CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN. NOT SO PERFECT

☆ミ ☆彡

BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP COULD BE ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING. Having feelings for someone was even more terrifying. For both Challan and Max.

Challan Logan didn't have much experience with well, anything. Not with friends and certainly not romantically. This new life that she was living was completely foreign to her. She oftentimes didn't know how to act around Max or the party. She watched what she said so that she didn't sound ignorant, she watched the way she acted so that they didn't think she was weird, and she just wasn't 100% herself around them.

Over time, she had become a lot more comfortable with them, even letting down some of her walls and letting them see the real her. But still, she didn't want to be judged. She wanted to be liked and she didn't want to ruin the new good things that she had in her life.

Challan didn't have a lot of social skills, but she was trying to get better at that. But it was hard. Hard because she didn't want to seem stupid when she didn't understand a joke, or didn't catch onto sarcasm, or any other similar thing.

When it came to Max, Challan was completely clueless. She didn't know what to do or what not to do. She was afraid that Max would one day realize that Challan wasn't anything special. That she was just a pathetic loser and everything that Abigail had said to her was true. That Max would get bored of her and leave and find someone better. There was always someone better. She hated feeling like this but she couldn't help it. She couldn't help but feel insecure when it came to Max and their relationship. She didn't want to feel too much for the redhead only for her to leave. But she couldn't stop the feelings that continued to blossom when it came to Max.

Challan was slowly falling for Max, something that frightened her. She knew she wasn't in love with her, not yet anyway. But she felt that she would get there one day, if she allowed herself to. But she wasn't sure she wanted to let herself get to that point. She didn't want to end up hurt and though she was almost positive Max would never intentionally hurt her, she couldn't shake the fear that she would. She didn't want to be afraid and tried her hardest not to be but in the back of her mind, the fear would linger.

Maxine Mayfield did not have a good home life. Her parents fell out of love a long time ago and she wondered if they ever even loved each other. When they got divorced, Max wasn't sure how to feel. Should she feel sad that her parents were breaking up or relieved that she didn't have to listen to them fight anymore?

She thought maybe things would get better after her parents divorced. But then her mother met Neil Hargrove and everything went to shit again. Neil and his son Billy were the worst human beings to ever exist. Neil pretended like he was such a good guy but in reality, he was a complete asshole. Billy was no better, he was the absolute fucking worst.

Max didn't like the way Neil treated her mom sometimes. She didn't like how her mom would sort of retreat into herself and do whatever Neil told her to. Max would never let anyone bully her into submission. Ever.

To put things simply, Max has never seen a good, healthy relationship in her life. Not romantic or platonic. She's only ever seen broken and abusive ones. So to say she had no idea what the fuck she was doing in her relationship would be a huge understatement.

She sometimes didn't know how to act around Challan. She didn't always say the right thing and she didn't always share her feelings. She honestly didn't know how. Challan wasn't like anyone she had ever met before. It was challenging for her to deduce what it was about Challan that made her so unique. She just wanted things to go well in their relationship but with no role models to look up to, Max was struggling.

Dealing with her feelings had always been difficult for her. And she had a lot of feelings, especially for Challan. Sometimes they got so overwhelming that she would push them away. And in doing so, unintentionally push Challan away.

Challan didn't understand it completely when Max would just disappear on her. Max would sometimes go days without talking to her or answering her calls. Challan would often wonder if it was something she did wrong and would start to spiral. She'd almost always give the redhead space and hope that Max would come back. And then Max would show up at her door with an apology and food or flowers and then act as though nothing had happened. Other times it would be Challan who would show up at Max's door to get answers and try to fix whatever mistake she thought she might have made.

Max was afraid of her ever-growing feelings for the Logan girl. She was afraid of letting herself fall for her. Afraid that Challan would get bored of her. Afraid that Challan would one day see her for the broken person that she truly was and leave. She didn't want Challan to leave her so instead, she would distance herself. She would leave before Challan could. But every single time she did that, Max would always find her way back to Challan. It was like the curly haired girl had a firm hold on her heart and would pull Max back to her. No matter what she did or how hard she tried, she couldn't stay away. And that terrified her. But what terrified her even more, is that no matter what she did, Challan would always come back to her too. She didn't understand why or what it meant and the not knowing was scary. She wondered if it was scarier than the knowing.

Challan rang Max's doorbell again before crossing her arms over her chest. She waited patiently for someone to open the door. She could faintly hear footsteps from inside as someone approached the door. They stopped and then there was silence. Challan rang the doorbell a third time and listened.

She took a step closer to the door and knocked. There was no answer. "Hello?" She knocked again but the door didn't open. "I know you're there, I heard you come to the door." Still, no one opened the door.

Challan sighed, turning on her heel and beginning to walk away. From inside, Max watched Challan through the peephole, her heart hammering in her chest. She was leaving. Challan never left. She bit her lip anxiously and watched her walk away. This was it, Challan Logan had finally given up on her. It stung badly but it was what Max expected. She knew the girl would leave eventually.

Challan went to her discarded bike and picked up her backpack that she had dropped along with it. She pulled it open as she walked back to the front door. Max watched her with curious eyes as Challan took a seat at the doorstep.

She wasn't leaving.

Challan pulled out her walkie, turning it to the unoccupied channel that she and Max used to talk. It had been an accident when Challan found that channel. She hadn't had the walkie for that long and was still learning how to use it and which channels to use. It's like the channel found her and Max was the one to decide that they should use it to communicate whenever. Their own private channel. Their secret.

Max scurried to her bedroom, running to snatch her own walkie off of her bed.

"Max, what's going on?" Challan spoke into the walkie-talkie. The redhead didn't respond and Challan sighed. "I don't understand what's going on, Max. Why do you keep doing this? Am I doing something wrong? If I am, just tell me so I can make it right," she continued.

Max looked down sadly at the walkie-talkie in her hand before pulling it to her mouth. "You aren't doing anything wrong. I am."

Challan sighed in relief when the girl responded but then frowned at her words. "What do you mean?" Max hesitated in her response and then decided not to say anything.

"Max, you can talk to me, okay? Just come outside so we can talk," Challan tried. Max didn't say anything and Challan felt defeated. But still, she decided to remain sitting, hoping the redhead would open the door and come outside.

And she did.

Max pulled the front door open and Challan turned her head to look up and see who it was. The redhead sent her a shy smile before closing the door and sitting down next to her. The two sat in silence for a while, both waiting for the other to speak. Challan honestly wasn't sure what she should say.

"I'm sorry," Max finally broke the tense silence. "I'm sorry I keep doing this."

"Why do you keep doing it though? I don't understand. Do you... do you want to break up or something?" Challan asked, keeping her eyes straight ahead.

"No!" Challan turned her head to look at Max. "No, I... I don't know. No. I—" Max sighed, beginning to feel frustrated. "I'm just... I'm scared."

Challan took a moment to respond, "Of what?"

"Of messing this up. Of you realizing that you're too good for me and ditching me. Of how I feel about you and us and just... I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to be in a relationship and I don't know how to deal with all of these feelings and I'm scared to hurt you and I'm scared that you'll hurt me and I'm just scared." Max took a breath and casted her gaze to her hands, which rested on her lap.

Challan let Max's words resonate with her before coming up with a response. "Max, we're fourteen years old. I don't expect you to know how to be in a relationship. I don't know how to be in a relationship. I honestly have no idea what I'm doing. Like at all. I feel like everything I say is stupid and like I'll say or do the wrong thing. I understand how you feel, okay? I'm scared too. I don't want to hurt you and I don't want you to hurt me. I've been scared of things my whole life and I always let that fear control me. But I realized that I can't keep being afraid. In a way, you helped me with that," Challan took Max's hands in her own and faced her completely. "I like you and I want to continue this so I push those fears away because if I let it control me, I wouldn't be able to experience what I'm experiencing and I wouldn't be as happy as I am with you. So, I understand, truly. And, if you want to take a break or something then I get it."

"I don't want to take a break," Max said quickly. "You make me really happy. And I want this," Max released Challan's hands to motion between the two of them, "to continue too," Max admitted, taking Challan's hands again. "I'm really sorry. I know the way I've been going about this has been wrong. I should've just talked to you about how I was feeling. It's just... really hard for me. You know that. But I'll try to do better, okay? From now on, when I'm feeling like this, I'll tell you and we can talk and work it out together. Okay?"

Challan smiled and nodded, "Deal."

Max smiled back and let out a sigh. "We just had a very mature conversation."

Challan laughed at that, "Yes we did. I'm proud of us."

Max nudged her shoulder and Challan nudged her back. Her brown eyes then began to scan the area and after determining that there was no one around, she snuck a quick peck to Max's lips. The redhead smiled widely at her before standing up from her spot and pulling Challan up with her.

"You wanna go on a walk?" Max questioned.

"Yeah," Challan answered.

Max smiled shyly, "Cool." She took Challan's hand and the two began walking down the sidewalk.

••••

I'm not going to lie; I feel like this chapter is kind of random, and I'm not sure where it came from. I struggled to decide if this should just be a bonus chapter or something but I ended up posting it. I felt like I needed to include this to show that neither Max nor Challan is perfect and their relationship isn't perfect. I hope this chapter wasn't weird or out of place and I also hope you guys enjoyed it.