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𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐒𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐧:  𝐄𝐱𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐈𝐧 𝐌𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬

United States Army Camp, France

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Before Allie even realized, the next two months had flown by. She has had her herself buried up to her head in work. Between taking down HYDRA with the Howling Commando's and helping Howard solve the mystery of the Tesseract, she rarely had any time for herself.

She has so far, lived up to her promise. On every mission, she made sure that HYDRA soldiers would end up rotting in graves or in their very own prison cells. She gave them no mercy when she attacked their camp's. She was fair, but she spared no lives. She fought for the children that HYDRA enslaved and the men that they experimented on. She fought for Bucky and the rest of the 107th, and she fought for herself.

She fought to make sure that HYDRA would never hurt another person on this earth again.

On the past four missions that she has been on, she has been to four different countries. Russia, Belarus, Germany, and Poland. Four completely different counties that have all been completely devastated by the war. When she walked down the streets of the nearby towns, she saw what the war had stripped from each place.

There was no life left. Public squares were empty, the towns were desolate as people cowered away in fear in their homes. Very rarely would she pass someone on the streets, and even when she did, they would take off in the other direction when they saw who she was with.

This war frightened so many people that it turned the everyday task of leaving their homes into an act that could potentially end their lives.

Even from these towns that were miles away from the frontlines, the war felt like it was near. The nauseating scent of blood filled her nostrils and she could almost faintly hear the gunfire raining hellfire on each opposing side in a neverending bombardment. A constant low rumbling sound was also heard, which turned out to be the roar of a cannon in the distance.

That was yet another thing that she learned. It didn't matter where you lived, the war was always near.

But helping those people wasn't her mission, taking down HYDRA was. So instead of focusing on what she couldn't control, she focused on what she could, which was fighting.

The Allie that would walk around the camps and have lively conversations with her friends disappeared when she was on missions. In the flick of a switch, she became distant, calculating and ruthless. She showed everyone a glimpse of what HYDRA had trained her to be. The others didn't really notice how she changed, they were all too preoccupied with staying alive. But, Bucky and Steve noticed.

They weren't sure what to do, she was completing her part of the missions flawlessly. She wasn't endangering the lives of her teammates and she wasn't getting herself hurt either. So they just let her be until they figured out a way to talk to her about it.

But with each mission, the rest of the Howling Commando's began to warm up to Allie as she proved that she could be trusted on missions. More than once, she covered for her fellow teammates and took hits that weren't meant for her so that they would treat her like any other member on the team. And slowly they did come to trust her, all except for Jones.

Every time she entered the same room as him, he would get irritable and become extremely hostile towards her. It didn't matter how many times she proved herself, he wouldn't accept her as a member of the team. He clung to hatred like a mother clings to her child. He refused to be anywhere near her on missions which annoyed both her and Steve because it caused them to change their plans multiple times just to suit his anger.

Despite his constant rage, all their missions had been a success. They freed thousands of men, woman, and children, they destroyed HYDRA bases and they stopped their soldiers from harming anyone else. Allie could almost picture the anger on Schmidt's face when he goes to his ruined camps and sees that she has done this. And when Allie hopped off the plane today, reveling in another triumphant mission, she wished that she could be there when Schmidt sees what she has done. So that she could finally show his that his teachings had paid off.

And now as she lays asleep in her bed, her mind finally slows down enough for her past to catch up and haunt her. At night she lives in a horror movie that she struggles to wake from, and every night it is always the same.

The black sky peaks through her barred window, the poppy red blood decorating the floor of her cell, and the septic smell of death hangs in the air. She can feel her body seizing up as she cowers in fear on the cold, hard floor. And in the center of it all, are the bodies of people that she has, and will leave behind.

Right at the bottom of the pile are all the people that she has ever loved; her mother, her father, Erskine and a small boy that she can no longer bear to say his name. People that were killed for protecting or loving her.

On top of them are all the people that she has condemned to death, all the innocent people that HYDRA made her kill. There are too many people to count but she still remembers every single one's face. Each one a reminder of the guilt that she bears.

But the people that are on top, is what scares her the most. She sees Howard, Peggy, the Howling Commando's, Steve and Bucky all lying there motionless. Dead. People that will die because they have all tried to help her. People that she is capable of saving but won't.

And the second that she has looked at every innocent person's face is when she wakes from the nightmare. She bolts up from her bed, paralyzed in fear. Her entire body shaking as her mind spins into a state of panic. It's like she has no control over her body, she can't move. Her heart beats deafeningly in her chest, so loud that it drowns out all other sounds. Her mind spiraling as it replays her torturous nightmare.

Allie flings herself out of bed and hastily throws on a large coat that she bought when she went shopping with Peggy a few weeks ago and a pair of boots. She jogs over to the front of her small apartment and pushes open the front door, relishing in the icy cold wind that hits her face. Unlike the last few weeks, she didn't have to go outside through the back window because the Colonel had positioned guards to stand outside her room. She was finally deemed 'trustworthy' so now she is able to leave her room whenever she desires.

It had only seemed like the sky was painted with hues of red and orange a few hours ago. Now, all those beautiful colors have faded away, leaving a pitch black sky that twinkles with thousands of tiny stars. Thankfully, small lamposts surround the path that Allie is walking on, providing her with some light in the darkness.

The chilly wind whips at the parts of her body that are exposed, leaving harsh bites that slightly remind her of her old home. The wintry air steals the warmth from Allie's body, but she is used to it. She feels no need to wrap her arms tighter around herself to generate more heat because HYDRA trained her to not feel the cold.

She remembers all the times that they made her sit outside the base in chains, with nothing but a small nightdress on so that she would no longer be a slave to the cold. She was made to sit through three freezing cold nights until they were forced to bring her back inside to treat her hypothermia and pneumonia. But that didn't stop them from sending her out every other night until her body adapted to the cold. No soldier of HYDRA would ever be afraid of the cold.

"Hey, Allie!" a familiar voice shouts from behind, running to catch up with her. She whips around with wide eyes, startled as the voice shook her from her thoughts. "Sorry!" Bucky continues with a chuckle as he sees her surprised state.

"It's alright." She smiles faintly and turns back around when Bucky catches up to her side.

"What are you doing out so late?" He asks with an eyebrow raised as he looks down at her, noting that she only has an oversized coat on.

"Wait, what's the time?" She questions, turning her head and meeting his gaze. "Well, it was 2 o'clock in the morning when I left, doll." He replies, staring into her chocolate eyes.

"Oh." She says, slightly shocked. "So what are you doing outside at this time of night Allie?" Bucky continues as they both walk along a strange path in the U.S base in France, both having no clue to where it leads.

"Just wanted to go on a stroll is all, but I should be asking you the same question Buck." She smiles as she looks over to Bucky. She can't help but think that no one feature makes Bucky so handsome. Every part of him is beautiful, but if she only had to pick one it would be his eyes. His stunning cerulean eyes that shine so intensely in any light. His eyes that show genuine honesty, a gentleness in his soul.

"I was just comin' back from the bar with all the guys, don't you remember me asking you if you wanted to come?" He responds quizzically to which Allie nods her head. "Right, I remember that." She mumbles.

"But why are you really out here, Allie?" He asks with a knowing smile that causes Allie to let out a fake laugh. "I told you, I just wanted to go for a walk." She reassures him even though they both know that it isn't true.

"That's not it. And I know that because we are out here for the same reasons, doll." He claims as they keep on walking.

"I didn't realize that we both came back from the bar with our friends." She chuckles halfheartedly as she looks down at her feet. He couldn't possibly understand what she feels, nobody does.

"No, it's because we are both too scared to lay in our beds and let our mind bring us back to HYDRA." He answers softly. His words are greeted with an awkward silence and their footsteps echo into the cold night. Allie is almost too stunned to answer because maybe he does understand a little. Of course, he won't understand everything but at least he understands some parts of what she is feeling.

"How did you know." She answers, interrupting the silence and looking up to his solemn face. "Because I act the same when anybody asks if I'm fine, if there's anything wrong." He responds with a sad smile.

"Yeah, it's a bit of a mind-numbing topic, isn't it." She says as she lets out a short laugh, trying to dismiss the topic.

"No, it's not that. We are both afraid of telling our stories to others because we don't want them to treat us differently. We don't want our past to dictate our future." Bucky continues, determined to get Allie to talk because this is the most that she has ever let him in before.

The past two months he has tried to get her to talk but she always refuses to bring up her past. Normally, he would understand someones reluctance to open up with someone that they have only known for a short few months but he also needs to talk about what happened. Here and there, she lightly dusts over a part of her past but ever since her talk with Peggy about Erskine, she has been reluctant to let out her feelings. She isn't here to be a blubbering mess, she justifies, she is here to fight and being a baby isn't going to help take HYDRA down.

"When did you become this philosophical Buck?" She smiles as she looks up to Bucky who lets a smile of his own to hang from his lips.

"When I realized that my friend needed a philosophical talk." He says softly before continuing. "What was your nightmare about? He asks, gently weaving his hand between her own.

"I-uh" She stutters, slightly distracted by the feel of her hands wrapped in his. Her mind is split it two, fighting each other. Should she tell him or should she keep it to herself like she has done her whole life?

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I respect your privacy, doll." He replies, noticing her sudden apprehension.

"No, if there is anyone that I want to tell, it's you." She decides rather impulsively, and takes in a deep breath, attempting the quell the nervousness that she feels,

"I-I go to sleep and then I wake up in a cell. The cell where I was always tortured at HYDRA. I open my eyes and see a pile of bodies. The bodies of people who I was too late to save, people that I have killed, people that HYDRA killed to get me. Everybody that I have ever loved or cared for is in that pile." She falters slightly as she turns her gaze away from Bucky's concerned look and to her feet.

"Do you see your parents?" He questions gently, squeezing her hand to remind her that he is here.

"I see them all. My parents, Erskine, Peggy, Steve, Howard, and you. Everybody is in that pile." She shudders as the images replay in her mind, but thankfully she is pulled from her thoughts when Bucky speaks up again.

"Do you want to hear about what happens in my nightmare?" He asks, giving Allie a warm smile which causes her to whip her gaze back up to his in shock. "Only if you want to tell me." She answers cautiously.

"I wake up, strapped in that bloody chair in the labs. The scientists come over, masks covering their faces and they start injecting all sorts of chemicals into me. I can almost feel where the syringes get plunged into my body, the pain of where it breaks the skin. And then they take all their masks off and I see you guys. Steve, my mom, my dad, my little sisters and you. And you all just keep pushing syringe after syringe into my body, just like what the scientists did back at HYDRA." He says confidently, but she can feel the little trembles in his fingers that give away his internal struggle.

She tightens her grips on his hand and gives him a warm smile. "Thank you, Buck." She responds softly.

"I know that it isn't as horrifying as yours but I justed wanted to remind you that you're not alone." He tells her as she shakes her head at him.

"Everyone has something that scares them. Perhaps it is something that doesn't frighten the person next to them, but that doesn't mean it isn't scary." She declares and rubs her thumb against the back of his hand reassuringly. "Have you had them for long, the nightmares?" She asks him.

"Ever since we got back." He answers with the shake of his head. "And you?"

"That's the one thing I don't get Buck," she sighs. "Why now? Why after 8 years of sleeping fine, do my nightmares come back again?" She replies in desperation.

"Sometimes old wounds never truly heal, and all it takes is a slight knock for them to start bleeding again." He explains comfortingly. Allie exhales and leans her head against Bucky's shoulder, she didn't even realize that they had stopped walking a while ago. They were both so caught up in each other than the rest of the world faded into a blur, it was just them.

After a few moments of enjoying the silence, Allie speaks up, "Do you want to come back to my room and help me pack for our next mission?" She asks nervously.

"That's a bit promiscuous isn't it, inviting me back to your room even though we haven't even had our first date?" Bucky jokes which causes Allie to slap his chest lightly as he laughs.

"Hush, Buck! Do you want to come or not?" She demands as Bucky's laughter dies down.

"Lead the way, doll." He responds with a suggestive wink that earns him another slap on the chest.

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It doesn't take long for the two to figure out where they are and navigate themselves back to Allie's apartment. Actually, apartment is much too kind a word. It was just a bedroom and a bathroom but to her, it felt like a mansion. She has never lived in a place that has had more than one room.

"You do realize that I'm not actually going to help you pack, right doll?" Bucky says as Allie unlocks the front door and ushers him inside.

" It was a bit of a lame excuse, wasn't it?" Allie laughs as she closes the door before turning around and taking Bucky's coat.

"You could say that." He smiles as she folds his coat and places it across a small chair that sits in the corner of her room.

"Allie, listen..." Bucky starts, causing Allie to turn around and watch as he takes a seat on the edge of her bed. She quickly follows suit, taking a seat next to him as she waits for his next words.

"Steve and I, we've- uh... we've noticed that ever since our first mission as the Howling Commando's, you've changed a bit." He starts nervously, and by the look on Allie's face, he was right to be nervous.

"I've changed?" She reiterates, almost choking on the words like they are poison.

"No! It's more like, when you go on these missions you become emotionless and distant. Almost like what HYDRA trained you to be like." He tries again but winces when he realizes that what he said probably wasn't the right thing to say either.

"So you're saying that I'm becoming a HYDRA soldier. I'm becoming one of those monsters that experimented on you and tortured me for 18 years!" She spits angrily and then turns toward Bucky to glare at him.

"No! Bloody hell! What I'm trying to say is that Steve and I, don't think that you are in the right headspace when we go on these missions. You get so hell-bent on revenge that we don't quite recognize the Allie that we know." He responds quickly, noticing that she is struggling to keep a lid on her anger.

"You don't know anything about me Bucky! All any of you have seen is a glimpse of the Allie that I want to show you. You don't know the trained killer that HYDRA made me into and you don't know the little girl that begged for her loved ones lives back. So don't pretend to know what's best for me or who I am." She says bitterly as she pushes herself off the bed and paces around her bedroom. Her anger seems to grow the closer she is to Bucky at the moment.

"But we do know you, Allie. I know you. I know that you have been through absolute hell for 18 years of your life. I know that you keep all your emotions bottled up because that is what HYDRA has taught you. I know that you try to push everyone away because you are afraid of them being taken away from you if you do let them in. I know that despite all the pain that you have endured, you will continue to fight so that no one else will have to experience what you had to. So tell me Allie, am I wrong?" He challenges as he stands up too and takes ahold of Allie's hand to stop her pacing. She tries to rip her hand from his grasp but he holds on tightly, which causes her to let out a frustrated sigh.

"I know all that because I care for you, which is why I think that you need a break from fighting so that you can figure out who you are without HYDRA in your life." He declares as he holds is strong gaze on Allie whose glare is weakening with each passing moment. She desperately wants to stay angry at him but she knows that she is just looking for a fight.

"But I can't stop, I made a promise that I need to keep. Ever since I can remember, I have been trained to take down men and empires which is exactly what I am going to do. I need to get justice for all the people like me that have been wronged. People like you too." She pleads, all her pent up anger slowly dissipating as she raises her gaze from their entwined hands to meet his.

"Alright, I understand. But what worries me is what happens when HYDRA is gone? What will you do then?" He asks as he lets go of Allie's hand. His question is greeted with silence, indicating that she hasn't thought that far ahead.

"The person that I see when we are fighting HYDRA is not a healthy person. That person is so focused on revenge and killing that they could potentially succumb to those feelings forever. Revenge is not an emotion that recognizes justice or humanity. It comes and it takes, but it leaves behind so much collateral damage that makes the end price unjustifiable." He argues and Allie takes a seat back down on the bed with a disappointed sigh. Bucky sits down next to her and watches her stare at the cream walls of her bedroom.

"It scares me too, how much I have changed. How much HYDRA changed me." She says softly as thoughts swirl around in her head like an angry vortex. "I think that it's too late to save me. With all that I have seen and done, I deserve no love or kindness. I especially don't deserve you." She continues turning her gaze from the wall to Bucky's where he sees the tears that threaten to fall from her eyes. The walls that she has built up, slowly begin to crumble for Bucky. With each passing moment, they fall and her hands shake at the realization of the mess that she is about to create.

"I don't care what you think you deserve or not. We all think that we deserve less than what we truly do. I think you finally deserve a chance at peace and happiness. You deserve love and friendship. But if you let your hatred of HYDRA consume you and manifest itself into vengeance, HYDRA will win because you will become what they always wanted. A stone cold murderer with no one left." He says gently as he lifts his hand to wipe the one lonesome tear that has fallen from her beautiful coffee-colored eyes.

But what he doesn't realize is, as he wipes her tears away, he is also wiping away the mask that she has worn for years. A mask that she has worn for so long, she forgot what her true face that she wore underneath looked like.

"I may deserve more than what I think I do, but there is no way in hell that I deserve you, Bucky Barnes." She smiles sadly as he removes the pad of his thumb from her tired face. "Nobody could ever deserve you."

"Well I think that it's too late for that, you have me anyway." He says as he mirrors her smile on his own face.

"And there's no way to make you go, is there." She jokes wistfully as Bucky shakes his head at her comment.

"Not a chance in hell. I am going to stick by your side through this war and into the next. I will fight by your side as we take down HYDRA together. I will be with you through anything that you could possibly imagine, until the day I die." He declares fiercely as he stares into Allie's dark eyes. He was falling completely for the girl that sat next to him. He was attracted to her like a moth is to a flame because no matter how close he got, he wished to be closer. He has never felt more whole or completed than when she was by his side.

"That will hopefully be a very long time." She adds, wishing for the touch of his hand back in her own. Her desire to be with him overpowers every other thought. She feels the pull to be closer to him, almost like he is a magnet. She can't deny the stampede of butterflies that flutter in her stomach when he is near or the happiness that she feels when he lets out a laugh that would make the whole world of people buckle at the knees.

"Forever is even longer, and you will always be my forever." He responds softly as he gets lost in her eyes. He slowly moves forward, completely entranced by her beauty as the world around him slowly fades away. He knows that he shouldn't kiss her but he just can't resist.

Her eyes flicker from his captivating his eyes down to his soft, pink lips. There's barely any space left between them now, his familiar woody scent floods through the air as she inches closer, closer than what she has ever been before.

And then their lips meet and the entire world falls away.

It is slow and soft, so soft that she thought it was a figment of her imagination. His gentle hands rest below her ears as his thumbs caress her warm cheeks. She runs her fingers down his spine, pulling him closer until there is no space left between the two of them. So close that she fears that he could hear her heart racing in her chest.

Their bodies almost melt together, into one. Their lips fit together like two puzzle pieces. As if they were made for each other. She could taste the strong scent of alcohol that lingered in his mouth as he kissed her.

But then he pulls away, realizing what he just did.

His eyes fly open as he stares at her innocent face, their foreheads nearly touching as his mouth opens sheepishly. "Allie, I-uh..." He starts flustered as a blush overcomes his cheeks. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that-" He continues but is cut off abruptly by Allie's lips on his.

She pulls his body back towards hers and catches his lips with hers. For a few moments, he is rendered shocked by her actions but then he moves his lips with hers passionately. His hands move from her face and they venture down every curve and dip of her body, making sure no inch of her skin is left untouched. They kiss until they run out of air to sustain their lungs.

Then they pull apart slowly, leaning their foreheads against each other as they catch their breath. A loving expression encaptures both their features and smiles light up their faces. Allie has never felt the touch of someone's lips on her own and she can't help but think that she had been waiting for this moment to first experience it. She had been waiting for a man like Bucky to share it with.

"That's a bit promiscuous isn't it, kissing me when you haven't even asked me on our first date yet?" She mumbles as she stares into Bucky's stunning cobalt eyes and her ears are graced with the melodious sound of Bucky's laughter. A laugh that she wishes that she could hear for the rest of her life.

"Well, I'll have to do something about that, won't I?"

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A/N - Hey guys!!!

It's what you have all been waiting for!!!! OUR SHIP HAS FINALLY SAILED!!!

Can you believe that for some reason, I find myself stuck on what I want to write in the next chapter (which is their first date btw). I know I shouldn't be stuck since this is what the whole story has been building up towards but I just don't know what to write? And the weird thing is, it's only that chapter too?

But on another note, thank you all for 700 reads! It's crazy how quickly that this book is gaining reads and I just want to thank you all for sticking around xx

Anyway, on to the questions!

1. What did you think of the chapter?

2. What do you guys want to see on their first date?

3. Who is your favorite Avenger?

- Grace xx