N I K O L A I

Moscow, Russia

It would probably be my lifelong struggle to siphon the misery into something else, but then again, maybe I never tried hard enough for her memory was what sustained me; even though it was an empty existence. One that I'd been struggling to fill with adrenaline and authority to do whatever I damn well pleased.

I got out of the steaming shower with one goal in my mind that was to deal with my new drug merchant and forget about everything else weighing on my soul. My legal pursuits weren't completely facing closure. I still owned my telecommunications company, but I no longer was its CEO since my days were busy with different endeavors—ones that included bloodshed and everything a normal person would find repulsive.

Sighing, I reached for my midnight blue tailored fit suit and steel grey button-up. Removing the towel on my waist, I dropped it on the ground and pulled my boxers up followed by the pants. I buttoned the shirt, tucked it in, and buckled the black leather finished belt. Leaving the top two buttons open, I took my Valentino cologne and sprayed it on, the niche incense instantly threatened to pull me back into her memories. As it once again held me to the test, I shrugged her thoughts off, focusing on the burns from the scalding hot shower instead, making me ditch the necktie for today. Slicking my jet-black hair back, I took a seat on the small settee to put on my shoes. Finishing up, I slid the jacket over my shoulders, and stepped out of the wardrobe into my bedroom, and back into the corridor where surprisingly Alexei was already waiting for me.

I arched my brow at him, questioning him before we settled into a step towards the dining room.

"Cожалею(sorry), Nik, Irina was doing my head in." He shrugged, pinching the bridge of his nose at his wife's antics. Irina to me was like a little sister, I gained a family I never deserved the day I saved her—them. I didn't even know why I'd killed the men holding her and Alexei hostage, I hadn't asked him about his past, just like he didn't ask about mine. We both had regrets, mistakes that weighed us down, but I was the only one visibly suffering. Which was okay, I wouldn't wish the way I crashed and burned every night on anyone.

"She has that effect on people," I let out a low chuckle just as we stepped inside the large dining hall Irina had taken the privilege to decorate. Upon hearing us, she stopped drumming her fingers on the table and whipped her head in our direction, her eyes narrowing at her husband's figure.

"Удачи," Good luck. I mumbled and went to take my seat on the table.

Ignoring their banter, I focused on my food, trying to eat before Nina turned her attention to me. I admired Alexei's courage to deal with this troublemaker all day, but I wasn't entitled to, then again, love was blind after all.

---

Finishing up, I pushed my chair back and got up, nodding at Alexei and Nina. I turned my back and started walking towards my study, knowing I didn't have to remind Alexei that we had a meeting with a new dealer since the previous one conveniently died in a car accident last night.

I knew the top was a lonely place, and I'd learned to hear whispers in my sleep, to doubt everyone who has ever shaken hands with me. I might be hell-bent on tempting death, but I still hadn't lost my mind—it was all calculatingly done, one word from me and anyone who thought they were resilient enough to beat me at my own game ended up dead in unmarked graves and unidentified corpses. The fact that someone was always waiting patiently, biding their time to overthrow me, wasn't lost on me, so I allowed my madness and repute to harbor the same fate as I continued maneuvering every game in my favor.

I finished checking my emails for the legal side of my enterprise as I waited for Alexei and Ivan to show up, and meet that new supplier. As I closed the lid of my computer, a subtle knock of knuckles against the wooden door alerted me to their presence, getting up to my feet, I buttoned my jacket and stepped out of my study, my Grach secured at the back of my waistband, away from the prying eyes but in reach.

"You sure having him come to Nightelite is the best idea?" Ivan furrowed his brow, confirming if allowing a potential loose end entry into my exclusive club was the best decision after all. I suppose now would be a good time to clarify that Nightelite wasn't any ordinary nightclub—getting in was a fucking challenge, and affording it was preposterous.

No one who wasn't welcomed was allowed inside. And if by some discrepancy they managed to enter uninvited—there was only one way they left—and it was in a body bag. Moscow might've been welcoming to tourists, known for its nightlife, but my properties were exclusive; it was where bastards like me or like the ignorant one I used to be, came for a good time. I understood why inviting him there would be a cause for concern since my restaurant in the same building was well functional, but I knew nothing would leave the walls of my property.

Those who heard what wasn't meant for their ears knew better.

"Yes, it will be fine." I walked out as they fell into step behind me.

---

I entered my building, the staff I hadn't bothered acknowledging nodded except a few female employees, who threw suggestive smiles my way. I had rules that kept me alive, never sleeping with the same person twice was one of them. Sex was just that sex—an act pleasurable to both parties involved. I didn't need attachments; I knew I only loved one woman, and she was dead. Her memories were the only thing I needed, they hurt but they were mine—like she used to be—and this misery was eternal; it wouldn't leave me like her.

Clenching my jaw, I bit on the inside of my cheek, bringing myself back at the moment. This was the only rule I hadn't managed to comply with yet. I just couldn't strip my mind bare of her. She wasn't just someone I fell for. She was a part of me, I breathed knowing she was alive, and for the last eight years, all I'd been doing was learning how to breathe without her.

I knew love demanded sacrifice, but I never expected to be chasing the melancholy of her memory.

Adoration was the only hopeless opus I couldn't get out of, and it was pathetic that I was still chasing a ghost relentlessly, hoping the kiss against my skin could be more than my imagination. I had her when I was no one, but now that I was a king, I didn't have my queen.

Alexei sensing something was amiss nudged my arm, motioning me to train my gaze on my new guest. I scoffed at Vlado's white suit, polished shoes, and buzzed hair. He took controlled steps towards us almost like he was counting them. I stood tall, taking full advantage of my height as he stood barely a meter away, eyeing me with contemplation. I nodded at him, never offering him my hand as I turned to walk towards the room we'd be having the meeting.

I sensed his discomfort at being treated like a mercenary and not a partner, but I learned long ago that securing the dynamics were what made the merciless thrive. Nothing mattered, but the violent delights and all I'd ever be was a motherfucker who had more money than he knew what to do with.

This was my story, but I was no Prince Charming, I was the villain here. I might've been someone with a conscience years ago, now that man no longer lived. I'd become the devil, a corrupt bastard that no one could get to, perhaps that was the reason I didn't die with Keira—after all, hell was empty and all the devils were here.

Reaching the private room, I moved aside and motioned him inside. His fear settled deep in the marrow of my bones, followed by a sense of authority I always did when making a deal. This was the part of my life that was in my control, where I still held the reigns and not some vague concept of immanence.

"Have a seat, Vlado." I walked towards my chair, pulled it back, and sat down, leaning back as Alexei and Ivan took their place on either side of me.

If he knew what I was trying to demonstrate here, he didn't show, merely circled the table and took his seat on the other end.

He tossed a small packet with the drug on the table, instantly pissing me off with his arrogance. I side-bended my neck, smirking when I met his eyes. Reaching forward, I picked the small packet between two of my fingers, and only when I'd leisurely leaned back, I threw the drug back towards him. I ran my fingers through the light beard I'd grown and studied him. The disbelief. The hate. The confusion. And fear. I felt it all deep in the marrow of my bones.

"You will test your expertise," I said in Russian, pointing towards the cocaine, challenging him to defy me all while reaching for my weapon of choice.

Brows furrowing, he took a little of the drug on his palm and brought it closer to his nose, inhaling the intoxicant. He was smart, the last one ended up with a bullet between his eyes for protesting. Vlado finished, straightening as his pupils dilated, and the drugs started kicking in, the tension in his muscles dissolving. Just to be sure, I waited for a few minutes before I took the powder between my fingers to check its texture. I wasn't going to get high here. This was just power play, for him to fucking acknowledge that I was the one at the top of the food chain and not him. He needed to know that I was the big bad wolf, and I was the hunter. In both cases, I enjoyed ripping my prey apart limb from limb, and no one could out-maneuver me.

"I'll buy it from you, Vlado," he straightened, a small smile breaking through, "But if you fucking dare double deal me." I paused, placing my pistol on the table, finger on the trigger, the safety turned off. "I won't think twice before loading this all in you."

"As long as you pay me right, I have no reason to." His voice came out calmer than he looked and I fought back a smirk. None of his men had dared to show their weapons because they knew they move wrong, and they wouldn't be leaving with their limbs intact.

"Tsk tsk," Alexei mocked, "little boy, you don't make demands from the big wolves." A low spew of profanities fell from Vlado's mouth, something many would have mistaken for a breath—but we've already established I wasn't like many.

"That's alright, Alexei, I'm sure Vlado here understands the importance of swearing allegiance to me." I drew my attention back to Vlado, "I'll just take out your tongue, after all, Два медведя в одной берлоге не живут." Two bears don't live in one lair.

I'd made my point clear. I didn't like sharing what was mine, and this empire I'd made wasn't any exception. Vlado must know by now that the rumors weren't always wrong. Sometimes the fabrications passed around on streets are what made men like me because we tend to love living up to the worst expectations.

I stood up, offering Vlado my hand. Another thing to establish a known fact that I had the power. I'd just threatened him, now I'd offer him a handshake, and make him leave. I might be shaking on it, but I wouldn't be breaking bread with him.

"I won't disappoint you." He was like a little child promising his teacher that he'd do well. But I wasn't here to encourage—rather deliver a warning. He must know that he'd be watched like a hawk.

"Yes, you won't. You won't live to do it again." I cocked my head, smirking as I squeezed his hand, and then dropped my grip.

He knew he was no longer needed here. Vlado's identity was a secret for if people knew who sold to me, they'd all come to him, some for him, and I didn't want that. He would inevitably be traced back to me, and what sort of a criminal would I be if I left a trail behind?

"That went well." Ivan breathed out, shoulders sagging as he relaxed.

"Fucking dandy," I moved around the room, getting comfortable on the small couch at the far end of the room.

"Nik, the Pentagon's agreed to come here," I turned my head to Alexei, beckoning him to continue. "Well we've negotiated a date; it is four days from now, two days after the annual masquerade." Ah, fuck, I'd forgotten about that.

The Masquerade was just many of the other pretentious events for appearances. You'd be surprised how deep the roots of mafia ran, there was not a single person at this event that didn't have ties with us, and even the "normal" people like doctors and lawyers were just as dirty as the rest of us. 

Everyone's got bones in their closet, everyone has evil in them, and granted a sliver of a chance to benefit from corruption—they'd all take it. But it requires balls to increase your odds of dying. 

I suppose that was luck of the draw, it always drew out the ones already doomed.

"That's okay," It wasn't like the Masquerade mattered to me, all I had to do was show up a few minutes before midnight when the masks were taken off, and the sovereignty of the attendees was reneged with fabricated alliances only ending with a big knife in the back for those who were too stupid to know that no one was a friend.

There was always someone, sitting, waiting, bidding their time, finding the perfect time to strike, and it took a watchful eye to single out the threat and eradicate it before things went to shit.

"About that—" he paused as I scowled at him, tired of this conversation, "Smirnov wants you to stay longer. He said he has some special guests for you."

I curled my fist as anger got the best of me again. His guests were feeble attempts to bribe me by offering a woman. Barbaric. I knew that, but I didn't fuck with people who didn't step on my toes and as long as he wouldn't force me, it would be fine. It wasn't like any woman intrigued me more than being a means to an end any more. Besides owing favors wasn't my style. Being owed was.

"Fucking fine." I hissed, leaning my head against the back of the couch, staring at the well-patterned ceiling. "I need you to put men on Vlado. I don't trust him, now more since The Pentagon is sniffing around."

"Nikolai are you sure about them? The legendary five aren't known for their honor. They're vipers, always waiting to attack." Ivan hiked his brow.

A valid question, but I had my reasons. "Repudiating will only drive those fuckers into pursuing this. I've stayed out of Santini's way out of mutual respect, they don't deserve my deference, and to get rid of them, I need to see what they're capable of."

"I suppose it's the smart thing to do..." Ivan sighed, bringing his phone out as he dialed someone.

Alexei understood my silent demand to end this conversation, so citing me a glance, he turned his attention to his own cellphone, smiling at whatever it was on the screen. I would've asked him to arrange my outfit for Smirnov's masquerade, but my men were capable, they were red-blooded, and knew what to do. Now all I had to do was make it clear that I wasn't in the business of favors to Smirnov, and show the Pentagon that there was no space for them to overthrow me either.    

♤ ♡ ◇ ♧

So what do you think? 

I wanted to take a few chapters and introduce the characters before we dive right into it! The next chapter will be Keira's pov, are you excited about it, you may find out why Nikolai thinks she's dead!

Any theories?

Thank you so much for reading, please vote, comment and share if you liked it!