When you closed your eyes during the fall, you didn't feel the sense of peace that you were expecting. You had always waited for the death as a natural thing, since every day you lost comrades of war and people being killed under your blade, so dying hadn't become any more scary during your battles...but that was before and as time passed, you had gained a different awareness of life, which every life mattered and needed to be protected, just like you had to do with your little daughter.

But now, you would never see her eyes again and like her, also your mother and Lily had sacrificed themselves because of you, the same thing was repeated over and over again and the only way to break this damned circle was with your death...

But was that true redemption? Was Death really the solution to your problems? You couldn't know this, everything was lost in your memory of the past, that you couldn't see a future ahead and this made you suffer more than you imagined.

The truth was, you weren't ready to go.
Not yet...

"Do whatever it takes to wake her up."
Those were Guts' words, before leaving the young witch alone with you and with so much care, she watched over you, trying to travel into your mind to manually trigger the awakening...but something was blocking it, apparently an invisible battle was going on in your deepest self and Schierke hoped it wasn't caused by Femto, as strong as her powers were, they were still useless against a member of the God Hand.

«Don't let those bad emotions get the better of you, Y/n...it hurts him to see you like this.»

The days passed like nothing and you showed no sign of wanting to wake up and as a result, the baby's cries became more and more intense, as her hunger took over, forcing Serpico and Isidro to find food and milk in some surrounding village; Casca lost her mind again, this was another problem the group had to face, although the evil spirits of the forest remained far from Schierke's magic, something was disturbing the mental state of the brunette.

She didn't need Guts, after all. And when he secretly re-entered the cave, his first glance wasn't at her but at your sleeping form. The Black Swordsman knelt down beside you to admire the woman he had missed so much, waiting for her to finally open her eyes.

A moan escaped your mouth. With a delicate gesture, Guts caressed your pale but warm cheek, too much time had passed that he had almost forgotten the emotions he felt when he was next to you...and even if you had run away from him, this hadn't extinguished his feelings for you.

«...you'll never leave me again.»

He spoke close to your face, brushing your lips but not touching them, Guts would wait a little longer until you had fully recovered, with the hope you didn't hate him like before. He was about to go and rest in a corner of the cave, when he heard a small cry and there, he saw the straw basket next to you moving left and right, a sign that the newborn had already woken up...the man was curious to see his daughter better, apparently it wasn't such a tragic thing to have a female as it was often said around and Guts stared at the little creature in silence, but with a clear expression that ordered to not make any more noise and she seemed to agree, as she started to suck a thumb in her mouth.

«Good little one.» He whispered with a kind of smile, never before he had expected something like this. Both of them belonged to him and no one would ever take them away from him again.

• • •

The heat on your cheeks blazed like a fire, struggling against the coolness of the cloth spread across your forehead. The fever was coming back and Schierke did everything she could to make you feel better, until decided to go and collect some herbs outside the cave. She would be back soon, meanwhile you continued to suffer strange nightmares...hands invading your body exposed in front of monstrous eyes, including Griffith's...his claws forcing your legs apart to tear the baby away from you...blood spilling all over your body, but no voice coming out of your mouth...you were lying in the darkness of that disgusting dream until your mother's face appeared in front of you, staring with a sad and disappointed expression...you were alone, prey to your most atrocious fears and sufferings without knowing how to free yourself from them...maybe, you just couldn't escape the condemnation that life was giving you in debt and that you had to pay eventually.

But there, you felt a rough hand on your face, giving a pleasant and nostalgic sensation of well-being after so much pain you had faced...again, you heard a little cry and tried to wake up from that illusion, until it actually happened and you really opened them wide, taking a deep breath into your lungs as if it were the first after so long.

Your heart was beating fast and without any more brakes, giving you the certainty you were still alive. You looked around disoriented before seeing a basket of straw next to you, swinging left and right as if there was something inside.

«...you are here.»

You stared at the baby as she played with her little feet, oblivious to the world around her. You wanted to touch her but there, you pulled your arm away in horror when saw it full of burns...you remembered the flames going through your body during the fall, but miraculously, you had survived together with your daughter.

«...what place is this–»

«Y-you're awake!» A voice made you turn in a random direction when caught the gaze of a young girl with green hair, carrying some bags full of herbs and flowers with her «Don't be afraid of me, I'm a good witch after all.»

You looked at her with suspicious eyes when she said that, but you didn't have the strength to fight back against a girl who said she would cast spells if you rebelled and so, you just sat there, staring at her every move.

«The burns are still healing, but I'm here to help you–»

«Who says you won't hurt me later...why are you doing it if you don't even know me?» Of course, you already distrusted her, but Schierke was determined to make you change your mind when she formulated the next words with a genuine smile.

The first you had seen in a long time.

«Because Guts ordered me to, you don't know how important you are to him! And he threw himself into the flames, risking his life and humanity to save yours.»

You clutched the blanket in your bandaged fist, almost shocked to hear all that after waking up just a minute ago; Schierke wanted to tell you about the message that woman had left you in the Astral world, thinking it was a good time when she was interrupted by a hysterical crying.

«Y/nnnnn!!» Puck darted in your direction and pressed himself on your cheek in a big hug «I miss you so muuuch~ don't run away anymore, just stay with us forever okay?!»

You caressed the little creature with your palm, honestly you were missing Puck's shrill voice after all this time. But soon, that carefree moment was interrupted by the presence of other strangers, looking at you with different expressions.

«You slept a lot, you're a princess or what??» A kid with red hair spoke first in a joking tone but nobody laughed, on the contrary he earned a bad look from the blonde woman next to him. You noticed the hilt of a sword hidden behind her back.

«A swordswoman...what a progress in these nine months.»

«That's why he ignores you, you keep to act like a damn brat.» She scolded Isidro and Serpico sighed, his sister knew how to be tough even with kids «And as you may have noticed, we are with Guts so it's also thanks to us that you're still alive.»

Farnese pointed out with a hostile voice, ignoring her half-brother's glances but you didn't need that help, after all the inhuman things you had experienced, surely it wouldn't be this musketeer scaring you now.

«I didn't come to beg you, I knew what I was getting into...I'd died to save what's mine.» You answered by turning to the baby and Farnese studied your profile, despite your exhaustion she could tell you had a well-tempered character.

«Where is him...he's with that woman, right?»

Apparently, you knew about Casca but Puck was the only one surprised, you had never seen her before and the little elf read something in your eyes, something deeply dark that terrified him...only Ivalera noticed his discomfort, but she didn't say anything to Schierke for now, she wanted to be sure that bad feeling would go away on its own.

«Wait, how do you know about Casca?» Farnese asked suspiciously, putting her hand on the hilt but was immediately intercepted by Serpico, who grabbed her arm cautiously «Shit, I knew we couldn't trust her...probably it's also her fault if Casca's suffering now!»

«Calm down, you can't be sure about this.» Her half-brother tried to push her away, but she broke free and pointed the sword at you, causing confusion among her companions.

«S-stop it Farnese, are you crazy?!» Schierke stepped in, moving the blade with her staff and getting help from Isidro, who was also in disbelief at seeing the swordswoman so out of her mind; you hadn't moved in the meantime, your sore legs wouldn't allow it and when you saw the blonde woman so close to you, you just looked up, a blow wouldn't have shaken you further.

Or maybe you just wanted to end it all.

«What are you waiting for? Show me what a true warrior can do.»

She didn't like your attitude, but she didn't dare to move either, especially when felt someone's intense gaze on her.

«...»

«Put down your sword. Now.»

That voice made the whole cave tremble and was impossible for you not to recognize it. Farnese did as requested and was the first to turn to him, but she was immediately distracted by the presence of her friend at the Black Swordsman's side.

«Casca! Please tell me you're okay.» The swordswoman reached to examine the physical condition of the other girl, quite silent and there, you couldn't help but turn to see with your own eyes who was the one who had fueled your nightmares in these past months...

But what your eyes met was only the imposing figure of the man you had never hoped to see again. After Casca had run away during one of her hysterics, Guts had gone to get her back but now, his eye could no longer tear itself away from your awake and fully conscious figure; the rest of the group had noticed the intensity with which the two of you were staring at each other, but the silence was irremediably broken by the screams of the tanned girl, who collapsed to the ground with the hands in her disheveled hair.

«W-what's happening to her, why she's acting like this?!» Farnese knelt down beside Casca and hugged her to calm her down, but it was all in vain, she kept screaming and with her eyes and mouth wide open, she pointed his finger somewhere. They thought she was aiming for Schierke, but the same witch noticed she was looking at you.

«I don't know why, but she seems influenced by Y/n's presence. Maybe because...» But as she was making that reasoning, Guts sprinted towards you when saw Casca do the same thing, stopping her before she could jump on you. Her expression was pure madness, you didn't remember that in your dreams and now you doubted if it was even the same woman.

And there was something different about him too, he didn't even expect such a reaction from that woman.

«I'll take care of this.» Guts said with a firm arm around the waist of the brunette, who didn't stop struggling and screaming in his face with incomprehensible noises. His last glance went to you, before parting with the group, he had to make sure Casca wasn't near you for any reason, at least not for now.

«What's wrong with her? She seemed out of her mind.» You asked why she wanted to attack you, but Schierke didn't have the answer for that yet and just broke the herbs she had collected earlier to think about your physical condition.

«I'll let Guts tell you about it, right now we have to think about you and your daughter.» The green-haired girl answered you with a light smile, as you pressed your lips together to resist the pain on your arm when she took off the bandages «You know, he couldn't stand–»

«How do you know him? I mean all of you.» You asked knowing how much that swordsman hated the company of people, but strangely, you saw him surrounded by kids and without yelling at them as you expected. You had also noticed how this girl already knew your name, it was obvious Guts had been talking about you to these people.

«Well, I can tell you that I joined the group last, along with my little friend here.» Schierke pointed to his hat, where a small female elf who looked very similar to Puck had landed «I felt that my magic could be useful to help them. However, I'm still learning to be better and stronger...and you? How did you meet the great, Black Swordsman?»

It was clear from her eyes that she admired a man like Guts, but you preferred to skip this topic, your affairs wasn't something you wanted to talk at the moment and maybe, you didn't even know an appropriate answer to that question...

«...I think it was bad luck to meet a bastard like him.» You finally said looking down and getting a short laugh from the witch, you said that just for the sake of not admitting what you really thought of him, but Schierke seemed to understand it perfectly and you fell into a sigh; you wanted to ask her some things about him, but suddenly the other boy showed up again, with a raised eyebrow on his broad forehead.

«Damn, are you really the one who haunts Guts' thoughts? Because you look more like a kitty now haha.» That joke should have been funny, but you just stared at him, kids could be very mean these days.

But you certainly weren't any better.

«I was thinking the same thing when saw you circling him, are you a monkey or what?» You retorted with light sarcasm and the boy's face turned as red as his own hair and the witch giggled behind her hand.

«O-of course not, because I'll become a great swordsman one day, just like him!» It was the first time you heard someone respect a man like him, instead of instilling fear in them, these kids were downright eager to follow him even into battle, as if their very lives depended on it and you couldn't help but respect that.

There was an unbreakable bond between you and the war.

«That is, if you don't screw everything up.» A blond guy added, attracting the attention of the smaller one who kicked him in the calf and you had to admit he was quite short-tempered.

«I'm sorry for their childish behavior, they are Isidro and Serpico. My name's Schierke.» After that, the witch introduced herself in a very gentle manner, before turning and looking into the depths of the cave where there was a wood fire «And that's Farnese over there. It's not as bad as it seems, she just cares a lot about Casca.»

You didn't say anything, it wasn't Farnese the problem but the sudden hostility of the tanned girl which made you thoughtful, what if she had the same dreams as you and remembered what you looked like...Schierke studied your expression and when finished her work with your arm, she took your hands and you didn't understand what she wanted now.

«You know, when I entered the Astral World, I met that person...she looks a lot like you and if it weren't for her, maybe Guts and I wouldn't still be here.»

You looked at her carefully and there, the girl left something in your hands. It was a cherry blossom and its scent was nostalgic, the same one you had smelled when you met your mother.

«What did she tell you? It's possible to reach this Astral World, I want to see her again.» But when you said that, Schierke looked pityingly before shaking her head, no one knew better than her how risky that place was if you didn't have the proper magical knowledge and you held the flower in your hand, wondering if you would ever see her again.

«I think her spirit merged with the tree, becoming a part of it. She's here with you Y/n and always will be, with you and your daughter...»

At those words, you turned your head toward the basket where the baby was resting. Without realizing it, your mother had protected you again from Griffith and his evil nature and for this, you were deeply grateful.

But before Schierke left after finishing treating you, you wanted to know one more thing from her.

«While I was sleeping...what did Guts do?»

The witch looked at you from behind her pointed hat, noticing the light in your eyes when you asked about the Black Swordsman...

A light had never gone out despite everything.

«He sat here, every night, watching over your sleep...and waiting for your eyes to see him again.»

• • •

The days passed and you recovered almost quickly. Although there was some initial soreness, the pain in your stomach had completely disappeared and the same was for the burns on your arm, less serious than you expected, allowing Puck and Ivalera to heal you more effectively; scar or not, it didn't matter to you, as you could move yourself as usual and lift objects without any difficulty.

The same couldn't be said for your chest. Every time you lifted your shirt, even just to change, the baby hummed to suck and though you gave her your food, she didn't eat it, just grabbed the cloth and put it in her mouth, even bursting into tears in despair...you sighed in frustration and hidden in the cave, you exposed your full breasts to your daughter who immediately pounced on your nipple to vigorously suck the milk, especially prepared for her.

«Calm down, little beast, or I won't give it to you anymore.» Surprisingly, it was as if she had heard you and not happy, the baby suddenly bit you, making you jump from where you were sitting «Hey! Do that again and I swear...»

«What's going on here?»

You turned and there, the piercing gaze of the Black Swordsman awaited you. Guts didn't ask for any further explanations when saw you busy breastfeeding the baby and for a second, he wanted to leave you alone, until his eye returned to scrutinize your still face.

«Hi.» He said at the end, but that simple sound was enough to move something inside you and that you ignored for now.

«Hi.» You also replied, holding the baby after you covered yourself and getting some whimpers from the little one in return, not satisfied with the meal received, but you thought it wasn't the right time for that; after nine months, Guts had changed and that strange, white tuft on his forehead made him definitely more mature than his real years. Even the armor seemed different from the last time, it covered almost everything except his arms.

«I think I missed something. Anyway, you've gotten older.»

«Yeah, you're right.» He chuckled before taking a step forward, without stopping to look at you intensely «You, on the other hand, are more beautiful than before Y/n.»

You stared at him in silence as his figure stood proudly, forcing you to look up; Guts raised a hand and to your surprise, placed it on the little girl's head who started to giggle softly at the tickling.

«She looks a lot like you, my daughter. Why didn't you tell me anything?» His voice was serious, but not really angry and you took a deep breath, knowing why you had left him and just thinking about it made you feel sick again, if not bothered to remember it. Sooner or later, you would have had to say it.

«You don't know how long I've been looking for you...»

«We both know why. We never talked about having kids, because the idea never crossed our minds, especially at you. I was about to fuck everything up to leave you and me free from this...burden. But I couldn't do it.»

You suffered in saying those words, after what happened with Griffith, you had no intention of hurting your daughter and now you were ready to defend her from him, if necessary.

Even though he was her biological father.

«You...do you have any idea what I went through for all these months?? I was seriously thinking of giving it all up—»

«Don't say that. I'm here now.» Guts reached out an arm around you, pulling you into his armored chest and holding you there, leaving some space in between just for your baby «I didn't know my seed could still conceive, after the Brand of Sacrifice. I'm sorry I left you alone, Y/n.»

That revelation made your heart race and there, you wanted to vent, throwing away all the bad things had happened, now that you were back in the swordsman's, warm arms...you really wanted to believe it, but no tears of reassurance fell when you heard other voices coming into the cave and in particular, that of the tanned woman.

Again, she started going crazy in the presence of you and Guts and though the group was there to take care of her, you felt the man's muscles tense; you made the hard decision to break contact, earning a deep look from the warrior who wanted nothing more than to hold you madly, but you prevented him with this gesture.

«Y/n...»

«You know you can't be with me. Not yet.» You said, holding the baby as if she were your only anchor, now that you were rejecting the only man you wanted and with the conviction that if there was the other woman, Guts couldn't be just yours.

As you thought about that, Guts put his hands on your shoulders, he had understood your thoughts and was telling you to not worry, but his next words just gave you the opposite effect.

«I can't leave Casca alone, not in the state she's in now. Her life depends on mine, as much as mine depends on hers...I swear that nothing and no one will separate us again.»

You didn't want to hear anything else. You wanted him to reassure you and put out the fire which had violently flared up inside you at the sound of that damn name, but when the woman's voice became more insistent on the other side of the cave, Guts turned with all the cold temperament he had, hiding what was truly in his heart.

You wanted to hate him for this. You had to. But you couldn't forget how your hearts were in unison after so much time and still, so far from each other...

And still so far from admitting your love for each other.

«That woman...she's part of him, and he's part of her. I'm just the other one.»