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First Light :: 9/20

» Title :: 1/5

Frankly, it didn’t interest me at all. The title of a book is the first attention grabbing point of a book.

So it’s really vital to construct a title that can interest the reader. The title may match the theme of your book but it sure doesn’t make a first good impression and it’s quite simple.

I suggest you to do some research on good vocabulary words to see if you can fit a title that matches with the storyline of your book. Make sure the title is provoking as well as intriguing.

» Cover :: 6/10

Cover of a book is mainly the visual representation of your work and it should be in good quality to enhance the beauty of your book. Now this is a common mistake among all fanfictions I have reviewed so far, the female lead is never included in the cover. The cover should portray the main leads and seeing them in a picture is beneficial for the character portrayal as well.

Apart from that the colour scheme, font style, font colour needs to appealing as well. Font colour and font style of the title is great, but change the font style and font colour of the sub-heading as it’s barely visible. Also include the female protagonist. Apart from that include your name or the pen name you use to authorise your work.

» Blurb :: 2/5

Blurb is mainly a summarised version of a book that presents a general idea of a book. It should be precise and well balanced. It is a step of guidance to your book and that’s the point where readers decide to read your book. You should be well rehearsed on organizing, paragraphing, lengthening of a blurb whilst being aware of vocabulary and grammar as well. Be original. Whatever you write use your own words as much as possible. Mostly you just described the main character and went astray. Only a bit was revealed and honestly that is not enough. Write down the main points of your story and construct a blurb with use of vocabulary words.

Dawn :: 1/10

It’s highly important to make your dawn impressive in order to keep the readers engaged for the rest of your story. It should be appealing and pleasing. Also you should be well informed and aware about
the audience that you are presenting your book to. I will be thorough and state out the points clearly and suggestions for you to construct a better dawn.

01) Station your disclaimer as the first chapter and begin the rest.

02) About the cast – Be more descriptive for ex: explain more about their negative and positive characteristics, likes and dislikes etc. Also be creative with the vocabulary words you use.

03) Trailer – Remove it. I believe it’s really unnecessary and interrupts the clean flow of the book.

04) Preface – It’s alright but it needs to be developed more with descriptives. Preface is an introductory base so you need to make it impressive.

05) Prologue – Usually prologues are intense or contain a climax and are filled with chills. Yours was kind of intense but I just felt that you rushed it out so let in more and once again mind about the descriptives. I suggest you find some words and practice sentences.

Rest of the chapters were pretty much common (1-3). It’s a mafia themed book right? So there are plenty of ways to get creative. USE OF LANGUAGE was really downhill, sentences didn’t match and didn’t make sense most of the time.

Plot and Idea :: 10/20

This particular branch of genre has definitely been an attraction among all readers. So I’d say it’s a good choice. It gives so many chances to get creative and imaginative when constructing the plot.

Your idea is great, the family twists, moving on etc. But there need to be some major plot holes, twists and turns and don’t be too simple. You should let some time to describe the change and atmosphere surrounding the conflict. Create a planner that consists of your conflicts and twists and write which chapter they should be inserted into. Then start describing and remember to use literary devices and vocabulary words.

Characters and Emotions :: 6/15

Determines the true liveliness of a story. It is vital to represent both negative and positive attitude of the characters briefly to assist the readers to understand and engage in the flow of the story. So the readers know how they will act in the course of the story. We witness and feel things through their point of view. For ex: (Feeling happy when they succeed, or feel frustrated when they are unable to accomplish a mission and feel sad during emotional situations. These feelings contain the real power of a book. These beneficial effects are usually derived from the author’s cognitive skills, writing abilities and mainly being creative as well as imaginative.

The only point of your story where I was able to feel or understand the characters was during the cast and how the guys are mortally afraid of their father. You didn’t describe anything, just put in a few words and wasted time. It was so difficult to enjoy. You need to elaborate more on how they face challenges, how they feel, their fear and respect towards their father and since you wrote in Y/N POV you really need to enhance your vocabulary.

Write down all the main points of each chapter. Jot down all the emotions the characters face and then start elaborating. Emphasize thoroughly about the emotions they face, the challenging life that female lead has to face. And the moment where the two friends parted with each other was too rushed. You didn’t even let them engage or let their feelings flow.

Writing Style :: 8/15

Writing style is a factor that ensures the rich quality of a book. It brings in compliments of good English and gives an opportunity to enhance and improve English skills. It’s not dependable, not only the way you write. There are several other vital factors to consider when ensuring the goodness of a writing style.

Novels fall into the category of narrative and descriptive writing. Narrative writing consists of characters, conflicts, and settings. Descriptive writing is used to depict to create a clear image in the reader’s mind, it’s the connection that keeps the readers engaged. Similes, metaphors and literary devices are used to elaborate on making descriptive writing effects. Novels and stories are a combination of these two writing styles. Follow this format and research well on this. Try doing some sample questions to give you good practice and knowledge because you lacked so much in descriptives and vocabulary. Use appropriate literary devices, improve your vocabulary and plan well.

Grammar :: 8/20

I’ll get straight to the point. Punctuation marks used are effective. Sentence structures were faulty throughout all the chapters (to the part I read). This disrupted the flow of the book and affected so much. Grammar is not just based on typos or punctuations, the way you use it, the sentence structures matter too. I will state some mistakes. It just didn’t make any sense at most times.

‘They left except one. Jin. The only one who has been understanding towards you’ (It’s just wrong. ‘The only who has been able to understand you’)

‘I quickly ate my toast and grabbed my phone, my wallet, my earphones listening to some music’ (Don’t repeat - ‘I quickly ate my toast and grabbed my phone, wallet and finally my earphone hoping to listen to some music’) Do you mean to say that you were listening to music at that moment or plugged on the earphone and listened to music if so explain well it’s confusing.

There were so many faults like this. Use proper words at proper places to avoid confusion. Have someone look at your writing to help you with it. Be careful about the tone you use as well.

TOTAL :: 42/100

Reviewer's Note : Focus on all the details I mentioned above, you obviously have creativity within you so I am sure you will be able to do it. Plan well and practice on sentence structures and clauses. Good Luck!

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Yours Truly,
SeeSaw Fam.