❝It's a bad religion, to be in love with someone, who could never love you.❞

WARNINGS: MENTIONS OF ANXIETY, VIOLENCE, EMOTIONAL DISTRESS FOR THE READERS

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HEY guys... it's Rue.

I wanna say it's the 'real rue' or whatever that means but I'm not sure that would be correct.

The moment I reached my house after playing what felt like a real-life version of subway surfers, I was met with my family, or what was left of it. 

And after that, I've been going through hell.

Literal hell.

The pain was stronger than any drug I'd ever taken or felt.

Before when I had gotten sober for Jules, it felt easier, maybe because it was easier to force myself to do something when I know what was at stake.

But trying to get sober for me was something else entirely because this time around I had to do it, for my family and my future.

I mean I always thought I wouldn't have to get sober or even have a future because one day a fucking asteroid would crash down and kill all of humanity.

That used to be a dream of mine.

A dark twisted fantasy.

My body felt like it was on fire like I was burning from the inside out. Like my body was trying to attack and kill me, but it was actually trying to save my treacherous ass.

Honestly, I would rather be dead because death is a simple and easy escape from the harsh and complicated thing that we all call life.

I spent days on the floor of my bathroom or bedroom struggling to do the most basic of things.

I don't even know how I'm remembering all of this. Oh wait it's because trying to get sober is the worst and most painful thing I've ever experienced... other than my Dad's death, but I don't want to get into that right now.

I have a lot of people to apologise to, Rory especially.

We fought, like hands-on faces and other body parts typa fighting.

I never thought I would see the day that would happen, but then again I didn't think I would live to reach 17 but here we are.

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BENNETT RESIDENCE:

I guess somewhere on my journey to make amends, the first person I thought I needed to apologise to was Ali.

I was awful to that man. He was trying to save me.

I wanted to tell him that his efforts weren't futile, even if on the surface they looked like they were.

Looking and feeling are two different things. Yes, I looked like a piece of shit, because I am a piece of shit, but I was desperately trying not to be.

If I try that's good right?

Ali said that there's beauty in the struggle, so no one should wish that something should be easier, but simply...better.

When I first heard that I thought that was bullshit,  because why can't you have both easy and better things?

But I guess this is why I'm still alive to find out.

"Rory," Gia squealed as the girl entered the house.

"Hey Gigi," she kissed the young girl's forehead, "where's your mom?" she looked around and couldn't find anyone.

"With Rue in the back," Gia motioned to the other rooms.

"She's not allowed into our kitchen," a strong voice spoke from behind them, Rory locked eyes with the beautiful man who stood with some vegetables in his hand. "Well, you must be Aurelia." He grinned.

Rory took him in, he had to have been at least 6 feet, he stood tall and confident, with teeth as white as the snow that melted outside and skin as silky as her own.

His eyes showed struggle yet judging from his demeanour he was a resilient man.

She smiled back at him as she joined him in the kitchen, Gia went back to her cooking station, "You must be Ali." damn he's fine.

He nodded and gestured to himself, "Can you cook?"

"Is Rue a crackhead?" she retorted, and he snorted.

"Rory." Gia playfully scowled at her.

Her eyes widened briefly, "Sorry I use humour to avoid a lot of serious things in my life," he waved her off, "and yes I can cook." she shrugged and walked over to the sink, covering her hands with water and soap.

He chuckled, "It's all good," he handed her some vegetables, she moved over to where Gia was stationed and copied her movements, "I used to be one," Rory held back her laugh, "the joke was kinda funny." they shared a smile. "I heard what happened with you and Rue,"

Ever since he's met Rue, they've talked about a range of things, her life, her addiction, her relationships and small little random things.

Rory was brought up frequently.

From what he gathered, she was a positive figure in Rue's life.

He tried to not scold the recovering addict when he found out that Rory had paid for her rehab.

The world needed more people like Aurelia Iman Marchetti.

He knew Rue was suffering from a lot of pain and misery. She mixed it in with drugs and other substances, that drove her further into the darkness. 

'Cause depression is a silent and cold killer. Even if you scream for attention your other emotions will tie you down and limit your speech.

Ali was aware of the chances of her relapsing, he just hoped that Rue had enough fight in her to bring herself out of her battle.

"We fought like Ali and Foreman"

"I'm guessing you won?" he teased. Gia looked at her as well, waiting for the answer.

She wore a smug smile, looking between the two, "I wouldn't be telling you if I didn't." they all laughed.

He put down his knife and gestured for her to do the same, "Come on and show me some moves." he moved into a fighting stance.

Rory did the same, laughing as they circled each other.

They started air fighting, Gia watched the two in joy, taking out her phone and capturing the moment for the future.

She hadn't smiled like this for a while, well, unless she was on the phone with a certain someone.

She loved spending time with Rory, it made her feel lighter, more serene.

"Come on old man." Rory taunted the man as she blocked his playful hits. She came over out of the kindness of her heart and because of the food.

"Come on little girl." he laughed and jabbed her shoulder gently.

Time's like these she missed her parents, but she was grateful that Luca was still alive and on this mortal coil.

Which is why she continued to cherish him.

When they concluded their little fight, Ali left to go and use the bathroom and also have a conversation with the oldest Bennett woman.

"How's your man?" Rory asked with a smirk. She had known about Gia and Ashtray's relationship for longer than anyone.

She had slyly gathered the information, she mainly did it out of boredom and the fact she had noticed that they had both been in high spirits.

"How's yours?" Gia deflected, she flushed and looked away, quickly picked up her phone and began to scroll through her notifications.

"Girl don't do that." Rory grabbed her phone and put it on the counter.

Gia groaned, "Fine, he's good and cool... I like him a lot." she sheepishly admitted.

Rory clapped excitedly, "You happy?"

The 13-year-old nodded, "Yeah." she pulled up her hands to cover her flustered face.

"That's great Gigi." Gia looked at Rory through the gaps in her fingers.

"Mom's letting me go out tonight so, I'm going to see him later," she informed happily.

She had never had a boyfriend before and this was new territory for her. She was scared and excited.

She just hoped it didn't turn out like her relationship with Troy.

Rory jumped up and down, "Aww cute, I'll be there with Fezco," she hadn't received any texts from him today which she thought was odd, "but don't worry we won't get in your way." she winked at the girl.

Gia scoffed and playfully nudged the girl, "There's nothing to get between."

"Sure Jan."

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NATE'S CAR:

You're probably wondering why the fuck Rory is here right?

Same, I thought she was out of her fucking mind when she told me she talked to the devil himself.

Like what possessed her to get in this dickheads car.

What happened was, Nate, texted Rory on some random number because he had a big enough brain to figure out that she had blocked him.

She ignored the number at first because, why the fuck would she respond to some unknown number.

But the moment he mentioned the people she loved, she ran out of her house, a gun strapped into her cargo trousers and a small switchblade up her sleeve.

Like it was some mission impossible movie... shit sounded badass.

"Why am I here?" She made sure her location was on just in case he tried killing her. She looked out into the distance, barely sparing a look at the boy.

"I just wanted to talk," he spoke calmly, looking at her attire,

Green mesh cropped long-sleeved crop top with black cargo trousers and ODD future green vans.

He hated that she wore sneakers but he did appreciate her style, it was her own and not like Maddy's or Cassie's or even Jules.

Her hair was in two high braided ponytails, he wanted to play with the curly ends but he kept his hands firmly on his thighs.

"I have a gun." her words made him snort.

"So do I." he tapped his side, she turned to look at the outline of his weapon, she looked at him in pity.

she scoffed, "Really that's the biggest you could get?" she pulled out a Glock 34, startling him. She waved it out like it was a toy, "I'm embarrassed for you Nathaniel." she chuckled and placed it back in the waistband of her trousers.

He swallowed his nerves "Only thing I had available." he lied.

She smirked at the shift in his tone, "Sure b."

"Why am I not surprised you have that, do you even know how to use it?" she went to reach for it again, "stop, I'm kidding," he spoke quickly.

"Pussy." she snickered, he glared at her, "like I would carry something I couldn't handle."

"What, did your boyfriend teach you how to use it?" he said through gritted teeth.

She rolled her eyes, "Nope, but don't worry about him." 

"I'm not."

"Well you dad certainly does, so I assumed it got passed down those Jacobs fucked up genes-" she didn't even jump when he slammed his hands down on the wheel.

"Don't talk about my family," his nostrils flared.

"Then don't talk about mine." she snapped. "Just tell me when I'm here or better yet," his heartbeat quickened when she trailed her hands over the Glock, "I wanna know something."

He looked at her expectantly, "What Relly?"

Her face scrunched up, "You slept with Cassie, why?"

He was taken back by her question.

In all honestly, he was expecting both her and Maddy to call him to ask why, but he hadn't heard anything from either of them.

When I dropped the bomb at the Howard's house, a metaphorical one, obviously, Cassie was a mess. The girl was jumping at every noise and sound that she heard.

For obvious reasons she assumed that Kat, Rory and Maddy were going to kill her, but they hadn't made a move.

She spammed Nate, wanting...needing to hear something from him.

She needed guidance and she assumed that he would give it to her. Yikes and I thought I was fucked in the head, but let me not judge.

Nate was scared of the lack of messages he received from both Rory and Maddy. Like he got none from them, which practically caused him to shit himself.

He spent the rest of the day figuring out what to do, calculating everything, he had to talk to 4 people, the first on his terror list was Rory, then Maddy, Jules and lastly Cassie.

He exhaled, "New year-"

She cut him off and shook her head, "I'm not talking about that time. You know I'm talking about when we were together, why?"

She already had her suspicions that Cassie was one of the girls, he cheated with but she never had the proof.

Rory was never close with the girl but it didn't mean that it didn't hurt. It was a betrayal, a fucking big one.

"I thought we were on a break," he said anxiously. He knew it was a lie, as did she. At no point in their, 6-month relationship indicated that they were going to break up until she found out about his deception and infidelity.

Everything to her was somewhat smooth sailing. Well... despite his controlling nature but at the time she didn't have many reasons to end things.

She was in love, or at least that's what she thought it was.

Looking back at her 14-year-old self, she now knew it was an intense feeling of adoration and like, and that was it.

"Liar." she clenched her fist.

His eyes darted between her and the road ahead, "I don't know-"

She eyed him in anger, "You do know why just say."

He ran his hands over his face, "No."

"Yes, just fucking say," she yelled.

"I wanted to hurt you." he blurted out, his tone intentionally matching hers.

She felt like she had the air punched out of her lungs, "What?"

He avoided her glossy eyes, "I wanted to hurt you Relly."

"Why?" her lip quivered, she didn't know why so many people wanted to hurt her.

Was it just her? Or was it them?

Was it something about her that caused people to want to bring her pain?

She desperately wanted to know.

He glanced at her shaking form, he saw the sadness in her eyes, "I knew you loved me, so I wanted to test that love." he spoke honestly.

He bit down on his lower lip, trying to suppress a sob.

Nate was aware that he shouldn't be the one who should be hurting or even crying, but he felt like he should.

He was his own worst enemy.

Rory's throat tightened and her hands became sweaty, "By hurting me..." she trailed off, trying to make sense of the words he said.

"Yes."

The two sat in an uncomfortable silence for a while.

Her love was never enough for him. Nothing she did was ever enough for him.

In some sick and twisted way, she was happy that he cheated or she would never have seen his true colours.

She would have continued to wear her rose coloured glasses, ignorantly embracing all his red flags until it was too late.

Maybe Nate acting like himself was a blessing in disguise because she was finally with someone who loved her for her.

At least Fezco wouldn't cheat on her.

"You still wear my ring." his voice ripped through the eerie silence, her head snapped towards him, he gestured to the ring on her finger.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" her eyes narrowed at the piece of jewellery.

"Come on Relly, someone got that ring 2 years ago and you didn't think it was from me?" a small smile grazed his lips.

She looked down at the silver in disbelief.

What the fuck?

"No-"

"I bought it for you." he blinked quickly.

She glared at him, "And you've just been letting me wear it all this time?" her voice rose.

He squinted his eyes, he didn't see the problem, "I bought it for you." it was a birthday gift.

Her chest heaved up and down, "Is this your way of taunting me?" she knew he was messed up but this was a whole new level, "for 2 fucking years?" her eyes glossed over.

She couldn't figure out if she was angry or upset, so she just went with both.

He sighed tiredly, "What? No." he thought it was an act of kindness...love.

"Take it," she ripped it off her finger, grabbed his hand and roughly placed it on it.

"It brought it for you Relly, it's yours." he tried giving it back but her back fell against the car door.

Tears poured down her face as she laughed, he shrunk back in his seat in fear.

"I don't want anything from you, why can't you understand that?" she took in a deep breath, "give it to someone else because you don't own me, Nathaniel."

He winced at her words, "I know I know i-"

"No, you thought that if I wore that ring, that we still had a chance, but no, we're done," she spoke hastily.

She was done with him and so was her best friend.

She was just happy that Maddy had the tape.

When Maddy made the copy of the tape, she immediately gave it to Rory who gave it to Luca.

Luca is a fucking G, he has so much evidence against the Jacobs it's crazy.

Just wait until you find out what he does with it, it's like something out of a fucking comic book.

He scoffed, "Stop."

"There's nothing between us," she repeated sternly.

He shook his head, tears threatened to spill from his eyes, "Stop."

"And that's proof." she pointed at the ring.

He gripped the piece of silver tightly, "Relly-"

"Bye Nathaniel." she opened the door and jumped out.

He reached to grab her but she was already gone, "Wait-no-Relly come back."  he yelled.

Rory was finally free of Nate, but that wouldn't stop him from going after Maddy.

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O'NEILL APARTMENT:

Rory picked up Maddy after she heard what Nate did to her best friend.

The fucker really held her at gunpoint. Such a bitch move.

The day that boy is out of our lives will be the best day on earth, that's for damn sure.

Rory was speeding with Maddy next to her.

The Perez girl was in shock, She couldn't even cry anymore, all she wanted was her best friend.

Rory gripped the steering wheel, glancing over Maddy who had a firm grip on her thigh.

They both looked down when the notification popped up on Rory's phone.

smokey 💨
Come quick, some random yt girl here with Fez.
I stg shes ur friend
seen

"Yo what the fuck?" they exclaimed in unison. Rory pressed down on the gas pedal in anger, the buildings blurred as they drove.

fabussyfaye👅
there's a gringa here
seen

Maddy clicked her tongue, "Don't tell me it's-"

"It's Lexi." Rory rolled her shoulders back, her eyes stayed on the road.

"What the fuck is wrong with those Howard sisters?" Maddy grabbed onto the side of the jeep, as Rory swerved a corner, quickly approaching her boyfriend's apartment,  "You really gonna Tokyo drift bitch?"

She scoffed, "Like anyone gets arrested for speeding in this town."

When they pulled up to the apartment, they jumped out of the car quickly. Rory locked it without turning around.

"Fuck fuck fuck." she muttered.

Maddy rested a hand on her shoulder, "It'll be fine sis..."

"And if it's not?" she squeaked out, trying to contain her nerves but failing.

"We kill his ass."

Rory quickly grabbed Maddy's hand, not noticing the odd look on her face.

They ran up the stairs of the complex, the Perez girl nervously bit her lip as Rory swung open the door.

'Stand by me' blared through the home.

As they approached the living room, Rory dropped Maddy's hand as tears threatened to leave her eyes.

She wasn't expecting the sight, never in a million years would she expect this.

Especially not from him.

Streamers and banners hung from around the room.

The lights were dim and the ceiling was covered in stars, making it look like the constellations were all around them.

Fezco stood in the middle of the room, with a wide smile and a white box.

Faye and Lexi stayed to the side, holding black roses.

Gia and Maddy recorded the scene, they tried to contain their excitement but they couldn't.

Rory jumped a little when Ashtray took her hand and walked her over to his brother, "calm the fuck down and smile." he shot her a wink.

"What's going on?" she asked timidly, looking up at his captivating eyes.

Moments before she was ready to fight him, but now she didn't know what to feel.

Fezco took hold of her hand and smiled softly at her, "Imma say some shit and you can't interrupt, okay?"

She went to speak, however, she was quickly cut off by Ashtray, "You know her dumbass will."

Most of the teens laughed as Rory flipped him off.

"Shut up Ash." both Fez and Gia said simultaneously. The 12-year-old held his hands up in defence, his girlfriend, pulled him to the side, causing him to shut up.

"He's not wrong but carry on," she said teasingly. He nodded.

"you're my everything, Lia," he nervously spoke, "ever since you stepped into the store 3 years ago, wanting to buy some water and Cheetos you've always been on my mind," Ashtray snickered, but stopped when he received glares from everyone, "you've always been down for me even when I never asked you too." he tried to catch his breath, Rory squeezed his hand reassuringly, "You're my ride or die," she took in every word, "I swear I've been in love with you for so fucking long."

"Aint no lies there." Maddy quipped, "my bad, carry on." she muttered when she felt everyone's eyes on her.

"My grandma always used to say that love was the one emotion that I couldn't trust, but you're the only one who changed that shit for me, I trust you with my fucking life baby," he wiped away the tears that left her eyes, "you're literally my world and I can't live without you." the girls in the room all cooed at him.

Ashtray rolled his eyes and motioned his brother to carry on.

Fezco nodded, "you're mine to the end of the line Lia," Rory started to cry happy tears as he lowered onto one knee, "I had to ask a lotta people for their permission, your granddad," he started to list.

He thought back to when he visited Luca and got mocked for an hour before the old man gave him his blessing.

"Me as well." Gia jumped quickly, her boyfriend smiled at her softly, he always found her so adorable.

Maddy quickly took a picture of the two. "Me too bitch." she remembered when the 19-year-old asked her if he could marry her best friend a month ago. She said yes instantly.

Kat was with her at the time and also gave Fezco his blessing.

"And me." Lexi smiled softly at the older couple. Fezco talked to her about different ways to get back together with Rory. It was his sole reason for getting the youngest Howard sister's number.

Although she was initially sad about the proposal, knowing she would never have a chance to get with Rory, Lexi still gave her blessing because she wanted her close friend to be happy, even if it meant she wasn't.

She knew Rory deserved to be happy and Fezco would make her the happiest person in the world. 

"Asked me 2 weeks ago." Ashtray added, "dick."

When his brother told him about his plans on proposing to Rory he was over the fucking moon. He didn't know how to describe the feeling.

But all he knew was that his family would finally be whole again.

"I mean he told me about it when I was high," Faye lazily raised her hand, almost dropping the flower, they all laughed, "I said yes, obviously," she smiled at the Marchetti girl.

Rory looked around the room in joy, she was surrounded by the people she loved and who loved her back equally.

She saw her boyfriend open up the ivory box nervously, revealing a diamond incrusted golden bracelet. Everyone gasped.

He didn't want to go for a ring because all the people who gave their blessing advised against it, knowing that Rory wouldn't want anything cliche.

"Ask her bro." Ashtray smiled at him. Gia rested her head on his shoulder.

"Aurelia Iman Marchetti, you're the love of my life and the future mother of my children,"

"Damn," Faye muttered quietly, Maddy nodded along with wide eyes.

"Marry me amore..."

She nodded instantly, "yes." he let out a breath that he didn't even know he was holding. "Yes, I'll marry you."

He stood up and slipped the bracelet onto her left hand. Fezco cupped his fiance's face, his lips met hers in a passionately and loving kiss.

It felt like the room was spinning and fireworks exploded around them.

Cheering and clapping filled up the room.

Maddy used her fingers to whistle as they all approached the newly engaged couple.

The girls congratulated Rory, squealing at the bracelet on her wrist, Ashtray kissed her cheek, "I love you, Ro."

"I love you, little menace," she kissed his forehead. He went up to his brother and shared a long embrace.

Lexi noticed the tears in Rory's eyes, "Why are you crying?" she asked softly, looping her arms with the girl.

She laughed in disbelief, "I wasn't expecting this shit." she gestured to the banners and lights.

"Sorry about the misdirection ma." her fiancé said.

He didn't want her to get mad but it wasn't his idea.

"It was my idea." Ashtray raised his hand innocently. He wanted to get back at her for not cooking him a stir fry a couple of weeks ago.

"Good one too." Faye shrugged.

"Fucking asshole," Rory shoved him playfully.

As the cheers died down, the music turned up. '21 questions' by 50 Cent came on.

They started to dance, Maddy danced with her best friend. Lexi and Faye twirled each other around.

Fezco grabbed his fiance and kissed her fiercely, swaying to the beat of the iconic song.

Ashtray then kiss Gia on the cheek, before he noticed everyone was gawking.

"Mind your damn business," he hissed as brought his girlfriend to the couch.

"Young love." Maddy pouted and continued to dance.

It was gonna be a long night.

But at least it was spent in peace.

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Y'all are probably what two newly engaged teenagers do.

Well what the fuck do you think, they're obviously gonna fuck each other brains out.

Eww, I know it's disgusting.

But I just hoped that Ashtray has noise-cancelling headphones.

Besides that I wish I was there to see the engagement. Pictures didn't do it justice but I know I have a lotta making up to do.

A lot.

Fucking understatement of the year.

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a/n:
Any time Nate and Rory have an interaction they're either feeling each other to die or having a deep convo.

When I said y'all will cry I meant happy tears, calm down.

I mean were you expecting a proposal or heartbreak?

Fave moment of this chapter? You guys happy or??

i have two more big chapters to write sooo enjoy.