Three days later....

Brie's POV

"Brie! Hurry up! Kim is already here." My mom shouted from the kitchen. I glanced at the clock in worry while tying my laces. I went to bed late last night, like really late!

How many times have you told yourself 'just one more episode' when you're watching Netflix? Especially when it's 13 Reasons Why? Yeah that happens to me with every show. Sometimes I discover a new YouTube channel and I want to watch every single video uploaded. Or i might just be aimlessly clicking around the internet and forget how i even got there. Weird right?

So we usually leave at 8:10 since we have to be at college by 8:50. I was putting my watch on when i heard gentle tapping of raindrops against my bedroom's window.

Above, the sky is dominated by tumbling grays, smoky and silver. It started to rain hesitantly and politely. Comforting rain. I love rain. Everything about rain. The whispering hum as sheets of precipitation plummeted to the water-forsaken ground. Seeing the drops trickle down my window brought a sense of calmness within me. Rain reminds me of my father. I remember when dad and I used to play in the rain whenever mom was not around. Unfortunately he was taken away from us too soon. He had an accident...on a rainy day itself. With a sad smile, i retreat from the window, grabbed my backpack and rushed downstairs.

"Bye Ma." I kissed mom on both cheeks and rushed towards the door.

"Bye honey. Be safe and i'll be picking you up today and please don't get drenched. I don't want you to catch a cold when you come home"

"Yes mama. Now bye". I opened my umbrella and run towards the car since Kim, being a nice friend decided to park it on the roadside despite the fact that we have a huge driveway. That too on a freaking rainy day!

"Love you." I could hear mom yelling from the kitchen.

"Bye Charlotte." Kim yelled and waved to my mom.

I closed my umbrella and got into the passenger's seat.

"You fine babe? You sound like you just had sex." Kim asked while i was attempting to catch my breath.

"N-n-no. No. O-Of course"

"Chill babe. Relax. I'm just kidding. You know i was not serious right?"

"I know." I said lowly.

But still i shuddered at her metaphor. I closed my eyes and suddenly memory of that night flooded my mind like water rushing into a sinking ship. Very often I would be dragged back into a full blown flashback, checking myself for the blood that had run down my legs from the hips, seeing the face of him on every man that walked by in the street.

I suffered from something when i was 16. Something that many young girls and boys would hate to talk about. And that's a four letter word.

Rape

I'll never forget about that night when i almost got raped! I remember the days where i struggled to get out of the bed. I remember the days when i would cut myself to let the pain out.

Every morning i wake up not knowing why. At night my eyes would be filled with tears and dropped down one by one upon the pillow, till my cheeks over which they fell, were bathed and the pillow, damped. I would sit for a minute and rewinds it in my head, playing it over and over again. Just like now. I could still smell the scent of whisky and cigarettes he left behind, along with the scars of my trauma.

After all it was Toni, my father's son, my stepbrother.

***Flashback***

Three years ago...

It was a Friday night at eight. My mom was called at the hospital for a surgical procedure. The neighborhood was in total darkness. I was in the kitchen. I didn't hear the feet shuffling behind me. I was too busy looking for some candles in the dark since there had been a power cut. Unexpectedly i felt strong arms pushed me against the wall. It stung and sent swells of pain through my body. A chin rested on my shoulder and hands were wrapped tightly around my waist. I froze. I knew who it was. Toni. My stepbrother.

"Hey darling, why are so scared? It's just me." Something inside me went deadly calm. Like the fear and panic flat lined, leaving nothing behind, but the sound of my deep, even breathing.

"You don't know what you do to me with those skinny tight jeans, tank tops and black rimmed glasses. You look so innocent yet so fucking hot." He turned me around and now his eyes were filled with lust and excitement. The back of his hand caressed my cheek before slapping me hard. With every hit, i felt a cold zing of delight, a buzz i could get no other way. I was experiencing something my mind would never be able to erase. The adrenaline flew over my veins like a carp through the river, but i couldn't move a single muscle, not even to scream. The absolute horror completely paralyzed me.

I gasp when his coarse whisky and smelly tongue kissed my earlobe. Stubby fingers curled in my hair while the other hand was on my lower back. The odour of cigarettes took my back to my insides, burning, ripped and bleeding. His hands moved lightly but lower, over the bodice of my shirt, following the curves of my breasts. He pulled me closer and pressed against me until there was not a millimeter of space between him and i.

"STOP! PLEASE STOP! I screamed with tears falling down my pale cheek but it was in vain. His grip only tightened. He bent to put his cheek against mine. His smelly breath against m ear made me shudder with each deliberately spoken words.

" I have wanted to do this, every moment of every hour of every day that i have been with you. But you know what. You must know. Don't you?" His hands then move inside my shirt and cupped my breast.

I couldn't breath. It felt as if someone was choking me. My heart was racing and all i wanted to do was curl into a ball and wait for someone to save me. I prayed for my mom to be home soon. He clamped down his lips onto my ears and bit down harder. His teeth turned to a tongue and slid it over the rim of my ear, causing me to cry out and squirmed against the wall. My eyes drip with tears. Salty drops fell down from my chin, drenching my shirt. He slapped me harder.

Every time i closed my eyes, he would bash my head backward onto the wall demanding me to open them. But i didn't want. I closed them over and over, anything rather than watching his face lit up with lust. He picked me up and run upstairs towards his bedroom. Instantly I knew what he was going to do. Rape me. I didn't remember being that scared in my life until today. And that was just the beginning. The idea only made my my stomach churned.

He threw me on the bed. In a swift, he violently pulled my shirt off and went for the button of my shorts. I pushed his hand away but he brought it back, ripping the button and the zipper open with one swift gesture. He yanked my shorts to my toes. I tried getting up but he pinned me back down. His left hand was pinning both of my hands above my head while the other one unclasped the front fastener of my bra. His eyes darkened while i laid on the bed, blood seeping beneath my skin. I heard my own sounds, like a distressed child, raw from the inside. My sobs punched through, ripping through my muscles, bones and guts, as he stripped in front of me. Already I could smell the aroma of beef curry that my neighbor, Mrs Lee is cooking; a meal i'd never be able to eat through the pain that cut each breath short. He laid on top of me, using his entire body as a weight. He started kissing me on my bruised stomach and roughly kneading my skin. The tears burst forth like water from dam, spilling down my face.

I cried, screamed and cried till i was numb. Even when he was pinning me down and assaulted me by putting his...his...parts in my face, i was still numb. Like as living corpse. I twisted my face away from him but he grabbed forcefully and made me look at him

"Don't you dare look away bitch. I want to see your face while i rape you. Understood!"

He let go of my face and kissed my thigh. I twisted my face again and saw a bottle of bear on his nightstand. I reached for it and smashed it on his head. I watched him screaming and wincing in pain as he held his head. I jolted out of the bed just to be stopped by an intense pain on the back of my thigh. I gasped and stepped back by the intensity of the pain. A fat tear fell from my eye as i looked down to see a huge chunk of glass stuck in my thigh, with blood gushing out of it. I fall on the floor with loud thud. The world turned into a blur so did the sounds. The taste. The smell. I could hear the voice of my mom, the sound of slapping and i also heard the police siren. The last painful emotion slammed against me before i feel numb again and lost the feeling of feeling. Everything darkened into nothingness as i passed into the oblivion of unconsciousness.

***End of flashback***

My mom wanted me back. She wanted the same girl she loved before, the girl who brought her sunshine. But how could i tell her that those rays were not there? That I was barely even there? Sure the doctors prescribed pills, the counselor listened and had all the right words but i still accept the fact that i would be different from now on although he didn't penetrate me. I am still a virgin. I still clung to my bible and my God.

Over the next few weeks, my wounds healed but my mind was shattered. I tried to hide it, wearing 'smiles' almost as often as i did before. My mom would often find me crying in the dark, shivering no matter if it was warm or cold. When she spoke to me, it was as if she was calling me from another realm, a chasm yawning between us. My mom is my life now. She'd lived for me ever since my dad passed away, leaving his moody Machiavellian son with us. Toni has been sentenced to life in prison since i wasn't the only victim and he had rape several other girls under 18 as well.

After that horrifying occurrence, i still feel numb sometimes. My best friend doesn't even know about it. Only mom knows about it. Whenever i looked in the mirror, i don't recognize the face staring back at me. I felt like i was watching as an outsider. That's when i started cutting. It allowed me to feel my existence and feel pain but a different kind of pain. A controlled pain that i was in charge of, i had some sense of control over my out of control life.

Mom found out about the cutting and was appalled. I was skipping schools almost everyday after that event. My grades dropped drastically. I wanted a change, a change in my life. So we left Florida and decided to move back to Australia, to our beloved country, to our old house, to our home, the home which is still full of positive and beautiful memories only, the home where i was born. I continued my education at Melbourne Girls' Grammar and got enough credits to get accepted at the University of Melbourne. My mom got a job at the fertility clinic in Melbourne since it was in need of some gynecologist. She took me to a therapist and slowly i stopped the cuttings.

The sound of someone's yelling brought me back to reality. We were already in the University's parking while Kim was busy swearing at someone who stole her parking spot. My phone buzzed in my hand. I unlocked it to see a message from Aaron.

Aaron| Brie

8: 46 am

How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.

Yes i know haha

🙄

Sorry for not being able to text you for the last three days.
I was not home.

And?

I really missed talking to you...

Oh

Why do I smile like an idiot every time we're texting?

How will I know...

Never mind

So, lets talk about you...
Like your age?

I'm between 19 - 22 but thats all I'm gonna tell you.
Plus, I'd rather talk about you.

Hey that's not fair!
Why me though?

Why not you?

Then there's nothing
i want to talk about.

Stop sulking

I'm not!!

I know you Brie
You're so pouting right now. And nope you won't find me anywhere , not that you know how i look like. So stop craning your neck to look for me😉. Btw I'm not coming to college today.

Oh my goodness!
What a relief!!

You are sooo cute when you are sarcastic.

Then I'm about to get adorable.

So true!
Well i don't want you to be late for your classes. We'll chat later.

And who says i will chat back?

My hearts says you will.

In your dreams mate

Brie

?

I hope you know how wonderful and great you are
Talk to you later...

And somehow that text itself made my lips lifted upward, and I was pretty sure that i can't fight back that faint smile curving to my lips.

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Hey lovelies, sorry for the delay. This is my first time writing such a long chapter. I hope you guys like it and give it a big 🌟.

Also below are some covers which my wattpadian friends made for this book. Please comment on the one you liked the most.

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