(inspired by these AMAZING song lyrics from "Dress" by the AMAZING Taylor Swift; 

I'm spilling wine in the bathtub, you kiss my face and we're both drunk...)

Harley knew her puddin' loved her. She was 100% positive. Okay, maybe more like pretty sure. Okay, fine. She hoped.

In the silence of their empty house now that Joker was out doing who knows what, she wasn't as sure now since he wasn't here. Whenever he came home, when he touched her skin and pressed his forehead to hers, she was about 99% sure he loved her.

99%.

But when he's gone... Harley's always wondered if maybe... Just maybe... She slips his mind, and other things become more important.

And then there's the big question.

Is she the most important thing to him?

She's... She's...

15.7% percent she's most important.

Okay, fine. She's... 5% sure.

She has no idea.

So she waited in the quiet of the house for him to come home and feed her insecurities until they popped and floated away.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. To—

A jingle of keys against the door. Harley rushed to greet him.

"Mistah J! How are—" He walked right past her, his cold shoulder brushing hers as he entered his study and slammed the door. Harley bit her lip. She eased back the sea of worry clouding her judgment. Jay always made time to at least give her a welcome home kiss on the cheek, what's gotten into him?

Is he okay?

Did something go horribly wrong?

Torn between leaving him be and knocking on the door to his study, Harley paced the stained carpeted floors.

"Alright, this is ridiculous!" She rolled her eyes and stormed upstairs. She hesitated before knocking on the door to Joker's study. She knew that he was probably in a bad mood. She also knew that under his solid and callous exterior, there was a vulnerable little boy with scars along his back from the knives his parents used to cut him.

Harley tapped on the door softly. She didn't get a response. Harley slowly turned the knob. It was unlocked. There she found Joker, sprawled on his desk, drinking red wine straight out of the bottle.

"Puddin'...?" She whispered.

He laughed loudly, it echoed in the room and clung to the walls like shadows.

"Hello, Harley baby!" He grinned, tears leaking down his cheeks. He attempted to stand up to reach her but toppled over his own feet after two steps. Harley quickly raced forward to catch his frail body in her arms and threw his arm over his shoulder.

"Oh, Jay... What happened puddin'?"

He smelled like vomit and alcohol. Joker only laughed and waved off her concern.

"It doesn't matter..." His words slurred.

"It does to me."

Suddenly he grabbed her shoulders and stood still, for one moment perfectly sober.

"And that's... Exactly why I love you."

Harley Quinn froze.

"Y-You love me Mistah J?"

"Duh. You would have to be an... Idiot!" He paused, "To not know that I, uh... Yeah."

Harley Quinn laughed, "I love you too, Jay." She grabbed the bottle from his desk and led Joker to the bathroom.

"Ugh..." She mumbled, glancing at the bottle of wine and already knowing what was going to happen, "I'm gonna regret this in the morning." She stripped Joker of his alcohol and vomit-stained clothes.

"You're kinda cute, you know?" He grinned.

"You're the cutest, Jay."

"Me? Cute?" He cackled, "I think you have the wrong Jokerster."

"Nope," She grinned, "You're the one and only, puds!" She helped Jay into the bathtub and started the water.

"That's hot!" He cried, "You trying to kill me or something?"

Harley turned down the water, "Was it funny?"

He stared at her, completely stoic for a few moments, "No."

But then he burst into genuine laughter, it shook his body, and happy tears streamed down his cheeks as he cackled.

Harley Quinn scrubbed his body clean of vomit and alcohol, rubbing shampoo through his bright green waves.

He drunk smiled up at her the whole time.

"Why are you starin' at me?" She giggled as she gently scrubbed his face free of makeup. His eyes traveled her up and down.

"'Cause I want you to get in with me."

Harley rolled her eyes, "Alrightly, puddin'. But on one condition."

"And what could that be?" He pulled his hands from the bubbly water and tugged on one of her pigtails, making her hair come slightly loose.

Her face turned serious. "You tell me what happened tonight."

He turned away from her, his eyes a mask of shadows like the grins he painted on his skin every morning.

"Ha ha ha, Harley. New deal," His words still slurred slightly, even though he wanted them to be serious.

"Nuh uh, Jokes. Come on, we're both gonna regret it in the morning. Say yes, Mistah J." She kissed the top of his forehead.

"I don't know, Harley baby," He sang.

"Please?" She kissed his lips once.

"Hm..."

"Pretty please?" She kissed him twice.

"Hm..."

"Pretty pretty please with a cherry on top?" She begged, kissing him a third time and giving him baby doll eyes.

He sighed and pretended to be blinded by her, "No, Harley! You know I can't resist your baby doll eyes!"

She giggled.

He grinned, "Get drunk with me, sugar."

Harley stripped her clothes off and climbed into the bubble bath with Joker, reaching for the bottle of wine on the counter. She took a long swing and winced a little as the alcohol burned its way down her throat.

Joker grabbed the bottle from her and took another swing, it spilled down the side of his face and tinted the water red.

He tilted his head and grinned at her, kissing her face. Harley threw her head back and giggled as she took the bottle from him and gulped down another sip.

"Everyone thinks that they know us," She giggled, holding down another swing of red wine and watching it spill in the bathtub as her motor coordination failed her.

"But they know nothing," Joker finished for her, running his long fingers along her chin, "Harley baby, there's something... I uh..." He closed his eyes for a brief moment, probably waiting for the nausea spell to fade from the wine, "Want to tell ya."

"What is it, puddin'?"

He leaned his head against her chest, listening to the sound of her beating heart as it drummed against her rib cage.

"Now listen real close. I won't-" he hiccuped, "Say it again."

"I'm listenin'."

"You're the light, doll."

"What do ya mean, Jay?"

"You're the light to my shadows, Harlez. You're the hope in a hopeless world." He gently took her hand and placed it on his chest, right over his broken heart, "You made this dead heart come back to life."

Tears filled her eyes at Joker's words, words that meant more than a thousand pictures, a million gifts, and a billion touches.

"I love you too, puddin'."

And at that moment, Harley Quinn knew.

She was 100% sure.