Mia

The guards instructed me to change and say goodbye to all of the girls. I knew Cain wanted me out but it felt like he was practically forcing me. The guards led me to the place where I kept my belongings before the interview and I took everything out.

My phone was filled with missed called and messaged from Jackson and I closed my eyes. I missed him more than I cared to admit. After all this craziness, I was craving some of the normalcy that he provided.

I just needed to stay strong, though. I called off the engagement for a reason and it needed to remain that way.

Even if it hurt.

He deserved more than a breakup text after three years but I didn't know how to tell him in person.

"We were told to take you outside," the guards said. Here they were, further rushing me for some reason. I rolled my eyes and followed them outside of the dressing room and into the lobby.

As we neared the see-through doors to the outside, my heart dropped as I saw Jackson and Cain standing together. Cain seemed like he was fuming as Jackson stood calmly and worry began to eat me up.

I held my things close against me as I raced past the guards and towards the two. I pushed past the doors and stood in front of Jackson to look up at Cain. "Don't hurt him," I warned.

A look of hurt passed through Cain's features but instead of saying anything, he gave me a single nod and walked back into the building. I frowned at his actions considering it was so unlike him and I turned to Jackson. "Are you okay?"

"He didn't touch me, by the way," Jackson said. "But thank you for caring."

Shit.

I turned to the building to go back and apologize to Cain for assuming AGAIN, but Jackson grabbed my arm. "Don't."

"Let go, I need to apologize."

I tried to remove my arm from his hold but he kept it firm and gave me a serious look. "Leave him alone."

"Stop," I yelled as I snatched my arm from him. "You need to stop being so jealous, I-"

"It's not about jealousy," he said. "You can leave me right here. You say he's your best friend but you can't see for yourself the amount of pain you're causing?" He gestured to Cain inside the building and I crossed my arms.

"Just stop. I love you, Mia. I love you so much but sometimes it's like you can't even see things beyond yourself," he said. "I've been here for three years. Through all your therapy and issues, I was in your corner with a heart full of love and patience. All of that...for you to break up with me over a text message."

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"I forgave the cheating in the past because you were going through a lot," he said. "But you're good now, you can't use that excuse. So if you slept with Cain, we might as well be done."

"I didn't sleep with him," I answered.

"But you have feelings for him, right?" He asked. "That can be worked on. But infidelity can't be, not again."

"I have feelings for him," I admitted. He nodded and took a step away from me and my heart ached. I grabbed his arm and shook my head. "But I still love you."

"What did I do?" He whispered as he looked down at the pavement.

"What do you mean?" I questioned.

He looked back into my eyes and my heart splintered as I saw his eyes glistening with unshed tears. "To make you fall out of love with me."

The sky around us turned grey as if it was replicating what I felt inside and raindrops began falling onto us. Jackson didn't seem to care as he waiting for me to reply and I wiped my wet face.

"I didn't-"

"You did. If you didn't, you would've never fallen in love with someone else. What didn't I do, hmm? I thought we were doing well. Is there something that he could offer you that I can't?" He asked softly.

His gaze on me began getting me emotional and I broke down into tears. "I'm so sorry." Tears streamed down my face in a mix with the rain on me and I shook my head in disappointment at myself.

He was right. I acted out a lot when we first got together but he was patient no matter what. He didn't deserve any of the things I put him through.

He pulled me against his strong chest and I cried harder. How could he be so understanding when all I did was screw him over? Anytime that we were doing well, I messed things up. My therapist would've told me that it was because I don't believe I deserve it but there had to be more.

"You know I'll forgive you for anything," he whispered. "But I need a few days. I also love you enough to let you go if you want to be with someone else, Mia. Just don't lie to me. Ever."

"I won't," I whispered. "I'm sorry."

"I know." He pulled away from me and the both of us were soaked in the rain. He removed his jacket and laid it on my shoulders.

"We're not together anymore?" I asked.

"We're always together," he said with a sad smile as he adjusted the jacket. "Remember that promise we made to each other a few years ago?"

I looked up at him in confusion and he sighed. "We promised that no matter what, we'd stick together. We don't need to be in a relationship to do that, Mia. I just you to be happy more than I want myself to be. We don't have to consider ourselves broken up just yet, but I need a while."

"How long?" I asked. He was usually the type to forgive me immediately so this was new to me. In general, we'd sit and talk. He learned a few techniques I had taught him during my therapy and they were effective.

But he wasn't doing that right now.

"I don't know," he said as he dropped his hands to his sides. "I'll call you."

"Okay," I whispered.

"Promise me something," he said as he stared down at the ground again. His voice sounded weak but because of the rain, I couldn't tell if it was because he was crying or something else.

"What?"

"Don't sleep with him," he said. "It's clear he feels something for you. You'll hurt him if you do it without making a choice."

"Why do you care about him suddenly?" I asked softly. They fought a few days ago and now Jackson acted as he forgot all about it.

"We have a rough history together," he said solemnly. "I've caused him more than enough pain and I still am. More than enough for the both of us, Mia."

Neither of them had told me about their supposed history but I was getting more curious by the day. I'd ask about it one day but right now wasn't the time.

I nodded and he reached into his pocket for his keys. "You can drive my car home."

"What about you?" I asked.

"I can walk," he said as he shivered and put his hands into his pocket.

"You'll catch a cold Jackson," I said as I stepped towards him. "Let me at least-"

I stopped speaking when he stepped away from me and I frowned. For multiple reasons I understood that he wanted to get as far away from me as he could. I just didn't want him alone in the rain.

"I'll be okay, go," he urged. "Send me a text when you arrive home."

I nodded at his words and he gave me a half-smile as he turned away from me. I stood and watched him as he walked alone through the crowd of people with umbrellas and my heart broke all over again.

Cain and now Jackson were both being hurt because of me. There was no way out of this situation without hurting one of them. I loved Jackson with all of my heart. I would've never been who I am now without him. But I loved Cain as well, he was...Cain. He was messed up in all the best ways and I was crazy about him too.

I couldn't figure out who I loved more than the other. I wanted them both. I'd be insane to give one of them up so how was I supposed to make a decision.  

There also came the thought of Cain loving another girl. That hurt, but did it affect my ability to choose? I didn't know yet.  

I walked to Jackson's car that was a few meters away from me and I got in. As soon as the door was closed, I couldn't hold in my emotions. I sobbed against the steering wheel for what felt like hours. No amount of thinking could prepare me for what I had to do.

Why is my life so fucked up?

꧁꧂

Author's Note

I just-...I just can't😭
So we got a little insight on Jackson and Mia...IG🙄
Idk how to feel but Ik this girl is confused asf
Lmk your thoughts ✨