↻ AUTHOR ࿐྄ྀ  harshitasinghfreakou
↻ REVIEWER ࿐྄ྀ  badestbitchhh_

First Light :: 13.5/20

» Title :: 4.5/5

The name suited the story well since the male protagonist came from the moon and as described in the story, he was a beauty. The title looks captivating and I actually wanted to read it just by looking at it.

» Cover :: 6/10

The cover is really beautiful but the font placement could be adjusted. The size of the author name could be decreased by a bit and placed in the bottom middle while the title could be written somewhere in the middle of the cover. The font used for ‘the moon’ could be increased a little more than the font used for ‘majesty’ underneath and then placed at suggestive places.

» Blurb :: 3/5

The blurb honestly was pretty good but it gave off the information the story has till now. There’s a few mistakes too… like, “what she was aware of was the melody healing the burning sensation running her nerves.”

Here, there should have been a comma (,) after, ‘what she was aware of was’ and it would be ‘running through her nerves’, not 'running her nerves’.

Dawn :: 5/10

I liked how it started at first, but the grammatical mistakes broke the flow many times. Also, I’m not sure how the pain in the body would be referred to further ahead but it is kind of confusing if it doesn’t occur anymore for the next three chapters. She would at least try and think about it right? It was as if she completely forgot something unusual happened in her body for a couple of days or weeks. It is understood that it wasn’t the first time but completely forgetting about it? Maybe you’ll make this a reference further ahead but from the four chapters I read, this is what I stumbled upon.

Plot and Idea :: 9/20

I can’t really guess the whole plot from the written chapters but the storyline seemed good. Although, I think it was a bit rushed in the end without description for two-three more days. It seemed a bit incomplete and surreal how only a day’s information was there and the next thing we know is the female protagonist catching feelings while there were tad bits of information on what has been going on. Till now, there are no twists or turns but the ending of the chapters are pretty good. It somehow gives me a sense of continuing, as if the story won’t disappoint.

Characters and Emotions :: 8/15

The characters were described well but not fully, if said... one could only try to imagine their face rather than the whole person. The emotions also were explained pretty well but minor details matter. I am not sure if it were typos or just left incomplete but it broke the flow and had a pull back while expressing both the characters.

Writing Style :: 8/15

I liked the tone used to convey the story but there were a lot of grammatical mistakes as mentioned before. Besides that, the story could use a little bit more description for specific emotions/actions. The sentences were really long so I'll suggest you replace the punctuation marks where necessary.

Specific point out - Used “you” in third person pov. 

Grammar :: 5/20

The main issues were :

» Syntax :: Rather than using a lot of commas, you could use another punctuation mark. An example as to how you could start is 'I have always loved the moon, because, whenever it comes up — I can feel him. The only time of the day, when I can feel his presence. When I am alone...but not lonely.' Besides this, here it says it's the only time but as I remember...the male protagonist was with her everyday, not only at night time.

When I began(was begun written as begun) to cough blood (should have added a full stop after this instead of comma) I felt my body going numb (again a period would be better)every nerve of my body was overstimulating with pain running over me (again a period).

Then, rather than "my eyes fell on the moon, moon’s light was the only source of light at the moment," it should have been "My eyes fell on the moon. It was the only source of light at the moment."

Occurred into my body doesn’t seem correct in the description, and it may confuse the readers. I'll suggest to use happened or something like that instead.

» Mention of time two times; "it wasn’t the first time this time occurred in my body."

» Incomplete/confusing :: there didn’t seem to be any and me being left all alone didn’t help.

What is "any" here? Also, tense correction… it either has to be seem to be any and then helped at the last or seemed to be any and then help at the last.

» Tense :: "how did you came here" should have been "how did you come here"

» Extra :: Mention of eye color change… a human can’t see their eyes without seeing their reflection, how could the character tell that her eyes changed from black to red or red to black?

TOTAL :: 48.5/100

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Yours Truly,
SeeSaw Fam.