James

3 Hours Ago

"Can I ask you a question?" Lucifer said.

"Oh no, do you think he knows about the vase we broke?!" Xavia panicked in my head.

"Relax, he's probably not even thinking about it," I thought.
She let out a tiny scream and I looked up at Lucifer.

"Sure."

"Do you want to stay here with me, or would you like to go back to living with Syn?"

I froze at the question and I heard Xavia let out a small gasp at the mention of Syn. I'd been wanting to spend time with him since I missed him, but it was different for her. She was a wreck from not being able to see or speak to either of our parents.

I remained quiet as I waited for Xavia to tell me what to do, but she was silent. So silent that I would've thought she had left if I couldn't hear her sigh. "What do I say?" I asked.

"Don't ask me," she said. "He asked you."

"Umm, why do you ask?" I questioned him to buy more time. Most things I did these days were to keep my sister safe, but I still needed her to tell me what exactly to do. I knew it'd take her a minute to guide me since she was so stubborn, but hopefully, she'd tell me what to do.l

"Well, before he died you know he was trying to adopt you," he said. "I took you in after he died, but he's back now. I'm just trying to see where your thoughts on this were."

"Oh," I said. "Help!"

"No, this is your choice," she declined.

"Would it be safe for you to stay here?" I asked. "Or do you want to see dad? Whatever you decide I'll do and-"

"JJ," started with a giggle as I began rambling. I peeked up at Lucifer who was thankfully not being weird about me not answering yet and I pulled a bowl from the cabinet. "I'm not going to be with you much longer."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm leaving soon," she said. A frown made its way onto my face at her words and my movements slowed. She was annoying and bothered me all the time, but I felt less stuck in my head when she was in there. Because of her, I'd gone out and been more social so she wouldn't be bored. I had to admit that I enjoyed it even though I didn't like people much.

"Why?"

"I miss mom and dad," she admitted sadly. "And things FEEL safe."

"That doesn't mean that they are," I warned.

"Regardless of that," she said in dismissal. "You should be where makes you happy. I'm happy with mom and dad, so that's where I want to go soon. If you're happy here, then stay. If not, leave."

The thought of us living separately was painful to think about, but I ignored it and looked at Lucifer. He never really showed how he felt about much, but after all of these years, it wasn't hard for me to guess.

I could see how hurt he seemed to be from asking me this, and I wondered why. I knew he was happy that Syn was back, I was doing well in school...what was there to be sad about?

"Are you going to answer?" He asked in a "bored" tone. I knew it was far from how he truly felt, but there was always a sort of uncaring mask over his words and actions.

"What will you do if I leave?" I asked. He and I had been partners in crime for the past almost four years. I watched him slowly give up important things in his life to care for me. So many things that it was actually concerning to imagine what his life would be like without me. Not that I was conceited or anything, but it was the truth.

It wasn't just one-sided though. I'd have to wonder what I'd do without him. Who else was I going to have to stay in one position for six hours so I could make a paper machete sculptor of them? Who was going to separate my gummy bears because I liked eating each color in a certain order?

They were simple things he did that I didn't give much thought to at the time, but I was beginning to realize that it meant everything to me. After being so broken over Syn's death, his patience and dumb ideas slowly but surely guided me into a happier life.

I loved Syn, and I looked at him as a father before anyone else, but I felt like I didn't know him. I remembered the small things we did together when I was little, but I changed. He did as well, in a way. Not in an obvious one, but there's was a slight fascination in his eyes when he'd see just HOW different I was. I understood it, but it was hard to see someone I looked at as a protector look at me like I was a stranger he was being introduced to.

"I'm Lucifer," he sighed as he looked around the house. A house that we had moved into and created a home out of. He shrugged and laughed softly before turning back to me. "If you leave, I'll be the same as I always was."

Alone?

"You already know your decision," Xavia said. "Don't make the man lose his head."

"I want to stay here," I said.

His eyebrows raised in shock before a grin spread across his face. I ignored his obvious excitement and began cracking eggs and he cleared his throat. "Umm, are you sure? You don't have to just because I-"

"I'm sure," I insisted with a nod. "I have a request though."

"What?"

"Syn is my dad, and I want to see him sometimes," I said. "Maybe I could stay with him on weekends if he's okay with that?"

"I'm sure he'd love that," he smiled. "You can ask him when he comes over today. Are you excited to see him?"

"Yes!" I exclaimed. "I have so much I want to talk to him about and I made him a comic book!" I was beyond ecstatic that he was coming today, but Lucifer again didn't seem to share the joy. "Are you not excited?"

"I am," he nodded. "As you are his son, he's mine. We're just not on the best terms right now."

"Because of me?"

"No, not at all because of you," he said. "Nothing that your father and I go through, will ever be your fault. Do you understand?" I nodded quickly at his words and he sighed. "Although, I'm sure he won't be very happy with you staying with me."

"But I can see him all the time," I offered. "I'll tell him that, and maybe he'll feel better?"

"You know what? I think he just might."

Present

I guess it was wishful thinking because he did not feel better at all. I could hear Lucifer from downstairs tell him that I could still see him, but he only got angrier at that. I wanted to go down and say something, but I didn't feel like he'd want to see me.

I heard Xavia crying inside my head as we both listened to the conversation downstairs, and my eyes watered. I knew she more than anyone missed him, and even though she insisted on me choosing for myself, I could feel her pain. Her pain at having dad so close, yet not being able to touch or speak to him.

"I'm sorry," I whispered to her. I didn't know exactly what for, but it seemed like the right thing to do. Who knows when she'd see him again now? I knew she enjoyed the brief conversation we had with him earlier, but I could feel her longing for a longer time with him as I left the living room.

"Don't be sorry," she said. "You made your decision and it's okay. I've just never heard him cry before. It hurts a lot and I want to go to him." She broke out into a small sob, and I in turn begin to shed tears for her.

We cried together as the screaming match downstairs continued, and after a few minutes, I heard the front door slam. I heard no noise downstairs except for Gen's faint crying, and I slowly walked out of my room. I walked down the stairs and could hear Lucifer trying to calm down Genesis. Once I reached the bottom of the steps, the atmosphere in the living room and the image of a hurt Lucifer and Gen made me understand that Syn may never come back after what just took place.

And it was my fault.

"Does he hate me now?" I cried.

Lucifer pulled away from Gen and ran a hand down his face as he walked towards me. He lowered himself to my level and I could see his eyes red and irritated from his tears. "He doesn't hate you at all, okay? He wouldn't have reacted that way if he hated you. He reacted that way and left because of nobody else but me and Gen, alright?"

"Will he come back?" He sucked in a breath and looked back at Gen before slowly nodding and turning to me.

"I don't think he'd leave forever," he said. "Especially not if you're here."

"I didn't get to give him the comic I made for him," I sniffled.

Lucifer laid a hand on my shoulder and plastered a big smile on his face. "How about this?" He started. "You go put on your shoes, get the comic, and we can go to the store to get a whole gift box and send it to the palace. Do you think he'd like that?"

"Yes," I nodded. "I think he would."

"Okay," he said excitedly. "Go get ready. Be sure to clean your face, I don't think Syn would want a snot-filled book. Would he?"

"No," I laughed softly as I wiped my tears. "Not at all."

"Right, so go get ready. I'll meet you back here in a couple of minutes."

I turned around and rushed back up the stairs like he said, and walked back into my room. I was still sad over what happened, but I trusted that it would all work out somehow.

"What color gift box do you think he'd like?" I asked Xavia as I took my shoes from my closet. "I think he likes black, but would they even have that? It's so gloomy." I laughed softly at my train of thoughts as I slid my shoes on and after a few moments, I frowned.

Xavia didn't answer at all. In fact, my head felt clearer than it had in weeks. "Xavia?" I called as I stopped my movements. "Are you still in there?" My voice was a lot shakier as I began to worry, and when I was answered with silence once again, her words from earlier passed through my mind.

...I want to go to him.

It hurt that she had left without saying goodbye, but I was more worried about the threats she was facing. I knew she was strong, but she didn't know the world as well as I wished she did. People were users, and untrustworthy. If you gave them the chance, they'd abuse you.

I just hoped that being in my head for this long taught her not to trust everyone.

"Be safe, Zavi."

꧁꧂

Author's Note
Oop?🤭👀

Yikes Chile, we saw James POV and are we understanding a bit why he made the decision that he did. How are we feeling?
Also, where tf did Xavia go?
Lmk your thoughts ✨