TW: MENTION OF ABUSE 

𝙍𝙖𝙮𝙮𝙖𝙣𝙖-𝙖𝙜𝙚 18

Atif wasn't someone you wanted as a husband

Or in this case, someone I wouldn't want as a husband. 

Atif was more famous then mine and Ali's family, and he took every opportunity to show it. Maya came to my house when I was all dressed up and almost ready to walk down the isle. 

She asked for a few minutes of alone time with me and instantly I knew this wasn't going to end good. 

Maya and I had been ignoring each other, which I understand but she blocked me on everything. 

I knew why, but it still hurt.

She looked horrible to say the least. 

I wasn't a heartless bitch, and stood up to comfort her but she shook her hand and took a step back. 

I should have expected that, I did expect that but that doesn't mean it didn't hurt any less. 

"No Rayyana I don't think you have a right to hug me right now," she was right, I didn't. 

"We were best friends Rayyana, what happened?" she asked me while sobbing. 

"Ali couldn't stop talking about you for days after you guys met. I quickly realized he loved you, and it scared me because I know you weren't allowed a boyfriend. He told me he was going to marry you and when I asked him if he was ready, he said for Rayyana? anytime. He tried so hard for the both of you, he even talked to your dad countless of times but he would just threaten him. It got so bad to the point he once tried to threaten me. But you were my best friend and Ali was my brother and I knew you both were trying hard to be together." 

I bit back my tears wanting Maya to stop telling me this. 

I didn't want a re-cap on what my life could have been like. 

"I was dealing with so many things, my mom having severe panic attacks, my dad losing everything, and Ali blowing us all off. When I..." she stopped and took a deep breath, and a selfish part of me wanted her to stop. 

but she didn't, because she's Maya

and Maya never stops

"When we found out about Ali, my mom couldn't handle the pain and is now dead Rayyana. And my dad...my dad drinks anytime he gets. He doesn't do anything to me, not yet anyway but...hes broken Rayyana." 

She finally looks up at me "All because of you. All because you lied and played my brother like a fucking BROKEN RECORD!" I flinched at her tone and watched as she sobbed and sat down onto the nearest sofa. 

I wanted to hug her, I wanted to yell at her and tell her that we had both lost him. 

But Ali was her brother, someone she knew since birth, someone she admired. 

Just like how I used to admire my siblings. 

"I fought Maya. I was betrayed too, if I knew that they would...kill Ali I...I would have done anything, ANYTHING to stop it. Even if it meant killing myself for him." Maya chuckled and nodded, her tears still dripping. 

"I know you would have. But look at you now Rayyana, look at the difference. I have nothing while you are now getting a husband, if will take time but eventually you will forget about Ali and you will have a loving husband and kids and a life. Whereas I have to deal with no support and a drunk dad who could do literally anything to me." 

After that, she ended our friendship and told me she wished that life had given us all a chance. Maya moved out from her dads house shortly after but continued to work in movies in order to make enough for the both of them. 

It turns out, the opposite happened. 

Maya got the best life while I suffered. 

Remember when I said Atif wasn't a husband I wanted? It wasn't because he wasn't Ali, but because he was abusive. 

Before I walked down the isle, I was a mess but I was even more a mess when my mother informed me that Atif was old school. And by old school, I meant he wanted a son and no daughter. 

Kill me now

After the wedding vows and rings, I was married. 

And after that, days and anxiety got worse. 

it got so bad to the point where more then 50% of the time I got no sleep, afraid of the man beside me. My movies were doing horrible as well as my acting skills and I wasn't making enough to send to my family of 5 excluding me. 

I had just finished cooking when Atif walked in, a murderous glance in his eye. As soon as he was eye level with me I flinched and took a step back, my mind racing and wondering what the fuck I did now. 

Last time he hit me was because I forgot to put salt in the spaghetti. 

Which was 100% my fault. 

I need to stop being a fuck up. 

As I suspected, Atif raised his hand and slapped me hard. I turned back to him, my eyes watery, my mind and heart racing, and my body burning with a deep hot desire to murder my husband. 

"What is this?" he pointed at a newspaper I hadn't seen in his hand. It was the front page and it had a picture of me, the paper was talking about me and how I was failing day by day. All my failed movies, all of my failure on the front page. 

Just like always. 

"I-" I didn't know what to say. I couldn't tell Atif I was scared of him, its what he craved. And I didn't want to show that to him anymore. "I-I- I didn't marry you so you could make me feel like a fucking IDIOT Rayyana." he mocked me. 

Normally I would cry but this stupid life has given me many things to cry about. The fact that Atif hit me wasn't enough to make me cry. 

But his comments did make me feel insecure. 

"I-I'm focusing on my work its just been hard..."I trail off not knowing how to finish. Its been hard focusing why? Because the love of my life was murdered in front of me, my best friend cut me off, I have an abusive husband, and if I have a daughter...I don't want to imagine what he would do to her. 

"Yeah? Well you can start focusing better." He came closer and grabbed my jaw painfully squeezing it "You embarrass me like that again I will fucking cut you up, you hear me you bitch?" I nodded and watched him walk off angrily. 

I sniffled and turned around to my food blankly staring at it. If Ali were alive, me and him would be having dinner right now, just me and him. 

But I guess fate didn't like that. 

ONE MONTH LATER

"You're pregnant." The doctor said smiling at my sunken face. It wasn't the fact that I was pregnant, it was the fact that fear is kicking in that this baby was a girl. 

If it is a girl...well we all know what would happen I think. 

Also, please don't ask if there was consent used or not..I think the situation is self explanatory. 

Fear consumed me as I thanked the doctor and got into Atif's private car. I didn't stare at him as I buckled myself in. Atif had been reluctant but he had joined me for the first time in fucking ever because he had a suspicion I was pregnant. 

And of course he wanted to hit me at any given moment so he decided to tag along in hopes to I don't know find out the gender? But that was dumb since I was a week pregnant. 

Atif said nothing as he started driving until we stopped at a red light "It better be a boy Rayyana." 

Yeah, Thats what I was hoping too. 

I thought as I clutched onto my belly, hoping praying that my baby would survive this. 

In that moment, I wanted Ali with me. 

Holding my hand, kissing me and telling me we would make it. 

Maya was wrong about another thing,

I never once forgot about my Ali.