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. ☾ .

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐓𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐲-𝐎𝐧𝐞: 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐓𝐫𝐮𝐭𝐡

United States Army Camp, England

. ☾ .

Almost a week later, Allie is back in London and confined to a small apartment with Bucky. To most that would sound like absolute heaven, but Allie is struggling to deal with Bucky's new overprotective nature. She can't even get out of bed without being smothered by him and getting pushed back down to retire under her covers for another couple of hours before she tries to get up again with the same end result.

Don't get her wrong, she is grateful for him trying to help her but he's taken it way too far and her patience is wearing thin.

"How are you feeling, doll?" Bucky asks, walking into her room and holding a tray of soup in his hands. The exact same soup that she has been eating since she got to London days ago.

"Like a princess." She replies with a slightly angry tone as she turns her gaze from the chipped white wall to Bucky's bright blue eyes.

"Well, you are one-" He starts with a teasing smile but is quickly cut off.

"- and I hate it." Allie finishes which causes Bucky to roll his eyes and let out an annoyed sigh.

"Allie..." He groans as he places the tray over her lap and takes a seat by her side on the bed. He looks down into her eyes that are usually a lively chocolate color that now holds an angry fire in them, showing her frustration

"What? I'm being coddled and everyone, not just you, is treating me like I can't even bend over without breaking." She answers, looking up at him with a frown as she carefully props herself up against the bed frame.

"We're just trying to look after you." Bucky defends, running a hair through his thick brown locks that now reach the top of his ears.

"I know and I get that, but sometimes it just gets too much." She responds, trading her angry tone for a tired one.

Bucky nods slightly and weaves his fingers in between hers, immediately feeling comforted by the warmth of her hand in his own. "I just don't want you to get hurt, doll." He replies wistfully, looking down at their entwined hands.

"And getting up and going for a walk isn't going to hurt me either, Buck." She says, tightening her grip on his hands slightly.

"Alright, I'll reign it back in a little but don't take this as your opportunity to do something stupid." He answers, pointing a finger at her at her with a joking smile pulling at his lips.

"Never." She grins back as her frustration fizzles away, all because of one smile from the man that she adores. But then her smile falls away as she remembers something that has been plaguing her thoughts since she got out of the hospital.

Bucky asked about Mikael and she never answered him. At the time she thought it was luck that Steve interrupted them before she could talk about it but now, she's not so sure. She has always wanted to just bury her past in the back of her mind and never bring it back up again but now she has Bucky. She has someone that she knows that she can share her memories with.

But having the confidence to tell him, is another thing altogether.

"I've ah... I've got something to tell you, Buck." She mumbles nervously, pulling her hand out of his which makes Bucky furrow his eyebrows in confusion.

"That doesn't sound promising." He jokes and Allie's lips perk up slightly at the corners as she takes in a deep breath, trying to suppress her evergrowing nerves.

"It never does." She breathes out and holds Bucky's steady gaze. "When I first woke up, you asked about Mikael." She states, clasping her hands together in a vain attempt to stop them from trembling.

"That I did." He nods.

"Mikael wasn't the name of the boy that I found." She starts as all the reasons to stop and not tell him, begin to flood into her mind as a result of her anxiousness. But it's too late for her to stop now. "He was my first ever friend." She continues, searching Bucky's cobalt eyes for any hints of what he may be feeling.

"I thought you said that you never had any friends at HYDRA?" He asks, remembering snippets of their past conversations about her life at HYDRA.

"When I met you I didn't." She answers, nodding her head. "I first met Mikael when I was ten, so I already had been at HYDRA for five years at that stage. We were both placed in this project called Projekt Fenrir, it's aim was to take young children and build them up to be the next leaders of HYDRA." She tells him which makes his eyes go wide in shock.

"Wait, so you could have been the next Johann Schmidt?" He exclaims, completely astonished as he looks at the nervous girl in front of him.

"Potentially, yes." She nods and his mouth falls open as his mind goes blank. She almost screws her face up in disgust as she imagines herself being the replacement for Schmidt. And if she finds the thought repulsive, she can't possibly imagine what Bucky would be thinking.

"Wow." He mumbles, at a loss of words.

"We were both put in the leadership branch of Projekt Fenrir instead of the basic military training that HYDRA offered most of the other kids. We were taught everything from global politics to human biology and advanced marksmanship. We were practically a new era of soldiers that the world had never seen, well, until Steve came along." She starts, trying to pry his mind away from the horrible image of her leading HYDRA.

"Somehow, we both just clicked. He was a couple of years older than me and he had been with HYDRA ever since he could remember. We connected easily and we knew each other inside out. He was my best friend, but HYDRA didn't believe in friendship." She continues, not bothering to mask the pain that drips from her voice.

"We were punished if we were found socializing during class or during meals but somehow, we managed to get away with it. Soldiers are meant to be cold and detached, we were told, and you can't be a good soldier and have friends." She tells him, remembering each and every time that she and Mikael got into trouble for not being a 'perfect soldier' like the rest of the kids

"We used to sneak out into this really old room in our base and just talk and play with each other for hours into the night. The guards never checked the beds to make sure everyone was there so we got away with it for years. But even if they did catch us, he would've taken the blame for me. He was a little ball of sunshine. He always could make me laugh and he always looked out for me, even when I was being stupid and foolish." She smiles as she recalls the somewhat happy memories. The only happy memories of her childhood.

"But Mikael never succumbed to HYDRA's cruel training, not like the rest of us did. He always was kind and loving, not even they could take that from him." She trails off, immediately trading her smile for a grim face with dark, pain-filled eyes.

"But being my friend was what got him killed. I killed him."

. ☾ .

December 1931

It was the middle of the night, and Allie was fast asleep in her cot in the corner of her sleeping quarters. She had had a long and grueling day so it didn't take long for her to drown out the rest of the other girls' snores and fall asleep.

But that night, she was awoken suddenly by an unknown soldier who poured ice cold water over her face. Her eyes flung open and she gasped for air, shocked by the rude awakening.

"W-What?" She muttered, pushing herself up and wiping at the little droplets of water from her face.

"The Meister has summoned you." The stern-faced soldier said, keeping his gaze firm on the wall.

"At this hour?" Young Allie questioned, furrowing her eyebrows which earned her a slap across the face.

"Do not question the Meister. Get up." He ordered as Allie rubbed her bright red cheek, looking at the soldier with distaste. But to avoid any more punishment, she scrambled out of bed and followed the soldier out of her room.

She trailed behind him as he led her through the many familiar hallways, each corridor looking the exact same as the one that they just passed. But the closer that she got to the Meister, the more worried she got. What did he want with her at this hour? It obviously can't be good if she didn't have the chance to change out of her night clothes and put on some shoes.

And what scared her even more was that the soldier was leading her towards the room. The torture room.

Just as suspected, he rounded the next corner and led her towards the dreaded last door in the hallway. Despite her anxious thoughts, she followed him inside and tried to contain the tremble of her limbs as she walked.

The torture room itself didn't scare her. It's just an empty concrete room with a single barred window and a steel table standing next to one of the walls. It's the memories of what has happened in that room that scared her. On the table laid a black duffle bag filled to the brim with various instruments that had been used to punish her ever since she could remember. She could remember the pain that came when they brought the whip done onto her delicate skin or the slicing of the knife that released rivers of scarlet blood from her body.

She remembered every single time that she had been in that room before.

But what she was truly shocked to see, was the Meister standing with Herr Schmidt in the center of the room. She froze midstep as the soldier that brought her here gave the two men a nod before he exited the room.

"Guten Abend Meister, Herr Schmidt. / Good evening Meister, Her Schmidt." She greeted as she bowed her head respectfully to the two older men, trying to disguise the slight quiver in her voice.

Schmidt looked down at the scrawny girl with a disgruntled face, he has heard great things about this child and her potential yet she looked like nothing special.

"Glaubst du, dass du ein guter Soldat bist? / Do you believe that you are a good soldier?"  The Meister questioned as Allie looked up at his aged face and into his cold, dark eyes.

"Ja Meister. / Yes, Meister." She responded as she trailed her gaze over to Schmidt who was standing slightly behind the Meister. He had a sinister smile on his thin lips which made his young face look plagued with age. She had heard many stories about the man standing in front of her, and none of them are good.

"Soldat, Sie haben von den Auswirkungen derjenigen erfahren, die die Herrschaft von HYDRA verletzen, nein? / Soldier, you have been told of the repercussions of those that break HYDRA's rule, no?" The Meister asked emotionlessly, breaking Allie from her train of thoughts as she looked back to his impassive face.

"Ja Meister. / Yes, Meister." She said as she furrowed her eyebrows. She didn't understand why she had been summoned here to answer basic questions that all soldiers know.

"Und was ist die Strafe, wenn Sie Ihren Mitsoldaten mehr als gleichgültig gegenüberstehen? / And what is the punishment for being more than indifferent to your fellow soldiers?" The Meister asked again which almost made her drop her mouth open in shock. He knows.

"Tod, Meister. / Death, Meister." She answered, swallowing the lump in her throat. She felt silent panic overtake her body because she finally realized why she's here.

She's here to be punished.

" Und haben Sie freundschaftliche Taten mit Ihren Kameraden durchgeführt? / And have you been engaging in friendly acts with your fellow soldiers?" He questioned with a slightly angrier tone as he looked down at the conflicted young girl.

"Nein, Meister. / No, Meister."  She tried to say confidently but instead, it came out sounding like a weak plea.

"Warum behauptet dieser Junge dann, dass Sie "Freunde" sind, Soldat? /Then why does this boy claim that you are 'friends', soldier?" The Meister growled and banged his hands against the wall. A few seconds later, two soldiers stalked into the room, dragging in a half beaten to death Mikael. He had black and blue bruises all over his face and he looked like he was about to pass out at any given second.

"I-uh, I..." She murmured as she fought the urge to run to her friend. Already his eyes were swollen over and congealed blood clung to his face. Against his ghostly pale skin, they looked even worse. She watched as he tried to say her name but his cracked lips failed to even produce the first syllable.

"Beantworten Sie die Frage, Soldat! / Answer the question, soldier!" The Meister bellowed as he took two daunting steps towards the trembling little girl.

"Weil wir es sind, Meister. / Because we are, Meister." She murmured, turning her gaze from Mikael to the ground.

"Also hast du gelogen? / So you lied?" He growled as Schmidt stood behind him, shaking his head in contempt.

"Ja Meister. / Yes, Meister." She replied, waiting for the pain to come.

"Und wissen Sie, was wir mit Soldaten machen, die lügen? / And you do know what we do to soldiers that lie?" He snarled, taking another step forward in a successful attempt to intimidate her.

"Ja Meister. / Yes, Meister."  She answered, squeezing her eyes shut so that she didn't have to look up at any of their faces. Mikael's face that was bleeding because of a punishment that she deserved, the Meister's angry face that continued to bark at her and Schmidt's face that was twisted into a wicked smile as his eyes were lit up with a sickening glow that scared her deeply. She didn't want to look at any of them.

"Nun, lassen Sie sich dies eine Lektion sein. Ungehorsam akzeptieren wir hier bei HYDRA nicht. / Well, let this be a lesson to you both. We do not accept disobedience here at HYDRA."  He threatened, motioning for the guard to take Mikael away."Bring sie in den Strafraum. / Take them to punishment rooms."

"No, please Meister! Don't take him down there!" She begged in her native tongue, hoping that the Meister might be in a merciful mood.

"You don't want him to be taken down there?" Schmidt finally spoke up in his thick German accent. He quirked an eyebrow as he stepped beside the Meister who looked at Schmidt with anger in his eyes but said nothing.

"No, Herr Schmidt." She pleaded, praying that Schmidt would spare him. Mikael let out a sigh of relief as he dangled from the soldier's arms, itching to wipe the pieces of his curly brown hair that had fallen onto his face.

"Alright, then," Schmidt answered with an evil smile pulling at his lips. Before Allie could even scream out, Schmidt pulled a gun from his waist and sent a single bullet into Mikael's forehead.

"No! Mikael!"She screamed, falling to her knees as tears blurred her vision. She wanted to run to his bleeding body but her whole body was frozen.

So she stared at her best friend that only seconds ago had been alive and breathing as pain wrapped it's fingers around her heart and squeezed. That was her best friend that she watched die right in front of her.

His beautiful cerulean eyes stared back at her lifelessly, yet she could still see the fear that he felt in his last moments in them. Guilt overcame her mind as she swallowed back the sobs that threatened to fall from her lips.

"If you don't want the same fate as your 'friend' over there, I expect complete and utter obedience to all future orders and rules. Do you understand?" Schmidt ordered as he looked down at the weak girl that had yet to shed a single tear. Maybe she was stronger than she looked, he thought.

But inside, she completely broke.

"Yes, Herr Schmidt." She murmured back emotionlessly as she stared at the evergrowing pool of blood that seeped from her best friend's fatal wound.

"Good, bring in the woman," Schmidt ordered to the guard who had been holding the beaten boy up before his death. The guard gave Schmidt a quick nod before he walked out of the room briefly before returning holding a woman in his hands.

"I want you to kill her," Schmidt told Allie who whipped her head up and stared at him in shock.

"What?" She gaped, looking between Schmidt and the Meister with a pleading look. She was 11, she had never killed someone before. Sure, she had been trained on how to do it but she had never actually taken a life away from someone.

She didn't want to kill someone.

"Did you not understand what I just said, soldier? This woman is an insurgent and I ordered you to kill her." Schmidt snarled, handing her his small revolver and Allie stared down at it in horror.

"But, I don't know if I can." She mumbled as panic began to flood her brain and overwhelmed her senses. It's as if she couldn't tear her gaze away from the gun that was held in Schmidt's outstretched hand. She was completely frozen and she had no clue what to do.

"If you do not want to end up like your dead friend over there, you will kill her now!"Schmidt almost screamed as Allie begun to reach out and grasped the gun in her small hands. Shooting a gun was something that she had been drilled to do ever since she could remember, so the cool metal felt familiar in her hands. But she struggled to bring herself to hold it out in front of her.

She shakily turned to the woman who, much like Mikael, dangled from the soldier's arms. Her eyes were wild and frantically looked around the room as she tried to find a way to escape. Her long blonde hair cascaded down in beautiful waves, partially hiding her face and Allie almost screwed her eyes closed as her hands began to shake.

"Please, spare me..." She begged, staring at Allie who was already feeling conflicted enough. She struggled to breathe as the gun felt heavy in her quivering hands. Her heart raced in her chest and all she wanted to do was fall to her knees and wait for someone to save her. But no one had ever done it before and no one would ever do it now. Fear radiated from her body and the longer that she struggled to pull the trigger, the more frustrated Schmidt got.

"Shoot her!" He bellowed, taking another intimidating step forward until he was only an arm's length away from the terrified girl.

"I-I..." She stammered as she slowly held the gun out in front of her, aligning it with the woman's forehead.

"Please!" The woman screamed in desperation as the gun's aim began to waiver as Allie gulped.

"Soldier! Do it!"

"Please don't"

"Shoot her!"

Boom.

The gunshot cracked in the air, rivaling the loudness of thunder on a stormy day. She saw the bullet collide with the woman's body, sending her sprawling to the floor. She was dead before the sound even hit Allie's ears. She didn't miss. Her shot was dead center.

The next few moments played out in front of Allie's eyes like a movie. It felt like she had no control over her body.

She dropped her hands from out in front of her, holding the gun at her side. Flickers of blood stained her grey sleepwear and she swallowed down the urge to throw up. She was no longer shaking in fear, instead, she stood as stiff as a board.

Her once bright eyes that were alive with excitement were now cold and almost lifeless looking. She stared at the carnage that she made unflinchingly. The two bodies that littered the concrete floor laid unmoving as the crimson blood pooled around their heads. She did that. She killed them.

She killed her.

She killed them.

The Allie that she knew died that day, and a true soldier was born.

. ☾ .

"An eleven-year-old sentenced two innocent people to death that day. And one of them she had sworn to protect." Allie laments, wiping at her face to get rid of the few tears that had fallen from her eyes as she relieved that painful moment in her life.

"Doll, you didn't kill him. Schmidt did, and the next time I see him I'm going to kill him for what he has done to you. For what he has done to us." Bucky whispers as he grasps her hand and gives it a comforting squeeze. It pains him to see her so heartbroken over the loss of her friend but she's stubborn. He doesn't know how else he can tell her that it wasn't her fault.

"But I should have known. We were told not to make friends but I went and did just that. Schmidt may have pulled the trigger but I was the one who gave him the gun." She responds bitterly, looking down at her lap as she tries to block the memories from resurfacing again.

"Allie, you were just a child." Bucky defends.

"How is that an excuse? It doesn't matter what age I was, I still played a part in his death." She argues, raising her gaze up to him angrily.

"But you didn't know any better," Bucky claims and Allie shakes her head, immediately dismissing his statement.

"I did, and that's what makes it even worse." She responds and pulls her hand out of his to run in through her dark locks in frustration. Bucky frowns as he knows that she will beat herself up over this until it consumes her. And he doesn't know how to stop it.

"Allie, you can't blame yourself for being naive and trying to protect yourself and your friend," Bucky says wholeheartedly.

"If there's anything that I have learned from this war is to not let your past actions haunt you. You did the best that you could in a bad situation where the outcome would have been devastating either way." He continues. "Allie, you are the strongest and most amazing person that I know." He returns and all of a sudden she feels all the anger come back.

"I'm a killer Buck, I have taken lives from those that don't deserve it. And Mikael and that woman were just the first." She growls, ripping her hand from his as she pulls at strands of her dark hair.

"I'm a murderer!" She screams, her eye's ablaze with fury and guilt as she holds back the frustrated tears that threaten to fall out. Bucky immediately shakes his head and takes her head in his hands, gently rubbing circles on her smooth skin.

"No Allie, you have been controlled and manipulated your whole life." He says as he watches her squeeze her eyes shut in denial. " You did not become a killer by choice, you were forced to become one to survive. And no one can ever blame you for trying to survive." He argues before he wraps his arms around her in an attempt to protect her from the demons in her head.

He pulls her against him and she feels her anger slowly dissipate away. She sunk into his warm embrace and let out a deep breath, appreciating the simple gesture. A gesture that she has gone without for a long time.

Maybe this was all she needed. Instead of comforting words she just wanted someone to be there with her and hold her tight, to hold her together.

She's been holding herself together for 23 years, maybe it's time for her to let someone else try as well?

"Allie, what sets apart murderers and you, is that you felt guilty. You knew that what you were doing was wrong and you were forced to do it anyway. But instead of staying there, you escaped. You got away from HYDRA to change, and you have changed." Bucky whispers into her ear as he gently twists the tips of her hair around his finger before he slowly pulls away from her body.

"Have I really changed? All that I really have done is changed which side that I'm killing for." She mumbles guiltily as Bucky re-adjusts himself so that he is sitting shoulder to shoulder with Allie.

"But HYDRA are bad people, you have seen what they have done to their prisoners. You have seen the destruction that they leave in their wakes." He defends as he pulls her closer to him. She leans her head against his shoulder and lets out a heavy sigh as he fiddles with her hair.

"I have. But that's also exactly what HYDRA said about who I was ordered to kill. Every single time." She replies remorsefully.

"Allie..." Bucky trails off as he looks down at her somber face. Why can't she see herself the way that he see's her?

Why can't she see the strong warrior that he sees when he looks at her? Why can't she see the kind and selfless person that he sees?

But then he realizes why. She can't see what he sees because she doesn't love the person that she is. She doesn't love herself like he loves her.

And maybe that is all that she needs to know to start healing. She needs to know that she is loved and that she is worthy of love regardless of her sins.

"Allie, I love you." He declares, silently staring into his favorite amber brown eyes. Allie whips her head around and her mouth falls open in shock as every ounce of air is taken from her lungs.

"I love this you, the one that fights by my side when we go on missions to take down HYDRA. I love the other you, the one that jokes with Peggy and rivals Howard with her brilliance. I love the you that refuses to go down unless you go down fighting." He continues as he looks down at her like she is the world to him.

"I love you, Alexandra Williams. I love you and I love all your flaws and insecurities. I don't just love you in spite of your past, I love you because of your past. Because without your past, you wouldn't be the same dame standing here with me today." He grins as he pulls her even closer to his chest.

"Buck, how can you love someone as damaged as me? I've done absolutely horrible things and you don't even know the half of them." She says, trying to fight the smile that threatens to pull at her lips. He loves her, and she can't believe it.

"Doll, did you not listen to a word that I just said? I love you regardless of what you have done in your past because in the six months that we have known each other, you have protected me and cared for me in ways that I'll never be able to repay."  He says as he gently reaches to cup the side of her face, making her bite her lip as a rosy blush overcomes her cheeks.

Just like that, he turned her angry demeanor into a loving smile.

"Alexandra Williams, I love you." He says with a huge smile as he holds her tightly to his chest.

Her heart flutters in her chest as she looks up into his captivating blue eyes. Never before has her name sounded so wonderful and never before has someone made her as happy as she feels now.

In response, she reaches up and places her lips against his. Their lips met, dancing slowly and softly together as they pull each other as close as they can possibly get. She kisses him with a newfound passion that she has never felt before.

She kissed him with love.

And the whole world around them stopped, leaving just the two of them to be together happily. Because this is what falling in love feels like. It is a story that you never want to end, a story that everyone longs for and nobody can bear to lose.

She pulls away slowly and leans her forehead against his as gleeful smiles pull at their lips.

"James Buchanan Barnes, I love you too." She whispers slowly, prolonging each letter as if to savor them.

And just like that, she finally accepted the love that she thought she deserved.

. ☾ .

A/N - Hey everyone, HOW DID YA LIKE THAT CHAPTER!?

I thought it was about time that they finally said I love you and I hope it was as sweet as you had hoped for. You even got to see a bit of Allie's past as well, and I feel sooo bad for young Allie but what can I say, I'm good at angsty shit?

However, now that I am back at school, chapter updates will be back to once a week so that I can focus on my school work whilst still giving you decent chapters. I asked earlier and you said that you preferred longer chapters rather than shorter chapters which is why I struggle to get out two or three chapters a week. This chapter alone is already 5000 words which is what I try to aim for in every update.

Now onto the questions!!!

1. What did you think of the chapter?

2. What would you like to learn about in Allie's past?

3. Did you see the new trailer?

4. What are your thoughts on A4?

- Grace xx