↻ AUTHOR ࿐྄ྀ  -Yoonshooky
↻ REVIEWER ࿐྄ྀ  astrxzaki

First Light :: 13.5/20

» Title :: 3.5/5

Titles are meant to be eye-catching, something that would strike and capture the reader’s attention in an instant, yet it needs to be relevant to the story’s plot. Upon seeing the title of your book, I’ll be completely honest: I really thought you misspelled ‘Pleasure’.

Plexure means “the act or process of weaving together”. What I took from this was that it signifies the main characters’― Jimin and Y/N― relationship, and how their fates are intertwined with each other’s. That even though Y/N left in the beginning, they’d still meet each other later in their lives.

At least, that’s what my take on your title was. It’s quite brilliant, really, so props to you for coming up with that.

» Cover :: 7/10

Your cover is simple, but the lighting and colouring are flawless. Although the actual book’s ‘aura’ is darker and way more serious, it still somewhat captures the book’s main theme.

I do have a bit of an issue with the fonts, titles and subtitles. Instead of two separate lines for the title, I advise you merge it to one line, seeing as the word itself is singular. I also suggest you switch the subtitles’ position, so your name will be located at the bottom of the book, much like professional book covers are.

Other than that, I don’t have any problems with your cover.

» Blurb :: 3/5

A blurb, similar to the title and cover, must define your story. It should include the relevant details within, summarizing the book’s plot, but keeps the deep points and plot twist/s hidden.

After reading the synopsis, I honestly thought this’d just be an angsty romance book with countless misunderstandings, a redemption arc and more. So you can trust me when I say I was a tad bit surprised when it suddenly revealed that Y/N was part of a ‘group’ along with the others, and Jimin was kidnapped. 

I think you should’ve placed a few subtle hints in your blurb that this book includes more than just romance. It would get the reader thinking ‘oh, so that’s what that meant’ instead of ‘wait, this was a mafia au?’ and would make so much more sense to them. Similarly, it’ll attract readers who are looking for books in the action and romance genres.

That’s all I have to say regarding your blurb. I really liked it, but like I said, it lacks something. It can surely garner the readers’ attention, but I think you’ll be able to gather more if you tweak it up a bit.

Dawn :: 6/10

The book (as I somehow suspected) starts off with an explicit scene. Not all relationships need sex in order to thrive, but sex certainly deepens two individuals together. And while I think this part is a crucial detail to the story to enclose Jimin and Y/N’s relationship with each other, I think it would have been better if you started the chapter with what happened in the morning, such as sweet greetings and whatnot, leading up to their erotic activities in the nighttime.

The first chapter gives some insight into their relationship, but it isn’t in depth enough and doesn’t quite explain what Y/N is to Jimin and vice versa. Jimin’s anguish over the disappearance of his lover, from our perspective, seems overexaggerated since we barely got any romantic content from the two of them and everything seems unclear to us.

I suggest you add a few more chapters, show their deep relationship to the readers, whilst working on world building. And maybe drop a few interesting yet subtle hints here and there, like Y/N sometimes being late to dates or ‘spending the night at a friend’s’. It’ll give some of your readers something to ponder on before the big reveal.

Plot and Idea :: 10/20

Original plots and ideas are crucial for a book to stand out and garner attention. A lot of readers tend to skip over books with cheesy and overused plotlines, so it’s important to put your own twists into the mix.

I believe your story is kind of like a mafia au, where one’s a secret mafia member and the other is an oblivious citizen who gets captured. It’s not overused, but it isn’t uncommon either, so I suggest adding more unique aspects that’ll make your book unique and different from the others, that’ll pique the audience’s uttermost interest. It’ll certainly help elevate your readers’ enjoyment and help freshen their perspective of the prompt. 

Characters and Emotions :: 7/15

Whilst the overall mood is somewhat dark and sullen― which it should be, given the storyline― I notice how the emotion seems…all over the place, in some parts. It isn’t exactly overdone, but it lacks a bit. It might have something to do with the lengthy sentences and repeated words (see the Grammar section for my input).

Jimin’s character writing was done decently, though I can’t say the same for Y/N (and some of the other characters, like Jessica and Namjoon). Self-insert characters are the hardest to write, and although I see that Y/N has many scenes centering around her, something is lacking about her. Maybe it was the lack of personality, or the background information, or maybe it’s something else, but I think this is a very small hole in the story that needs to be patched up.

Also, a minor detail I find troubling: why is there a character named Jessica when it’s set in South Korea? Along with Jay. I don’t know whether or not they’re foreigners because I was only able to read 10 chapters, but unless you didn’t clarify this later in the book, I suggest you stick to Korean characters and names only.

Writing Style :: 6/15

Your writing style is simple and easy to understand. While I have a few comments about some grammatical aspects in your writing, I’ll leave that for the Grammar section of this review.

First, the pacing. I do admit I think the story’s going a bit fast, especially for what’s supposedly a slow burn. Like I’ve said before, the main pairing’s relationship is unclear to us, and all the scenes from Chapters 2-5 seem to unravel rather hastily, starting from Y/N’s disappearance and ending in Jimin’s quick capture.

Second, the switching between POVS. The story mainly focuses on Y/N and Jimin, but I notice how it switches from, let’s say, Y/N to Jimin, then to Y/N again before the next chapter starts. Then there are other POVs sometimes, like accomplices and mysterious people whose identities have yet to be disclosed.

I advise you to stick to one or two POVs in a chapter as to not give so much information at a time, or instead of letting the main pair share the spotlight, focus on one character and their side of the story first. It’s less tricky to write, and is easier for the audience to fully comprehend what’s happening in the story solely through a single character’s perspective.

And lower the pace a bit, just slow enough for the reader’s understanding and interest to grow, but not too slow that it bores the reader.

Grammar :: 9.5/20

Whilst your writing skills and ability to properly narrate a scene is a bit more proficient than others, you tend to use a lot of terms (i.e. making, then, etc.) that lengthens sentences. I wouldn’t call it entirely bad, but repetitive use of these words― thus creating very lengthy paragraphs― can certainly ruin the mood, especially if the scene is angsty.

Example 01: He serves himself with some mashed potatoes and soup, not really in the mood to eat but he isn’t sure how many meals he will be allowed to have and hence takes the chance to keep himself fed.

There is no break between phrases, making it seem like the story is going too fast (which, for what’s supposedly a slow burn, it is). I suggest splitting the single tedious sentences into multiple shorter ones.

Example 01, revised: Although he wasn’t really in the mood to eat, he served himself with some mash potatoes and soup. He was unsure of how many meals he’d be allowed to have, and decided to seize the chance to keep himself fed and energized.

Another flaw I found is how you sometimes use wrong verbs in some passages.

For example, in Segment 1: 06, you wrote, ‘Jimin aches to open his eyes’. That sentence, as I can tell, is grammatically incorrect. Ache, as a verb, means ‘hurting’ or ‘yearning’, both of which are inapt for this passage. I suggest you change it to ‘Jimin struggled to open his eyes’ or the likes.

And then comes punctuation.

To be completely honest, punctuation is kind of tricky and confusing, which is probably why a lot of writers (especially across Wattpad) tend to use periods instead of commas or vice versa.

Example 02: “He’s cool,” she shrugs, continuing working on shading the sand of the sand clock a blood-red colour that matches with her lips.

Unless you’re following the dialogue with an action (runs, wiggles, etc.) and not a dialogue tag (questioned, shouted, etc.), you put a comma before the speech mark (“).

Example 02, revised: “He’s cool.” She shrugs, and continues to shade the sand clock, painting it a blood-red color that matches her lips.

Your writing is decent enough, darling. It just needs a bit more work. Don’t be afraid to expand your vocabulary, ditch the unnecessary italicization and exaggeration of some (if not most) words, and put your entire heart into your writing. I believe in you.

TOTAL :: 52/100

Reviewer's Note :: I apologize if some of these don’t make sense. I was listening to the soundtracks from ‘In The Heights’ and ‘Six’ on repeat while writing and editing half of these so I sometimes get sidetracked (keyword: SOMETIMES).

Moving on, I also apologize if I came off as rude and may have offended you in any way. I really don’t mean to. I’m just here to offer my input and advice, so I hope my words and criticism helped. Looking forward to reading more chapters and seeing your improvement! Wish you all the best. :))

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Yours Truly,
SeeSaw Fam.