Jungkook's P.O.V

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[EARLY OCTOBER, SUNDAY]

In life things come and go.

Doors open and then they close.

Life to me was something akin to a single magic trick. Now you see me, now you don't. Nothing lasts forever; as we live in this world, floating through space with infinite opportunities and galaxies, we're just sitting around and waiting to die eventually. Painful or innocuous, sleep or awake, sane or insane- we're all going through the same bullshit together. But what makes things interesting, is that others are enjoying their time. Meanwhile, some are dreading it. There are plenty of people who sat in silence, completely and utterly paralyzed as they watched life skid by on a motorized vehicle, and trailing behind it, the tears and gasps of misery and anguish from others who are struggling to keep up.

Today was the first day I had gotten to experience the silence.

Every other day there would be no such thing. Even as I laundered in the harbors of the walls of my childhood home. Memories from pictures to kitchen knives left untouched and blinds that have yet to be opened to spill in the sunlight of the passing seasons.

They were everywhere I looked.

I tilted my head as my dark and dim eyes met my own in the reflection of the mirror stationed in my bathroom. I blinked, my nostrils flaring as I stared.

I listened closely, waiting on the voices inside my head to commence speech of befuddling conversations from the past.

I waited to hear the sober voice of my appa and eomma prattling on about my future as a young teenage boy. I used to hear it every second, of everyday, of every moment I spent in this house alone. The howling inside of my head, continuous lectures and the answers to questions I wished I never asked my parents.

But today was new.

Today was a day of peace.

Somehow- after years of hoping and falling into hopelessness- I couldn't hear the whispers anymore.

The more I glared into my pupils, the panic bestowed in my brain had begun to bubble and boil over the top line of my focus. I tapped my fingers on the marbled bathroom counter restlessly, but the tapping wasn't enough- it couldn't possibly suffice; it didn't fill the space and emptiness. My brain felt hollow. My eyes darted around for something to clog the crack that caused my nerves to haywire. I ran a hand through my hair, pushing the greasy black strands away from my forehead, I sucked in a bit of air as if I were about to blow out a candles' flame.

In one swift motion, my hand swung down from my head and over to the faucet knobs, turning on the cold water to hear its plunging force of fluid run into the sink. I exhaled, finally as I ogled the clear flow, my lips began twist into a faint smile; laughter rumbled in my chest, rising upward out of my mouth until it calmed and the short span of giddiness whittled within me.

I looked back up at myself again, disappointed this time.

Nothing lasts forever.

I scoffed to myself, I better leave soon or else Seokjin might actually consider quitting one of these days.

I pushed myself away from the counter, my feet dragged along the carpet as I was entering my room. Everything was the same as it was years before, my childhood room was sacred to me. I didn't dare attempt to redecorate it. Even after the skeleton of my family had been broken and fragmented, now reduced to ash. I kept everything the same- it was another way to fill the cracks.

It was the only home I had.

There laid on my plaid sheets and comforter of my bed, I was in my usual black attire for things that involved the outside world. And considering today was just another continuation of the last, the style never changes. I'm not man of color and vibrance, nor am I man of fashion. I preferred to wear formal clothing no matter the day, and meeting with my therapist of seven years- Kim Seokjin- wasn't going to alter a single move in the ordinary events of my life.

I dressed myself in a timely fashion, humming to myself, clicking my tongue to suppress the peculiar quietude I experienced.

Although, I knew it wasn't possible for things of this nature to suddenly disappear, I wondered how long it'll be until the whisper came trampling back.

I shuffled over to my bathroom once again to fix up my hair in its usual style. Gazing at how my bangs had fallen over my face, it had come to my attention that my hair was in dire need of a trim; the length was growing at an alarming rate as it was beginning to fall over my cheeks at times.

I guess therapy isn't the only thing I had to truck myself through today.

I groaned, momentarily, before opening the drawer below my waist and slipping out my hair gel that I used in situations like these. I parted my hair slightly and gelled it way from face.

With my routine finally complete, I found a pair of Calvin Klein dress shoes, putting them on and then grabbing my phone, wallet, and car keys before heading out of the door of my bedroom. I paced down the hallway to the front door-- with a top lock I needed to fix from it being demolished when I was eight, during a horrid home invasion.

I twisted the knob of my front door, shaking my head from the thought. As I made my way to my car, I breathed in the air. Slow and steady, I looked into the sky so pigmented with blue- the spark wheel of my heart clicked until it ignited eccentrically.

Today was... Off center.

Warped in a way I couldn't obtain an explanation for.

When I was settling inside of my car, I started the engine, my feet pressed against the brake until I was switched into drive. With the car's movement thrumbling beneath me, my finger searched for a something on the radio. Not having too much of a preference on music, I selected the first thing that was able to play. The hymns fading into the background as I drove- just a bit of white noise.

My destination was a bit far from home as it was a part of Seokjin's plan with me from the beginning.

Each session we were to travel further away from my home; it was his way of 'detaching me from the past'. Right away from our first meeting when I was only sixteen, he was able to follow me, everything I've ever told him was stuck onto his notepad or computer. With all of the confusing roadmaps of my life, and the wacky and unpredictable emotional GPS I had when I was so young, he was still able to navigate it.

And as I drove with the petal to the floor, I saw the path in which I had been wandering on. I had gotten far. I was a long way from home- so far in the distance.

It felt nice.

My phone and wallet were sliding on the leather seats of my Buick. I was tempted to pick it up at the sound of my phone's ringtone. I rolled my eyes when I was halting at a red light. My hand patted on the seat for the device. I flipped my hand around to see the screen that displayed a name I didn't want a thing to do with.

Why did my step-brother have to be person he is?

Why couldn't he just leave me behind like he did in the past?

After all of what we've been through, I'm surprised Kim Taehyung even thought of me as a relative.

I sure as hell didn't.

But today had to be different than the rest.

Something's changed.

Maybe he has too.

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[PHONE CALL]

JK= Jeon Jungkook
KT= Kim Taehyung

KT: Hello? Jungkook--

JK: Yes? What is it that you have been calling me for?

KT: To check up on you, brother.

JK: Ha- okay... You have anything to say? Cause there isn't anything happening.

KT: You really are just- I called to ask you how things have been.

JK: And they're fine.

KT: Have you been going to your sessions?

JK: Yes.

KT: So... Why haven't you picked up the phone?

JK: Oh, you know why. Let's not play that game, Taehyung.

KT: I know things are hard right now for you. And I'm just trying to help, and it would be great if you would share a little.

JK: Mhm... Well let's see. I'm in the car, early in the morning, blue sky ahead of me- and I'm still the same twenty-four year old I was the day before. Is that dazzling enough?

KT: Where are you going for your session? Your location is always moving, isn't it?

JK: It's far out...

KT: You know, you could at least try. Holding onto grudges like this isn't healthy- you need to understand that I'm here now... There is no reason why you can't have a normal, family relative conversation with me. You're not okay, and I don't have to be living in the same country for me to get that.

JK: ...

KT: So, talk.

JK: I'm driving right now; I don't think I need a lecture on life as a grown man, Tae. I know you care about me, and I don't get why. It's not like you did during our childhood. I don't have much to say. You left... And I answered this phone, thinking we wouldn't have to go through this for the millionth time.

KT: I've been calling for two months now, Jungkook. And it's for the same reason I am today.

JK: I bet.

KT: You need a break.

JK: Uh-uh...

KT: And you've cooped up in that old house since you've graduated high school. You and I both know the memories in that place are not good for you. You're going to go mad one of these days.

JK: Maybe I already have... Maybe that's why I'm on the way to my therapy session that's right next to Hobi's roller rink? Maybe that's why I trained to be a police officer? Maybe that's why I'm taking up so much valuable time I have with the silence in my head to speak to you?

KT: I...

JK: What?

KT: I just want you know that I miss you... And- and even though I'm not there, I'm not going to forget about you like our parents did to us... I won't allow myself. And I don't know how many times I'm going to have to say it, but I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Jungkook.

JK: Okay.

KT: There's a spare room in my house that hasn't been furnished.

JK: Isn't that supposed to be for what's-his-face?

KT: My boyfriend Yoongi isn't moving in until his lease ends at his place in a few months. For now the room is open, and you're welcome to come and stay.

JK: You're really funny hyung... Didn't think you'd tell jokes that well.

KT: I'm serious, it could be good for you to relax and stop boxing yourself in... You're... You're not working right now, are you? After the funeral--

JK: No, I'm not.

KT: Alright, then you can come to America for a while. Chicago is definitely not the same city as Busan; I guarantee it... Plus, I have a friend that might be traveling over soon- maybe you could hang out or--

JK: I have to go, Taehyung.

KT: O-oh okay then... Call me after your session if you're thinking about flying over. I'll pick up.

JK: Sure.

[END CALL]

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I hung up the call after saying the last word. The entire time as I spoke to him my chest felt like it had been kicked in and all of the wind left my lungs. Whatever air I let in this car had been sucked out, vacuuming the atmosphere and unapologetically leaving me to concentrate on driving.

As I passed the only roller rink I knew of, I tapped my fingers along the steering wheel in an erratic pattern not even I could recreate in the future.

Leave Korea?

How ludacris of an idea that would be.

Staying at his house, eating his food...

I wouldn't last a minute there.

But now it's there. The unescapable part of our human minds that coax us to dig deep into situations like these, exploring and chasing a phantom of a dream or idea. To the point that we're all just imagining the impossible and shooting for the moon, hoping that there are enough stars for us to land in.

Going to America...

My mind faded in and out as I was pulling into the nearby field where I noticed Seokjin's mini-van parked in front of the old, worn-down parking lot that sat in front of it. I parked next to the car, taking deep breathes to regulate the levels of irritation that riled my senses. I opened my car door with my phone in hand, closing it after I exited, and I stretched my gaze to find Seokjin sitting calmly at the far end of the field on some sort of bench.

Thankfully, Seokjin lifted his head up to see me as I walked in his direction. I could make out his luminous smile from several feet away.

The older man shouted, "Jungkook-ah! Nice to see you!"

A smile graced my lip as I eyed the older man; I waved. "Good morning!"

Seokjin then stood from his seat on the bench and placed his hand on his hips, meeting me nearly half way as I walked. When we were close enough not to yell, I zeroed in on his eyes that were always scanning me, analyzing my well-bring before we got started.

The redheaded man grinned. "It really is a good morning, isn't it?"

I blinked, not sure how to reply. "Sure, it is."

The older male tiled his head at me. "Oh, come on. I've known you since you learned to drive, young man. I think I picked up on a few things along the way."

That was the thing about Seokjin, he wasn't a relative to me, but after my first session with him it's become natural to tell him things that I- if my parents or brother were with me right now-  wouldn't dare say to another. And I learned years ago no to take that for granted.

Seokjin strolled beside me as we headed over to the bench he had occupied with his laptop and notebook filled with sticky notes and folded papers. We took a seat not long after our arrival. He slapped his palms on his lap, sitting up straight with a powerful, upbeat voice like normal.

"So... There's something different about you today, Jungkook. And you must share that thing-- it's made your eyes less dim." I hummed at his observation.

"I can't hear them today." I stated, waiting on Seokjin's praised.

"Do you know why? " My chin lifted from my hand, eyes peering over to the other man blankly.

"No."

Seokjin chuckled. "Well then... That's okay. Let's talk about how it makes you feel. Are you comfortable without the whispers?"

"Not really." Seokjin jerked his head back a little, seeming to be in shock.

"Why is that?" He asked, and I looked up the heavily pigmented sky and over to a tree in the distance.

"It's too... Silent. It- I'm not used to it." Seokjin nodded, grabbing his note book, jotting a few things down.

"Do you know any ways that you might be able to counter that? You made it all the way here- how did you manage?" My tongue swiped he inside of my cheek.

"Noise." I answered plainly.

Seokjin began to write once more. "Right,
and--"

Interrupting his speech was my ringtone- for the second time in the matter of twenty-five minutes- sounding out into the nature of our session.

I quickly glanced at my phone before powering it off, not putting effort onto it.

"My apologies." Seokjin shook his head dismissively, waving his hand.

"No, no, it's perfectly fine... Do you have any idea if that call was important?" I stalled a bit too long for him, so he pressed on before I was able to say a word, "and if you do... Are you okay with telling me who it was from? You normally don't forget these things." He was right- I wanted to claim it so, but it hadn't fallen true.

Today wasn't anything like yesterday.

I swallowed. "My step-brother has been attempting to speak to me. Again."

"Ah..." Seokjin began writing, "... You don't speak of him much anymore since your teenage years between from fifteen to seventeen. You said that was because he moved to America- and I will not touch on that subject right now- you have not mentioned him in the following years. Has he called you because of this?"

I furrowed my brows, feeling the tugging conflict between what has been lodged inside my brain and what I need to say to steer this in the right direction. Both were the truth; one was just colder than the other.

So, I'll tell both.

"He called me because he misses me," Seokjin's eyes enlarged, "and he wants me to also travel to Chicago in the middle of fall to spend time with him and whoever else he might've invited."

Seokjin sat frozen as we made eye contact finally. "And... Did you give him an answer on that? Do you think you are capable of taking that step? Going that far?"

"No, and I don't think I will. If he misses me so much, he could've traveled here. I don't think I could manage staying with him." Seokjin inhales, crossing his legs.

"Does your brother know of your condition now? Does he understand--"

"Yes, he does." I cut in thoughtlessly, I sat back to readjust my stand point in the session. I breathed in and let out a small apology.

A smile still fleeted onto Seokjin's lips. "Then, if he knows the circumstances, he might be reaching out to aid you, Jungkook."

I tsked. "Through thirteen hours of flight?"

Seokjin chuckled at me, pulling out a sticky note and handing it to me. "I believe so." I grabbed the orange cut of paper; he handed me a pen afterward.

"What is this..." Seokjin clapped his hands, startling me a bit.

"You..." I raised an eyebrow curiously, "... Are going to use this note and write down all of the pros and cons of going to see your brother... Take it as an only an experiment. Be completely honest, you can talk through it if you like."

I fought the urge to roll my eyes and rested the tip of my pen on the note. Seokjin passed me his notebook and nodded for me to begin.

I wrote and spoke out the first things that came to mind. "It's problematic... It's expensive... It's a waste of my time... I don't want to stay at another person's place... I don't want to leave my home either..." I took a pause, regrouping anything else I could pour on the note.

"Okay, now flip the note over. It's blank, you can start over, thinking about the pros this time. Go ahead." His cheerful voice was putting dents in my protected, steeled mind somehow as I overturned my negative opinions and settled on positive- slightly better- things to write.

"I'll get to meet a family member of mine... This will be the farthest I've been from home in a decade... People do not know of my family there... There's plenty of noise in the city... I don't have to worry about house upkeep..." My lips twitched before saying the last one that appeared in my head, "Taehyung will be 'happy' to see me."

I handed the note back to Seokjin who looked over the two sides with intensity. "I counted five and six..." I handed him the pen as well, "... Your pros do outweigh your cons."

"Most of them can be rolled into one thing." I reminded him, and he gave me this glimmering look that shined into mine.

"Ah, well then, Mr. Jeon- I guess my count was off," he cleared his throat, "then your cons only amount to one reason and your pros still dominate."

My mouth fell open as I gawked at the paper he held in his hand. "You don't want to meet your sibling because of one reason, and it's because you are worrying about how it will turn out. Will it be ugly? Will you be able to sleep at night under the roof of another family member whom you seem to not trust? I understand."

"Then you know why I refuse."

"Then I know why you didn't give him an answer right away. You're thinking about it, and that's okay... I tell you time and time again, that when you wake up there is a new day and you can choose to make it eventful or you can choose to do absolutely nothing. Trust and believe me, Mr. Jeon. I know what I'm talking about." My mouth felt dry, my tongue heavy and not able to lift or mouth a word. The noise of my heart beat mollified my rampant thoughts and doubts.

Leaving Korea...

"You don't hear them anymore, Jungkook. So don't let them control you- at least for today- do what you know feels right. Do what's best." Seokjin encouraged and my jaw clenched as I held back a remark and instead, I allowed the silence between us kick in and settle.

Would that be so horrible?

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Another forty minutes passed and Seokjin and I had to wrap up our meeting. We parted our ways like usual, saying our goodbyes before one of us drove away. My mouth was finally able to move after being tied in the bondage of Seokjin's wisdom. This wasn't the first time I had fallen speechless when he spoke to me. There were plenty of moments when I didn't have a clue on how to respond to his clever points.

He made me feel like an open book that was begging to be sealed shut.

But there was no way around it.

As I sat inside of my car, looking out of the windshield emotionless and stale. My hand wandered to my pocket, patting over my phone until I had the strength to hold it in my hand and power it on from such a long slumber. I pressed my lips together, unlocking the phone as I opened my contact list.

I swiped over to Taehyung's number while it glared at me with intent. I nibbled on my bottom lip, sliding my finger across the screen to call him.

The device rumbled against the pads of my fingers as it dialed. And as promised, he picked up.

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[PHONE CALL]

JK= Jeon Jungkook
KT= Kim Taehyung

KT: Hello?

JK: Yes, hello... You're listening right?

KT: Yes, Jungkook.

JK: Okay then... I'm only calling you to give an answer to your question.

KT: G-great, lay it on me then.

JK: I have... Decided to take you up on your offer, but--

KT: What?

JK: Are you going to let me finish? Or should I hang up and call back next year? You know I don't have a problem with that.

KT: No, go ahead I- just wasn't expecting...

JK: Neither did I... Anyway, since I have made this decision, I just wanted to tell you that I don't feel comfortable staying there with you. I would prefer not to.

KT: Oh, well that's fine- I just found out that my friend might actually make it here next week so... I'll just- rent you out a condo for however long--

JK: A week at most.

KT: A week. I'll rent one out for a week, I'll even pay for a rental car--

JK: No, no- I won't let you control what I drive while I'm there. I will take care of that.

KT: Fair... Okay then. Next week?

JK: Yes, next week.

KT: Alright! See you then! Hyung loves you so much--

JK: I need to get somewhere soon,

KT: Yeah, sorry- just excited you know? See you soon, brother.

[END CALL]

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Tossing phone right after ending the call, my heart was racing as I ran a hand through my hair, my fingers getting tangled at the ends. I groaned, thinking about my next step.

I guess I really do need that hair cut now.

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A/N: SOOO... HOW WAS IT?!

I know this is a slow pace, but chapter three will finally have the jikook you're waiting for.

Q: THOUGHTS ON JUNGKOOK'S PERSONALITY?

Q: IDEAS ON HIS PARENTS AND WHO THEY ARE?

Q: OPINIONS ON TAEKOOK'S RELATIONSHIP AND INTERACTION?

Well as you guys know...

You'll just have to wait and see for the next chapter!

Love you guys!

XxxS