𝘙𝘢𝘺𝘺𝘢𝘯𝘢-𝘈𝘨𝘦 18

3 months later

TW: MENTION OF ABUSE (ACTUAL ABUSE THIS TIME) AND ED

The phone was ringing and yet I couldn't get up. 

"Maria?" I yelled out dumbly. Maria might be anywhere in this huge ass house. I sighed and rubbed my belly one last time before getting up and picking up the phone "Hello?" The women on the other line asked if it was Rayyana who was talking and then confirmed that she was a nurse at the hospital I had checked in. 

Fear bubbled in when I realized I was 14 weeks pregnant, 14 weeks was 3 months and by the 3rd month you can find out the baby's gender. "Yes so your husband said that he would like to know the gender as soon as possible and we have figured out based on your last ultrasound, would you like to know?"

No I wanted to scream. 

I wanted to hang up and tell them to never call me or listen to my husband. 

Instead, I gulped and said "yes." in hopes that maybe just maybe it was a boy. "great! Well congratulations it's a-oh hold on please." 

what, why? 

I wanted to scream at her and tell her to quickly tell me or I might as well kill myself. I waited...I don't know 2-3 minutes? before the wonderful women came back on. 

"It appears that your husband came over and asked to put the gender on a piece of paper. He will be over soon to tell you!" 

what

With the phone still in my hand, I turn around to see Atif staring at me with the paper clutched into his hand. I gulped and felt the tears coming in. Because I was used to it, I put a hand on my stomach wanting this baby out of me and grown up so I could protect them better. 

"I think he should be there by now, congratulations and I wish the 3 of you luck!" 

And then she hung up. 

I could have called 911, I could have told her that I needed the police to my house but what was the use? Atif is well known, and only a fool would mess with him. 

"Put the phone down." He said slowly walking towards me. I gulped again and gently put the phone down, my hands were shaking as I pulled the fabric of my dress. "Sit down," he said grabbing my arm and sitting me down on the couch. 

He smiled at my shaking hands and I felt myself blinking and whispering his name "Atif.." he shook his head and then said "shhh" while putting a finger to his lips. 

The fucker caressed my cheek and  chuckled "Don't be scared my love, I won't hurt you." and then he put a hand on my belly "Hopefully," He said and then sat down infront of me. 

I wanted to call Maria but there wasn't any point. 

He would still hurt me in front of her. 

"Are you ready to find out my love?" I avoided his eyes, just caressing my stomach. 

For some reason, I think this might be my last time ever caressing my belly. 

"It took a lot for me to not open this so lets start now shall we?" And then he slowly opened the paper, read what ever was inside it and smiled. 

Hope blossomed in me, maybe it was a boy!

Yes

everything was going to be fine, my baby will be fine, I will be fi-

"It's a girl." 

tears came pouring out of my eyes because I knew 

I knew that he would make me cry 

I knew that I was a failure and I would fail

again

"Atif...Atif please, please don't t-take her away from m-me." I begged him. 

He nodded and then got up, taking slow and steady steps towards me. 

The tears didn't stop, not when he reassured me that everything was going to be fine and he wouldn't do anything. 

And certainly not when right after that he grabbed me by the neck and very painfully slammed me against the wall. 

I clawed at his hand, but of course the murdering look in his eyes told me he wouldn't stop. 

"I told you I didn't want a girl."

I gasped for air and with what little air I had left I weezed out "I..I c-cant control h-her g-gender." Atif chuckled and then threw me onto a nearby table. With a huge crash I fell down gasping for air and clutching my belly which was hurting really bad. 

I turned around "A-atif please." I uselessly begged him again. "Abort it." was what he said before turning around and walking away. 

I don't know what got into me, but I said "No." which made him stop. He turned around to me trying to get up "What did you say?" I gave up and stopped trying to get up "I-im not aborting my child." 

Atif nodded, sniffled and then with thunder around us walked up to me. He pulled my hair so that I was now in a sitting position and whispered close to my face "You want to keep her?" I nodded not able to say words. 

"Fine then, have it your way." and then he let go of me. 

I layed there for less then a minute, celebrating in my head that I had done something that wasn't a fail in my life. 

When the first punch came

I couldn't understand at first, but when the second punch came I knew that I was going to lose my daughter. 

I knew that with every punch, she was leaving this earth

leaving me

With every punch to my stomach I prayed to god that my daughter and I would survive, that I was just living in a nightmare and I would wake up to see Ali beside me, our daughter with us and all of us having a life we always dreamed of. 

At that moment, I could feel the blood. 

Maria came running in and screamed when she saw me. She tried to push Atif off but he was much stronger. Finally, when he was done he backed off and said "You will not have that girl." 

I cant add much details but I can tell you that Atif left, Maria screamed and call the ambulance, and before I was taken to the ER I told Maria "Maria, if...If I don't make it and theres a....theres a chance....save my daughter....and take her with you...far...away." 

That was the last thing I said before darkness surrounded me. 

When you're pregnant, there's one thing that can truly scare you.

A flat stomach. 

The first thing I did when I woke up was scream. 

When the nurse came in and settled me down, I turned to her and said "My daughter....where is she?" 

The nurse looked away from me and said "You uh...you had a miscarriage..." 

But she knew why I had a miscarriage. 

We both did. 

I don't remember what I did, but Maria who was in the room told me my eyes widened like saucers and then I screamed and thrashed around. 

"WHERE IS MY DAUGHTER? GIVE ME MY DAUGHTER!! YOU TOOK HER AWAY FROM ME!!" something like that. The nurse called for backup and different doctors as well as my parents and siblings flooded the room. 

My mom was apparently crying, as well as Aya who had just gotten engaged to Dabir a day before. 

Ha! That whore deserves it. 

"GIVE HER BACK!" I screamed until I was injected with something that put me to sleep. 

The doctors informed my family that I was going through grief which was why I was like this. 

"Rayyana," my mom said caressing my hair "It will be okay, alright?" 

Lies

thats all I've been hearing

Lies

lies

and more lies

"I told you that Atif wanted a son, you had to see this coming!" My dad said, actually pissed off. 

I wanted to laugh

cry

scream

I wanted to die

Aya stood beside me silently, she tried holding my hand but I pulled away from her. 

She didn't deserve to hold me. 

After a million other sorrys and it will be okay's, I was in the hospital for 2 months because I had too many injuries. 

A year later, I was pregnant again and this time it was a boy. 

There was a proper gender reveal even though I knew the gender already, there were celebrations and everything and not once after did I smile. 

Not at Atif when he was deep inside me, not at Maria who was trying to cheer me up, not at my family who was happy for me and Atif and showered me with more fake love. 

And certainly not at Aya, who was suffering through serious depression and a ED. As her eldest sister, I worried. But as Rayyana, I wished death upon her. 

The point is, after my son was born, I had the operation where you couldn't have any more kids. Because to be fair, Atif didnt deserve anymore kids. 

When he found out, he wasn't grumpy because he already had a son to live on his legacy. I was devastated but knew this was for the best. 

I remember one time where Hamza my son was crying and the maids told me that he needed me. I had refused to pick him up ever since he was born because I couldn't do it. 

I couldn't stare at my daughters younger brother and love him. But this time, I knew I had no choice. I went into Hamza's room and stared at him. He was crying really badly, the maids including Maria couldn't get him to stop and he needed me.

So, with a deep breath I picked him up, kicked the maids out, and sat down in a rocking chair with Hamza in my arms. He had stopped crying and was now staring up at me. I stared back, a million questions on in my mind. 

Would my daughter have looked like this? 

Would she have the same eyes as Hamza? 

Would she make me feel happy?

I felt nothing but empty, and bitter throughout the whole pregnancy but actually holding Hamza, him staring up at me and truly feeling like a mom.

I felt...loved

And before I knew it, I was kissing Hamza on the head and crying. 

Hamza was the gift his sister gave me. 

She gave me Hamza so that I wouldn't be lonely. 

And I was neglected him, I wasn't giving him love.

 At that moment, I changed my thinking and decided to love my son as much as I would have loved his sister. 

But of course, I knew that Atif would turn Hamza into the monster he is. 

With a determined look on my face, I stared at my son and immediately knew that I had a chance of saving him. 

I would be there for my son, I would save him from Atif. 

Even if it meant killing myself.