# — ❞ ALRIGHT, FUCK IT. LET'S DANCE, WALMART WIDOW ❞
╰┈➤ CHAPTER ONE ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ 𝘿𝙀𝘼𝘿𝙋𝙊𝙊𝙇 & 𝙒𝙊𝙇𝙑𝙀𝙍𝙄𝙉𝙀 ┊🐺⚔️🕷️
📍 THE RED ROOM, earth 210904
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         SO FAR, EVERY KATE SOKOLOV THAT WADE RAN INTO had the same i wanna kill you face as Wade had coined it. The Kate he saw in that footage when Logan died and her sacrifice clearly didn't go for every other version of her in his montage of near death experiences falling through time doors. In the last universe, Kate had a red glowing sword and she had already been brainwashed by the Red Room — there had been no hope for that one.

He was on the verge of giving up and just going for Logan. He couldn't take any more of the near death experiences curtesy of Kate Sokolov. Wade's never met her before and he's only ever seen her nearly dying or crying and that was just on the TVA's projections.

As the shimmering golden time door opened up from the ground, Wade stepped through with a sigh, lowering his head in exhaustion, "I swear if one more brunette tries to fucking electrocute me, I'm just going go to Logan — I'm sure he won't try to kill me," when he drifted his gaze from the Tempad in his hands, he saw this world was much darker than the ones he had previously seen, "well, someone's in their emo phase."

The land was vast with fallen debris; flames grew from the ground, giving light in the darkness. Wade crossed his arms, craning his head upward to find a threatening structure hovering over in the air.

Wade groaned as he put his head back in annoyance, "Nope!" He exclaimed, popping the p at the end, "I'm not about to get killed again — I'm not!" Before he could open the TemPad, it had flown out of his hand causing him to turn around, "GODDAMNIT!"

From above, Wade spotted another Kate falling down from above in her black suit. At this point, when he saw someone with brunette hair, he'd assume it was her. As she landed on the soil, kneeling on the ground with on leg extended while the other was bent over, on of her arms up.

"God, you're such a poser!"

Once she stood up, Kate swung out a sword, pinning the top under Wade's chin, "Five minutes — start talking," Wade's eyes widened from behind his mask as he put his hands up aiming for his swords when ready.

"Well, you don't seem friendly," Wade coughed as the sword got closer and his hands got closer to the katanas he was carrying on his back, "Hi! I'm Wade — you can call me Deadpool or Marvel Jesus, whatever works for you," the sword being at his throat, his eyes widened and his gaze drifted down to the blade, "okay! I need you because you're an anchor being and if you don't come me," he sighed as the blade was lowered, "everyone I know is gonzo."

Kate twirled the sword to her side and chuckled, "yeah... no," Wade widened his eyes and lifted his hands up in annoyance as she just stood there drained of any hope, her eyes have seen it all and didn't need to see anymore that he was gonna do with the TVA.

"Really? I thought if anyone would know about not wanting to see death it'd surely be you — yeah, you're not the same one, but I actually thought you'd be a little helpful," he signaled to her. Before she could leave and head back up to the hovering structure he blurted out, "Didn't you know Logan?"

This made her stop on her tracks, gripping onto the bottom of the sword. She hadn't heard that name in years and hoped to never hear it again. She craned her neck, "how the fuck do you know Logan?"

"Well... I don't really know him," Wade's tone shifted to an awkward one as his head tilted and he shook his hand. "I just... uh, saw him on tv at the TVA — btw, don't go to their tailor for anything."

"I'm not going with you for anything," she said, her body fully turning to face him with piercing stare, he swore he saw a red flash in her eyes as she aimed the blade at him.

Wade sighed, lowering his head, twirling the katanas from out behind him, "Alright, fuck it. Let's dance, Walmart Widow," he put the katanas up in front of him, getting in a fighting position.

Kate swung her sword she retrieved from Taskmaster's corpse after failing to find Dreykov right at him, moving forward as he used the katanas to created an x, blocking her sword and pushing her back. She flipped a switch on her widow's bite and aimed it at Wade who had already been hit with it three times in a single today. Just as Wade fell to the ground with the blue waves of electricity flowing through his body, Kate turned around and started walking away, thinking it was over, but it wasn't; she stopped on her tracks after hearing him grunt, she slowly turned and saw him stand up, using his katanas for support; dusting himself off.

"What the fuck are you?"

Wade made an x with his katanas once again, slicing the metal against each other and putting them beside him, "Marvel Jesus."

Before she could use her widow's bite again, Wade plopped the TemPad wide open on the ground and a time door swung open causing Kate's eyes to widen in shock. He grabbed Kate's arm and threw her in watching the door close with a wave, "Bye, bye!" Wade sighed, grabbed the TemPad and put a hand on his hip, "Should've done that the first five or something times."

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AFTER FINDING A KATE TO REPLACE HIS, HE WENT ON to find another Logan. If he thought the Kate variants were hard enough then he had no idea what he was in for with Logan. Just like Kate, every universe with a Logan in it had tried to kill him or wasn't the right fit.

The last Wolverine he found kicked him so hard he fell through just has he was opening a time door and landed in another bar like the first one he'd been in. After falling off a pool table, he bumped into a man with a cigar who nearly fell over. Due to this, the man tried to throw a punch, but Wade grabbed him by the neck and chocked him until he fell to the floor. He spotted another Logan, sitting at the bar alone, "Well, this one looks promising," he said as he watched the other guy fall, "Down you go."

Logan put down the miniature glass and tapped on the table, "Again."

"I told you, you're not welcome here," the man behind the bar said as he put down the bottle, "You're not welcome anywhere. Now get the fuck out of my bar."

He'd been going here for two reasons: one, being that he wasn't like the Wolverine that Wade had seen in the TVA and the second fact being is that he had lost his Kate Sokolov as well, just not in a heroic sacrifice. His Kate had been struck with cancer and was just a regular human being, no Red Room or Red Widow. They had met at a bar, but not the one he's currently at and now he's been coming here to cope with two things on his mind, "just give me one more drink and then I'll leave."

"That's not how it works,"

Just then, Wade leaned on the bar beside him, resting an arm on the end of the table, "It does now," Wade stated as he craned his neck over to the man behind the counter, "leave the bottle."

"Do I know you, bub?"

"Nope," Wade shook his head. "But I know you."

Logan nodded, "everybody knows me, I'm the Wolverine."

"Yes, you are and I'm gonna need you to come with me right now,"

Logan sighed with a head shake, waving his hand at Wade, "Look, lady. I'm not interested."

"Really getting into your cuffs—"

"-Why would I go with you?" Logan asked, giving Wade a boop on the nose.

"Because, unfortunately, I need you," Wade replied. "And even more, my entire world needs you."

The guy behind the bar returned with a smirk and chuckled, "you two gonna fuck or fight?"

Both of them lifted their heads up at him and gave an annoyed look. Wade squinted his eyes at Logan who didn't seem as bothered by it as Wade thought he'd be, "You gonna take that from him?"

"Yep,"

Wade chuckled, "I can tell you have that sort of don't get too close, I'll only break your heart vibe going here," he stated, making a motion with his hands circling Logan's face, "But every other Wolverine would have really hurt me by now and I'm sort of on a tic-tic," he tapped on his wrist and started to lift Logan up from his seat, "upsy-dacy, here we go."

Just as Wade got Logan up from his seat, Logan's Wolverine claws flung out, "Oh. Whiskey dig with the claws," Wade's gaze drifted to the claws that were slowly coming from his fingers, "It's quite common in Wolverine's over forty."

"You don't want this,"

"Your right," Wade said. "I don't want it."

Wade got out a gun and aimed it right at Logan's face, "And you don't want this," he said staring right at him, "unless you want to take a deep breath through your fucking forehead I suggest you reconsider — let's go, peanut."

All Logan did was lean forward to the gun, placing his forehead on the bullet hole with a chuckle. Wade put his head back in annoyance, "alright, I didn't want it to come down to this but I'm pulling the card... Kate Sokolov,"

There was a slight pause with a glint of recognition in his eyes before the laughing continued and Logan lifted a finger, "Oh, oh, oh. Watch this," he lifted the bottle off the table and started drinking the whole thing. "That's a little... easy."

"Good God... Kate married you, right?" He squinted his eyes as he drank every last ounce and tilted his head, "Thirsty little honey badger, aren't you? It's okay, keep going," Wade only got one side eye from Logan as he continued drinking, "Audiences are accustomed to long run times."

Once he finished the bottle he passed out, falling to the floor; Wade knelt down, grabbing him by the collar and his eyes widened in shock, "look at those jammies," he turned to the table, "that only took twenty fucking years."

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"TWO ANCHOR BEINGS COMING RIGHT UP," his gaze drifted to the Kate variant, who was already leaning beside a desk with her arms crossed against her chest and the man sitting in the chair staring up in fear at both Kate and the dagger she implanted into the desk after lashing out in anger once being thrown in here. Wade sighed as he carried Wolverine, "Ugh! We get it — you're not like other girls — quit being so angsty."

He walked through the time door and down the aisle, "This Logan and Kate have the same... they can do anything — even musicals," as Wade got to Paradox, Logan collapsed to the floor, "And Bonus: he's actually wearing a costume like he's not embarrassed to be in a superhero movie for once."

Paradox frowned in confusion, tilting his head, "I don't understand."

"You said my universe is dying because this sack of nuts," Wade then pointed to Kate, "and that ball of angst got themselves killed," he stretched his arms out and turned back to Paradox, "Well, problem solved."

"You actually think you can replace anchor beings with these?" He signaled to the two failed heroes and Kate flipped him off, making sure he could see it — and Wade as well, "I wouldn't have accepted any other Wolverine or Red Widow beat-y-dubs, but you have outdone yourself and brought me the worst of the two."

"What do you mean the worst of the two?"

"Mr. Wilson, this Wolverine and that Red Widow let down their entire worlds," Paradox replied. As he did Kate's expression changed to a grim one, like all the hope had been drained; it already had years ago, but hearing it out loud drained any shred of it she had left. She remembers the day Natasha and Yelena died like it was yesterday, it was a clear image in her mind, "they're the stuff of legend and not in a good way. And what Wolverine did... well, some things are just beyond forgiveness, but at least Sokolov over here made it her dying wish to end the Red Room, right?"

Wade's gaze shifted from different sides of the room then back to Paradox, "Okay. How do I make this right?" He asked in a stutter, "I can be... I'll do anything."

"I gave you a chance at greatness because my superiors deemed you special," Paradox said. "Clearly you're not, but apparently you have some important future of purpose to serve."

"With Thor, he holds me."

"But I did my duty," he continued, his anger building up, but he managed to keep the calm exterior, "but I did my duty: I gave you the opportunity to be somebody and instead of accepting my offer with humility and gratitude you broke my nose."

Wade groaned in announce, "It looks great."

"You decimated dozens of my men with the corpse of a hero with sovereign not only his remains, but his memory,"

"What do you think internet?"

"Your world is dying!" He exclaimed as a woman came with a plate with a sandwich, "and there's no stopping it, "he took a bite of the sandwich and nodded in approval, "the humane thing to do is to make it quick."

"Is the thought of vaporizing my universe making you peckish?"

"I'm eating my feelings,"

"I'm about to lose everything that I've ever cared about," Wade snapped, signaling to Logan on the floor. "Because that hairy thunder cunt and angsty asshole finally dies..."

As he was rambling on, Logan eventually stood up — slowly. Once Logan stood up, Kate stood up from the desk and the two stared into each other's eyes, something neither of them had done in years, but had definitely missed the feeling. Although, it was quickly ruined by Wade, so Logan turned around and so did Wade, "...and they're standing right behind me, aren't they?"

"Welcome to the MCU, by the way," Wade said turning around twice, "you two are joining at a bit of a low point," his gaze shifted to Kate, "Btw, Romanoff finally gets her own movie," Kate rolled her eyes as he turned back to Paradox, "As for you, I want to talk to your boss. I want you to get him on the phone and you tell him, her or them that Marvel H. Christ isn't playing."

Everyone in the room seemed to share a look of acknowledgment. They were all in on something that none of the superiors knew and from under his mask, Wade's eyes widened as he turned, "Holy shit! I just heard a symphony of buttholes clenching all at once," he reached for his glocks, "you're off the grid, your bosses don't know what you sick fucks are doing down here. Well, I'll tell you what: I have a black belt in Karen, and I'm gonna go upstairs and imma tell them all about—"

Before he could finish Paradox took out a glowing baton and tapped it on Wade, causing him to dissolve right out of the room, dropping the TemPad. Logan and Kate stepped back in shock, "where the fuck did he go?"

"To the trash heap," Paradox replied. "You'll fit right in."

Neither of them stood a chance and got sent straight away.

➥ AUTHOR'S NOTE
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AHH THE FUN BEGINS!! this chapter took a while ) 2672 words in counting. I haven't done a lot of marvel fics and this brought me back to that phase in my life 😭

plsss don't be silent / ghost readers cause reading your comments keeps me motivated <33