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Myrah POV

The funeral procession of my child had to be hurried since a war waged by Qing is no joke. Jimin would have to depart to the military base as soon as the rituals were done. The guilt has me drowned that I hate my very breath, but... for now, I have to hold on to my kid whom I never saw when she was alive.

I haven't changed positions from my place. Standing on the high forum, I watched Jimin doing the deeds. He then finally looked at me and beckoned me to come in front.

My hand quivered as I took long strides to my Man-wol.

She was laid on a big red cushioned surface, freshly bathed in the richest aromas, pleasant yet lifeless.

In a new red hanbok with golden needlework like the one that I wore when I stood on the pavement with Jimin before the people. My eyes painfully trekked to her pale face.

Dropping down near her figure, I held it gently. Her little face was calm, unlike the turmoils of guilt within me. She glistened in beauty. Her lips were that of Jimin, good for her, she didn't have any of my features. She somewhat looked like me... Mom. I gulped as a tear fell, her little round eyes shut close as her nostrils were filled with cotton. It must be uneasy for my kid. I rubbed her cold chin with my hands, adoring my kid for the very first time.

I can't even call her name. I am not decent enough for it. Heck, I am not even a mother. I shouldn't touch her.

Hurriedly, I moved back, my hands shuddering as I stepped back, crashing my back at Jimin, who gripped my shoulders and took me away from her.

I clutched my hands as tears broke down, soldiers and maids placed her onto the casket and lifted it.

She has no aunts or relations except me, Jimin, and Tae to cry for. Yet there were the old ladies, who mourned and sang, trampling my soul.

Should I follow you to heaven? I fear I won't be allowed in.

Would you accept this woman as your mother?

Who would kill for her rage rather,

Throwing you in the streets?

If I sing you a lullaby, would you be listening to me?

After all, I don't know how many attempts from me would make you run to my hands that will be always open for you.

I have flunked as a woman, as a wife, and as a mother to my fury.

And this fucking wounds more than anything.

Jimin walked me to the side as they carried my child away from me. I witnessed a passionless Taehyung standing back as he attended the procession, before falling on his knees.

"Myrah. I am sorry, I couldn't save your daughter," he grieved, for the first time I had ever seen his outcry. Not for me, but for my child.

"T-Tae." I hugged him. "Tae," I cried, "It is Yoong-"

"No, Yoongi did not hurt her more. I was the one. With these hands of mine, I was the one who fed her the Rachrose kernels, ignorant of its existence in society, I brought it and fed her.

"It... It weakened her body's defense mechanism. Her body couldn't bear the pressure that her own body built. Yoongi came that night when I wasn't there, but he left her with a single hard wound on her abdomen.

"I carried her to the town, to every doctor I knew, hoping that she would be saved. I did not know my mistakes would affect your child. She... couldn't be saved. Myrah, I am so sorry," he prayed.

I was horrified. My legs ran to Jimin, who was speaking with his delegates, and my heart couldn't stop pumping with the news.

"Production... Crop... Stop... Kill..." I spoke incoherently as Jimin held my face, and scrutinized my face.

"Burn the Rachrose Kernels, Jimin. Please. Enough of it has reached society. The... no, make Tae in charge of it, he will eradicate it from the market. Hurry,'' I ushered.

"Myrah, you are not in your right mind-"

"Jimin, order it now..." I yelled and fell to the ground. Jimin came near to help me up, but Tae stopped him and took him aside.

Everything I threw came back, whacking me.

"Man-wol-ahhhh," I cried as I blamed the skies and nature for not caring for my baby.

"Aaah," I grabbed my hair and screamed. My maids reached out to lift me, but my sentiments couldn't be encompassed anymore.

"Man-wol ah!" I wailed and ran back to the procession.

My maids held me back as I struggled in their arms, unable to do anything.

"Man-wol... Man-wol..." I murmured her name like a poem, frenzied.

Ri-ma stood from a distance, drained out by my outbursts.

I let out a giggle.

"Ri-ma. Hey. Have you ever called your mom a whore?"

Ri-ma clasped my hands and insisted, "Stop all this blabbering Myrah. Get back to your senses. Let's go to the palace."

"Noooo." I pushed her hands out.

"Tell me! Have you ever called your mother a fucking slut!?"

"Myrah, listen to me. Calm down," she cried, but all of it heckled me.

Who is she to worry about? Why bother me?

"Don't order around me, Ri-ma. Answer me," I roared.

"No! No daughter will call her mother like that. Your daughter will comprehend you. NOW COME," she yelled and pulled me along with her.

"I would feel more fortunate than ever if I even hear a word from my daughter, even if it was a scourge."

"But, what will my mother think of me?"

"Huh?" Ri-ma stopped in her tracks and looked at me.

"I tried to kill my mother, rather than get my child killed," I yelled.

"What are you-"

"I SAID I TRIED TO KILL MY MOTHER, INSTEAD GOT MY CHILD KILLED!"

"What fucking absurdity is that? Min Seong is not your mother, she is a murderer-"

.

My hands trembled as I felt them grow red, and before I knew it, I slapped Ri-ma.

"SHE IS MY FUCKING MOTHER AND IS FUCKING WITH MY HEAD. WHAT SAY, MY DAUGHTER? SHE WILL BE AT LEAST HAPPY DEAD NOT BE BLAMED FOR HER MOTHERS FUCKING DEEDS!"

I took a deep whiff, and spoke in a low voice,

"I am the daughter of Seong Benelez, Ri-ma." I shook my wrists and took a long breath. I have to have control of myself... until...

Like planned everything has been on time. A war fast arrives, while Jimin has to now focus on eradicating the kernels and setting straight the ministry. The dynasty is miles away from destruction. Everything has happened as I had wished. Had I known that my wishes would come true, would I have wished my beloved people were no more dead?

Why wouldn't fate make me happy even after providing it all? My life is now too fucked up to turn back.

"Vices and Carnages have smeared the empire. Shouldn't the Queen reap the merits of most of it? Anything it is, it will have my print on it, and sadly, I have to admit that it has been already now. And this time, it will be the war and my blood." 

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Kat: Is the chapter too slow? But then there are keys to the main plot. Tell me, Is it boring?