Syn

I knew I was testing her but I didn't think I was going to have this reaction from her. After apologizing I intended to praise the ground she walked on until she forgave me, but maybe I pressed a button I shouldn't have.

As soon as the light turned red in the room, I knew I was done. Whatever she had in store, she needed nobody outside to be able to hear us. In general, Queen was the last person I could possibly fear, but I sensed that she wasn't the same Queen from a few minutes ago.

Her eyes were usually full of joy, but as she looked straight at me right now...I saw nothing. Her mesmerizing brown eyes were enchanting as always, but I couldn't feel anything looking back at me. A few minutes ago I could at least feel her confusion and sadness, but that was gone now.

I'd rather she hate me than to be looking at me the way she was now. It was like...I was nothing. As if she wouldn't give a fuck if I disappeared from her grasp right now. "Was this how I looked at you?" I whispered painfully.

She nodded slowly. "Yeah, it hurts like hell, doesn't it?" She questioned. "You're wondering if this is how I've truly looked at you all along and you were just blind to it. You don't know if you matter to me anymore, huh?"

Her sharp nail dug into my neck as she gripped the tie and I remained focused on her words and ignored the pain. "That's how I felt on the bathroom floor after you left me, Syn. You want me to hurt you that way?"

"If it will make you feel better," I answered. "I'll deal with whatever consequence."

She dropped her hand from my tie and wrapped her arms around herself before laughing softly. "It's not possible."

"What's not possible?"

"Me hurting you the way that you hurt me. It's not possible," She clarified lowly.

"Why not?"

"Because I love you, Syn," She replied. "I couldn't hurt you that way because I love you like crazy. With that in mind, you can see why I may believe you don't truly love me anymore."

"Queen, that's ridiculous," I said as I stepped towards her.

She took a step away from me and held a hand up before looking back up at me.

"No, because I'm beyond fucking angry that you're the reason I can't go home with you. I'm pissed at you because it's your fault that I can't kiss you or look at you the same."

I wanted to say something...anything, but I could see that she was far from done. After everything I had done, I didn't need to interrupt her.

"I want to hurt you, Syn!" She exclaimed as her voice broke. "Right now, I want nothing more than to abuse you and make us even so we go back to how we were."

"But you can't..."

"But I can't," she repeated. "Minutes ago, I was ready to hurt you and I almost let myself. But then I look at you and I see everything we've been through. I see the day we met, the day we said we love one another, the man who died to protect me...I see our daughter. And because of that, I couldn't bring myself to lay a hand on you."

My heart splintered as each of her words shot a needle straight through me. I knew what I did was beyond wrong, but I never imagined that she would feel this way. As much as it hurt, I knew I hadn't heard the worst.

"For you to do what you did," she cried. "You must not see anything when you look at me."

"That's not true, Queen..." I started softly. She began to break down in front of me and my chest caved in. Was she holding this in from the moment she came in? That would explain her abrupt exit when I mentioned removing the sex portion of the contract.

How insignificant was that...when she was feeling like this? I'm such a fucking dick.

I reached out for her and instead of pulling away as I expected, she remained still. She wasn't going into my arms, but at least she wasn't pulling away. I could only imagine the warring emotions in her mind at the moment. To me, not loving her was the furthest thing from the truth. But to her, all the signs I had thrown towards her seemed to add up to a sum that was breaking her heart.

After her explanation, I could understand it but I hated that I was the reason for her pain.

I stepped towards her to wrap my arms around her, but she shook her head. Her hand moved to my chest to push me away, but I grabbed her wrist gently and moved it away. "Just leave again."

"No," I said seriously. Tears streamed down her face as she tried her hardest to get away, but I knew if I let her go now, she'd never come back to me. I was self-aware enough to know I deserved for her to leave me, but I was selfish. And that selfish side of me would rather us fight daily for all of eternity, than have her move on with someone truly good for her.

I would never give up the notion that Queen and I belonged to one another.

I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her against my chest as I held her. A weight was lifted off of me as she began sobbing harder against me. Regardless of what I had done, and what she believed about me, I was a safe place for her to unleash whatever she was feeling.

I didn't know how long we remained standing there, but I let her continue crying until she was done. I remained completely silent and didn't attempt to fill her already jumbled mind with insincere promises. It felt like a good time to tell her how I saw her, and to remind her about everything I loved about her...but how could I do it right now?

She was vulnerable. She didn't need my assurances right now. I just needed to hold her and just hope that when she was feeling better, she'd give me the chance to tell her everything.

She slowly pulled away from me and I looked down to see her blankly staring at the mascara stain she left on my white shirt. When I didn't say anything, she sniffled and looked up at me. "I ran out of waterproof mascara."

As if the stain on my shirt wasn't evidence enough, her eyes were puffy and her cheeks were stain with streaks of mascara. "I'll buy you more." Why the hell did you say that??

"Thank you," she whispered as she used her hand to wipe her face. The red light around us faded away and the normal ambiance in the room returned. I could now hear the crowd outside and I glanced at the window before looking at Queen.

"Come here," I said as I held my hand out. She looked at me hesitantly before accepting my hand and I led her out of the room. I ignored the look of the workers in the restaurant as I strode past the tables and I walked straight into the corridor where the restrooms were.

I hated public restrooms, but I ignored the disgust I had and walked inside the women's restroom with Queen. I guided her towards the sink and I noticed the grimace as she looked at herself in the mirror. I wanted to tell her that she was still the most beautiful woman in the world to me...but it didn't feel like the time.

I grabbed a couple of napkins from the counter and when Queen moved to take it, I set them down and shook my head. "No."

"Why?" She asked in confusion.

"The material is going to irritate your skin," I muttered as I remembered the last time we had an issue with her skin breaking out. It was years ago, but I remembered it like it was yesterday.

"It doesn't matt—"

"It does," I interrupted. "I'll be right back. Wait here."
She nodded slowly and I rushed out of the restroom. I headed towards the exit of the restaurant and scowled at the nosy waiters as I walked out. The paparazzi must've thought we were still in the room since the front entrance was practically clear besides people passing by.

I ran across the street to the small store and cringed at the dinging that sounded as I walked in. The woman at the register said some greeting that I ignored as I walked towards her, and before she got a chance to react to who I was, I spoke. "Where are your materials to remove make-up?"

"Cosmetics and make-up wipes are in aisle three, sir," she said in a high-pitched voice.

"My girl is allergic to a lot of make-up wipes. I need something chemical-free."

"The only natural thing we would have for that is..." she started as she looked up in thought. "We have Juv spa water cloths."

"What is in it?"

"Vanilla scented mineral-infused spa water, and herbs."

"What herbs?" I questioned impatiently. I could sense that she was getting tired of my questions, but I ignored her irritation and waited for an answer.

"Would you like to just try it, sir?" She asked.

"Sure."

She gave me a single nod before walking around the counter and disappearing into an aisle. I tapped my leg impatiently as I watched for her and glanced at my watch. I had left Queen for one minute and I planned to be back to her within two. I just hoped she was still waiting.

The woman came back with a small blue package and went back around the counter. "If you use it, you pay for it. Even if it's not—"

"Yes okay whatever," I started as I took the item from her hand. I read quickly through the ingredients on the package but stopped when I heard someone yell behind me.

"Hey man, we're in line," he complained. "You can't expect us to wait here because you're illiterate."

I had to force myself to ignore him for Queen's sake so after reading and ignoring his yelling, I set the product down and took my card out. "That'll be $20.72," she read as she looked at her screen. I quickly paid and took the wipes and turned to leave when the man spoke again.

"Finna-fucking-ly!" He yelled in relief as he stepped forward in the line. I glanced at my watch and saw that I had an extra ten or so seconds, and I stepped towards the man.

No words were exchanged between us as my fist connected with his face and he fell to the ground. A dozen apples along with a bottle of pills fell out of his small basket and I smirked as I noticed the brand of pills he had.

"How are you going to call someone illiterate when that's what you're taking. Use this as a lesson you limp dick bitch."

He groaned on the floor and I ignored the eyes of the customers as I rushed out of the door. I ran back across the street to the restaurant and let out a sigh of relief that the paparazzi still hadn't seen me. I opened the door and rushed back into the restroom where Queen was.

My steps slowed when I walked in to see the restroom empty. Shit. I ran a hand through my hair and turned to leave until I heard the flushing of a toilet. I looked back inside to see Queen walking out of a stall and I relaxed as I walked back inside. "I thought you left."

"Didn't you tell me to wait?" She asked softly as she began washing her hands. She looked like she attempted to wipe away the makeup, but her face was still stained.

When she was done, I passed her a napkin hand she looked at the wipes as she threw the napkin away. "What's that?"

"Wipes," I said flatly as I set them down.

"For me?" She questioned as she watched me open it.

"Always for you."

꧁꧂

Author's Note
Is anyone else a little lost on how to feel about, Syn?

How are y'all feeling about him? 👀
Still hate him?
Lmk your thoughts✨