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|Helena's POV|
After Orhan left, things settled down quickly.. The guests retreated to their designated rooms to rest, and I finally breathed a sigh of relief.
I made my way back to my own room, where Sibylle and Isabel were waiting.. I couldn't wait to tell them everything that had happened.
"Why did she look at you like that?" Isabel asked, her tone full of surprise, after I'd finished recounting the details.
"I don't know" I replied quietly, trying to shake off the unsettling feeling "She's... strange" My stomach clenched with nervous tension... I didn't like the way her eyes had scanned me... It made me feel so... small, like I was a weakling.
"She's probably jealous" Sibylle said, tossing her hair over her shoulder nonchalantly "From what you've said, she used to be the beauty icon here, the one everyone admired... Now she sees you as a threat"
"But everyone here is beautiful" I said with a shrug, trying to downplay the situation "Wherever you look, there's a pretty girl"
"But they're not icons of beauty" Sibylle raised her fingers, counting off the words "and they're not from ancient dynasties like the Habsburgs... And now, you... a Haseki... a title earned only after years of striving"
"You seem to know a lot about this" I said, arching an eyebrow, my curiosity piqued.. then I sighed "I really don't want to see her again" I glanced at Sibylle quickly "Unless you want to be with me to help me figure out what to do next?"
Sibylle's tone grew stern as she stood in front of me, taking my hands in hers with an almost ceremonial seriousness "Listen to me, Helena" She paused, taking a breath, as if preparing to say something heavy "Stop being so nice to everyone... or to be more precise" she said, tightening her grip "stop being so weak"
Isabel and I both gasped, ready to interrupt, but Sibylle raised a hand, silencing us.
"Listen carefully" she continued, her voice firm "Use the power you have... She's nothing compared to you... Put her in her place and make sure she knows who you are"
The conversation continued, but my mind was elsewhere... Sibylle's words didn't fully register... I kept thinking about those cold, piercing eyes... her eyes.... and how they made me feel so small.... And then there were Orhan's warm, comforting glances... Why was I still thinking about him?
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-The next day-
We sat in a strange silence.... We had just stepped into the garden a few moments ago to breathe some fresh air and relax, but it didn't feel comfortable at all.
I was sitting on one of the cushions on the ground, with Zeynep beside me, and Rana on the other side.
In front of me, Aysel was playing with her doll, and it was the only thing that distracted me a bit, making me smile from time to time.
"So, how are you, Rana?" Zeynep asked, putting her coffee cup down, breaking the awkward silence "When we heard about the accident, I was really sad"
"Yes, it's been tough these past months" Rana replied in a sad tone, though her face didn't show it at all.
"Of course, it must have been difficult.. You were about to get married" Zeynep said, placing her hand over Rana's "May he rest in peace"
I looked at them, not really understanding what they were talking about... I was used to people speaking slowly to me in their language so I could catch each word, but now they were speaking fluently and quickly, and I could only catch a few words here and there.
"So, when will the preparations start?" Rana asked, and I understood that sentence perfectly, but I was puzzled about what preparations she meant.
"What preparations?" I asked, not fully understanding, and my thoughts seemed to come out louder than I intended.
"Ramadan" Zeynep turned to me with a smile "Every year, Rana and Fatma Sultan spend Ramadan with us"
I felt as if I had been slapped in the face... I was the last to know that this occasion was so close... I knew Ramadan was related to the Islamic religion, but I didn't know much about it and had no idea what I was supposed to do now.
"Oh, Ramadan" I repeated quietly, and I'm sure my face turned pale in front of them.
"Helena" Aysel pulled me out of my thoughts as she looked at me "What is Ramadan?" she asked innocently, and my repeated mention of the word had clearly caught her attention.
I froze.... The question took me by surprise... I had heard the word before but I wasn't sure what it really meant.
I continued to look at the little girl, her curious blue eyes fixed on me, waiting for an answer... an answer I didn't even have.
It felt as though the seconds stretched on forever, and I started to feel the heat despite the cool air.. Suddenly, my eyes landed on Rana.
Her sharp gaze was already on me, and there was a smile on her lips that I couldn't quite interpret, but it definitely wasn't a kind one... In that moment, I realized how bad the situation was and how much she seemed to enjoy watching me struggle... I felt like an outsider.
"Well, Aysel" it was Rana's voice, breaking the silence that seemed to last an eternity "Ramadan is a very special time for us, Muslims... It's a month when we fast from sunrise to sunset, refraining from food and drink... We spend time praying, giving to charity, all to purify our hearts and souls"
I felt a wave of heat rise to my face... Purify our hearts and souls... It sounded so simple, so pure, but the words felt foreign coming from my lips.
I wasn't like them... I didn't understand this practice, this way of life... And worse.. Rana was speaking as though it were common knowledge... To them, it was second nature, as familiar as breathing... But to me? It was like a puzzle I couldn't solve.
"Why do we do that?" Aysel asked, her voice full of genuine wonder.
I looked down at my hands, feeling them trembling ever so slightly... Why did they fast? Why didn't I know? Wasn't I supposed to know?
"It is a time to grow closer to Allah" Rana replied again with a smile "to be humble, to remember the poor, and to be thankful for all we have"
I swallowed hard... I didn't want to be different... I didn't want to stand out as the one who didn't belong, but I felt it all around me, this chasm between their world and mine.
It seemed that Zeynep had sensed the tension I was feeling... As soon as our eyes met, she smiled and said in a gentle voice "Helena, you'll also experience the atmosphere of Ramadan with us...I'm sure you'll love it"
"I'm sure I will" I replied with a faint smile and a voice full of uncertainty.
Yes, it sounded beautiful, but I wasn't sure if I was really suited for such an experience... I didn't belong here at all.
Aysel, still with that innocent curiosity, looked up at me, as if waiting for me to explain something she didn't yet understand.
"But... why don't you fast, Helena?" she asked, her little voice laced with confusion.
My stomach clenched, and for a brief moment, I felt completely exposed... Why don't I fast? How could I explain that I wasn't part of this tradition? I didn't know how to explain to the little girl that she and I came from two completely different religions.
"Maybe next year" I said quietly, giving a small smile "Next year, I'll try"
Aysel nodded with a smile, and it seemed like that answer was enough for her as she went back to playing with her doll.
She was still so young, and maybe one day she'd realize that her stepmother is Christian... The thought frightened me a little... she would notice the differences between us, and then... would she want to distance herself? Would she prefer people like her?
I tried to control myself because I didn't want to appear weak... I watched Zeynep stand up, holding Aysel's hand as she guided her to play by some flowers, leaving only Rana and me sitting in silence.
"It's not easy, is it?" Rana said, seeming to enjoy my discomfort "You're supposed to be good at raising children from our dynasty, but here you are, unable to answer the simplest question" She lowered her eyes, staring at her ring "When I learned about your origins and everything, I knew you weren't suitable at all"
"What do you mean by that?" I said, my patience wearing thin, my eyebrows raised, and suddenly, the sadness turned into anger I hadn't felt before.
"They've taken you out of your world and everything" she looked at me from top to bottom "I don't think you'll last long... Ahmad and Aysel need something better... don't be upset by what I'm saying... I'm just worried about their future"
"Don't talk about things you don't know" I said, my anger concealed under a calm tone "My religion won't create a barrier between me and the children... I suggest you read some history... Mara Branković for example"
I was about to stand up and leave, but her words stopped me "Stop dreaming... Do you think you own the world now? Wait until Orhan has more children"
I shot her a lethal glare, one I didn't even know I had mastered, and quickly left the room... Inside, I was in turmoil, my mind spiraling, but I tried to control it until I reached my room and closed the door behind me.
I was glad I found no one there except Anastasia, who handed me a letter and said it had arrived for me earlier... I whispered for her to leave and give me some space.
I was on the verge of breaking down and crying... This girl's arrival had ruined everything for me... I no longer felt at ease here, and I just wanted to leave... I needed my mother... And with that thought I realized the letter in my hand was from my mother.
I quickly wiped my eyes and opened it, eager for any words from her.
Dear Helena,
I hope this letter finds you in the best of health... Your father and I cannot stop talking about you all the time... You have left a void behind that no one can fill, but I was happy when your father told me you liked the place there.
I smiled as I read this, remembering the voices of my parents, their daily conversations that I must have now been a part of.
I also wanted to give you a glimpse of what's happening here... Mattias, your brother, is going to be engaged to princess Rosalie soon, and I can't begin to tell you how happy we are... This year, we have formed an alliance with the Ottoman Empire and the Polish-Lithuanian Kingdom.
Having a son-in-law as powerful as sultan Orhan and a daughter-in-law with the influence of princess Rosalie will make us a very strong trio, and it will also bring peace, at least in some places.
I smiled again, knowing my mother had achieved what she wanted.. She had sworn that Mattias and Rosalie would get married, and now she was making it real.
Gisela, your mischievous sister, misses you every day and can't wait for the day she'll meet you again... But she's also enjoying all the gifts she received before you left.
And there's something I've been dying to tell you... You know how we've talked about Lady Vivienne? Well, our suspicions were right.
At first, I was shocked, but when I read the last line, my eyes widened, and I quickly continued reading.
While her husband, Lord George, was away on a political mission for several weeks, it was discovered that she was cheating on him... not with one man, but two at the same time... She had sent letters to both of them, but by mistake, the letters got mixed up, and everything came to light... I'm eagerly awaiting her husband's reaction when he returns.
I put my hand over my mouth, laughing a little... Everyone knew Lady Vivienne wasn't a good or loyal person, and now with a foolish move, her secret was exposed... I knew for sure that Lord George would be furious, and this would turn into a huge scandal there.
I want to finish this letter with something important, something that's been on my mind since you left.
Helena, my dear, twenty-five years ago, I was in your exact position... I was married to strengthen political relations... I know that from time to time, you'll feel lonely, just as I did at first... You might also feel the slap of reality, especially since your situation is harder than mine... You're in a completely different place than you were for the past nineteen years, but rest assured, you will get used to everything, and it will run through your veins, and you'll become a part of it.
That's what happened to me... I was so lost at first, just a sixteen-year-old girl, but after years of standing by your father's side, I became the woman I am now ... and when I make a little comparison, sixteen years versus twenty-five years here feels like a big difference.... I've lived here longer than I lived in my homeland, and that's what makes me belong here now... France is just a place where I was born and lived a few years I don't even remember.
Stay strong, Helena
Your mother.
By the end of the letter, I felt as though I had truly received a warm embrace from my mother... What a wonderful woman, who knew exactly how to make things seem easy, and it seemed like this letter arrived at the perfect time.
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I just wanted to finish this stressful chapter loool... Helena's gonna feel so much tension in the next few days with Rana and everything happening around her but don't worry this drama is what's gonna break the big wall between her and Orhan 🤍
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