|3rd Person POV|

-January 1, 1665-

She sat by the window of her room, her hand delicately resting on her cheek. Though her gaze was fixed on the heavy snow falling outside, her mind wandered far beyond the present, to a place she had visited more than a month ago and never returned from.

Questions hunted her mind, each one tearing at her heart.

I never even got to say goodbye.
I hadn’t seen him in almost five years.
I deserved more time with him.
I didn’t even learn of his passing until nearly a month later.

These thoughts slowly consumed her, dragging her deeper into an unrelenting spiral.. she couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, and even her children, whom she loved more than anything in the world, felt distant, like strangers to her.

At times, she would sit with Sibylle or Orhan, attempting to exchange a few words, but it always felt hollow. She fought against the suffocating weight of her sorrow, yet no matter how hard she struggled, she always found herself retreating into solitude to mourn.

She was consumed by a relentless tide of what-ifs, as though her very soul depended on replaying them, again and again, drowning in the pain of what could have been.

Tears had become a nightly ritual. As soon as her head hit the pillow, they would pour uncontrollably, soaking it through.. She no longer recognized herself; her entire being felt like a stranger.

Her pregnancy only seemed to intensify her despair. Though she was only in her third month, her health was deteriorating at an alarming rate.. It wasn’t just the lack of sleep, food, or peace.. she could feel something deep within her was terribly wrong, and it was pushing her to the edge of madness.

"Ayleen" Sibylle's voice called from behind her.. she did turn toward her, but her attention never followed "Would you like to take Aysel and Nuray outside? They want to play in the snow"

"I'm tired.. you take care of it" she murmured again, repeating her familiar refrain of late, knowing that Sibylle and everyone would step in to care for her children when she couldn’t find the strength to do so herself.

"Alright, I’ll take them with Ayse Sultan" Sibylle replied, offering a small smile as she moved closer "They said they’re preparing salted fish for lunch for you.. I know how much you used to love it"

Despite this being one of Sibylle’s attempts to coax her, to lure her into something resembling joy, Ayleen received it differently, painfully so.. It reminded her of the years back home when her father was still alive.. She had seen him often, not every day due to his endless duties, but at least she had seen him.

Just as Sibylle walked away, resigned to help Nuray into her fur coat, she paused midway when the door opened, and Turhan Sultan stepped inside, her expression anxious.. the concern in her eyes deepened as they fell upon Ayleen, sitting there with a pale face, resembling a lifeless body stripped of its soul.

"Ayleen" Turhan Sultan murmured softly, raising an eyebrow as she approached and sat beside her, gently taking her right hand in her warm ones "Aren't you planning to leave this room anytime soon?"

"I’m tired and..." Ayleen began, her words faltering, those same words she had grown exhausted of repeating for weeks.. she had reached the limit of justifying herself and her feelings.

"The children are deeply worried about you. Ahmed is confused because you stopped attending his training, and Aysel thinks you’re dying or something" Turhan Sultan's voice was calm, but the concern in her eyes spoke far louder than words "This has gone on long enough, my dear.. I understand how much you miss your father, but your children need you as well.. I want to see you at my dinner table tonight"

She added her final words, not as a command, but with a gentle understanding, giving Ayleen the space she needed..  she softly caressed her cheek before standing to leave the room.

»»————-　♔　————-««

-12 March 1665-

Ayleen gently ran her hand through her daughter’s dark hair.. Nuray, the four-year-old, had insisted on clinging to her mother for hours, resting her head on her chest, one hand placed on Ayleen's five-month pregnancy.. It was overwhelming, but as much as Nuray needed her mother, Ayleen found immense comfort in her daughter’s presence.

Their peaceful moment was suddenly disrupted by the sound of the door opening. Orhan entered, carrying Selim, the three-year-old, in his arms, while Ahmed walked alongside him, speaking earnestly to his father about something important.

Nuray quickly detached herself from her mother, leaping into Orhan's arms. Though she loved her father deeply, in that moment, all she wanted was to take Selim’s place, convinced that she alone had the right to be cradled in his embrace.

"Do you feel any better, Valide?" Ahmed whispered, sitting beside her and watching her with worried eyes.. his voice was always gentle, as if afraid that even the slightest sound might shatter the fragile peace she managed to find, if only for brief moments.

"Yes, darling, I’m…" But before she could finish, fate seemed intent on proving her words false.

A sharp pain twisted in her stomach, and the overwhelming urge to vomit surged through her.. It felt as though her very soul was being pulled up with the sickness.

Everyone noticed the change instantly. Without a moment’s hesitation, Anastasia and Sibylle hurried to her side, while Ebru and Buşra swiftly guided the children out of the room, resolute in shielding them from witnessing her in such a state, from carrying the haunting image of her like this.

Orhan tenderly caressed her back, his heart shattering at the sight of her suffering. Watching her vomit sent waves of terror through him. She barely ate, yet she seemed to throw up constantly, to the point where he feared she might expel her very insides.

Once she had finished, Orhan gently lifted her into bed. Sibylle quickly helped her clean up, but Ayleen could no longer hold back her tears. She broke down in hysteria, overwhelmed by the sensation that she couldn’t bear it any longer, that the pain had finally reached its breaking point and she could no longer push it off until nightfall.

Orhan stood frozen, speechless and helpless, desperately trying to find something, anything, to ease her suffering, but moments like these tore through him, leaving a raw, gaping wound in his heart. The burden of it haunted him, staying with him in the quiet of the night, robbing him of sleep.. It followed him even during the day, dwelling in the emptiness of his thoughts, despite being surrounded by tasks and distractions.

"Call the doctor!" he screamed, his voice cracking with helplessness. But as soon as he gripped her hand, he became the gentlest version of himself, consumed with the need to do anything to ease her pain.

The doctors had warned that her condition was so critical she might not even survive the journey to labor, and if she did, survival would be nothing short of a miracle. But Orhan refused to accept their prognosis, clinging to hope and distracting himself from the terrifying reality, unable to believe their grim words.

He pulled her to his chest, where she buried her face, and he closed his eyes, remembering the woman she once was. His mind replayed the vibrant, lively woman who had once filled this place with energy. She would run around the garden with each of their children, still managing to ease his worries after a long, exhausting day. She had been as delicate as a flower, and now, she still was, but in a completely different way.

Her weight had become as light as a feather, and her veins were visible beneath her pale skin, an unmistakable sign of her deteriorating condition. Her bright eyes, once full of life, now seemed dimmed, surrounded by dark shadows of black and purple... she looked as though she was dying slowly, and the sight terrified him.

He feared that history would repeat itself, and the thought of facing this again was unbearable... he was certain he wouldn’t survive it this time.

Once Ayleen finally drifted into a deep sleep, Orhan couldn’t bring himself to look at her face. It felt as though he were running from the truth.. the harsh reality that had tightened its grip on him over the past few months.

But how much longer could he keep running? He had once clung to the belief that time would heal her, but now he knew better.

Time wouldn’t save her.

The pain wasn’t just emotional anymore; it had become something physical, something that was spiraling beyond control.

As soon as Orhan entered his chambers, he ordered Farouk to summon Yunus Pasha, who wasted no time in appearing before him.

"You will leave everything you’re doing, everything!" Orhan commanded, taking a few steps closer, trying to steady his words "Find a doctor, a physician... anyone who can help Ayleen immediately!"

Yunus Pasha nodded quickly and left in haste. He didn’t need to ask any more questions, his wife had already shared everything he needed to know.. he would focus on the smallest of details and find someone who could help, no matter how far he had to go.

»»————-　♔　————-««

-March 22, 1665-

Ayleen slowly opened her eyes in the morning, a faint sense of gratitude washing over her for managing to get even a few hours of sleep, a small miracle in recent days when rest had seemed so elusive.

She was about to move, her hand instinctively resting on her aching belly, when suddenly, a strange voice came from behind her.

"Oh, good morning!" She turned to see a tall woman in brown clothes, one hand resting on her hip, speaking with a soft, broken accent "I see that you're actually getting some sleep"

Ayleen stared at her in confusion, struggling to make sense of what was happening around her.. Is this real? Have I started hallucinating? Am I even alive?

"Ayleen" came Sibylle's voice, breaking her thoughts, she smiled to catch her attention before gesturing to the woman "This is Madame Louise.. she's a French healer who came from Amasya to..."

"No, no" Madame Louise interrupted, waving her hand dismissively before speaking with a more measured tone "I’m no healer, and I’d prefer not to be called one" She turned back to Ayleen, her demeanor softening as she flashed a wide, cheerful smile "Come now, dear, hurry and get ready... breakfast is waiting"

She walked toward the door, and a procession of maids entered, each carrying a tray laden with food. They began setting the table as Sibylle exchanged a brief glance with Ayleen before gently helping her sit up.

Anastasia brought a basin of water and a copper bowl to wash Ayleen’s face. After Ayleen slipped into a robe, she moved slowly to the couch and sat down, her movements very careful.

"I don't know who you are, but I don't…" Ayleen couldn't finish her sentence before Madame Louise, now sitting beside her, interrupted.

"I'm here on His Majesty's orders" she said with a smile, holding a cup filled with a brown liquid that resembled tea, though Ayleen was certain it wasn’t "Drink this.. I've infused it with some special herbs"

"I..." Ayleen hesitated, taking the cup from her, knowing that since Madame Louise was here at Orhan's request, there was no avoiding it, but the moment the cup neared her lips and the scent reached her, she quickly shook her head "I can't..."

"Oh" Madame Louise exclaimed, her expression turning to one of concern as she swiftly gestured to Antistasia and Ebru "Please, remove it at once, quickly!"

Though everyone was puzzled, Ebru swiftly placed the cup back on the tray and hurriedly exited the room with it. Sibylle raised an eyebrow in confusion, quietly wondering why the healer, who was meant to aid Ayleen, had not done so.

"But you said it’s good for her? She should drink it.." Sibylle voiced her thoughts, looking at Madame Louise with suspicion.

"My dear" Madame Louise remarked with a raised hand and a knowing smile "I am well-versed in the ways of a woman’s body.. leave this to me"

And just like that, Madame Louise proposed one remedy after another to Ayleen. Each time Ayleen refused, Madame Louise would clap her hands, signaling the maids to swiftly remove the items from view.

Once everything had been settled, she positioned herself directly in front of Ayleen and began asking carefully chosen questions. Though she already knew what Ayleen was enduring, she wanted to hear it from her own lips.

»»————- ♔ ————««

-April 19, 1665-

Madame Louise gently massaged the sides of Ayleen's head as she lay stretched out on the long, comfortable couch, just as the woman had insisted with yet another remedy.

Ayleen didn’t protest; it helped occupy her mind during the day. And at night, Orhan kept her engaged with a steady stream of topics, determined not to let her be alone with her thoughts.

"The thought that my children never met their grandfather, and that they never will, kills me every single moment" Ayleen said, her voice shaky as she expressed her sorrow, after Madame Louise somehow coaxed her into voicing what had been weighing on her mind "I feel like I didn’t do him justice.. they don’t even know him"

"They don’t need to meet him to know him" Madame Louise responded without pausing her massage "Tell them about him, describe him, cherish his memory by sharing it with them"

Ayleen fell silent for a moment, allowing the idea to turn over in her mind. Despite the sadness and bitterness the memory of her father brought, the thought of telling her children about him sparked something inside her.

"Do you think it’s a good idea?" Ayleen asked softly, her voice trembling slightly as she tried to maintain her composure.

"Of course, it’s a good idea.. It will help you a lot" Madame Louise replied, lifting her hands and allowing Ayleen to sit up "Drink your medicine first, and when the children come, try it out"

Ayleen nodded, taking the green liquid from her and attempting to drink it all in one go, refusing to pause and test its taste.. though that proved nearly impossible.

She quickly placed her hand over her mouth in disgust, the bitter flavor lingering, making her crave water immediately. But Madame Louise stopped her, warning that drinking water would undo the medicine’s effect.

Not long after, Nuray entered the room, her steps sluggish from drowsiness, yet determined to spend some time with her mother. The little girl sensed everything, understanding that her mother wasn’t well, she saw it in her every day.

Ayleen pressed a soft kiss to her daughter’s cheek, then looked up to see Sibylle entering the room, cradling Osman, who appeared to have just woken up.

"Where is Selim?" Ayleen asked, reaching out to take Osman, despite the fatigue and pain spreading through her bones.

"He slept in prince Ahmed's room; they were so tired today" Sibylle replied, placing Osman in her lap before sitting beside Nuray and gently running her hand through her hair.

"Do you know who Nuray and Selim take after?" Ayleen asked with a faint smile, carefully holding onto it as her words captured Nuray’s attention.

"Your mother and your sister" Sibylle replied, laughing gently as she playfully tickled Nuray "I’ve always said that Nuray is a true Bourbon, she has their looks and their attitude, and now, it seems, Selim is the same"

"That’s so true" Ayleen replied with a smile, her gaze lingering on Osman’s features "Osman is my twin.. we both share the Habsburg features, and their calmness as well"

"If Turhan Sultan hears us, she’ll be furious" Sibylle remarked with a laugh, causing Ayleen to chuckle softly as well.

The children carried Ottoman blood, and Turhan Sultan would never want them to think otherwise, but Ayleen simply wanted to enjoy the moment.

"Mommy, who do I look like?" Nuray asked, her gray eyes fixed on her mother as she tried to make sense of their conversation but couldn’t quite grasp it.

Ayleen turned to Madame Louise, who gave her an encouraging smile without pushing her to talk about anything that might make her sad.

"You resemble both my mother and my sister" Ayleen said, still cradling Osman in her lap with one hand while reaching for Nuray's hand with the other "My mother, Joanna, is your grandmother, and my sister, Gisela, is your aunt.. you have their round faces and the same shape of eyes, and you’re as bold as they are"

"Is it your mommy who sends you letters?" Nuray asked, her expression a mix of curiosity and confusion "Where are they? Why aren’t they here with you?"

To anyone else, it would have seemed like a simple question from a four-year-old girl, who was always with her mother and sister. It made sense she would be puzzled as to why her grandmother and aunt weren't there. But for Ayleen, the question stung, especially in moments like this. The pain was clear on her face.

"They live far away" Sibylle intervened to help, planting a kiss on Nuray’s hair with a wide smile "They love you and your mom, and someday, you’ll meet them"

"Yes, you will" Ayleen replied, pushing herself up with a smile before gently running her fingers across Osman’s cheek "And do you know that you also have a grandfather? I think you’re just as smart as he was"

The little girl listened intently, letting these new pieces of information swirl in her mind. She knew she had grandparents, having heard of them now and then, but in her small world, the only grandparent she truly understood was her grandmother, Turhan. She couldn’t even fathom the idea of her father having a father, let alone consider that her mother had parents too. The concepts of distance and death were still beyond her comprehension.

Ayleen continued to share small pieces of information, with Sibylle gently assisting to ensure Nuray didn’t feel overwhelmed, while Madame Louise watched the scene unfold with a knowing smile.

She understood that Ayleen might not feel any immediate change, but deep down, it would come. The woman was wise, and as she had said before, she knew how a woman’s body works.

»»————- ♔ ————««

-May 4, 1665-

"What a beautiful morning" Madame Louise remarked, placing her hands on her hips "I believe the sunshine outside will do you some good"

"I can't do that" Ayleen replied, her voice tinged with exhaustion "My bones ache so badly, and I feel like if I move, they might break" 

Though her spirits had lifted somewhat, her body remained fragile. Her eight-month belly weighed heavily, causing a sharp pain in her back that made even the simplest movements unbearable.

"Don’t worry, that won’t happen" Madame Louise reassured her, picking up a glass bottle filled with chamomile oil.. she poured a small amount into a bowl and then moved closer to Ayleen’s bed, gently massaging her legs with the soothing oil.

"I was told you called for me, Madame Louise" Ebru said, entering the room with some items, looking like she had been busy tidying the children's room.

"Yes, please take those herbs and prepare a bath for Her Highness, filling it with them" she instructed, gesturing toward a copper bowl filled with lavender, valerian root, ginkgo biloba, and passionflower.

Ebru nodded and carried the bowl out of the room. Meanwhile, Madame Louise completed the massage on Ayleen’s legs, gently wiping them with a wet towel. Afterward, she helped Ayleen get ready, determined to take her for a short walk in the garden.

"Why do you live in Amasya, and not in France?" Ayleen asked curiously as she held Madame Louise’s hand, leaning on her for support as they walked slowly.

"I came four years ago to gather some rare herbs found only in Amasya" she explained with a smile, briefly admiring some flowers before returning her gaze to Ayleen "While I was there, I ended up helping many women.. I felt a sense of belonging in Amasya, so I decided to stay"

"So, you're not married and don't have any children?" Ayleen asked, her curiosity growing. She realized that, for months, she had been so consumed by her own pain that only now was she beginning to truly notice the people around her, especially this woman.

"No, I dedicate my life to what I do" Madame Louise replied with her distinct accent, her tone free of any sadness. Ayleen couldn’t recall ever seeing her frown or display impatience. She was always smiling, always offering help, always patient.

Ayleen lifted her gaze and saw Orhan approaching from the other side. It seemed he had been about to leave, but upon spotting her, he changed direction and walked toward her. As he neared, Madame Louise gave a slight bow before releasing Ayleen’s hand, allowing Orhan to take it instead. 

"How are you feeling today? I assumed you were still resting... it’s quite early" Orhan asked, his voice filled with concern as he carefully supported her, guiding her to walk slowly.

"I’m fine.. my body still aches, but Madame Louise says it’s nothing to worry about" Ayleen replied softly, her voice barely above a whisper as fatigue weighed heavily on her.

"Do you think what she’s doing is actually helping?" Orhan asked, his brow furrowing in confusion.. they had recently consulted other doctors, but Ayleen had insisted on staying with Madame Louise, praising her for being wonderful and, at the very least, not subjecting her to painful treatments.

"Yes, I love the energy she brings, and she keeps me busy" Ayleen replid with a faint smile.. while Orhan returned her smile, his concern remained, holding him tightly, unwilling to let go.

"Everything will be fine" he whispered, picking a delicate white flower and gently offering it to her. 

»»————-　♔　————-««

-June 11, 1665-

"It was quite refreshing" said Zeynep with a wide smile, sharing a quick glance with Ayse, then she turned her gaze towards Ayleen "Next time, after you give birth, you should come with us"

Ayleen simply nodded, her attention fixated on her plate as she struggled to concentrate. The very thought of eating felt like a daunting task, let alone the prospect of joining Ayse and Zeynep at the market. What terrified her even more, however, was the inevitable reality of what would come after childbirth.

"I want to go with you too" Aysel giggled, her blue eyes bouncing between them before she turned back to chat with her grandmother.

Soon after, Ayleen began to feel a familiar pain in her lower back. It came in waves, just like the previous days, but this time the intervals between each wave were growing shorter, and the pain was becoming more intense. Realizing this, she decided to retreat to her room to rest and consult Madame Louise on what steps she should take.

"I’m going to my room, I feel tired" she murmured weakly, offering a faint smile. 

But as soon as Anastasia helped her to her feet, she felt it, her water had broken, though this time, it came without the accompanying pain.

"Oh" Turhan Sultan immediately rose from her seat, and the others quickly followed "Call the midwives right away"

Ayleen tried to stay calm, focusing on keeping her composure.. with no pain, she found herself wondering... the absence of pain filled her with fear.. It didn’t feel right; there should have been pain.

"It’s time, Madame Louise" Anastasia murmured , her voice filled with concern as they entered the chamber. 

"Oh, so our little precious baby is coming" Madame Louise replied, rising calmly with an excited smile, she then walked toward Ayleen, who was being gently assisted by Anastasia to lie down on the bed.

"No, no, Ayleen cannot lie down" she ordered, shaking her head firmly, and espite the surprise of those around her, she turned with a calm smile and began issuing instructions "Ebru, fetch the grapeseed oil.. Anastasia, prepare the bed and warm water.. Sibylle, hold Ayleen’s hand and stay by her side"

Madame Louise helped Ayleen take off most of her clothes, making sure her back was bare.. she then told Ayleen to stand and hold onto one of the bedposts, with Sibylle helping her. 

While Ayleen stood, Madame Louise began massaging her back, reassuring her that just because her water had broken didn’t mean she had to give birth immediately. Ayleen trusted her and did as she was told, but soon the pain became unbearable, and she knew it was time.

Madame Louise positioned the midwives behind her as she helped Ayleen settle into a more comfortable position on the bed, using pillows for support. She then washed her hands with very hot water before beginning the necessary preparations.

Despite the pain and tears, time seemed to pass quickly. Ayleen, though in agony, felt a sense of relief with Madame Louise’s steady guidance. 

She felt as though she could handle it. 

She wasn't going to die, and her baby would be fine.

"Sibylle, help her drink some cold water" Madame Louise instructed, placing her hand on Ayleen’s belly, still guiding her through the pushing.

Ayleen was about to protest, saying she didn’t want to, but a single glance from Madame Louise made her realize that the water would help, so without another word, she parted her lips and began drinking with Sibylle’s assistance.

Just as the first rays of sunlight streamed into the room, a small cry filled the place, and with it, Ayleen’s heart overflowed with joy.

"I did it... I did it!" she cried out again, but this time with a wide smile, ignoring her disheveled appearance "My baby"

"Yes, you did" Madame Louise responded, her smile filled with pride.. she then approached and gently placed the baby in Ayleen's arms "Here he is, your baby boy"

Sibylle left Madame Louise to tend to Ayleen and quickly rushed out of the room to inform Orhan that she was doing well, knowing he had been anxiously waiting, desperate to hear that she was alive and breathing.

Once everything was in order and the room was tidied, Ayleen leaned back, feeling the natural aches in her body. However, as soon as her eyes met Orhan’s, a smile crossed her face. She nodded gently to all his questions, eager to ease his worries and bring him comfort.

"Allah, once again, He has answered our prayers" said Turhan Sultan as she entered the chamber with a broad smile, followed by Zeynep and Ayse.

They had a brief conversation while Orhan cradled the newborn, admiring its delicate features.. as he gazed at the baby, he began to thoughtfully consider the name he would give him... and then, he found it.

"Your name will be Ilyas... Your name will be Ilyas... Your name will be Ilyas..."