"Whenever I'm near her, my mind wants me to get close to her, use her, wreck her, shatter her into pieces till there's nothing left, yet my heart thinks the opposite."

— what are you? by elenacopper

—

☼ TITLE (2/3 points): The title obviously has a connection with the story, but in my opinion I'd change it to something more appealing. It definitely is a different title, I don't think I've ever seen another story on wattpad with the same title, but still, I'd personally change it. Something original, creative and related to the plot.

☼ COVER (4/5 points): The cover is really cute! I really like the colors, flowers and fonts you chose but considering the kind of story it is, I think it would be better to use different pictures: they look very happy but we both know that your story isn't about a lovely couple. They have a relationship and yes, they're really cute to each other sometimes, but it's also a toxic relationship, one that Rosé is scared of most of the time.

☼ DESCRIPTION (6/7 points): I like the description, it's a good way to introduce your story to the readers, but I think it should have a bit more information about Jimin and Rosé. Your description shouldn't have that much dialogue as yours has and I think that the only part of your description that is not a part of the dialogue, doesn't say too much and it mostly is about how she was kicked out of her apartment and how she found Jimin's mother by saving her life and to me, that's not saying much.

☼ FIRST IMPRESSIONS (6/10 points): I liked the first chapter. The beginning of the story is not the typical "I'm late for school" but it doesn't sound legit, it doesn't sound real at all. I mean, it's a story written with Park Jimin, it obviously can't be real right? JDFVJDFJCS but the way they meet and the way his mom decides to offer her a job it's not really normal and I'm pretty sure it wouldn't happen in real life, no matter who that person is, I don't think it's acceptable for someone to just offer a job to other person they just found on the street who happened to save their life. Would you put a stranger in your big ass house, taking care of your son, just because that person saved you? I wouldn't do it, to be honest. Jimin's condition is different, of course and she was desperate to find someone, I understand that. Nevertheless, I was curious to read more and very excited to see Jimin's reaction towards Rosé!

☼ PLOT (18/25 points): The plot is not original, the plot isn't that different from what you usually see around wattpad, but I like what you did with Jimin's character. I found their relationship VERY weird and I still think Jimin is really weird, but I like the fact that there is a reason for him to be like that. You should've explored a bit more about his past, in my opinion it would be really good for the story and it would definitely show a more sensitive side of him. I also think that the chapters are too repetitive. They meet, he approaches her with a smirk on his face, he caresses her cheek and kisses her, then he gets all angry and tells her to go away and she cries her eyes out in her bedroom. This happens in almost every chapter and it gets a bit boring to read because I already know what's going to happen next :(

☼ CHARACTERS (9/15 points): Jimin's my favorite character, I like how cute he is sometimes and how dangerous he seems some other times. Rosé is cute as well, but she's also very innocent and yes, she did stand up for herself a few times but she just keeps having the same reactions. And two things that are bothering me the most: Jimin's mom had to leave, but what kind of mother would leave for that much time and not contact his son a single time? And Rosé's mom? What about her? And how is it possible that they never leave the house? I like their relationship and I like to see how Jimin is changing and even Rosé. I really enjoy seeing how their relationship is evolving, but your characters have a lot of flaws that I'd love for you to explain! It really is important for me and for many other readers to understand what's happening or what happened to every character.

☼ YOUR WRITING STYLE (15/20 points): I think you're good at writing descriptions and you can easily make me (and it probably happens to some other people to) feel like I'm feeling the same way as the characters. You should definitely fix your sentences because some of them are too small. For example, "Tears form in my eyes, my lower lip was trembling. I was still breathing heavily. I feel numb, my body is shaking in fear. My mind can't think straight." You should connect these sentences in one or maybe in two, it would definitely sound better! And in my opinion, it's not very professional to talk to your readers or have one character constantly talking to their subconscious, like it happens with Jimin in chapter 24.

☼ GRAMMAR (10/15 points): I know it's hard to write in english when it isn't our first language. The same thing happens to me all the time. Even though you actually know a lot of words and try to use different verbs and expressions, you should be more careful in your verb tenses because you're always changing from past tense to present tense. You also use commas or periods when none of them are needed and you don't use them when you should. Oh and if you use the verb "do" in the past tense ("did"), it's not correct to use the past tense of another verb after it. It isn't "she didn't needed", it's "she didn't need".

☼ TOTAL SCORE (70/100 points): Good job, sweetheart! I'm actually looking forward to read more of your lovely book and I really hope I wasn't too harsh because I don't want to hurt you or your feelings! You have a lot of potential so please don't ever doubt yourself ❤️ As promised, I'll be voting on every chapter of your book with my second account!

Follow this cutie and shower her with love! I want to see all of you reading and voting on her book, SUPPORT HER! She deserves it ❤️

—

NEXT UP: Possession by ihaneulee

See you soon, my lovelies ♡