrated but how they were never about any of the things going on in the base, in fact all it was about her missing them and how nonsense were these people who were always up to creating nuisance.

Finally, here was the evening when they were blessed with the pleasant news of the safe homecoming of the soldiers. Karan was extremely grateful for this very news and so he expressed his gratitude to the almighty by preparing a sweet for him and now he was eager to meet his wife but alas, this Covid quarantine disastrously spoiled his excitement.

After having his dinner with the absence of mood and presence of grumpiness, he had a video call with his family whilst slumped on the bed. And what added more to his displeasure was the mirch masala his father and brother were adding in between their talks.

(Spicing up the things.)

“Oye bas oye Khottey Shergill, ab mitti paa. Aa jaayegi who tere paas. Aise toh tune us munde ko bhi peeche chadd dena hai.” Atul mocked his younger son on the screen and then turned his face towards his elder one before asking, “Oye who kon tha painting wala munda, welcome picture mein?”

(Okay now, calm down you brat. She’ll be back to you, soon. If you behave like this then you’ll even surpass that guy behind.) (Hey, who was that guy who used to paint in the movie welcome?)

Param guffawed at this and Vedant joined him too, getting the point. “Y-yeh toh aap bilkul s-sahi ishaara kar rahe ho papa!” he stuttered due to the boisterous laughter he just had.

(Y-you have hinted at a-absolutely right person.)

Karan just frowned at the screen, when his lack of mood could not click the man his father was hinting at and chuckled when he saw his sibling get a smack on his head from their father. “Pehle naam toh das, bas hasey jaa rah hai.” And this evoked chuckles from baby and Barkha too.

(First tell me the name and then continue with your endless laughter.)

“Majnu bhai.” Param said with a frown, while rubbing his head.

“Vaise uncle ne baat toh pate ki he ki hai jeej! You are so whipped!” Vedant squinted his eyes at his brother in law and teased, thus letting the heat creep up on his face.

 (Uncle is not wrong, jeej!)

“Maa dekhlo, kaise tang kar raha hai mujhe!” Karan complained to Juhi, who shook her head but nonetheless smacked on her son’s head while Deepak chuckled.

(Maa, see how he is troubling me; scold him.)

A couple of more minutes and then they all hung up. Once free from everything, Karan turned on his left and let his right palm graze gently over the space which used to be occupied by his better half and mumbled, “Come back soon.”

With the sinking night, there lingered the longing of the next evening by when, the news that they’ll be either able to meet each other or the time was yet to arrive will grace their ears. Unbeknownst to everyone but known to them, the couple and their family finally drifted into a peaceful sleep, after the nights of slumber which lurked around with evident anxiety.

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3.9k+ words.

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And isn't Karan a proper gentleman? He is too charming for his own good!

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