↻ AUTHOR ࿐྄ྀ  -KXM_WXNTER
↻ REVIEWER ࿐྄ྀ  astrxzaki

First Light :: 12.5/20

» Title ::  3.5/5

The title, ‘Emotional Benefits’, is relevant to the story and fits the story’s main plotline. It’s also not that common amongst novels, so props to you for coming up with that.

The only problem I have is how you used fonts in your title. I understand if you want your book to be ‘aesthetic’, but this will just lessen the chance of readers finding or searching for your book, thus making it harder for you to gain a bigger audience.

It’s also hard to read, especially if you use an old device or a device that limits (?) fonts. Most fonts show up as boxes on some devices, so I advise you to change that and refrain from using fonts for your title, blurb, and more.

» Cover :: 7/10

A cover showcases the story’s main theme, what the atmosphere of the story will be. If the story’s light, then a light cover will suit the book most. And let me say, your cover is, without a doubt, splendid. The lighting, the vibrance, the title’s fonts; it fits the theme and it’s nice to look at, so well done.

Although, there are a few flaws I’d like to point out, one of which being the absence of your name/username. I suggest you edit your book cover once more and add your name to it to prevent bad situations from happening (i.e. another user reposts your work on another site).

Another is the size of the subtitle, which I couldn’t read without squinting. I suggest enlarging the text a bit, just by two or three sizes. But otherwise, your cover is alright.

» Blurb :: 2/5

A blurb is supposed to be eye-catching, something catchy that will immediately capture the audience’s attention. When I first read the blurb, I got the gist of what the story’s about, but it didn’t actually summarize your story’s plot and the twist/problems the characters will face.

It’s just a single-line dialogue, and although it showcased and said what the main pair’s relationship is, I doubt you’ll be able to catch readers’ attention with only a quote. I suggest adding two to three more sentences that summarizes the plot (but make sure to leave the plot twists!) and briefly but clearly explains their situation.

And on another note. I’ve told you about this in the ‘title’ part already, but please refrain from using special fonts for the blurb. I first read the book on my phone and the characters (for both the title and blurb) were all boxes so I wasn’t able to read it until I used my laptop. I suggest you change it to the default Wattpad font because some readers might encounter a similar problem like mine if they come across your book.

Dawn :: 5/10

The starting of the first chapter came off really strong. Y/N and Taehyung are what readers call ‘fuck buddies’, which is probably the reason why you started off the book with a smut scene.

I don’t really have a problem with it, really, though I wished you showed how exactly they came into that agreement in the first place, how things escalated and how they suddenly agreed to become friends with benefits. It’s a missing hole in this story that needs to be filled.

(And if you did end up writing about their intertwined past in the latest/newest chapters, I suggest adding them to the beginning instead. Kind of like a prologue that explains their backstory and how the two came to be.)

Plot and Idea :: 4/20

I’ll be upfront about this: there really isn’t anything special or unique about your plot. A person in a ‘friends with benefits’ situation somehow falls in love with the other, who happens to be in a secret relationship with her best friend― I’ve seen it all before.

This trope is, and I’m being completely honest here, overused and even cheesy to some, so I suggest you switch a few things up. You know, add more details and original ideas that makes this book different from the rest, something that will leave an imprint on your reader’s mind.

Also, I hate to be that one annoying person who sticks to real facts (even though this is a fanfiction), but let’s be real here. It says that Y/N ‘isn’t active in her studies’, so how did she get into Harvard, one of the hardest schools in the world to get into? As a transfer student, no less? It isn’t something done on a whim and there are a myriad of requirements needed, so I doubt she’d be accepted.

And another thing. If Y/N was a new transfer student, then how come the head director asked her, out of all students, to escort the other new transfer student around a school she barely knows? It doesn’t make any sense at all.

Character and Emotions :: 4/15

In order for the readers to fully enjoy books and relate to the characters, the author needs to properly illustrate their character’s feelings. But to be completely honest, I’m confused with how exactly Y/N felt after the ‘breakup’ (if you can even call it that).

She cried and wrote about two songs after their huge fallout, so it made me automatically assume that she’d either try to completely forget about him or still be so hung up on him even after months of separation. And if she met him after months or years of not seeing him, no matter what she chose to do, she’d have most likely felt some sort of nostalgic heartbreak and try to avoid him to prevent the same thing from happening. That would’ve been the most logical thing to do.

But she willingly gave up her number the same day she saw him again? With a confident smirk, as well. She acts as if they’re friends and nothing has happened between them― which should be okay if there’s more internal monologues or something similar that explains/describes why Y/N decided to move on and act casual even though he caused her a lot of pain.

Ah, and also, if Y/N loves music, how come she took a Business and Psychology course instead of Music? I don’t think you stated why she chose that course within the first ten chapters, so if you do have a reason, I suggest putting it in one of the early chapters to avoid confusion.

And after reading the third chapter, I noticed how two characters have American names; Sky and Justin. And while I don’t know whether or not they’re transfer students or something similar, please refrain from using English names when the story is set in a Korean school.

Unless, of course, you state that they are foreign students. But after further reading and analysing, you made no indication of stating those. I suggest changing their names to Korean ones seeing as the story is set in Korea, like Haneul (meaning ‘sky’) and Jeonghwa (meaning ‘righteous’).

Writing Style :: 5/15

Your chapters are average in length and writing style is alright. It’s simple, not lacking in description but not overdoing it too.

Although I do have a problem with how you switch from past to present tense. You use the words ‘asked’, ‘said’, and more after dialogues, then use verbs in present tense like ‘snapping’ and ‘standing’. It’s a bit perplexing (not to mention bothersome), so it should definitely be avoided as much as possible.

And in order to keep a professional atmosphere, please abstain from adding spaces between the dialogue and quotation marks, as well as put the dialogue action (?) in a different paragraph.

Example:

“ I am in the Economics and Business section “
Taehyung replied with a subtle smile.

should be changed to:

“I’m in the Economics and Business section,” Taehyung replied with a subtle smile.

Grammar :: 6.5/20

Like your writing style, your grammar is decent; not too basic and can be understood by the audience. Although I do advise you to limit your use of adverbs (i.e. words ending in -ily) after the dialogues, along with the word ‘said’. Instead, try using similar terms (i.e. ‘hollered’, ‘whispered’, ‘cackled’, etc.).

And another thing that bothers me is how some― if not most― of the sentences have no proper punctuation. You tend to overuse commas (‘,’), writing it so a whole paragraph is combined into one sentence. Periods (‘.’) are needed so there’s a break between sentences, so the paragraph looks presentable and is readable. Without it, everything just looks messy.

You should change the wording a bit and learn when and where to use specific punctuation marks. Other than commas and periods, you can also use other punctuations like dashes (‘-’) and semicolons (‘;’). If you don’t have time to do it, I suggest you get an editor who’ll help you smoothen things out.

For example:

Sitting on the chair behind Y/n, Taehyung was not paying attention to the class at all, since he was so busy looking at Y/n and what she is doing, waiting patiently for her to turn around put her hand in her bag that is now filled with cockroaches, real cockroaches.

can be changed to:

Sitting on a chair behind Y/N, Taehyung wasn’t paying attention to the teacher at all. His gaze was focused on Y/N, waiting patiently for her to reach for something inside her bag- which Taehyung filled with living cockroaches.

TOTAL :: 37/100

Reviewer's note :: I truly apologize if you find some of my words offensive. I’m trying my best to give you my honest take on your book and help you grow as a writer. Your story is already good, but I can’t deny that some (if not most) aspects of your book need a little tweaking here and there.

Please don’t be too discouraged. If you choose to take my advice, I’m sure you’ll improve in no time. After all, that’s what we’re here for, no?

I wish you all the best!

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Yours Truly,
SeeSaw Fam.