I am just about to break the awkward silence between Sander and I, when there's a knock on the door.

Sander jumps up, alarmed, but then groans as he slumps back onto the couch, face twitching with pain.

I stand up to open the door. "Wait," he says weakly.

I stop. "What?"

"It might be your friends," at the last word, his tone becomes harsh again, as if he's spitting out venom, directed at me.

"Who's there?" I call out. My stomach does a nasty flip. This is horrible. Sander will be scared to leave the dorm after all this.

"Me," a female voice I can't place, though it's familiar.

Hesitantly, I open the door. My eyes wide.

"Oh, hi." Stepping out of the dorm, I close the door behind me. "Long time no see."

It's Rae.

"Yeah. Thought I'd catch up." Her torso swings from side to side, hands on her back. "How're you?"

"I'm alright. And you?"

"I'm alright, too." She looks me up at down. "Are you in for a round?"

I bite the inside of my cheek. "No, thanks."

"Oh." Thankfully, the disappointment doesn't seem too bad. "Well, maybe another time. See you."

She blows me a kiss, then begins walking off.

I don't allow her to go far. "Wait, Rae!"

The girl spins around, her dark hair swooshing along. "Yeah?"

"You should find someone better. I don't really know you, but you don't deserve someone who treats you like shit or uses you for your body."

Her gaze softened slightly. "You've changed."

I can't help it: a giant smile forms on my face at those words. It sounds good hearing it from someone who never told me to change at all. "Yeah."

"Can we still be friends?"

"Sure." I nod. "I'll see you later."

"Bye, Newt." She starts walking again, but changes her mind and turns around one last time. "It's Rachel, by the way. Not Rae." Then she disappears.

I stand there for a few seconds, letting the idea sink in before I make my way back to Sander. He's still on the couch. Still looking through his stamps.

He doesn't ask anything, so I don't say anything. Will only make this situation between us worse.

There's a second knock on the door. Without thinking, I open it again, believing it's still Rae.

It's not.

"Newt, man!"

At the sight of four familiar faces, my eyes widen in a more panicked way. I slam the door shut behind me, loud enough to warn Sander.

"Yo." I clear my throat. "What're you doing here? I told you not to show up at the campus."

"We haven't spoken in ages. You agreed to meeting up with us but then bailed on us," Rico complains.

My mouth opens, but no sound comes out for a while. My head is a whirlwind of thoughts. I don't know what to do. Confront them or pretend nothing happened? Play it cool or finally say something about their behavior?

No, no. They broke Sander's ribs and gave him a concussion. I'm pretty confident I'm even weaker than him, so they will have no trouble with me. Nor did I bring my pocketknife.

"Wasn't planning on doing that, but I happened to come across something interesting." I regret the words as soon as they leave my mouth. "My roommate's headphones and a pavement full with blood. Does that sound familiar?"

"Oh, that." Mal laughs. "You should've seen it. We got him good—"

"Shut up," I cut him off, my voice sharper than I expect. "You think that was funny? Really?"

The group exchanges glances, their smirks faltering for just a second. Rico cocks his head. "What's with you, man? You've never been this soft."

"Soft?" I repeat. My fists clench at my sides. "What you did was pathetic. You think beating someone half to death makes you tough? He didn't do anything to you."

"He's a freak, Newt. You said it yourself. Or have you forgotten?"

His words hit like a slap, my throat tightening. You're just as bad as them.

No, I'm not. Not anymore.

"I don't want anything to do with you."

"Are you serious?" Randy scoffs. "Don't tell me you're on his side."

"At least I'm not on the cowards' side."

Kieran's face hardens. "What did you just say?"

"I said, you're cowards. All of you."

"You've got a big mouth. Watch it."

"Or what?" I fire back before thinking anything through. "You'll do to me what you did to Sander? Go ahead." I spread my arms slightly.

"You're nothing, Newt. Nothing. You know that."

I don't look away, even when Mal gets right up in my face. "At least I'm not like you guys."

That does it. He grabs the collar of my shirt, shoving me into the door. Pain jolts through my spine, but I grit my teeth.

"Lay a hand on me, and I swear you'll regret it," I hiss. I don't even know where the words come from—hell, I'm shaking like a leaf—but I don't care. "You think you're so scary, but you're all just the same. Just a bunch of sad losers who can't face their own failures, so you take it out on someone weaker. That's all you are and ever will be."

"What're you gonna do? You're weak," Mal spits out.

"I'm only weak because there's four of you and one of me."

He looks at his friends, then back at me. "You against me," he says with ease.

"Are you insane? There's no need to—"

"You're weak," he repeats.

My jaw clenches. I push him off me. "Okay, fine."

"First one to get knocked out loses. If that's me, we will leave you and your friends alone for the rest of your lives. If that's you... well, I guess you'll find out what we do to that little faggot that's sitting inside the dorm right now once you wake up again."

The blood drains from my face. That sick grin spreads across Mal's face.

"You're out of your mind," I snap. "This isn't a game, Mal. You've already done enough—"

"I didn't stutter, Newt," he interrupts. "It's your call. Step up or shut up."

The others chuckle behind him, a chorus that only makes the knot in my stomach tighten.

I glance at the closed dorm door behind me, the thin barrier that's shielding Sander from this mess. He's probably listening to every single word. He knows exactly what's going.

And he's not doing anything.

Which is very understandable, but somewhere, I wish he would have.

I could just walk away. Tell them to leave, tell them I don't care. Maybe that's what the old version of me would've done. The version of me that would've laughed right along with them, even if it made my stomach churn. The version of me who used to ignore Sander, who thought avoiding the guilt would make me untouchable.

"Fine," I say before I can overthink it. "Let's go."

Mal raises a brow, mock surprise plastered on his face. "Didn't think you'd actually say yes. Must be a new you, huh?"

I don't respond. I just step away from the door. I can take it. I have to take it.

We move just outside the campus, where the grass is thin and the shadows of lampposts stretch on the ground. "Should we make bets?" Rico calls out. "I'm giving Newt five seconds before he folds."

"Three seconds," Randy counters, grinning.

I tune them out.

Mal shrugs off his jacket, rolling his shoulders like he's warming up for a prizefight. He's not taller than me, but is broader.

"Last chance to walk away, Newt," he sneers. "No shame in admitting you're not up for it."

I don't say a word, and he doesn't hesitate. The moment I'm ready, he lunges.

The first punch comes faster than I expect, his fist slamming into my ribs. Pain flares up my side, but I keep my footing.

"Come on!" Mal taunts, circling me. "Is that all you've got?"

I swing. I don't know what I'm doing, but my fist connects with his shoulder hard enough to knock him back a step. It's sloppy, but it's something. For a split second, the grin slips off his face.

He swings again, and this time his fist catches the side of my jaw. My vision flashes white for a second, and I stumble back, tasting blood. I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and spit on the ground.

I don't know how long it goes on—me throwing wild punches, him landing solid hits that make my body scream in pain.

"Just stop, Newt," Kieran calls out, laughing. "This is embarrassing for you."

But Mal isn't laughing anymore. He's breathing hard, frustration clear on his face. "What's your problem? Just give up already!"

He grabs the front of my shirt, slamming me back against the lamppost. My vision spins again, and the metal bites into my shoulder blades, but I don't let him get the last word. I swing my knee up into his stomach with everything I've got.

I don't know what it is that changes. Maybe it's the way he seems to think I'm already beaten. Maybe it's the laughter of his friends still echoing in my ears. Or maybe it's the memory of Sander in the hospital. Because of them.

My fist connects with his jaw so hard it jars my entire arm, but the sound of it—a sickening crack—feels like a release. Mal stumbles back, wide-eyed.

I grab his shirt, the same way he grabbed mine, and I drive my knee into his stomach again. He doubles over with a strangled cough. Again, I don't give him a chance to recover. My fist slams into his face another time, this time his nose, and I feel something crunch beneath my knuckles.

Blood gushes, and Mal staggers back, his hands flying up to his face as he yells in shock and anger.

"Newt!" Kieran shouts, his earlier amusement replaced with panic.

Mal tries to swing back at me, but I dodge—pure instinct—and hit him again, this time in the side of the head. He stumbles and falls to the ground with a thud.

He's gasping for air, blood smeared across his face. For the first time, there's something other than arrogance in his expression. There's fear.

I drop to my knees, grabbing the collar of his shirt and forcing him to look at me. I'm biting the inside of my cheek so hard that I taste more blood as my fist jolts against his face again. 

"Newt!" Kieran, Rico, and Randy rush forward, but they hesitate. They're not laughing anymore. They're not even moving to pull me off him.

I tighten my grip on his collar. He flinches.

Flinches.

The same guy who always made me feel smaller now looks at me with fright in his eyes.

I can't let him walk away. Not after what he did to me. After what he did to Sander. After everything. I keep going, punch after punch. His face is a bloody mess after a few minutes, nose broken, eyes swollen shut. His breath comes in desperate gasps, but I'm still unable to stop.

"Newt!" Two arms suddenly wrap around me, pulling me backwards with such force that I gasp. "What the hell are you doing?!"

"Let go of me, Minho!" I crawl away from him, onto Mal. Stupid, stupid Mal.

I can't see properly anymore. My thoughts are all over the place, maybe not even there. My pulse beats in my ears. The anger is so fierce it consumes me entirely. My fists are the only way to silence him for once. For once and for all, perhaps.

I land one final punch against his temple before Minho drags me away again.

Mal's head jerks to the side, and then he doesn't move again. My face falls.

"No." I slip out of Minho's grasp again, my eyebrows scrunched. "Mal?" My fingers touch his cheek, blood everywhere.

"Newt, he's just out. He'll live." Minho harshly pulls me up. "You three, take that guy home and never share a word about who did this, or the same thing will happen to you. May we never see you again."

He grabs my wrist, dragging me away. "What's wrong with you?" He hisses. "You could've killed that guy."

"You don't know what he did, Minho."

"I know enough. And the same goes for you: don't tell anyone before you get the police on your roof. Go clean up."