↻ AUTHOR ࿐྄ྀ  AlienboyfriendTae
↻ REVIEWER ࿐྄ྀ  burrito_in_bed

First Light :: 10/20

» Title :: 3/5

• Relevance with the plot :: The title is relevant and apt.

• Uniqueness :: The title was not particularly unique since there were many other books with the same or similar names.

• Interest :: It was intriguing and attractive. Readers would surely give the book a chance looking at the title.

[Suggestion/Correction :- The title isn't very unique, like I have already mentioned. You could try using synonyms for 'alluring' instead of the word alluring itself, so that the title is more unique. I suggest 'Enticing mess' or 'Beguiling mess', which have not been used on wattpad yet, as far as I have checked.]

» Cover :: 3/10

• Relevance with the plot :: The picture used is appropriate and apt. Jimin's character is depicted properly in the cover. The colourful overlays were not apt, however. The cover is a little too bright for a plot as dark as this.

• Aesthetic appeal :: The cover looks fine overall. However, the font used can be changed. The overlays should also be blended a little bit more. The pink and purple is standing out too much and is not apt enough for the image used.

• Information provided :: The cover doesn't give an idea about the plot. It states only the title and the author's name.

[Suggestion :- Firstly, to make the cover more appealing, you will have to change the font into something that matches the face claim more. I suggest Italic/Cursive/Handwritten fonts like 'Wild youth' or 'Shopping script' or fonts similar to those. (Try something similar to the font used in the cover for your other book- 'seduction'!)

Secondly, the opacity of the author's name can be increased. It is not clear and legible. The pink and purple should be swapped with bland/dull colours. A grey or mauve colour palette will be much better.

Thirdly, you could add a subtitle to the cover which gives a slight introduction/ idea to/about the book. This will attract more readers.]

» Blurb :: 4/5

The blurb is interesting and well written. The descriptions are vivid and picturesque. It also didn't reveal much of the plot. I did however find a couple mistakes in the usage of a couple words.

[Suggestion :- The mistakes I found were :

The usage of 'epitome'. "The man epitome of desire[..]". Here, using man before epitome is unnecessary. The meaning of epitome is 'a person or thing that is a perfect example of a particular quality or type'. Therefore, using man before epitome would be an error.

The usage of 'none'. "[...]undeniable chemistry leads to the explosion of something that none of them want in their life.". The usage of none is strictly limited to when more than two people are being referred to. Only two people are being referred to in this case. Hence, 'neither' should be used instead of 'none'.]

Dawn :: 7/10

The plot of your story starts out in an intriguing and interesting way, no doubt. Right from the start it's quite clear how much planning has gone into the plot. The story starts off with a good amount of insight into the character's personality. It takes the reader through a few elements regarding the protagonist's lives. At the end, readers are left with many questions regarding the plot and regarding the characters. The buildup is great!

There is one thing to point out here, however. In the prologue, very less was shared about Jimin's character, but there was a lot of information about Leona. This would be fine if the book was Leona-centric or if the story was going to be written from Leona's point of view. However, the book focuses both on Jimin's and Leona's point of view, which is why this gives a feeling of imbalance.

[Suggestion :- I think information about Leona was a bit overshared in the prologue. If there was an introduction to Leona alone, it'd be way more balanced than it actually is. Adding information about her brothers was unnecessary for the prologue. Prologues are meant to be a vague, small introduction to what is about to come. Oversharing information takes away the vagueness of the prologue. I hope I was clear enough!]

Plot and Idea :: 16/20

The plot was great, very different from the books that fall under this trope. It was enjoyable, and unique. It has a touch of mystery, which is something thrill-and-rush seeking people enjoy. The theme, idea and trope were all uncommon, which made your book something very interesting and hooking to read. The flow however, was quite disrupted in a few parts. This disruption was due to uneven description.

[Suggestion :- The plot overall is great. Trope-wise, it is unique. It does have a few cliches, however, the way the storyline advanced made up for them. The main thing I noticed here was that the plot wasn't brought forward properly. The lack of flow in your writing was a turn off. While writing a story it is important to keep the flow proper and the description must be even. I suggest reading a few mystery oneshots, since these require proper flow, but at the same time too much about the characters isn't revealed.]

Characters and Emotions :: 13/15

The characters were well written and their decisions were relatable and understandable. This helped me connect with the characters and enabled me to look at things from their point of view. The character development was great too.

I could also feel the characters' emotions. Their anguish, indifference, anger- all of it. Slipping into their shoes was quite easy because of the nicely described settings and emotions. Kudos!

One thing I will have to mention here is the uneven description, again. What I mean by uneven description is that- in some places, the emotions were greatly described. The characters' emotions were woven in a great way and the description was appreciable. In the others, the description was mediocre. This gives the readers a feeling that the parts of the story which weren't described well aren't significant in the story. This will lead to them losing track of the things happening in the story.

[Suggestion :- I suggest proofreading more and more. This will give you an idea of where your descriptions are lacking. I also suggest rereading every paragraph once you have written it. In this process, you may get an idea on how you can describe better. This includes better sentence structures and better vocabulary. Doing this will help you to keep your descriptions even to an extent.]

Writing style :: 13/15

The writing style was great overall. It was engaging, the wide range of vocabulary used helped with this.

There are a few things to point out here too, however. Your style is great but does need some more polishing.

Uneven description. I have already mentioned this before. This affects your writing style too, in a way. Uneven description makes the style seem uneven too. The reader may feel like each part was written by a different person.

Using adjectives+nouns instead of adverbs to describe verbs. This makes the writing less engaging. Using adjective+noun isn't wrong grammatically, it just makes the writing seem a bit off. I found this mistake in various places. Here's an example:

"I still don't know what that painting depicts, but surprisingly you won various awards for that painting," the man said in a weary tone.

Weary+tone » adjective+noun

"I still don't know what that painting depicts, but surprisingly you won various awards for that painting," the man said wearily.

Wearily » adjective

This change makes your description less wordy and at the same time more effective.

[Suggestion :- The solution here too, is proper proofreading and editing. Proofreading will help you polish your statements more and will also help you keep the description even. You could spot sentences where betterment is needed and correct them easily.]

Grammar :: 13/20

I'll list down the mistakes I found!

» Prepositions :: There were various places where prepositions were misused, or a less appropriate preposition was used. These mistakes were scattered here and there, and the wrong usage made the writing less effective. The major mistake I found was the usage of 'in' instead of 'into'. 'In' is used to show that something is present inside something else. 'Into' represents the movement of something from outside to inside something. Your writing will be more effective if this is followed.

» Punctuation :: I noticed many minor punctuation mistakes. The usage of commas instead of semicolons and the wrong placement of question marks were the most common mistakes I found.

» Wrong usage of vocabulary :: Usage of synonyms to replace commonly used words makes the writing more effective. However, before replacing a word, it is necessary to make sure you are using an appropriate synonym. In some parts of your story, I found that a few words were used wrongly. Here's an example:

In a flash, he collected his flowers and stepped out with a trinket of curiosity swirling in his blood.

In this sentence, the word trinket has been used wrongly. Trinket means 'a small ornament or item of jewellery that is of little value.' In the above sentence, the word usage is completely wrong and the sentence does not make sense.

I also found that in a few places, the adjective form of a particular word has been used instead of the noun form. Appropriate usage of words is necessary for persuasive writing.

» Incomplete sentences :: I could also find this scattered throughout the book. You have used various dependent clauses without adding their respective independent clauses. For example:

The cool wind frisking with her long, pitch-black winter morning hair.

Since you have used the -ing form of the verb (frisk), this becomes a dependent clause. Dependent clauses do not make sense without an independent clause to support it. This sentence can be rewritten as:

The cool wind frisked with her long, pitch-black winter morning hair.

Or,

Leona leaned on the slit of the window, the cool wind frisking with her long, pitch-black winter morning hair.

I hope I was clear! Overall, the grammar was appreciable. There was no trace of major mistakes like tense inconsistency or wrong sentence structure. Kudos!

[Suggestion :- Most of the grammatical errors I found can be corrected by proper proofreading and editing. When it comes to the wrong word usage, it is always effective to check the meaning of a word before using it. The punctuation mistakes were mostly unintended, editing is the cure to that too. The improper usage of prepositions can be corrected by research. Reading about the functions of different prepositions and referring to some examples could help a lot.]

TOTAL :: 72/100

Reviewer's Note :: This book was great overall. With a unique plot and intricate description, it is engaging and refreshing to read. There is a lot of potential, just a little bit more polishing and you'll be good to go! With that said, I hope I didn't offend or hurt you with my words or advice. I sincerely hope you'll find this helpful and use this to improve! You can contact me if there are any doubts, or if I haven't covered anything properly. Thank you, and all the best! :)

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Yours Truly,
SeeSaw Fam.