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May 2020

Pune

Indian Defence Station, Indian Air Force

Quarter No. 15

But, a word that always lurks around in our minds, leaving behind the lingering uncertainty. The moment we zero in on something, a wave of consciousness hits us and then we let our minds start wandering on the paths of the opposite reactions that our actions might lead to. The positive affirmation always flaps on the second position. This one word is more than enough to sow a seed of a tiny element of under-confidence within us and then nothing but our own rationale can save us. To be a go getter, we need to let go of ifs and buts but well, only if this was as easy as melting the ice cream on a winter night.

Karan and Monami were burdened with the same loitering 'buts' since, the yet another extension of lockdown came in the news. What else they could anyway do, besides heaving a sigh. There was a different degree of these unknown chunks of conflicts in which their minds were engaged in.

Karan was concerned about his lack of practice and the fitness his body required. He was getting insecure of this closed off phase which was getting nothing but prolonged; time and again. He was even worried about his father who was down with fever for almost two days now. Somehow, the everyday notification he saw whenever he opened Google, about the increment in the number of people getting ill and losing their lives was enough to sink his heart bit by bit. He never in his life has even heard about such alarming rates of death, let alone imagining it and here he was, literally getting dumped with nothing but this news. This seemed never ending. This was just making him feel more helpless. He literally felt pathetic about the fact that he was not with his father and brother right now and that all the responsibilities were thrown on the shoulders of his brother and sister in law and they had to be too careful, since there was a child in their home.

All this is nothing but a fucking mess. This was the only thought that bouncing again and again in his mind, as he slouched against the headrest of the sofa, resting his head on the cushion that was attached with the sofa, giving it a feel of pillow. His right leg was shaking incessantly as he swam across the ocean of over-thinking. While he was so lost in his thoughts, he never knew when he fell asleep.

But sleep was the last thing in Monami's mind. She was busy in a meeting with her officials and clearly, things were going downhill. Already, her mind was cluttered with the things that were causing chaos, back in her home and now to add on with this. She at times literally thought if the terrorists had to be such nuisance creators and that they are always this idle to plot and plan and disrupt the peace of others, in an already heated and anxious environment. But alas, this was not the time to be frustrated or to be impulsive. It was her duty; duty towards her nation aur desh ke pehle na kabhi kuch tha, na kabhi kuch hoga.

(Nothing ever existed before our motherland and never will there be anything, ever.)

This sentence was not just a bunch of words sewed together, it was a feeling that filled their being with a searing determination and passion and the attitude that no matter what, in the end, the ball will always be in their court, always.

They were needed in the battlefield and there was no other way of saying it. They have to leave their comforting confines of cocoon and gear up, for what they were trained and what they have signed for.

Monami closed the lid of her laptop with a sigh and rested her head on it. She closed the curtain of her dark orbs as her thought chambers swam across the waters of the discussion that took place hardly a few seconds ago.

Blinking her eyes open, she shook her head and exhaled a deep breath, she retrieved a pen and paper and drew a few points and jotted down some points, a close akin to a strategy. After a couple of minutes, she wrapped up her work and filed them in a black folder before zipping it. Then she moved to the washroom to wash her face and walked out.

As Monami came out of her room, she let her feet move in the direction where her husband was sleeping. As she covered the distance till she was no more than a feet away from the edge of the couch, her eyes refused to divert from the visage of Karan which was soaked in the contagious strokes of tranquility.

She could not help but kneel down and raise her hand till it could reach his face. She feebly let her fingers trace and caress across its contours before working softly on his hair, which were tousled on his forehead. Slowly her fingers traveled upwards and got immersed in the dark locks of his hair.

Sensing a comforting moment on his forehead, for quite some time, Karan woke up and blinking briskly for more than twice, he tilted his head and saw his wife crouching and mapping her fingers in the less deep valley of his locks. His lips curled up in a sweet smile, and he closed his eyes again and slightly moved his head, greedily and readily basking in the warmth his wife was offering.

His eyes fluttered open when he sensed the change in the moments of her fingers and softly asked, "Kya hua?"

(What happened?)

Monami tenderly smiled at him and shook her head before wriggling her eyebrows and asking, "Mere saath thodi kheti baadi karoge?"

(Will you join me in doing some farming?)

Karan, who was just yawning, stopped abruptly before looking at her, in a slight daze and shook his head to erase off the chunks of sleepiness in his eyes. He chortled and asked, "Kya?"

(What?)

"Haan! Chalo muh haath dho lo aur apni chai peeke aao balcony mein." Monami ruffled his already messy hair and got up.

(Yes! Now go freshen up, have your tea and then join me in the balcony.)

Karan's gaze followed the track of Monami till she was in his vision, in the hopes that he'll get some more info in the context that teleported him in another world but when he got none, he shook his head and muttered, "Karan beta, tu bhi kahan dimaag laga raha hai? Aise he log nahi kehte ki ladkiyon ki baatein sirf uljhaati hai." He then remembered something and his lips wore a sweet smile. His brother used to say, "Toh chottey, tujhe unse ulajhna ya phir unhe suljhana he kyu hai?"

(Karan, why the hell are you even trying to get to the bottom of it? People don't go on saying like this that deciphering girls is equal to getting trapped in the mess.) (So my dearest brother, why do you want to mess with them or make a head or tail of them?)

Stretching his arms as much as he could, Karan yawned and getting up from the couch, he trailed in the room. He dashed inside the washroom to finish his business and then, giving a look to the empty room with a well curtained gallery sliding, he went in the kitchen to have his tea.

Rinsing the cup off, he walked across the living room till the balcony and for a few seconds he was literally hooked on his place. Moreover, why wouldn't he? When the sight in front of him was enough to make him want to sit then and there on the floor with his elbows on his knees and palms cupping his cheek and stare uninterruptedly at his better half. It was nothing he hadn't witnessed before, but it was just so soothing.

His wife, oh, how he liked to repeat time and again. Coming back, his wife was casually dressed up in track pants and a tank top, with her hair secured in a bun. But the baby hair kissing her cheeks and the subtle yet obvious rays of sun hitting her skin, turning it golden in the literal golden hour and the occasional strokes of zephyr whispering against their skin and forcing the little rogue locks that managed to peek out from her bun sway with the breeze, was the image that effortlessly swept in his heart and now no matter what, it was going to be settled there, as a gentle reminder of serenity, of what people call as calm amidst the chaos.

Thanks to an irritatingly buzzing fly, he was back on earth from wherever his mind went wandering. He shook his head and cleared his throat a little. He was no less than ogling her and this was a freaking open balcony in which their neighbors can easily see through. He was just an inch close to making a fool of himself and he just hoped Monami would not have seen him like this.

Stealthily, he sneaked in yet another look at her, well this time it was to discern if he was caught or not and looking at the way she was so immersed in her work, the chances of him being not caught were more.

Sighing in relief he took two steps in her direction and once he had her attention, he bowed down a bit dramatically and asked, "Haanji madam, toh bataiye kya karna hai? Banda haazir hai!"

(So tell me madam, what is supposed to be done? The man is reporting on duty!)

Monami shook her head, a sweet little smile creeping up her lips, well known to his goofy shenanigans. Her smile widened a bit more when she saw how his fingers, not so discreetly brushed against hers when he held the sides of the mud filled bucket, which she slid a bit forward.

"Iss mixture ko na bikherna hai." Monami started and then took a pause when she saw Karan's face before immediately adding, "Isi bucket mein lekin. We just have to unsettle it a bit and at the same time we have to let our body feel nature, so that we can enjoy this entire process with a relaxed mind." She put her right hand in the bucket and took the vermicompost in her palm before whisking her fingers to make chunks of it in the bucket.

(You have to strew this mixture.) (But in this bucket only.)

Though Karan's face twisted in slight displeasure when he heard that the vermicompost was to be strewed in the bucket only, he nonetheless did as asked.

While Karan got busy with the organic mixture, Monami sneaked in his dedicated look. Her lips were curving up in a sweet smile as she recollected the moments a few minutes back. Oh boy! How wrong he was when he thought he was not caught.

As a soldier, she was always hyper alert of her surroundings, regardless of the confines of comfort or discomfort. Her ears had perked up when Karan's thumping noiseless footsteps ceased for a couple of seconds and then she turned her head a little to peek at him. And man, how could that red hue not spread on her cheeks with an impeccable pride? There was her man, looking at her with such pure adoration and that too with such a depth that he even forgot his surroundings for a bit.

Monami too, for those couple of milliseconds let go of all her inhibitions and thoughts so that she could bask in that moment, in those seconds of unadulterated, untamed and the best bits of their life; with him, unknown to his own encompassing and known to her minute details and she well known to her circumambient but unknown to the depth of the emotions that she ignited in him.

She could not help but lower her gaze effusively but well, her dark orbs did not miss the toned and well sculpted frame of his which was turning slightly flabby from waist and thighs, oh and cheeks too. She didn't know she had a thing for chubby cheeks or perhaps it was his cheeks that attracted her like a magnet, every time he passed her a smile. It took a lot of self control to not to act impulsively and give that squishy bearded sponge a bite. Shut it Monami, you're turning into a pervert. Focus! She reprimanded her shameless self.

But then all these thoughts had a bad drainage when her mind reflected on the events that are supposed to take place the next day. She was yet to disclose about it to Karan and all she wanted, before the heads up was to be in the moment, with him.

Shaking her head, in an attempt to shoo away the abyss of over-thinking thoughts, she again raised her head and looked at him before clicking her tongue in her mouth. "Karannn!" She chided.

"Huh?" Karan looked at her with scrunched eyebrows.

"Tumne change kyu nahi kiya? White pehen ke kon aata hai planting karne?!" She huffed as she saw wearing a white tee.

(Why didn't you change? Who even comes for planting, while wearing white?)

"Uhm!" He paused for a second before striking back confidently, "Haan toh tumne kab bataya ki hum planting karenge?"

(Oh and when did you even tell me that we'll be planting?)

Monami stared at him for a couple of seconds before pulling up a sarcastic smile and said, "Kheti baadi bola tha aur..."

(I said farming and...)

How could Karan let the ball in his court slip? So he did the most convenient thing and that was to cut her off, "Haanji toh Mrs Shergill, mainu koi sapna thodi aaya si ki aap ka kheti baadi ae hoega!"

(Then Mrs. Shergill, it definitely didn't occur to me that you'll mean this by your farming.)

She narrowed her eyes before saying, "Tum na zyada chant mat bano, aur dhyaan rahe ki yeh white t-shirt white ki jagah brown na ban jaaye."

(Now don't try to be wily with me, Mister! And I hope you'll be careful that white t-shirt remains white only and does not turn brown.)

"Yaar ab tum typical biwiyon waali tone mein baat nahi karo!" Karan low key whined.

(Hey! Now don't talk in a typical wife like manner.)

"First, I am your wife. And second, how are you so sure about the different tones that actually classify one as that of a typical wife like?" Monami raised the two fingers of both her hands in the end as if to put emphasis on the last set of words.

"I just know!" As Karan saw that Monami was about to revert back, he quickly said in a dismissive tone, "Ab kaam pe dhyaan dete hain, Monami tum bhi na, bas baatein karva lo."

(Okay, let's focus on the task in our hand now. And Monami you, you are always ready to jump in the talks, forgetting the work!)

Monami heaved a sigh, ignoring him. Although she was too tempted to throw the mud on him but she was habitual to his incessant teasing.

"By the way, what will we use for the pots?" Karan was confused because all he could see was a mid-sized cask and no other pots.

Monami smiled and dusted her hands a little before twisting her body stretching her hand to get that cask and then she took out two cups, a broken bucket and two equal sized square boxes, whose handles were broken.

"We are Indians and we have jugaad for everything." Monami smugly boasted.

Karan returned the look with a smirk on his face and then they both were engrossed in the work. They planted the basic seeds of lemon, coriander, Ajwain, etc. And well, they carried on this task with a lot of contentment, cheesiness, eye rolls and so on. All in all, they lived in the moment they were in. But amidst all this, Karan was sure of one thing that there was something amiss the entire time they were busy with plants, but what? He couldn't quite point it out.

Once done, Karan took the responsibility of wiping off the mud that was there on the floor and so Monami assumed the duty of sealing the packets and placing the things back to where they are supposed to be. And obviously due to this, Monami's hands were much cleaner than Karan's and oh, he had an upper hand here, as he noticed that they both were done.

Monami was leaning a little down, putting the newspapers in the wooden cask when Karan finally got up and a mischievous glint was undoubtedly screaming loud on his visage. It was time to execute the plan, he thought smugly.

Karan silently went in her direction, but not before grabbing some sukhi mitti, that was there in a little earthen pot, in his geeley haath that he knowingly did and plastering, what should be labeled as a sinister smile, he rubbed his hands in order to make the wet mixture coat his palms. Then standing behind Monami, he innocently let his palms travel from her shoulders to down her fore-arm, engaging her in his embrace and husked out, "Hey!"

(Dry soil.) (Wet hands.)

Monami gasped, this was unexpected and her breath hitched for a few seconds, in his sudden proximity. She swiftly turned around to face him with a clear look of disbelief etched on her face and said all in a breath, "Yeh kya hai aur kyu hai? Karannn, tumne mujhe poora mitti mitti kar diya."

(What is this and for what reason, even? Karannn, you have literally covered me in mud.)

Karan's face had an unmissable complacency as his eyes look over her arms and then swiping his palm on the area he marked and then as he had acquired the required amount of soil on his hands, he raised his right hand and traced an outline from her forehead to her cheeks, coloring them as his wish while his left hand sensuously grazed across the exposed length of her waist.

While Karan did all this, Monami could only gape at him with a dry throat and heated cheeks oh rather with a body that was hyper alerted with the senses. "K-Karan!" She whispered.

"Hmm?" He answered, while his fingers were making aimless strokes on her waist.

"Yeh?" She quietly mumbled.

(This?)

"Tumhi ne toh kaha thha ki tumhe poora mitti mitti kar diya hai maine, toh mai toh bas uss baat ko sach kar raha tha. Haalanki, poora toh ab bhi nahi hai." Karan calmly and deliberately said in a low voice as if he did nothing unusual and then taking a half a step back, he allowed his eyes to have a detailed look from her face to below and then back.

(You only said that I have covered you in mud so I was just proving it, although, you are not fully covered with it, by the way.)

Monami gasped yet again, for the nth time of the day and opened he mouth and said, "Tum na tum bilkul..."

(You, you are such a...)

How could Karan even let this go so he butted in, "Haan, mai kya? Oh wait, charming right?"

(Yeah, what am I?)

"Shut up! Tum na besharam ho bilkul aur tumhari besharmi badhti he jaa rahi hai." Monami narrowed her eyes, though the little pink hue refused to let go of her cheeks!

(You have become shameless and your shamelessness is growing day by day.)

Karan chuckled at this and pulled her slightly close, "Ab agar tumhare saath bhi sharafat se rehna pade, yeh toh zyakhti hagi mere saath. Don't you think so!"

(Now now, if I have to maintain the levels of decency with you as well, this'll be unfair to me.)

"No." Monami rolled her eyes.

Karan just chortled again and then took his arms back, before lightly hitting his forehead with hers and said, "Chalo bhi ab andar."

(Let's just go in, now.)

Soon enough the remaining hours of the day rolled in too and they were busy in their own world. They had a quite long video call, back at both their homes and did their chores together so that they could feel that they were near each other and shared the little moments of far etched togetherness.

Karan and Monami even cheered the little Shergill over the painting she made, in her summer class. They made sure to talk enough to Papa Shergill and he being the brave man he was, simply brushed off their worries by saying, "Once a soldier, always a soldier and a soldier never worries with the situations, he fights them. And moreover, I am not going anytime soon. Arrey bhai, abhi toh mujhe iss khottey aur meri bahu ke baccho ke saath bhi khoob khelna hai. Toh tension pe mitti pao."

(And guys, I'm yet to see and play with the kids of this brat and my daughter in law. So shoo away the tension.)

Well the part where Atul mentioned their kids, Karan and Monami were looking hilarious. Their faces looked as if a deer caught in headlights. And well a bashful heat tinted their ears and they refused to look in each other's direction for a few minutes.

After the call and the dinner, they both finished the movie of their day and then once they were in their little confinement, Monami decided to address the elephant in the room. She held his hand then settled on the bed, making him accompany her. Gulping in, she looked at him after tightening her hold on him and said, "Mujhe kal jaana hai. Mission ke liye."

(I have to leave tomorrow; for a mission.)

Monami never for once, diverted her eyes from him. She felt the need to look into his eyes and if possible to gauge the reaction on his now blank face, which was otherwise quite readable for her. She knew for a fact that this wasn't an easy thing to sink in and when it's about your partner, definitely a no. Moreover, this was the first time that she was telling Karan in such a close space, she didn't know how to disclose it other than this and well, she obviously could not vouch for the way Karan would react.

Though Karan eyes didn't leave his wife's, yet he was mentally unavailable for those couple of seconds after she revealed the news. He had been in these shoes previously too, yet this was so different. Earlier he was informed on call, he was away from her and he had his friend with him, but this time no matter even if she was practically there, yet he felt a peculiar strangeness surrounding him. How was he supposed to react? He failed to fathom an answer for it.

Karan came out of his reverie when he heard a small whisper, "Karan!"

"Hmm?"

"I am here." Monami said, with whispering firmness.

(At least for now.)

"And you will be here." Even Karan didn't know how come these words left his lips but he was sure that his subconscious was more than affirmed on this fact that his Officer Sahiba will be back, safe and sound, to him.

"I will be." Monami assured, with a small comforting smile.

"Kal kitne baje jaaogi?" Karan mumbled quietly.

(At what time will you leave tomorrow?)

"I have to report at 5 in the morning." Monami's grip tightened a bit on his palm.

Karan nodded and then words felt difficult to breathe in the space, so not a single syllable was exchanged later. Wordlessly, they both partially lay in each other's arms, seeking the much needed warmth and comfort.

"You never feel scared or nervous after knowing that you have to go all upfront for something that might take your life?" Karan looked down at his wife in his arms and asked after a few minutes of quietude.

"Umm... to be honest, no and there are reasons that back my answer. First because I have grown up seeing Papa come back with the evident pride knowing that he helped in saving the destruction and that too with his entire valor. Second, when I was a part of a team, our Commanding officer always said that you have to trust your call before your leading officer that you will be back safe and if you do, you will be back, because then you'll fight with your every ounce in it. Third, it's because when you have the responsibility of your juniors, you make sure to be as fierce as you can so that they can count on you. Fourth, now that I am a part of such a team where every officer holds equal value and authority, you have to make sure that you are confident enough so that they can take a bet on you and lastly, but supremely because, as a soldier, your country looks upon you. Aur kisi bhi haal mein, desh ke upar kuch bhi nahi, kabhi bhi nahi" Monami looked back in his eyes and replied, with all the calmness on her visage.

(And no matter what, nothing will ever come before our motherland, never.)

Karan simpered a bit and then said when his wife looked quizzically at him, "You know mumma used to say always, that it is very difficult to be a partner of a soldier but at the same time it is equally empowering. She used to say that a fighter will never keep anyone, not even himself, on his first priority and it is so endearing that you cannot help but fall in love with that selfless giving." He grinned sweetly, remembering that pleasant yet bittersweet memory.

He leaned a little and bumped his forehead with hers and then entwined the fingers of his right hand that was flung over her shoulder, with her right hand caressed them before continuing, "And when I think of it, you guys are a tad bit sunky but the right amount that is needed and in its own twisted way, it is so solidifying and gratifying. And you know what?" He placed a long kiss on her forehead before he said in his earnest voice, "Thank you for all that you do, and this is for all those brave hearts who miss out on those moments of peaceful life, for us. A mere thank you will never be enough, but this is the least we could say."

(Insane.)

Monami didn't know what to say. She was touched; her soul was touched with these words that reflected nothing but pure sincerity. She felt a myriad of emotions in those couple of seconds, all the ones she never felt, at least with this intensity and passion. Overwhelmed by all these swirling sensations, she just turned her body and hid herself in his warmth.

Feeling too vulnerable to say anything, she just kissed his chest softly and let her lips stay there for some time before pulling back. But she did not pull her head back and this gesture earned her a sweet kiss on her crown before Karan rested his cheek against her head.

The couple basked in the moments of closeness before the time, without any care of anyone forces them to stay apart with one in anxiety, unsure surety, and a sort of worrisome loneliness and the other one with a detachment from anyone else, just filled with fierce courage and selfless selfishness of breaking the shackles of destruction and destructive mindset.

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4.60k+ words.

Heyaa!
It's been long and I know! I'm sorry I was caught up in a chain of never ending sickness. But now I'm back and I'll be more active after my friend's wedding!

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