Something was wrong. The more he tried not to think about it, the more Guts' mind couldn't stop thinking about you. He wasn't romantically interested in you, of course, but there was still something kept him from taking his eyes off you...whether it was your constantly hostile figure or that sudden and rare smile of yours, Guts didn't understand what made him curious about you.

But one thing was certain, he was damn tired of the insect he was carrying on his shoulder, surely it was his fault that he was thinking about this now.

«You are changed Guts.» Puck spoke out suddenly, not that the swordsman had asked his opinion anyway «I can read that in your face...you can't stop thinking about her, right?»

In that moment, Guts stopped abruptly, undecided whether to get rid of him or just crush him on the spot like a fucking ant, rather than hearing another word come out of his annoying little mouth.

«I swear, if you don't shut up right now...» The black swordsman threatened the little flying elf with a deadly look, but Puck just flew off his shoulder mockingly to go sit on yours, instead...seriously, Guts was starting to hate that shrewd creature more and more.

«What, big boy here has problems dealing with the little ones?» You raised an eyebrow as you stood a few steps away from the man «Look, he's just keeping an eye for you by sitting on your right...»

There, you pointed to the eye he lacked when you said that and Puck just laughed out loud, wriggling on your cloaked shoulder, definitely he didn't expect you to have such humor...but Guts didn't laugh, of course, and just stared at your amused grin intently, aware that you were making fun of him.

But soon, your smile faded as his large shadow appeared above you and with the usual bad smirk on his face, in a way more terrifying when it was half covered by the black cloak.

«What, don't you like when someone keeps an eye on you, instead?» There, Guts swung his big bastard sword over his shoulder playfully and with frightening ease «Yet, it didn't seem like that last time at the lake–»

«Shut up. Or I'll cut your throat in this fucking moment.» You interrupted him seriously, not really interested to let him finish that disgusting insinuation; but the swordsman didn't seem to want to let you go right away and dropped his big blade beside your figure, brushing and cutting your cloak when it sunk the earth.

«Really?» Guts lifted his chin as if he were genuinely curious to know and without losing his half, psycho smile, as much as he was amused in that situation.

«Come on then...show me how smart you are, little woman.»

You really had enough of hearing him and this time, you didn't hesitate to point your own sword at his neck, pricking the hard skin right under his cheek...but there, you saw dark blood running down your blade.

«Now I understand why it's called the black swordsman...» You thought at the same time you pulled the sword away from his neck. Despite the cut you caused him, Guts didn't flinch in pain.

But you also thought, there was no way he didn't have a weakness...he was still a human being, after all.

«What are you thinking about?» Suddenly, Puck called to you «I don't know anything about his past, but I'm sure he must have suffered a lot and that's why he's so brute to others...»

You didn't say anything, just watch the man turn and walk away on his own, as he always did and despite your firm hostility.

«But the truth is, he has something "pure" within him, that hasn't been corrupted by Evil yet.» Again, the little elf explained with big, sincere eyes, as if he wanted to convince you of something.

«Just like you...in a way, you two are very similar in this.»

Again, someone was daring to tell you that you and the guy were the same thing and this irritated you further; sure, you were a woman who had never feared another man before and now that you had met this bastard, there was something was breaking that confidence of yours and you couldn't figure out what the hell it was. Not yet.

But you would have realized that very soon. Maybe, Puck's words weren't all that wrong...

• • •

Another couple of days passed and the time you had been forced to spend with them, made some things clearer to you. For example, Lily's presence made you discover for the first time, how pleasant and important the company of another woman was, such as her beauty and genuineness had shown you a world that you had been denied since childhood, painted just by hatred and blood. And when you smiled, it was like you forgot why you had never done it.

The same was true of Puck despite his excessive curiosity and impudence sometimes, but not really annoying as you thought...as for Guts, well, he had always preferred silence to the rest, although his glances never ceased during the journey. The more he studied you, the more he realized that you weren't exactly what you appeared to be and the only way to find out, was going back to that night on the lake, when your feminine skin was the only one which glowed under the moonlight. And not your rough armor...

But all that was destined to end when you suddenly reached the foot of a glorious city.

«Oh my god, this is...» Lily's voice trembled in disbelief at that vision «This is Falconia! H-how did you know it was here Guts?!»

Honestly, neither you nor Guts knew this city was the capital of Midland, but the splendor of that place was something indescribable, in particular the gold statues of two eagles located on the sides of the large main entrance suggested you an excess of wealth, or simply it was you who didn't know what it was.

«I didn't, just a coincidence that I came here.» The swordsman answered with his back to the blonde, as if he didn't really care to see her again and as you thought, the time for goodbyes had come...

«From now on, you'll go on your own.»

Guts stated firmly, before eyeing you with his stiff but composed expression, not totally angry as he used to...on the contrary, he seemed thoughtful and for once, you really wondered what he was thinking about.

Of course, there was no way he could be sad to leave you two girls there...no??

But the problem was, he was dumping her on you, because it was damn obvious Lily was going to stay with you. Anyway, the blonde girl wasted no time and went to greet the black swordsman with a big smile on her face.

«Thank you for bringing us this far, sir!» She said in a high-pitched, gentle voice «Such a pity you can't come–»

«I have business elsewhere. And in no time.»

He just replied without giving any further explanation but Lily didn't try to investigate...unlike you instead, why then a rough and lonely guy like him had offered to accompany two women there, if it wasn't his goal from the beginning?? Well, none of it was more important, since you doubted you would see him again.

«Good luck then.» You decided to break the silence by speaking directly to him «Hope you can find what you're looking for.»

Suddenly, Guts saw your open hand reach out to him, not really expecting that gesture from you. You knew that was going to be a risky move you would regret...but when you were about to take your hand away, it was suddenly stopped by a larger one.

He immediately removed his hand after that, not sure why he did it, but definitely that was the first, physical contact he had with you; of course, to spoil the mood you heard Puck whimper on Lily's chest as they hugged each other tightly and you couldn't help but roll your eyes to not look at that pathetic scene...

Until you listened to Guts' words.

«You can go with her.»

There, the man's gaze went over his own shoulder and cloak, maybe glad to get rid of that creature once and for all; until he turned abruptly, precisely when he heard the blonde screaming of joy and the chuckling from you.

«C-can I really?!» Puck exclaimed with shining eyes and a surprised face, before seeing the swordsman's head nod in annoyance «Aaaah you really have a good heart Guts, thank you so much!!»

The little elf didn't want to leave him alone but at the same time he had become fond of Lily, who didn't want to part with her anymore. Sure, for Guts that meant losing the help of his healing magic, but he didn't care so much...after all, it was better for everyone if no one had anything to do with him.

You stared for a long time at the black swordsman, as he continued along the road in the direction of the sunset, which was about to descend on him like a great and burning flame. And there, you clenched your hand in a tight fist, the same one you had offered to him earlier and where you seemed to feel an unexpected warmth from it.

«What does this mean...»

But you didn't have time to think about it, as your focus was on those giant doors...and on what was waiting for you beyond them.

• • •

Hell, you didn't remember how long you hadn't blinked, because you just couldn't take your eyes off pretty much anything around you and the same was true for Lily too, who instead covered her face with her palm from that crazy and spectacular light. Because yes, most of the buildings were damn white and all the streets were connected until they created a kind of labyrinth, where you didn't want to get lost in any way.

«Have you ever seen anything so beautiful...?» The blonde girl next to you said aloud, still with her chin raised to the sky and your long silence made her guess the answer «I haven't. But whoever did this, is a very important person!»

Trying to hold back a roll of eyes, you kept walking on that wide and long street, probably headed towards the heart of the city. Of course, you didn't have a clear destination, but now that you were there, you could handle the chores that you couldn't settle a week ago and without being in a hurry to leave the place, as was your usual...maybe, you could have relaxed a little and took your time to clear the head from heavy thoughts.

Or this was your intention...suddenly, you stopped on the spot causing Lily to accidentally hit your back.

«Ouch!» She groaned as she rubbed her now sore nose «What's wrong with you, Y/n—!»

But the girl stopped talking when she saw you staring at something in the distance, with a hateful look on your face; there were a lot of people in the street so Lily couldn't immediately understand what was bothering you, until she noticed that, beyond the crowd of citizens, there was a group of soldiers walking in the opposite direction to yours.

«Uhm, do you know them by chance?» She asked curiously as she watched the group of men approach your position. At first glance, they looked like noble knights, until their faces showed their low and dirty origin, along with the flag they had hoisted on a spear...and seeing that symbol again awakened bloody memories in you.

«Yes. They have exterminated that village of shepherds...» You explained scornfully as you looked at who had been your old "comrades in arms" «I know because I've been a mercenary for a long time...with them.»

Both Lily and Puck listened to your words silently, aware that you had been one of them. And still, the young woman didn't deny you a gentle pat on the shoulder, which made you hold your breath a little.

«Well, you have nothing to do with them anymore so it's okay, right?» She added with a smile, but it wasn't that simple. The only solution was to get out of there to avoid that you could meet them on your way, that you could meet that man again...you didn't even know how they got into a place like this anyway.

«Not really. They don't have to know I'm here.» You explained quickly and to no avail, as that wouldn't have made a difference and so you hurried to leave.

«Be sure they'll recognize me dressed like–»

«So that's what we're going to fix now!» Just then, you saw Lily with wide eyes and her mouth open, as if she had eaten a stupid and crazy idea at that moment. And indeed it was, but you just thought it was a fucking joke because she couldn't be really serious about it...

«You will dress like a woman, and not like a man. This way, no one will recognize you!»

She gave your cloak a gentle tug, as if she was inviting you to get rid of it, along with all that iron that you carried over your body, but the only thing you wanted to get rid of was her and her new fairy friend, completely agreed with her plan...why he hadn't stayed with his always pissed off friend, instead, you thought with a shocked expression.

«She is right Y/n, none of them expect to see you in women's clothes! Besides, a woman with a skirt is less conspicuous than one with armor on.»

Puck added to help the other girl, making sweet eyes at you and anything else to convince you to make such a sacrifice, but it was useless, you had no intention of getting dressed and walking around the street without weapons like all other women!

«There's no way I'll do such a thing...»

• • •

Seriously, you wanted to die in that very moment. Soon, your frown became more evident when you noticed Lily's ecstatic and stupid smile for what she was admiring.

«Gosh Y/n! You are so–»

«Don't you dare.» Your stern voice wanted to stop the girl's enthusiasm right away but without success, as she began to cheer joyfully.

Of course, it was Lily who had chosen the dress that could fit you to replace the armor and when she saw it, she forced you to buy it, money that you could have used to buy new equipment...instead, you were there now, making a fool of yourself as you had never done in your life.

«I knew it would be good on you...you are so pretty with that dress Y/n!»

The more she looked at you, the more Lily was sure of one thing, that you were certainly a beautiful woman...yes, your hair wasn't long, but those short, soft tufts on your forehead and along your cheeks gave a graceful shape to your face; moreover, the dress seemed to hide your slight muscles thanks to the wide and long sleeves, but it left the smooth skin of your nape and collarbones exposed. There, the blonde noticed the total absence of scars.

But maybe, Lily was staring at that new image of yours too much, because she noticed your constant snorting late and so, she hurried to do the final checks before letting you walk down the road again.

«Hey.» With that, Lily called Puck on her shoulder, being careful not to raise her voice «Do you think Guts would like this version of her, if he were here with us?»

But for the first time, the blue-haired elf seemed unsure of the answer. Sure, he knew Guts was more interested in you, but at the same time there was something else darkening his mind and that didn't allow him to think clearly about it...

He wasn't sure, but Puck believed Guts had another person on his mind. And before you.

«O-of course yes, who would ever think otherwise anyway!?» He stammered as he said that, definitely he was the joking type, but didn't want to disappoint Lily's expectations, who just smiled in the meantime, because she was sure Guts might be interested in something other than his own sword...

As you were damn sure the shit you were wearing was going to be the first, and last time for you.

• • •

Parsley, sage and rosemary. Each of these smells were new to you and the same was true of the fabrics' colors, which were fluttering from the counters of the fair. Honestly, you didn't know why you were walking there, nor what was the reason for such happiness, but it was the first time that, inside a city, you saw something else which wasn't bloodshed and the same was true for the screams around you, so different from the cries of pain and death during a battle...for a moment, you believed you were in another world.

«Hey!!!» But suddenly, someone spoke to you impatiently, bumping your shoulder in the meantime «Don't stand there woman, move on!»

Of course, all those people were there, enjoying the party that you didn't want to start a fight in the middle of it; but the street had become wildly full and was almost hard to walk. Lily was a little ahead of you, staring curiously at a juggling show to notice she had just separated from you...on the contrary, Puck had stayed with you, agreeing to have him sit in the breast pocket of your dress.

«Ooh I've never seen humans so joyful and look how many things there are! Who knows what they are celebrating...» You heard him say, as excited as the blonde was to be there now; for your part, you weren't quite exuberant, but not that tired of it either, especially when you caught a melody and not far from you.

There, there was a young girl dancing in the middle of a square with slow and sinuous movements; her different appearance, with her fiery red hair and angelic face, managed to enchant the audience around, as she was telling the story of an ancient ballad, probably coming from her own country...and when her crystalline eyes met yours, you took a step back, something in her had suddenly troubled you and your mind started to run fast, like it was looking for something it couldn't remember.

Until you saw it...the shape of a cherry tree and an unknown woman at the foot of it, similar to the girl who was dancing; just that in her right hand, she wielded a sword and when she turned her head, you saw your own reflection in those emerald eyes.

«Mother...?»

You couldn't believe it. But at the same time you couldn't understand more, because you started blinking again when the music stopped and the tide of applause began immediately after, along with the whistles of the men for that fascinating and wonderful performance.

«Y/n??» Also, Puck asked when realized you were stuck in your own thoughts and so deeply «Are you here? Something is troubling you, right? I can feel it...»

You didn't deny it, because it was evident that you had been mesmerized by the female dancer, to the point that you had mistaken her for someone else, even your own mother...of course, you didn't know how she was, nor why she was holding a bastard sword during that short dream of yours.

«Don't know. I think I saw my mother for a second.» You answered casually and without showing any concern on the subject «But she passed away a long time ago. Weird, no?»

You wondered if she had learned how to fight like you, or if she had just been a normal commoner, maybe taken by your father at the time; and Puck didn't understand what you were meaning, because even though he could read people's emotions, he couldn't see their thoughts, at least the pictures they mirrored.

«Even when they die, they never leave this world. They are like a guide and your mother is doing this, she is watching over you!»

If you had heard those words earlier, you would certainly have laughed in his face because you didn't believe in such nonsense. But it was different this time, especially after you thought you had seen the ghost of the only one who brought you into the world...

...and the real question was, why had she done it??

«Oh! Where did Lily go?» Puck said suddenly when he turned around and realized the other girl wasn't with you two «I can't see her from here, there are too many people!»

There, the little elf started flying over people's heads, looking for Lily. For your part, you already knew that separation would happen sooner or later...and at the same time, it seemed strange to you that a noisy girl like her hadn't come to say hello, if that had been the case.

Like Puck, you also started looking through the crowd, in particular looking at all the blonde girls there, but as you expected she was none of them; and when you found her later, she turned quickly into a side street.

You followed her to understand where she was going all of sudden, until you found an isolated alley. There was no music or people to come from there.

«It doesn't make sense. Why would she have to go this way? Something is wrong...»

And this was what you were thinking, because you caught a golden hair disappear at the corner of the narrow, away from any noise. Away from any sight.

«Wait! Don't go there Y/n...»

However, you decided to advance towards it ignoring Puck's pleas, as he sensed a sinister energy coming from the other side...and in fact his feeling was correct, because suddenly you heard a shouting of men you didn't recognize, until you saw their armor. Your old armor.

Of course, you wasted no time looking for your weapon, just hidden under the fabric as you silently moved towards them.

«...»

«I wouldn't do that if I were you...»

Just then, your movements stopped abruptly as you felt a cutting tip against your back...along with a voice that you were hoping to not hear anymore.

«God, so many years have passed. Tell me Y/n, are you not happy to see me again?» But you clenched your fists angrily, as well as nervousness in the face of that ridiculous question.

You didn't answer and so the man behind you took advantage of that to grin to himself, shortening the distance with you at the same time...his breath on your ear made you sick to your stomach.

«I advise you to not move my dear, or your friend there will have a really bad time.»

When the man warned you about that, you saw one of those motherfuckers take Lily's unconscious body away. Until they put her on a horse.

«What the fuck are you gonna—!»

But inexplicably, your reaction didn't match your voice, as your enemy was able to predict your moves immobilizing your body against the wall.

«As I thought, you haven't changed at all.»

Those were the last words you could hear before another blow came to your head, sending everything around you into darkness.