❝︎ and i've heard of a love that comes once in a lifetime
and i'm pretty sure that you are that love of mine ❞︎

- “Dandelions” by Ruth B

★★★

F i z z a

No. No. No.

This can't be happening.

Not now.

I found myself cursing my decisions as I engrossed myself in redemption, but I could still decipher my surroundings. I could read them. They were panicking—fearing he might say something he shouldn't. They were right to fear that.

I myself did.

But more than that, I dreaded the consequences of the seed I had sown at the moment. The seed of disbelief and the possibility of lack of love from my side. I hated it. Now that I know he has always only looked at me, I want him to know that he has been the only one for me too.

I constantly looked at him but he didn't spare me a single glance. He had looked away. He had his sight averted from me. As if he didn't like the notion of looking at me. As if, looking at me hurt him.

And that possiblity felt like a spear tearing my heart.

Why is it that one after another cracks keep on popping from my side? Cracks in feelings, that is.

Why? Why does it always end like this?

I felt sad. I felt anger.

More than anything, I felt frustrated.

With myself.

"I think we should leave now." He proposed as he hastily finished his tea and stood up, making others mimic him. His tone was extremely formal and his posture was firm. Reminded me of the time when we first met.

"We should, right?" Sir Haroon agreed and weaved the conversation through with mamma. Sir Shahveer, on the other hand, had scooted to some distance from us. As if he was no longer interested to engage in the conversation.

Smiling and praising Sir Haroon, mamma walked in front, and I finally had my chance to talk to him. Swiftly shifting on my feet, I stood beside him and opened my mouth but he didn't give me a chance.

He moved away.

That caused me to instantly pause. Never before had he moved away from me and now that he did, I felt as if I was deprived of the very oxygen I needed to breathe.

Still, it was my mistake and I had to make it right somehow.

As soon as he stepped forward, I lifted my hand subconsciously and attempted to stop him. It didn't occur to me how to do so. All I had in mind was to make him listen to me and to make him understand my actions. Thus, I grabbed whatever my hand reached to.

And it turned out to be his sleeve.

Tugging at the corner of his sleeve, I managed to halt his movement and felt him flinch under the slight touch of our hands. He turned around hurriedly and stared back at me with widened eyes.

"What are you doing?!" He whisper yelled while anxiously looking around us and then directing his fretful gaze back at my clutching hand. Fortunately, no one was there but I do wonder if my sisters, Daneen and Sir Haroon had been there, would I have let go?

"Fizza." He stepped forward, screeching a halt to my question I knew the answer to. "Let go." So he said, still didn't jerk my hand off. He could easily brush it off yet didn't. And as always, his minor feats effortlessly tugged those stiff heartstrings of mine.

"Could you please listen to me first?" Craning my neck to meet his eyes, I held his glare. I could see he was angry and I got it. I understood him. In fact, it seemed that he was trying to hold himself back and that in itself was unbelievable, considering that there was definitely no way for me to behave even remotely as such if I were in his shoes.

Slightly frowning, he focused on the door leading into the house. "Can I do that some other time?" He asked. He was still trying to be as considerate as he could. He could've downright refuse to talk to me, throw a tantrum and walk away—like I had.

But he didn't. He was different than me. And that realization stung.

My hold on his sleeve loosened and gradually, I let go of it completely.

Receding, he sighed.

"I will listen to what you have to say. Just not... right now." He assured and once again, I found myself comparing my past reactions with his. The more I realized how I wouldn't have been as patient and understanding as him, the more it hurt.

I bobbed my head, my sight downwards since long, and took a step back myself. For some time, we remained like that.

He observed me while I stood there, immersed in the perplexity of my emotions, both of us wordless.

Until I heard his voice again.

"Let's talk later. Till then, sort your thoughts but... don't overthink." With that, he departed but didn't forget to glimpse back at me once.

~~

Determined, I entered the coaching center with Daneen and found the ground unusually crowded, as it was the much awaited sports day and all the classes were cancelled for the day. We greeted the teachers that had arrived but the one I longed for was nowhere to be found.

Strolling in, we saw Sir Haroon conversing with a peon who on spotting us, gestured him to go and turned towards us with his signature cheeky grin and a jaunty walk.

"So how do you guys feel coming here, knowing it's the last time?" He intoned.

Yes, it was our last day. Saturday.

After that dinner to my place on Thursday, I didn't let a single chance go in vain and attempted a talk with him but he avoided me the whole time. The whole Friday went by like that. I chased after him, looked for him in between performing my duties and he disregarded me as if he didn't know I wanted to talk.

I thought I had time. I thought I could easily make things right. But maybe, this time, he was more than just mad.

My shoulders slumped and I felt a frown masking my features;

"Burdened." I replied. By past decisions. By coming confrontations. My worries, though, made Sir Haroon and Daneen guffaw as we marched in a troop towards the staff room.

"It'll be okay, don't worry." He consoled and Daneen agreed in return.

"All you gotta do is tell him why you did, what you did." Sir Haroon continued. "He is waiting for you to open up, anyways. If you do that, you guys will be fine. He will make sure of that." He raised a brow teasingly yet I found myself regaining my resolve at his words and now we stood in front of the door.

My eyes instantly landed on him and one more regret added to the list of my should-have's.

He had told us before that he had an interview on our last day so I should've mentally prepared myself for a gracefully dressed Sir Shahveer.

Stop, stop. My mind cautioned yet I couldn't get a hold of my surveying gaze. One that took in all his being.

Donned in a flattering smokey grey toned coat, paired with the same colored dress pants, he flaunted his lean figurine and only allowed view of his dreamy side profile, facilely compelling me to shift my weight and expand my field of vision.

Leaning against the door, I espied his elbow resting on the armrest and his right index finger covering his mouth. He had his chin perched on his palm and his legs crossed, one over the other.

He was glancing out of the window and even the daylight seemed to be savoring his countenance as it vivified his already enrapturing features. As I stood there completely motionless—occupied by my stare—an impassioned breeze passed by me, after passing him and disturbing the obsidian strands that had been gelled upwards, requiring him to lift his left hand and slide his fingers through.

Inhaling sharply, I felt a desperate need to clutch my handbag's chain and my heart leaping. He could really just move a hand and have me unconditionally spellbound.

If truth be told, I wondered from time to time.

Why is it that I like him? Is it because he has the looks? Or am I so deplorable that I like him because he likes me, because I was always somewhat aware of his interest in me? Though I got my answer right after.

Since when did I, the one who had never regarded males, required excuses to begin feeling conscious of one?

It was his ambience, probably. It was his vibe. Maybe it was his manners or maybe his gaze? His hands or the way my name rolled off his tongue, so tenderly, so freaking gently. What was it? I couldn't remember. I couldn't pinpoint. It wasn't like it was just one of them. It was all. It was all of him.

I like him. No. I am insanely attracted to him. A mere word like 'like' could never contain these overwhelming feelings I bear for him.

"Could you please wait outside? I want to talk to him." I asked of my morale supporters and they teased me in return. Of course.

"Yes yes. In fact, we'll go from here so you can talk to him in complete privacy." They laughed. "Just remember that you can't do what you did a few days before. I'll be coming to check in about fifteen minutes." Sir Haroon warned jokingly and both of them chortled as they walked back, though stopped in their tracks at my voice.

"Thank you." I passed them a grateful smile making Daneen wave a hand and Sir Haroon to take a few steps towards me. He sighed and shook his head. "I value him as a brother but my sentiments for you and Daneen are no less. So don't say stuff like that, silly." He squinted his eyes and my lips further drew up.

"All you gotta do is..." He trailed off as he pointed inside the room and my sight followed suit, only to find Sir Shahveer looking back at us, causing me to suck in a breath. "...look at him and be honest. If you do that, then I might accept your gratitude." He slid back as he shoved his hands into his pockets and ambled away with a smiling Daneen.

It's time, isn't it? I plodded in. Nervous all over again, owning to his wordless glare.

As he once did, I dragged a chair and placed it in front of him, my throat blocked and unable to produce sound as I sat on it. At the same time, I noticed the tie dangling from his undershirt's collar.

"How was your interview?" I tried. I had to do this

"It went well, Alhumdulillah." I nodded and he sat there still. Wordless and staring.

"Will you not talk to me today too?"

"You will speak today, Fizza. I only intend to listen. I promised, remember?" That caused me to fretfully run my tongue over my dry lips and I noticed his vision dropping to the feat but it moved back up almost instantly.

Here goes nothing.

"You remember how I said I didn't want to catch feelings and fall in love?" I didn't know where I was going with that but Sir Haroon's words rang in my ears.

Say it all and he'll make sure everything's fine.

I took in a breath to calm myself. "I really meant that. I had feelings for you back then, I did before we cleared things, I still do and I'm sure I forever will but... whenever my heart screamed those feelings and made me aware of them, my mind took a step back because I couldn't accept this fact... I-I had wanted to not like you."

Yes. This is it. I have to say this.

"The thought that I could once again end up hurt upset me. No, it angered me. I had always been the one to control my feelings. I had never had someone or something I couldn't give up to others or someone whom I would think of all day. So, I wanted to change that. I didn't want anyone to know or be the reason of my vulnerable self so I ran away from you." He still had yet to display even the slightest of change in his expressions.

If I was good at ignoring people then he was surely an expert in keeping poker faces.

"So when I was under the impression that you were engaged and that thought started wearing me down, I...decided it'd be best if I get you off my mind completely somehow and resorted to that stupid decision."

That's enough. I think I had said enough. Not like I was in a state to say more and so I kept my gaze at his shoulders, wanting to disperse into nothingness owning to the silence hanging in the air around us.

"Back then, I saw you sometimes during breaks." Finally, he cut through the straining stillness but his words caught me off guard, for they corresponded to an entirely different topic.

"You used to sit on that one bench which was visible from where I usually sat, from that window." He pointed at the other corner of the room, the space that was now occupied by a cupboard.

"It's ironic, isn't it?" He continued, "You changed places from that bench in front of your classroom to that bench on the ground floor just to avoid me, but the latter ended up being the spot I didn't even have to go out of my way for."

Leaning forward, he splayed his knees and looked straight in my eyes while stating;

"As I observed you, I noticed that you always seemed to be looking for someone."

I sucked in a breath. I knew where this was going. "Daneen was with you, so I wondered who it was whom you wanted to see. Your old friends? Or maybe, him? And sometimes, no, everytime I ended up hoping for that person to be me."

"So, Tell me." He demanded. "Was it me? Were you looking for me?"

My lips parted and I blinked rapidly.

"Who?" With a heart that aggressively hammered against my chest and a being so alluring gazing at me, my confession rivaled an undertone secret. "Who else could it even be?"

Releasing a breath, I detailed, "It's true that I wanted to avoid you. I didn't want to run into you then give myself another moment to replay in my head. I wanted to not see you. Yet... I looked for you. Every minute I was in this place, you were the only one I looked for." For the first time in the past few minutes, his face softened and I saw the him I was used to.

"I'm sorry... for avoiding you yesterday." He exhaled and focused on his now clenched fists. "It's just that the thought of you considering someone as your..." Closing his eyes, he spoke a little above a whisper, "...future husband made me feel so many different emotions that I didn't know how to behave in front of you. I was angry, upset and even jealous of that man-"

"I didn't." Mustering up all the courage in the world, I, too, whispered back. "I didn't consider him as someone whom I could marry one day. More like, I couldn't." His eyebrows subtly drew closer, speeding my heartbeat but I still elaborated.

"I am a bad person." I looked down—embarrassed, ashamed. "The only reason I asked my mother to invite them was to distract myself from... you. But, it didn't work. Even when I sat in a room filled with people discussing my marriage, all I had in my mind was you. I couldn't think of him as someone I could spend the rest of my life with even if I wanted to."

I kept my gaze on him and noticed how his eyes slightly widened. This time too, he didn't spare me of his continuous staring -making me awfully self conscious.

I looked away, sensing a bright color on my cheeks.

"Fizza, look at me." I complied and he inched closer.

"Is there anything else I need to know? Anything. Even the most insignificant of details. Because I believe that knowing well about the other person is the easiest way to a healthy... relationship."

"No." I shook my head. "There's not." He gave me a slight nod, his head dipped down before I caught his attention again, "And... I want you to keep in mind that all this happened before... you know... it happened before we cleared things up, so please don't take it as if I might do something like this again."

He lifted his chin and I squirmed in my seat. "I may not have gotten very much better but I'm trying and I want you to believe in me. I won't let you down again. Really."

I implored and the wrinkles on his forehead had made their appearance.

"I do believe in you Fizza and you've never let me down, honestly. It's just that the stuff I deem insignificant appears to be otherwise in your eyes and so it is for me. So I believe that the more we share, the more we'll stay strong. Let's do that. Let's not forget the promise we sealed with that bar of snickers."

That caused me to involuntarily chuckle and I gave him a soft yet content smile, which he returned with one of his own. He had given me a chance yet again and now there was nothing that I was hiding. After this, even if he wanted to, I knew he was never getting rid of me. Never.

~~

"How about you go try as well?" I suggested to Sir Shahveer as he sipped the last of his tea and looked at me.

The cricket match had come to an end with a victory declared to the tenth graders. It was a nerve racking match I'd say, sometimes shifting in favor of the winners and sometimes against them, favoring their opponents, the twelfth graders.

He softly hummed in response, "Should I?" Placing the tea cup on the table, that we rested our statures against, he looked at Sir Haroon on the field with the students, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Look at him mixing in with the students." His words made us chuckle, his gleeful laugh sending my heart soaring to the seventh skies.

Turning towards my left, I stole a rather prolonged glance at him. He had his lips drawn upwards and my brain still found it hard to wrap firmly around the fact that he still wished to be with me, an occasional coward. He was too good of a man to be with me, my brain insisted. But I had decided to make it clear to myself now. I'm not letting him go. I might not be deserving of him but my whole being yearns for none but him, so how can I?

A bit too soon, I noticed his smile wavering and it would be a lie to say I was unaware of the reason. Still, I didn't look away. I didn't want to.

Unwinding his arms, he suddenly held the table, rattling it a little.

"Stop staring or else I won't hesitate to pay you back tenfold." He warned faintly yet I received his dare loud and clear. I rushed my sight away from him, genuinely scared of his threat. I certainly didn't want a replay of his infamous, intense stares -ones that I fear yet secretly cherish.

We stood in silence, both a little embarrassed. I rubbed my neck and my peripheral vision dictated him raising his hand up to his ear as well. Both of us forgetting that a game was ongoing in front us.

"Shahveer!" Sir Haroon's voice boomed across the area and I sighed in relief. "Come here!" He exclaimed, suggesting the same as I had and secured a positive reply.

"Want some?" I looked to my right, finding Daneen there as she forwarded some snacks towards me.

Where was this girl all this time?

"Sure." I murmured and my sight beheld Sir Shahveer taking the bat from Sir Haroon. I got excited in the spur of the moment. I want to watch him closely, the thought occured to me, resulting in me grabbing Daneen's hand and dragging her to an empty space where the students, who had yet to depart, were seated.

After adjusting on the chair, I whipped my head up to view him but my eyebrows creased as I noticed him no longer holding the bat. Instead, he was looking at the place we were standing just a few minutes ago. To be precise, he was scanning the whole area, as if he was looking for someone.

Soon, his gaze landed on me and my eyebrows lifted in curiosity.

What was he up to?

Having halted for merely a second, he took a step and grabbed the corner of his coat in his large, brawny hands while he strode. As soon as he did that, I found my eyes elevating to his—as if I knew his intentions—and I urged him to not do anything. But he didn't comply.

Almost in an aggressive yet suave manner, he threw his coat off his shoulders, displaying the thin ivory buttoned fabric sticking to his torso, obtaining a low gasp from me.

He's mad. He's totally mad. I continuously chanted but my vocals had given away and so had my will to look away. My lungs had been sucked of all the air they needed to function, insinuating my thudding organ to palpitate to unhealthy degrees.

I could swear if I continued to stare at those broad, inviting shoulders of his, I'd soon lie faint right then and there.

Step four and he still had his riveting light brown orbs fixated on me. He held his greyish tie from its knotted portion and proceeded to slowly loosen it. My stomach frantically flipped at the visage. Why the hell was he doing that? My mind yelped, knowing well the effect his deeds and that smirk that had now graced his profile were doing to my heart.

Another step and those glasses—the ones he had bought as an ornament only, the ones that had made him appear irresistibly appealing—were taken off of his exquisitely sculpted face, making it inevitable for me to bob my throat.

He brought his steps to a halt right in front of me and I felt my spine tingling in anticipation. The whole of the crowd had gone silent, as if there was an ongoing exam and no one knew the right answer to anything.

Well, my state was not far from that.

Having absolutely no idea about what he wanted from me, I could only hear the rapid beating of my heart loud and clear in my head and could only see his broad stature. My cheeks were sure to be displaying a diffident crimson brightness yet it seemed as if I still had enough strength in me. The strength to maintain eye contact with him and see what he was up to all of sudden.

However, as if challenging my already faltering resolution, he bend down a little—his eyes now leveling mine—and folded his coat from the sides. He forwarded it and I assumed that he was trying to hand it to me so I, too, raised my hand a little but yanked it back as soon as he leaned in further.

Hastily clearing my throat, I raised an eyebrow at him, indicating to get an answer. But his lips just tugged upwards as a response.

"Take care of these." He said as he laid his coat on my lap. My breath hitched. I couldn't contain it any longer. Placing his tie on top of his coat, he glanced up, examining my disheveled state with his left eyebrow raised.

This guy was enjoying it too much.

"These too." He forwarded his spectacles and phone and I took them, my cheeks warm to the point for me to feel as if I had a fever.

Finally, he straightened his spine, his lips drawn into a roughish loop sided grin and I furrowed my eyes at the sight.

"How very unnecessary." I grumbled in a whisper, my heart still refusing to settle down, and he shrugged as he unclamped the preceding button of his shirt.

"The purpose was served, nonetheless." Retreating, he folded his sleeves and passed me a waggish smirk before turning on his heels to sprint towards the field.

~~

My shoulders shook uncontrollably and it seemed as if my hands were suffering a tremor. The people around me were no different though.

Sir Haroon and Daneen stood beside me, in the coaching centers ground ready to leave any moment, and the three of us had absolutely no restraint over our laughs as Sir Shahveer's legendary shot played in our minds.

He hit the first few balls lightly but on the fourth try, he swung the bat too much, resulting in the ball directly hitting the bulb hung on the opposite wall across the hall.

"Forget about sixes and fours, Sir Shahveer wants to score light bulbs."

"How mean, Daneen. Now, I'm not telling you the restaurant's name." Sir Shahveer appeared out of nowhere and Daneen gaped, the two of us still roaring in laughter.

"No, you can't do that or I'd die of curiosity!" She exclaimed and Sir Shahveer shook his head as a retaliate. My, how cute.

"Oh but..." She continued awkwardly, "My friend needs to know its address." She timidly mumbled and there came a screeching halt to my laugh.

A friend?

"Who?" I exasperated. "I didn't know you needed to invite a friend in my, the best friend's, presence." I was baffled and taken aback, sad even.

But why was she squirming weirdly?

Not to mention, she was fumbling with her words, spouting incoherent noises.

What the—

Wait a minute. There was only one person who could make Daneen shy like this.

"Don't tell me!" I shrieked and Sir Shahveer gestured us to start walking, as all the teachers he had invited for the dinner had gathered. "You invited him?" I yelled under my breath, as we advanced to the car, packed together as if we were a single unit.

"Who him?" Sir Haroon enquired and I felt sir Shahveer leaning in on my left, indicating that he was curious as well.

"Uh umm..." Daneen opened and closed her mouth like a fish out of water and I was too excited to allow her to flounder.

"There's this guy named Shayan and Daneen has a huge crush on him." I emphasized on the adjective huge and the four of us hopped into Sir Shahveer's car, as the other teachers got into their respective ones.

The owner ignited the engine while Sir Haroon and I occupied ourselves in teasing Daneen. I was ebullient to finally have someone else in the place I usually suffered.

After some while of teasing Daneen, I handed my phone to Sir Haroon to play songs from it, and he skimmed my recently played list, looking for something that could match his taste.

"You've got nothing good here." He clicked his tongue.

"Excuse me? Your taste is what's not good here!" I blared and Sir Shahveer chuckled as he offered to the honors.

"This seems interesting." He tapped on one and I beamed at his choice.

That song matched my current state rather strikingly.

"Where are we going anyways?" Daneen bleated, for sir Haroon had started asking her about Shayan again, and I smiled as I moved my sight towards the road, the breeze and the soft music playing in the background had me quite intoxicated.

I tilted my head to rest it against the window, letting my hair loose and inhaled in joviality. The atmosphere and his shoulders that I caught glimpses of every now and then were undeniably blowing me off the sober ground.

"Sir Faisal suggested a nearby restaurant that he was suggested to by an alumni. He said the food is good there." He handed his phone to Daneen, "This one." Must've opened the restaurant's description in it.

"Fizza?" I hummed in response, maintaining an eye contact with him through the rear view mirror. "You take a look as well. Are you okay with it?" He asked.

He already made a reservation so what's the point of asking now? The thought crossed my mind, urging me to titter but I decided against putting the question forth. He probably didn't ask before as we weren't really on talking terms.

"Are you fine with it?" My sight found the road again as I heard him mumbling a "Yeah".

"Then I'm fine as well." I uttered and leaned forward, resting my head against his seat, my back facing the window. My hair were constantly irritating me but I had no care of it at the moment. I was too out of it to do so.

The lyrics that played in the background made it hard for me to not groan in serenity as I shut myself from the world and focused on it.

I think that you are the one for me

Yes, indeed.

Cause it gets so hard to breathe

Everytime.

When you're looking at me
I've never felt so alive and free

My smile spread.

When you're looking at me
I've never felt so happy

My eyes shot open. The seat I was resting against, Sir Shahveer's, pressed back a little and I jolted away as I noticed him ruffling his hair before shifting the gears to cease the motion of the wheels. Did he realize I was resting my head against his seat?

"We're here." Daneen simpered and they started getting off but I didn't. I didn't want to get off already so I closed my eyes and rested my head against his seat again, in hopes of someone waking me up and exactly that someone's pleasant voice reached my ears soon.

"Aren't you getting off?" He muttered. He was still in his seat as well and had only shifted his weight to glance at the back, at me.

"Nah, I don't wanna." My whines roll off my tongue so naturally in front of him, it's scary.

"Then should we stay here?" This is why. He spoils me too much.

And I take it, wholeheartedly.

"Should we?" I couldn't stop my grin. It was getting harder with each passing second.

"We should." He finalized and I giggled as he watched me, a smile on his face as well.

As I let my gaze wander over him, I realized that I wouldn't mind staying there forever. I could stay with him like that for eternity. I wanted nothing, absolutely nothing except him. He was now the answer to my mood, my happiness, my sadness and everything. He owned me down to each drop of blood flowing in my veins and for the first time in my life, I wasn't scared of that.

For the first time, I wanted him to own me. For the first time, I admitted with my whole being that I love him and there was nothing else I'd rather do.

★★★

A/n;

Assalam o Alaikum and Hi! Hope everyone's absolutely fine

Hehehe done done done

We've finally come to the point where coaching-teaching life ends.

The last day was doing many *things* to Fizza we see lmaoo

I really hope I was good at showcasing her feelings because imo, the character Fizza is literally the biggest challenge of this book. Along with meeting the deadlines I set for myself, which I never actually meet haha ignore that.

Anyways I hope it was fun to read these character pov chapters, we're going back to author pov from the next ones. Don't know if I'll come back to character pov in the future though.

Lemme know what you think of the chapter and hallelujah happy belated one year to this book LOL

Anyways, Allah Hafiz and take care!

Laters ✌🏻