"The nerve of that man! I mean, one thing goes wrong, and he's on a warpath. I mean, doesn't know who I am? No, no, Ray, you know exactly who I am. You just can't handle it!" Allison went on a rant in the middle of the small yet lovely salon.

"Men... Klaus is the only decision one, i'm telling you." Ivy said from where she sipping on the cherry coke, seated in one of the chairs with her legs crossed and flipping through a magazine.

"Right? I'm protecting him." Allison said as she yanked rather hard on Klaus hair while Vanya finger gunned the bottles on the shelves.

"Ow! From what?" Klaus questioned as Allison yanked.

"The end of the world, for one." Allison said as Ivy agreed.

"Right? Like why are we the bad guys for protecting the people we love? Like, i'm sorry for not wanting you to get involved and possibly die. But no, Ivy and Allison are the bad people and let's all take Ronnie and Rays side." Ivy went on with her rant as she spilt a bit of her drink on her but couldn't bother to care.

"Is the world really gonna end in six days?" Vanya spoke up as she looked at them through the mirror on the wall.

"Well, it did last time and we did everything Five could think of to stop it." Allison spoke as she began to tease Klaus's hair but he couldn't manage to stop moving.

"Hey, wouldn't it be weird if Five grew up all hot? Wouldn't that be weird?" Klaus asked as he stood and put a cigarette in his mouth.

"Klaus, what the f-"

"Okay, ew!"

"What?"

"Oh please with Miss "Luther was my lover."" Klaus mocked Allison as Ivy shut her magazine, having it no interest at this point.

"Oh lord, do not remind me of those days. Gag in my freakin' mouth." Ivy spoke as she faked a gag, "Don't make me puke and ruin my lipstick."

"We have never even kissed." Allison defended herself as she put a hand toward the two.

"Yeah, but you guys were making little sick moon-dog eyes at each other." Klaus said as he rocked on his heels to the music.

"Let's not forget the time you took his side when he threw me out the window." Ivy said as Klaus laughed at the memory.

"It was not his fault, are we forgetting the time you jumped off the roof to see if you could fly?" Allison spoke to her with a eyebrow raise as Ivy scoffed.

"But I didn't throw Klaus off with me, did I?" shes shot back at her before sipping at her drink again.

"Aren't we all brothers and sister?" Vanya asked with a very confused and disturbing face as Klaus snorted

"Well, technically it's-" Allison began with a stressed look as Klaus cut her off.

"If you have to use the word technically, you're already in trouble." Klaus said as Allison sighed before looking to Ivy who was holding back a laugh.

"Oh, what are you laughing at? You and Diego were pretty close if I can recall." Allison said as Ivy gagged for real this time while dropping her bottle.

"Ugh, yeah, close for siblings, Allison." Ivy said to her as if she was stupid. "I'm-"

"She's a lesbian." Klaus finished for her as Ivy groaned.

"I'm not a lesbian, Klaus. And I was gonna say i'm very much grossed out you would even compare Diego and I's brother and sister relationship to yours and monkey mans very weird sibling love story." Ivy spoke as Allison couldn't hold her laugh back.

"Wait, I though you said she had a girlfriend?" Vanya asked as she looked at Klaus now who threw his hands in the hair.

"She does, lovely woman, Ronnie with pink hair." Klaus said as Ivy rolled her eyes.

"She's not my girlfriend, how many times do I have to say it?" Ivy asked him with a insane look as Klaus giggled.

"As many times as you stop denying it, look, Dad was a jerk about things like this... but look at me! I accept it, time for you too!" Klaus said while giving Ivy a twirl through the saloon.

"Can we focus here?" Ivy spoke up as Allison agreed.

"I mean, clearly we're not saving the world tonight, but maybe, maybe, we could at least try and save my marriage." Allison spoke as Klaus poured himself other drink as Ivy had the wind sweep the glass away.

"No! No! Because that's like, that's like asking a nun how to hump someone's leg. I mean, who in this room knows shit about relationship?" Klaus spoke up as he looked at each other them before pointing to Vanya, "This one? In secret love with some farm Frau."

"Her names Sissy." Vanya corrected.

"Which is an important improvement on her previous love interest, the serial killer." Klaus mumbled as Allison gave him a knowing look.

"What?" Vanya asked before Klaus pointed to Ivy.

"This one only likes woman but has dads voice telling her it's wrong so she's leading on a poor girl with lovely hair even though she very much is in love with her." Klaus said as Ivy began to speak before Klaus cut her off, "Again, very much improvement from the jerk she dated at seventeen who knocked her up and opened her eyes that she absolutely hates men."

"A kid?" Vanya asked as she looked to Ivy who sighed loudly.

"Klaus, don't even, okay?" Ivy asked him annoyed while using both her hands to flip him off which he cheered at.

"Meanwhile, i'm carrying a torch for a soldier I haven't technically met yet, and Luther is in love with his sister."
Klaus went on as he held one hand in the air, his palm tattoo on full display.

"Okay, again, we are not biological." Allison pointed out with a very much annoyed sigh.

"Face it, the healthiest long-term relationship in this family was when Five was banging that mannequin." Klaus spoke as Ivy let out a booming laugh, "The only thing The Umbrella Academy knows about love is how to screw it up."

"For once, I think you're completely right." Ivy agreed with a loud sigh.

"Cheers." Allison and Vanya said at once.

"How do you guys deal with this?" Vanya asked as the faint music from the radio made Ivy shut her eyes and sway in the slightest.

"What?" Allison asked her with raised eyebrows.

"I mean all of it. The time travel, seeing the dead, the end of the world." Vanya began to list on as Klaus cut her off.

"Well, I get really high. Allison... Allison lies to herself." Klaus whispered as Allison kicked his chair, "And Ivy expressed her feelings through her hair color and make up."

"It's true, i'm far from proud." Ivy said as she looked to Vanya with her current blonde hair symboling neutral, and sparkly eyelids with the occasional diamond glued to the side of her face.

"And you suppress all your emotions deep, deep down until you... you blow shit up." Klaus said as he resembled the blowing up with his hands.

"Or throw people through walls." Ivy hummed as she patted Vanyas shoulder while grabbing another cherry coke.

"Yeah, i'd really like to do neither of those anymore." Vanya said as Ivy hummed while popping the lid off.

"Probably smart of you, dear sister of mine." he spoke while taking a new seat.

"Well you've got six days." Klaus said as he looked over at her while toying with the clips in his hair.

"What the hell are we supposed to do with six days?" Allison spoke with a crazed look on her face.

"Admit my feelings and hate dad." Ivy spoke up with a longing look, "Hopefully."

"I'm gonna tell Sissy that I love her." Vanya said suddenly as Ivys eyes widened.

"Oh, the jealously I have for you." Ivy said as she fell on the floor dramatically.

"I don't want any secrets." Vanya said with a shrug as Klaus nodded his head while Allison turned with wide eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, you're right! Yes, cause, you know, if... if it's all gonna go tits up the lease I could do is be honest with my husband." Allison said as Ivy cheered from the floor.

"Hell yeah! Tits up!" she yelled before her eyes widened at the words, "God, maybe I am a lesbian."

"Oh... does that mean I have to face my cult?" Klaus asked with a loud sigh, "I just hate group break ups, it's why I stopped dating twins."

"This family's amazing." Vanya said as she threw her hands in the air.

"Yeah, sure." Klaus laughed along side his sisters.

"Yeah, tits up!" Ivy repeated herself as Klaus pulled her from the floor.

"Okay, lets not get ahead of ourselves." Allison laughed as she put her hands up while Klaus put his arms around her and Ivy.

"Come here, Vanya." Klaus said as Ivy held out her arm much like Klaus and Allison did, "Come on."

"I love you guys." Klaus mumbled as Allison laughed loudly as the four hugged each other tightly.

"Oh! You guys! I love this song!" Allison said with wide eyes.

"Let's shake it." Ivy cheered as the four let each other go as the four moved the the beat of the music together at first before breaking off on their own.

Ivy swayed her shoulders as she shut her eyes, humming the lyrics while spinning slightly, a dramatic expression across her face much like her sibling did on their own, having the time of their lives together.

As night fall came Ivy made her way toward the building her and Ronnie purchased together just a few days ago. Only a few people from Las Vegas had arrived by now, getting sorted into their bedrooms. When Ivy walked in her eyes focused on the pink haired woman who had decorated the place with plants and glitter.

And Ivy smiled.

She absolutely loved Ronnie and Reginald had no say in that anymore.

•

kylie speaks.

next chapter
is gonna be so
soft🥺