Rick and Michonne showed up minutes after myself and soon, we had packed up the few things we were taking with us to Hilltop. But...the idea of leaving this place, leaving all our memories behind felt like a knife to my gut. They climbed in the front of the van and I let my gaze sweep the burning debris that was left of Alexandria as I crawled into the back of the van, letting the doors slam shut behind me. As Rick began to drive away, I gazed out the tiny window in the back - the familiar houses, the infirmary where I'd first found out I was pregnant with Winnie, the porch steps where I'd first talked to Daryl, that strip of pavement where I'd stood when I'd confessed my love to Carl...

It was all passing in front of my eyes now - never to be seen again. I felt my stomach twist in dread mixed with nostalgia and anxiety. Biting down so hard on my lip, I tasted the metallic tang of blood, I felt like I couldn't breathe. It was a sadness I couldn't even begin to explain. And as my eyes flitted over the bold letters on the sign that was tacked to the familiar rusted red wall as we drove away, I knew it would be the last time I saw those walls...

We both stared out of the window, my hands resting on his chest. Towering before us was a massive rusty metal wall with large wooden poles holding it up.

"Welcome to Alexandria, Angel." Owen stated.

The very...last...time.

We continued on in silence and I wiped stray tears away with the back of my hand.

"What do you think he meant?" Rick asked suddenly, breaking the silence between the three of us, "Did he want us to stop fighting the Saviors? Just surrender to Negan?"

"We could pull over. We could read what he wrote," Michonne suggested, picking up the stack of letters Carl had given us.

I pushed down the lump in my throat, feeling as if just speaking would be enough to send me over the edge again.

"No. Not yet," Rick shook his head adamantly, his blue eyes still bloodshot from crying, "Not me."

Michonne was quiet then, glancing down as she sifted through the letters. And with one swift, gentle movement, she had pushed one of the crisp white envelopes into my hand. I glanced up, meeting her dark gaze with hesitance.

"He left one for you, too, Angel." she said to me, her words soft.

Slowly, I nodded to her in thanks before glancing down at it in my hands. But my stomach twisted with the thought of reading it now... No, I wasn't ready yet. Someday but...not now. Not yet. A small gasp from Michonne then was enough to break me from my thoughts.

"Rick. He-... Carl-He...wrote a letter to Negan." she said in shock.

My gaze drifted to the pair of them up front before looking back out the window, saying nothing. I tuned out the rest of their conversation, feeling like it didn't matter anyhow. What did it matter if we won or lost this war now? Carl was gone... Nothing mattered anymore.

My eyes dropped to my still-flat stomach then, biting down on my bottom lip in thought.

Nothing at all.