~Choice and Chance~

That evening....

'Meet me in the apple orchard.' The letter under her pillow said - signed with a simple R.

How on God's green earth he'd had time to write and send it she did not know, the council sat for six hours that day, but he was Richard so of course he'd found a way, she thought, catching a smile curving her lips. She couldn't help it.

Rising from the covers, she sidled over to her dressing table and the small wooden box that lay tucked at the back, its dark oak lid, unadorned by carvings, covered in dust. Gentle fingers touched the blanket of light grey and opened it, revealing the golden R pendant nestled inside.

Richard. What an uncertain storm that had been to weather.

She'd never resent him, that was what she'd promised and she'd kept her oath. She couldn't, however, prevent resenting herself.

The deeper her grief drove her into the sharpened arms of pain, the greater the guilt of her transgressions with him grew. It taunted her, tortured her, followed her every waking step and every sleeping thought.

Day by day her regret grew; her astonishment and shame at what she'd done and not only was it that she'd lain with Richard that cast her into such despair but that it had been no quick tryst, no simple grief-driven moment of weakness in an alcove with thoughts only of her beloved.

It had been in his bed, her bed, multiple times. It had been, passionate, wanted and while Edward never truly left her mind, it wasn't he whom she thought of when at the height of her pleasure, not his name she cried out, not his body she clung to and kissed with lust coiling in her belly. Despite that, she also felt she'd used Richard for her own ends, made him the sword with which she held back grief then cast him aside once reinforcements came.

She prayed and prayed, regretted and repented, called for punishment to be brought down upon her, begged for Ned's forgiveness from heaven but nothing, nothing could ease her guilt or absolve her heart. She'd betrayed him. 'No you didn't! Even if you did he repaid it in life a hundred times over!' A voice cried in her head only to be shouted down each time by a dozen others.

She'd promised she'd never resent Richard and she didn't but nor could she bear his presence for a time, an ever present reminder of her sin, of her treason. Each glance stabbed her heart, each word brought tears of shame to her eyes.

So great the pain became that in the autumn of 1486, she'd sent him from court under the guise of attending to business in the north, despite Edward's protests that he wished for his uncle to remain at his side. Richard didn't ask why, he didn't try to sway her, he went with a quiet nod and for over half a year she was without him at her side.

It hurt to think of but she couldn't deny the relief she felt.

Eight months later when he returned to London, the plague of guilt shrouding her had abated somewhat but she still kept her distance, kept their relationship to one of business, an alliance to secure her son. If any noticed the rift between them, they didn't comment on it.

As the months drew on, she allowed their friendship to warm again and the more reconciled she became to Ned's death, the closer she became to Richard.

She liked how completely they understood one another, how the slightest glance could convey every thought in their heads. She liked how she could speak of Edward with him, how when they shared their memories the air was filled with laughter and their faces stretched by smiles. She didn't have to hide him for fear of causing gloom, instead he was something that brought them closer together and caused many a merry moment!

They'd dance together, take dinner together, sometimes sit side by side in the gardens in complete silence. To others it was strange but to them it felt like the most natural and comfortable thing in the world, they did not need words.

Winter melted into spring and she was content with the way of the world but then, something shifted.

She couldn't have said the minute or the hour, only that one day there was a long lost joyful spark in her heart that fanned itself into a steady flame. She began to enjoy his company even more, seek it out more often than she had for no other reason than to be in his presence.

Those feelings only grew and by summer it was apparent he still felt the same. They made no grand gestures, no sweeping speeches declaring love but admitted their affections quietly and began a discreet dance of courtship that contained little else other than the soft touch of each others hands and lips and meetings like the one he'd asked for where they'd talk and laugh together.

It was not the burning inferno she'd felt for Edward but it was something, something beautiful and after many night of guilty deliberation in her head had decided to accept the chance God seemed to have granted her at happiness.

Did she not deserve it? Even a little bit?

That was the thought swirling about her mind as Constance entered the orchard, its apple trees cast in the golden glow of the sunset, their ripe fruit round and glowing. Richard stood amongst them, staring up at the leaves and the beautiful sky above. She grinned and picked up her skirts, heading towards him.

"You know I've told you not to do that!"

He turned with a start, his shoulders relaxing when it saw it was her, hands clasped behind his back. His lips settled into a mischievous smile.

"Do what?"
"Have letters placed under my pillow like a lovesick boy!"
"How can you tease me so for my ailment?" He protested with a look of feigned hurt, placing a dramatic hand over his heart "It's rather painful!" She chuckled
"I'm sure."

Tilting up her chin, she turned away from him and headed back to the orchard wall, past its ornate entrance arch and along it, leaving Richard to follow, his footsteps heavy on the ground.

"How else am I to arrange a secret tryst?"
"Oh, I don't know, Dickon." She told him, fingertips running along the mossy, red bricks "Perhaps ask me during one of the abundant moments we are together each day?" That would certainly be more convenient but where was the fun in it?

"You enjoy it." He replied. She did. "I know you do, despite your scolding!" Laughter filled the evening air and she threw an amused glance over her shoulder.
"I'm not scolding you!"
"You certainly shan't be in a moment." He stopped, prompting her to do too, and from behind his back, he pulled forth an open hand in the middle of which sat a plump orange. He smiled "For you."

Hear pricked her cheeks and she turned, her heart warming at the sweet he gesture. At first she hadn't allowed him to bring her oranges, they were always Ned's gift to her, but now, she didn't mind so much, no, she enjoyed it.

Reaching out, Constance plucked the sweet fruit from his palm, running her fingers over the leathery skin before she looked up at him and arched a playful eyebrow.

"A gift or an apology?"
"Apology for what, sweetheart?"
"Your conduct at council." She turned back around; continued to walk along the wall "William Stanley." She elaborated and as he followed he couldn't stifle a grin "I've told you before not to rile him!"
"He was being an ass!" He returned. She spun back to him, eyes alight with mirth.
"So were you!"

They stopped again and once again a strong hand flew to his heart and he leant against the nearest tree, allowing his frame to sag a little.
"Oh, now you've truly wounded me, Connie."
"You were not even giving him an inch of room to breathe!" She replied, stepping towards him "You never do!"

"I don't like him!" Richard shrugged, the slight breeze ruffling his curls that were streaked with silvery grey - far more than they had been at Edward's coronation. She adored it. "He does not deserve a seat on the council, a say in the governing of these lands!" However much she agreed, there wasn't much she could do to change it.

"It was Edward's decision, not mine. And did he not serve Ned well? Fight for my son at Sutton Bank and serve him faithfully ever since? He's not his brother."

"They're both slippery bastards." Was Richard's reply as he drew back his shoulders "All know it. You know it. Only one on this earth is a good thing but that does not make him any less than what he is."

"Nor you any less than what you are!" She stepped towards him, passing the orange between her hands and Richard tilted his head, the irritation of Stanley vanishing as he looked down at her.
"And what might that be, sweet lady?" He asked, a gentle smile on his lips mirrored by her when she took another step forth and her gown's touched the points of his shoes "A fool?" She shook her head.

"A man of honour." She murmured, lifting a hand to cradle his cheek "A good man, a kind man, a clever man, a handsome man with the loveliest eyes." Those dark blue storms she would happily get lost in.
"Ah," He grinned "so you like my eyes?"
"Very much so."
"What else do you like?"
"Your voice, your hair, your smile." Her fingers traced the strong line of his jaw to his mouth "Your lips."

Watching her with his adoring gaze, he bent his head and kissed her, slipping a tender hand around her waist. Her arms wound around his neck, drawing her body closer to his as she allowed herself to lose the world to bliss and the soft press of his mouth against hers.

"I take it you are finished with scolding me?" He asked, drawing a chuckle from her.
"Oh hush darling."
"There's only one way for me to do that." He said and kissed her again and her heart fluttered with a peace and joy she never thought she'd feel again.

Constance hummed contentedly when they drew apart, relinquishing her hold about his neck to take his hand and lead him to the stone bench set against the orchard wall. Together they sat, fingers intertwined, the orange sitting in the palm of her free hand. With a practiced ease, she peeled it, discarding the skin on the grass by her hem and pulling the fruit into two halves.

One she kept in her hand, she other she gave to Richard, and removed a segment, popping it into her mouth.

"Edward told me when they were at Windsor he knocked George from his horse in the tilt yard! He's good" She said with pride, leaning against him. Almost instantly his arm was around her "He's very good." As proven by each and every tournament he partook in.

"Of course he is!" Richard heartily declared, already on his second segment "And we know so because George never lets him win, nor do the others, he succeeds with his own merit!" That was largely how her son chose his friends, men that did not fall over each other simply to be in his presence and did not let him win because of his station. They respected him of course but for the man he'd proven himself to be, not the ornate seat he sat on.

"He wishes for a tournament to mark the end of the summer, Anne wishes it too! She's growing quite the taste for revelry!"
"Which she's learned from you, mind!" Richard chuckled. He was right "You are raising her well." She thought so too, she was moulding Anne into quite the perfect young queen for England. When her regency had ended, the girl would be ready.

"I am raising her to be a great queen."
"She can't be as great as you." He relied, slipping another sweet segment into his mouth at the same time she did "No woman can be." Her cheeks burned again and she shook her head, he was always so sweet!

"I wouldn't mind a tournament." She said "It will let Ned display his strength to the court!"
"Again."
Edward liked a display when he chose it.
"As he should! He is king! And you should participate!" She told Richard with a nudge to his ribs "He'd like that, a chance to prove himself to you." Richard's head lolled back against the orchard wall and he sighed a chuckle.

"I fear I grow too old for such games, Con." He told her "And he has no need to prove himself to me, he knows the great love I bear him!" Everyone did, there was no subject more devoted, none more loving - except her of course.

"You're only thirty five, Richard." Was her amused reply. He could still easily unseat most men, could fight more than ably in battle if called to! If she was old then what did that make her? He was as fit as a fiddle! "And as of your love for him, I know you'll well remember the eagerness you felt at such an age to prove yourself to Warwick, to Ned, despite knowing they loved you! In fact, it likely made that desire all the greater!" He glanced down at her "You are a strong warrior," She continued "and, if you do partake, I will give you my favour." She popped the last orange segment into her mouth and he grinned, sitting straight again.

"You will?"
"Mhm."
"Then how could I possibly refuse?"
Her happy hum filled the air and she leant forward and kissed him gently.
"It'll be a lovely sight!" She said "When there is no danger about, I like having you in armour." Richard arched an eyebrow.
"Do you know?"
She nodded then sighed again, but this time it was a sound of irritation instead of peace, one she'd held in for at least a month and a half.

"Oui. Et je dois admettre que je suis fatigué de devoir cacher de telles pensées." 'Yes. And I admit I grow weary of having to hide such thoughts.'
He laughed at that, not catching the sudden earnest tone of her voice.

"Je ne pense pas que de telles pensées seraient appropriées pour être diffusées dans n'importe quelle entreprise!" 'I don't think such thoughts would be appropriate to air in any company!" He chuckled and she shrugged away his hand from her shoulder, standing with a rush of emotion.

"You are right, of course, but," When she turned to face him, the amusement had gone from his face, replaced with endearing concern "I-I wish to dance with you more often than once a week, if we are afforded that! I wish to share your cup at every meal, I wish for more than kisses and the secret touch of your hand!" She shook her head "I know you tire of it too."

He rose but didn't approach her, his concern now confusion.
"Have you been drinking?"
"No!" She said almost indignant. What she said wasn't so mad that he suspected her of being a drunkard, was it? It was a sudden declaration. Her feelings had been slow but now they'd built up and up and up within her and being there, with him, being so content, she couldn't hold them within her!

"I am grateful that you have allowed me a piece of your heart again." He replied gently "I may wish for more that is not for me to decide."

"Well I have!" She declared and his shock was so great she watched his stance tremble a little before he lowered himself back to the safety of the bench, not once breaking his gaze from her face.

"When Ned died I thought that I could never love another, that I would spend the remainder of my life alone as your mother has and for a long time, that was what I wished. When I was permitted to mourn him I did, deeply, it tore my soul from my body as it did the night he died and I did not wish for another. How could I? He was my home, my life, the air that I breathed, the sun that warmed my skin, filled my gaze with beauty! I love him still and always will." She blinked and her cheeks were wet with hot tears.

"When I sent you away I was not angry with you but with myself, I felt I had betrayed him, I believe that I did and the guilt consumed me! I could not bear the thought of his anger, of his hurt; the pain I must have caused him!" She cried, her fingers jabbing at her chest; at her heart. Then, their will weakened and they fell back to her side when she stepped towards him, lips curving into a soft smile. There he was. Her Richard.

"But when this spring's sun took the frost from the earth, my heart was also thawed and blossomed as the flowers did. I saw you in a new light and what a blessed light it was!" She laughed "At first I resisted but I could not, how could I when the very sight of you reminds me that I am alive? And now I no longer have a wish to - resist it, I mean." She gathered his hands in hers, pulled him to his feet and looked as deep into his eyes as her gaze would allow, searching for his heart, for his mind, for his soul, to tell each and every one of them her next words, to tell him what she knew to be true!

"Your kindness is without equal, you make me laugh as no one else does, as no one else can! With you, I feel always secure, safe, and know without a doubt I forever will be! There is no one else alive who can understand me as you do. Our love and our grief for Edward binds us just as much as our love for one another! I do not have another half of my soul to give but I have myself, I have my heart and I have my hand. Marry me."

Richard blinked, stunned and for a moment, silence hung between them, knitted tightly together by her confession and her proposal.

"Y-you don't have to say yes!" She quickly told him, feeling like a girl again, cheeks flushed and heart giddy "You do not even have to reply, you can think it over for however long you wish, but I want you to know that if you desire the same as you did four years ago then I am ready and I am asking." Another beat of silence and then:

"Constance...." He couldn't conjure more than a whisper, as if the breath fuelling his words would blow the dream he lived in away and he'd never get it back "do you mean it? I have not forced your hand in some way, I do not wish to-"

"No!" She assured him, squeezing his hands. The last man on earth to force her to do anything would be Richard! He didn't have that cruelty in him, she thought! "This is my choice and one freely made. You are my choice, Richard. My happiness. When I was young I was not given the right to choose and while I would not have chosen any other than Ned, now he is gone and I am afforded that right and I wish to use it, I choose you. I choose you, Richard." She smiled "Will you marry me?"

His lips parted then split into the greatest smile, his head nodding so vigorously she feared he'd pull a muscle!

"Yes! Oh God, Con, yes!"
Suddenly his hands were on her waist and he was whirling her around then placing her back on her feet to kiss her. He brought their joined hands to his chest; pressed her palm against the blue velvet of his doublet, beneath which his heart lay.
"This." He told her - breathless "This is yours." And she knew it would never betray her.

"We will need a papal dispensation." She laughed, squeezing his hands "and to ask for Edward's permission, have him grant it and be prepared for the eyebrows we shall raise...."
"All of which can and will be done!" He told her joyfully "Christ, Connie, I am so happy there is no trial that cannot be faced!"

"The greatest will be Edward." She felt herself sobering a little "If he accepts us the realm has no choice but to follow but if he does not....we cannot wed for I shan't go against his word."
"He will want to see you happy." Richard reasoned.

"Of course he will but with his uncle? My brother in law and the man who raised him? What would you have thought if I had died, Isabel had lived and Ned told you he wanted to marry her? Or how would George Neville feel if his father died and Anne Beauchamp died, but Warwick lived and then wanted to marry Isabella? Hardly conventional!" It would be a shock to the young man for certain and she feared his hurt, more than that she feared his anger "I'm afraid Neddy will be angry, feel that we have betrayed him, betrayed Ned, and that he will let loose his father's temper, for he does have it!" He hardly ever let it loose but it was there all the same, buried beneath pragmatism and affability "I'm afraid he will blame you and I don't want him to do anything rash!"

Richard nodded his agreement but gave a shrug all the same, bringing her hands to his lips and kissing them.

"He's level headed. We will do it with tact and care. He may be angry to begin with, I would not blame him, but I believe we can gain his approval!" And his sweet certainty made her smile.
"We will certainly try."
"We will do more than try, Con!" He laughed "Now you have given me your heart I will not let anything stand in my way of holding it in the sight of God!" He already did so she wished to tell him but she knew that wasn't what he meant. He wanted a priest to bind them, to show the lord their union before his earthly witnesses.

His hands suddenly released hers and were on her waist again, fingertips alight with passionate excitement squeezing her soft curves "Sweet Christ, my love," He examined with the greatest smile "you wish to marry me? I...I cannot fully believe it!"
"You will do so when we are man and wife, when I am announced as the Duchess of Gloucester before all!" She chuckled "Although you will have no children by me."

"I do not care!" He proclaimed, drawing her closer again "I'll have you! I have my heir with dear Annie, I need no other children and I would not be in danger of losing you to the childbed for the promise of a thousand sons or daughters!" She knew his words ran deeper than a mere love induced declaration and she couldn't help but embrace him, pressing her face into his neck "I already love yours as my own." He murmured into her ear and she smiled.

"Oh lord, how shall we tell them?" She chuckled against his shoulder before pulling back to look at his face "What about your own dear boy?"
"My Edward shall be happy, he adores you! We already know we have sweet Marie's blessing and she can help bring Edward about if need be!" Constance hoped the need wouldn't arise but it was a good point "Isabella and Richard may need some coaxing, Cecily I think shall be happy and so will Aliénor and Charles be!"

His smile became a little sheepish and he bent his head slightly as a coral flush painted his cheeks "I know I cannot be a father to them but I would love to care for them as one, particularly Charles and Richard, if you would permit it? They knew Ned only for a short while and need a man to help raise them in this world."
"Which you already do and they adore you for it!" She assured him. Oh how sweet he was! "They are ever seeking your approval, particularly Richard! I received a letter from him three days ago and he asked if he might join his brother in the tournaments to show you how strong he's grown!"

"They will both be as strong as their father, as strong as their brother, I am sure of it." Richard said "They are the three sons of York now and I know they will shine brighter than Ned, George and I ever did!" His tone had grown wistful and she put a hand to his cheek, making his eyes return to hers.

"You do yourself a disservice! The three of you once shone as brightly as the sons at Mortimer's Cross!"
"But oh how quickly did we burn."
No, she wouldn't allow him to be sad, not now, not ever if she could help it!

"Hush now and kiss me again." She told him "I wish for this moment to be filled with joy, not haunted by the ghosts of our past!" Pushing herself up onto her toes she pressed her lips to his and smiled, stroking the line of his jaw "They may join us once more when we have departed this Eden."

Her heart sang when he smiled again. Yes, this was the man she loved and the man she wished to live out her days with. Her darling Dickon.

༻᯽༺

October 1488, Westminster Palace....

She'd been right, but Edward's emotions stretched into a far more complicated realm than mere anger.

First he'd struck Richard, punching him as hard as he could and yelling words that strayed close to accusations of treason, every insult under the sun.

Then he'd wept, bitterly, and when his mother tried to embrace him he'd pushed her away then a minute later pulled her close, crying in her arms.

Then he'd reached for Richard, holding him even closer and mumbling trembling apology after trembling apology.

Then he'd been quiet, sitting on the floor, back against his desk, foot tapping on the rushes. They didn't know what the look in his eyes meant. They'd never seen it before.

He'd then sent them away and for three days neither saw nor heard from him. It set their nerves jumping, even more so when they were asked if the king was well for he had not emerged from his chambers nor permitted anyone but the duke of Bedford into his presence - not even his siblings.

Finally, on the fourth morning they were sent for and found him sitting behind his great desk, encrusted in jewels and staring at them, lips pressed thin like Ned's used to be when he was angry.

"And this is what you both want?" He'd asked at last, though his gaze was fixed on Constance "And you mean it? There is love between you?"
"There is." Answered Richard
"Really, Mother?"
"Yes, my love."
He sniffed, jerked his head toward's Richard.
"Then he's your love now, is he not?"

"You will always be my love!" She examined, rushing before the desk, tears already filling her eyes. She couldn't bear to see him like this "You and your brothers and sisters! There has been so much darkness, Edward, and in finding one another Richard and I have found the light again!" She turned to look at her beloved, held her hand out to him and he took it, coming to her side. "Please do not deny us this!" She begged her son "Another chance at a happy life."

"And what of Father?" Edward asked "What of your love for him? Your husband? Your dead husband?" His voice broke as tears rolled down his cheeks despite his hard facade and she couldn't keep herself from hurrying to his side and pulling him into her arms. He didn't wrap his around her but she felt the pressure of his head as he leant into her embrace, saw his love for her when she pulled away and he gazed up at her - almost a boy again.

"My love for him is eternal!" She swore, cradling his pale face in her hands "Nothing can take it from me just as nothing can take Richard's love for your aunt Anne!" She smiled at him, brushing her thumbs along the light stubble on his cheeks "Will you allow it?" She asked "Our marriage?"

Edward pulled away from her grasp and for a moment she feared he would refuse and send them away as he sniffed and drew back his slumped shoulders but then he looked at her again.

"This would make you happy, ma mére?" He whispered and she nodded before he glanced at Richard then stared at the polished surface of his great desk "The Pope will have to send out a dispensation but....you have my permission to wed." He declared and it was all Constance could do to not cry out with joy "When the dispensation arrives I will announce it to the court. I must insist though that the wedding be a small one, your match is not exactly....usual."

"We would not want it any other way!"
A small smile stretched his lips and he nodded.
"At least the people adore the two of you. Combined I think they have more love for you than for me!"
"That is not possible my love!" She laughed and took him in her arms again, squeezing with all the gratitude she could muster without smothering him! This time his arms wound firmly around and she kissed his hair, whispering 'thank you's between each press of her lips.

When she released him he stood and went to Richard, towering over his uncle, and for a moment she was unsure of what he would do, glancing at the purple bruise Richard sported on his cheek, but Edward pulled him into the fiercest embrace imaginable, screwing his eyes shut as more tears leaked from them, wetting his sandy lashes.

For almost a minute, his grip didn't relent but when he pulled back his face was suddenly all seriousness and he placed a hand on Richard's shoulder, one Constance could see held more warning that affection.

"Harm her in any way, especially those my father did, and I will have your head on London Bridge." He said lowly and waited for Richard's promising nod before he smiled and turned back to his mother, holding out a hand to her "Come!" He said "Let me embrace you again!"