C H A P T E R   XI

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UNDOUBTEDLY, MERLIN'S LOYALTIES lay with Arthur, with Gauis and with Camelot. But he'd be deceiving his heart if he were to deny the fragment of himself that remained binded to Ealdor.

Returning to his hometown had been as refreshing as he'd hoped, if a little dampened by the impending peril of Kanen and his raiders. Still, he'd been eternally grateful to be reunited with his doting mother, to feel her tender embrace, to momentarily return to the distant memory of childhood innocence.

When the battle was won in Ealdor, when Arthur had proved triumphant against Kanen, he and his band of loyal companions began the journey back to Camelot.

As the palace peaked into view beyond the net of trees and their dappled leaves, Merlin contemplated his mother's parting words.

"You're like two sides of the same coin." She'd told him, a delicate waver of affection in her tone.

Those words echoed his conscience. Their affinity with the sage advice from Kilgarah proved too poignant of a coincidence to ignore. Though it was beyond his comprehension, Merlin's destiny was somehow intertwined with Arthur's. Inseparable, as a moth to a flame.

"Hurry up, Merlin! Are you riding a horse or a snail?" Arthur's words broke through his reverie.

The prince had managed to stride far ahead of the accompanying horses, making a fierce beeline for the palace. Merlin, unburdened by Arthur's pressing rush to return to the castle, had adopted a much more leisurely pace.

"Sorry, Sire. Wouldn't want to be late back to Semelé, would we?"

An impish grin tugged at Merlin's lips, purposefully wreathing his words with light-hearted taunting. Arthur gave a blunt reply, his tone falling to a dispassionate monotone, as he spoke rather matter-of-factly.

"No, we wouldn't, considering I've been employed to guard her."

"But it's more than just that, isn't it?" Merlin was reluctant to cease his teasing. "You go all doe-eyed when she's in the room, you do that toothy smile. I mean, I can practically see the mark where cupid hit you."

Arthur tossed his head back to look at his manservant, his brows knitted together in agitation. "What on earth are you babbling about, Merlin?"

"Come on, Arthur. Love is nothing to be ashamed of."

Those words made Arthur's blood curdle, suddenly lurching out into a fierce defence, barricading his true sentiment.

"I'm not in love!" His reply was cutting, but he suddenly found himself falling silent.

Arthur had never explicitly confronted his feelings about Semelé, not even to himself. The truth is, he didn't dare, for fear that acknowledging the severity of his affections would only strengthen them, leading to an agonising heartbreak when his desires were not fulfilled. He was a rational man, despite his emotions, and understood the categorical impossibility of a relationship with Semelé.

"Even if I were, nothing could ever come of it." He concluded, in a sombre tone.

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IT WASN'T LONG before the castle sharpened into view. No time was wasted in dismounting his horse, returning to the depths of the palace and reuniting with Semelé.

She was evidently pleased to see Arthur, a disarming little smile forming on her face at the sight of him, and was eager to hear of his triumph in Ealdor. The thick blanket of dusk was descending on Camelot by this time, so Arthur told the tale as he escorted Semelé to her chambers, paying extra credence to the details that glorified his courageous exploits.

Semelé invited him into her chambers in hopes of extending their conversation. The offer was so open, so casual, that Arthur barely even considered the implications of such an action.

"You're quite the hero." She concluded, leaning against the wall adjacent to her window, "To both Ealdor and Camelot, apparently."

A strange, dejected little laugh was pulled from Arthur. Joining her at the window, a somewhat sarcastic smile graced his features, his eyes rolling in somersaults. He huffed the air out from his cheeks.

"Not everyone thinks that way."

"Arthur," Semelé looked at him with renewed gravity, "Your people adore you."

Again, he broke into that oddly scornful smile. It was almost condescending, they way it ridiculed her words, stripping them of their sentiment. He was so blinded by disbelief, so unwilling to accept her words as truth, Arthur could only interpret them as some form of cruel joke. Some sadistic ploy to undermine him, enforcing his insecurities.

"They probably think I'm a fool." He clenched the words between his teeth, ripe with bitterness.

Lifting her gaze to meet his, Semelé's brows furrowed, forming an expression of such acute concern for him, even Arthur found himself taken aback.

"They don't think that at all." She said, immediately.

"Really?" He arched a brow, "What do they think then?"

"Well, from what I've heard, they really like you."

"Do they, now?"

The theatrical vaulting of his eyebrows and deadpan tone suggested Arthur was a little skeptical. His adamance to accept her words was bordering on irksome. Garnering her thoughts, Semelé continued with as much fervency as she could muster.

"Infact, they love you."

She never ceased looking at him. Their gazes met, and she had finally captured his attention. Now brimming with renewed confidence, Semelé went on, grasping the words that could harness her sentiment, rinsing her tone of any shadows of falseness.

"They won't forget how you fight for them, care for them; and when the world goes dark and their breath runs short, they'll remind themselves of the man who taught them of courage and compassion."

A brisk shiver brushed Arthur's spine, feeling his heart stammer and leap to his throat. This was certainly no snare to belittle his pride, nor gratuitous flattery to garner favours. This was genuine, heartfelt and honest. Arthur was rendered speechless — breathless, even — as he watched Semelé tear her own heart asunder to form these precious words. He swallowed thickly.

"It's as if they look at you, and all of a sudden they know exactly what kind of person they want to be." Semelé said, "And they can hardly believe he's standing there right in front of their eyes."

Arthur choked, stifling a sob. His pupils were blown, sparkling with tears, his gaze flicking over Semelé's features, unable to voice the thousands of thoughts running rampant in his head. His lips were pursed, soft and rounded, their delicate swell so terribly appealing.

"They think that about me?" His voice had curled into a frail whisper.

"Well... That's what I've heard."

Arthur was afraid to admit the way her words made him feel, but his head was spinning, and his heart was drumming so hard against his ribs it threatened to burst right through his chest. He was in no position to battle his emotions, and thus found himself surrendering, falling feebly to his heart's mercy.

He edged forward, somewhat helplessly, like a puppet tugged forward by it's strings. The flutter of his breath could be felt on Semelé's lips. She wanted this, utterly and completely, and knew that beneath the tornado raging in his soul, Arthur wanted this too.

Stepping to meet with her desires, to follow her heart's thunderous call, Semelé leaned forward.

But something stopped Arthur, pulling him back, pulling him from the clutches of this clouded fantasy. He stepped back rather abruptly, clearing his throat.

"I should be bidding you a good night." He couldn't bring himself to meet her gaze.

She stared after him, dumbfounded, as Arthur made a somewhat solemn exit. He felt the weight of Semelé's gaze, the weight of her heart, lying heavy on his back as he left.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE

please don't hate me.

i know the "almost kiss" is overdone but arthur has a LOT to think about and doesn't wanna throw himself into something he knows can never happen. semelé is a lot more open to her heart than arthur is (which can be a good thing and a bad thing, because it makes her a little impulsive and irrational at times) so she would never have been the one to pull away, but arthur has a slightly more rational edge that stopped him from going through with it.

also, idk if i made it clear but this chapter is set directly after series 1 episode 10, in which arthur and merlin go and defend ealdor. just thought it'd be nice to clarify where we are in terms of series cannon :))

my goodness this was so hard to write, considering it's one of the most important moments of the relationship's development so far. idk if i did it justice 😖 but i hope you enjoyed!