𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐍
Hold My Hand - Lady Gaga
"I see that you're bleeding, you don't need to show me again"

I stared at Kris, finding it so, so damn difficult to keep my eyes from drifting down. Down to the bound chest to help him settle into his masculine side, down to the swab bound at his hips to keep his stitches secure. It fascinated me, how the word 'genderfluid' was perfect to explain how he transformed.

I'd only seen it once before, him changing. He'd been masculine one moment, and before my very eyes, he shifted. Nothing changed, his face was still the same. But she was so obviously, so wonderfully feminine. There was an ever so slight difference in the way she held himself, thought the charisma, confidence and elegance remained.

And now, looking at his face, that devastatingly beautiful face, even though it was pale, he had this sort of commanding etherealness that demanded you look at him. I snap myself out of my stupor to focus on what they're discussing.

   "-if it really is an inside job-"

   "It is an inside job, Liz, I'm never wrong about these-"

   "Let's not jump to conclusions, they are your people, people who work for you, have sworn their loyalty to you-"

   "Blind trust is a fool's way of thinking. Most of my men are true to me, I do know that. But there's no other possible explanation at the moment and I need to be level headed about this." Kris's eyes were crackling with electricity, grey irises promising a thunderstorm.

"Root out the spy. Find out who they are leaking info to. And then let the rest deal with the turncoat. That was what you planned for these situations-"

"And I am not changing that!" Kris's voice had gone quiet, deathly so. Hurt flashed in her eyes as she spoke with the same every calm, "I am not my- I am not- I will never be like him," he growled.

   "I'm not saying you are," Liz said, raising her hands in surrender. "It's just- sometimes you look like him, and I get worried-"

   "I'd rather put a bullet through my head than commit even the least atrocious thing he did," he snarled, teeth bared back like a feral animal. How could he look so frustratingly beautiful even when the look in his eyes sends shivers down my spine. I had no doubt that if looks could kill, Liz would be atoms in the air. And, fear struck me when I realised Kris meant it about killing himself.

"Calm down, Kris. There are others in the room." Liz's voice had gone impossibly soft and gentle, something that I hadn't thought her capable of doing from what I gathered during our short acquaintance.

Grey eyes flitted to my face, as if realising that I was still in the room. The wrath vanished from his eyes, though it seemed he was physically reigning in his anger, smoothing out the harsh snarl into a twisted, bitter smirk that was somehow even worse. This face, was full of self loathing and derision.

"To provide some context to what just happened, ever since my small, ah, slip up eight years ago, Liz believes, not that I blame her, that I may be prone to showing preference to my adoptive father's extreme measures of punishment at any given moment."

   "Kris," Liz snapped, her frown deepening. She ran an impatient hand through her hair.

"Wae?" Kris hissed in Korean. "Geugeo aniyeosseo?"

"Kris, now is not the time-"

"Oh, it's never the time, is it? Never the right time for me to throw a tantrum. Never the right time for me to be upset. Never the time for me to take in what I'm feeling!" Kris was breathing heavily, seeming to choke on his words. Then, just as suddenly as he had burst out, he fixed an empty expression on his face.

"Never mind. Forget I said anything, I got too emotional. It's not like this is the first time this has happened to me. You're right, I shouldn't be sitting on my ass, whining."

"Kris, that isn't what I-"

"I'd like some space now. If you want me to stay focused on this and not make any... rash decisions, I suggest you leave me alone for the time being."

Liz opened her mouth to protest but I spoke before her, surprising everyone in the room, including myself. "Just because it isn't the first time, doesn't mean it hurts any less."

Something cracked in his mask momentarily, before he pulled it back up. I turned to Liz and spoke so menacingly that I was surprised by my own boldness, "Just because he's your boss, doesn't mean he's not human. Give him some time to think and some goddamned space to heal. He's been stabbed and all you can think to do is to fling accusations at his face?"

I didn't know where all this protectiveness was coming from, but all I knew was that I didn't like the hurt that had shone in his eyes. Kris seemed stunned by my outburst, blinking at me. Mary, thankfully, intervened.

   "You heard the kid, out. If you only came in to stress the man out, you're not helping him get back on his feet any faster." Her face changed from stern to downright fury, and I would be lying if I said it didn't scare me. "And need I remind you who saved your sorry ass when you had nowhere to go? Who rushed you into this infirmary, begging me to save you?"

Liz purses her lips, though she seemed genuinely guilty, nodding her head before stalking out of the room, followed by Mary. Kris was still staring at me, searching my eyes when I met his gaze. Whatever he found, he seemed to be satisfied, a small smile curving his lips.

"I've never seen anyone capable of shutting Liz up so thoroughly." He sounded thoroughly amused, a little bit of the spark coming back into his eyes.

I shrugged. "I don't like people who kick a man who's already hurt."

Kris cocked his head to the side, something he does when he's curious and also something that makes him so freaking... cute?

"How did you guess?" He asked.

"Guess what?"

"That I was masculine?"

   I flushed slightly, a sheepish grin on my face. "It's pretty obvious to me... I mean, the binder is a bit of a giveaway."

A flash of annoyance passed over her face as she shook her head. "No, I sometimes wear a binder because it makes fighting a little easier, and even while you texted me this morning, I had been feminine, which I suspect you damn well knew. It can't be the binder, you've seen me wearing a binder even when I was a woman."

I shrugged again, trying desperately but failing to keep my eyes away from his chest. "I dunno, I just knew."

The look on his face was unreadable, but then he smiled a smile I didn't know he was capable of smiling. It was small, content and... gentle. He seemed... freer, now that we were alone.

"You can stop staring at my chest now, darling." The old amusement crept back into his voice, eyes sparkling with humour. I snapped my eyes back up to his eyes, only to be completely taken in by how stormy they were.

"Looks like we're going to match." He gestured to his side, grinning at me.

I shuffled over to stand next to him, his eyes following my every move intently. I touched his bandages lightly, pulling it back when her inhaled sharply.

   "I was scared," I admitted softly, looking down at his abdomen, refusing to meet his gaze.

   "I'm okay." His voice was soft, unbelievably gentle.

   "For a moment I- I thought-" He took my hand in his, long, nimble fingers intertwining with my own.

"I know. It's okay. I'm fine." He repeated, his other hand gently pushing up my chin, forcing me to meet his eyes.

"Don't look down when you're with me, love. Chin up, back straight, be proud. You're Bill's daughter, and you are not beneath me. Anyone who is a member of my organisation, would rather die than hang their head. Whether you are crying, or laughing or even if you're stabbing me in the back-"

I made to protest, insist that I would never do that, but he talked over me. "- even if you've betrayed me. Keep. Your. Head. High."

"Don't ever hide your eyes from me." His grip on my chin tightened and I don't know why, but the recklessness from last night, made an appearance once again.

"Yes sir." Delighted amusement danced in his eyes, a crooked smirk pulling at his lips before he gave in and chuckled. But rather than letting my chin go, he pulled me further in, his own face moving forward.

"You're playing a dangerous game, sweetheart," he whispered, his breath fanning my face.

"Yes sir," I repeated, a small smirk of my own mocking his.

He breathed another laugh, the sound so sultry, it sent a shiver down my spine. "So the kitten wants to play, does she?"

"Yes, if it takes away that awful grim expression on your face."

"There are other ways to cheer me up, darling." The glint in his eyes was nothing short of playful.

"This seemed to be both the easiest and the best one. I've heard you love to flirt rather badly."

Again, that unreadable flash. "So that's what you're doing now?" He let go of my chin abruptly. "At least it's better than you pouring water on me."

I scowled at him, which only seemed to amuse him further. "It was one time. And I panicked!"

   "Well, I am positively traumatised! I dare say I won't be able to sleep at night anymore."

   "Well, then tell me how to make it up to you." Truth be told, I'd been scared he'd catch some cold or something, and I did feel rather guilty. But it appeared I spoke to soon.

   "Sing for me."

   I gasped at him. "What?!"

   He raised an eyebrow. "Your father always boasted about what a talented singer you were. I want to confirm whether he was bluffing or not."

   "Fine." He seemed surprised.

   "Fine? Just like that?"

   I shrugged, a small smirk on my face. "I'm not shy about singing."

   And just to wipe that doubtful look on her face, I started singing a song that I knew would incite a reaction from her.

   I didn't know the name of the song, who sang it or even the whole song. It was just two verses of korean, two verses of the only words I knew of Kris's native language. The first verse was of a lost child searching for its mother and the second was of the mother, singing sweet words of reassurance after finding each other.

   When I was done, Kris had turned paler, staring at me as his eyes actually shone with unshed tears. Actual tears.

   "How do you- where did you hear that song?" He demanded, sounding breathless.

Should I have told him the truth? That I heard him sing it ten years ago, when I attended his adoptive father's funeral, when he couldn't fall asleep that night? That I asked my own dad to teach me the words. But I could tell he was trying his best to not get emotional, and I realised that this song was probably something he held dear, as a memory of his actual parents.

And I realised... digging up those old wounds in front of me was probably the last thing he needed. So I forced myself to smile coyly, crossing my arms.

"A little bird sang it to me."

He stared at me for a long while. So long that I was starting to worry I had broken him. But he shook his head, blinking back his tears and giving me a wane smile.

"You're father wasn't exaggerating. That's... the best rendition I've heard of that song since... a very long time." He shifted over, grunting in pain before patting the space beside him. "Stay with me. I- I don't want to be alone. Just... talk about whatever you want, I'll listen. I just... want you to stay. For now."

Sitting next to a hot mafia boss and jabbering on like I usually do sounded as ridiculous as it felt when I did as he asked and sat down beside him. But looking at his drooping shoulders and tired face, I realised that maybe... just maybe, this hot mafia boss who has an entire city under his control... was as alone as I was.

I pressed my hand to his cheek, startling him. He met my gaze, quizzical. I gave him a genuine smile this time. "Chin up, boss. I know my company is irresistible, that's nothing to be ashamed of."

Kris raised an amused brow. "Is that supposed to be an imitation of my behaviour, sweetheart?"

I grinned. "Pretty accurate, right?"

And finally, a laugh broke out of Kris.