A/N: Hehe

When December came by, and Christmas kept getting nearer, Ben wondered if Mrs. and Mr. Weasley still wanted him and Alycia to stay with them during Holidays. They had said they wouldn't let them back to Walker Manor, but that had been when their parents had disappeared. Perhaps, now that they were back, the Weasleys didn't want any trouble with them.

However, Ron soon told both he and Harry that the three of them were invited, and it was as though a great weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Hermione, on the other hand, was very excited about going skiing with her parents.

For the last D.A. meeting before the holidays (the second one Ben had attended to after his argument with his friends), Harry suggested reviewing the things they had seen. Ben was really grateful for it, since he had missed quite an amount of meetings.

"We're not doing anything new?" grunted Zacharias Smith, in a whisper loud enough to carry through the room. "If I'd known that, I wouldn't have come..."

"We're all really sorry Harry didn't tell you, then," said Fred loudly.

Several people sniggered. Harry hid a smile. "We can practice in pairs," he said. "We'll start with the Impediment Jinx, just for ten minutes, then we can get out the cushions and try Stunning again."

Ben ended up pairing up with Marina again. "How come you've come back?" she asked him as they started practising.

"I was here too last week."

"Oh, were you?"

"Yeah- Impedimenta! You were sick, weren't you?"

She nodded as soon as she unfroze. "Yes, that's why I had to miss the meeting. How'd you know?"

"Mei-Xing told me."

"I didn't know you two still talked to each other."

He shrugged. "Not as much as we used to when Cedric was here."

He bit the inside of his cheek.

"Oh," she said. "She seems quite happier lately, you know... Impedimenta!"

"Really?" he asked when the jinx lifted.

"I mean, a bit," she lowered her tone and took a step forward. "When he... When what happened last year... happened... She was devastated. She spent days on her own before coming back home. You know, I wasn't that much of her friend back then, but Delilah told me how she could barely get out of her bed, and how the girls she used to hang out with didn't do much about it. So we decided to be around her to try to show her she wasn't actually alone, and to show her support, you know?"

"That's so kind of you, Marina, really. I'm sure she's very grateful for it."

A bright smile appeared on her face. "It took us quite a long time to get her out of her house this summer, and she seemed to fall back into that state at first when we came back here. I guess all the memories came flooding back... It's understandable. But, since we started attending these meetings, she keeps looking happier and happier."

"Perhaps it's some sort of way of knowing she'd be able to avenge him, if it comes to it?"

"That makes sense," Marina nodded, and her lips curled into a smirk. "Though I don't think it's the only reason..."

She let out a giggle. Ben frowned. "What do you mean?"

"See it for yourself," she giggled again, and nodded her head towards a corner of the room. Ben turned around to find Mei-Xing chatting happily with Harry. Her hair was glowing specially that day, some of it brushing against his arm as he helped her hold her wand properly, for some reason. Did she really not know how to do it? He didn't wonder it in a judging way, of course, but well... She smiled at him, and he returned the gesture, shyly looking down to the floor.

Ben spun around so violently that he bumped into Marina, who let out a shriek that caused several people to turn to look at them. He quickly grabbed her to stop her from losing her balance. "Oops, sorry!"

She burst into chuckles. "I swear I think I saw movement lines around you."

"Movement lines?" he asked.

"Yeah, like those in comics, when characters are moving very fast!"

"Oh!" he joined her chuckles, and let go of her, after patting her arm a bit awkwardly.

Harry suddenly cleared his throat very loudly, and called for everyone's attention. Marina and Ben turned to him, and he jerked his head away from their direction. "Um... I think we can move on to Stunning!"

So they all laid out cushions all over the floor, and started practicing again. Alycia asked Ben if he could be her partner for it, since she hadn't been there when it was first taught, and she admitted to wanting to stun Ben.

"Wait, can you use it on me first?" she asked. "I want to see you do it. And to see what it feels like to be unconscious!"

"Why would you even want to know that?"

She shrugged. "I've never been unconscious."

"If you insist," he laughed. He got his wand ready, and Alycia suddenly closed her eyes tightly, her arms pressed against the sides of her body. "Can you not act as though I'm about to shoot you?"

"You are going to shoot me... With a spell!" she told him back, eyes still shut, not moving.

Ben rolled his own. "Fine, get ready... Stupefy!"

Ron, who had just stunned Hermione for the fourth time (he kept track of it in a list), caught Alycia before she could fall to the cushions. "So rude of you to attack your own little sister, Benjamin."

"Didn't you stun Ginny the first time we practised this spell?" he teased, approaching them as Ron carefully laid her down on the cushions.

"Touché."

"I thought you didn't speak spanish?"

Ron's eyebrows furrowed for a second, until a surprised expression was drawn on his face. "I had forgotten about that!"

Alycia soon came back, jumping up very excitedly. "That was so cool!"

"If you say so."

"It's my turn now!"

It took her an amount of attempts greater than she'd like to accept to get closer to it. Although she didn't actually stun Ben, she did manage to have him stumble backwards and for his wand to fall to the floor, which weren't the purpose of the spell, but at least it was something. She made Ben promise he'd let her continue practising until she got it.

After an hour, Harry called it a halt. "You're getting really good," he beamed around at them. "When we get back from the holidays we can start doing some of the big stuff... Maybe even Patronuses!"

There was a murmur of excitement. Ben, personally, couldn't wait to try it. He had only seen Harry perform that spell, and it had been absolutely awesome. It'd be great to see him do it again.

The room began to clear in the usual twos and threes; most people wishing a Happy Christmas as they went. Harry, Hermione, Ron, Ben, and a blissful Alycia who wanted to stay there as much as possible, collected up the cushions and stacked them away.

"Aren't you coming?" Ron asked Harry. He was seemingly very interested in straightening the cushions. Maybe it was a new hobby of his.

"Er- Yes, but you go on..." he mumbled, and shot a furtive look at Mei-Xing, who was saying goodbye to Marina, Marietta and Delilah.

"Okay, then," concluded Ben, and walked over to the exit without looking back.

Alycia ran up to him and, as soon as the four of them were out of the Room of Requirement, asked. "What's up with Harry and Mei-Xing?"

"You'll understand it someday..." commented Hermione casually, patting Alycia's head.

"Huh?"

"They're in love with each other," grumbled Ben through gritted teeth. "That's what's up between them."

"No they are not," stated Ron, in a very decisive demeanor. "I mean, I don't think they are."

"What do you know about love anyway?" inquired Hermione, lifting up an eyebrow.

Ron's ears got very red. "Well, certainly not as much as you, right?"

"If you're referring to Viktor-"

"Yes, I'm obviously referring to your not-so-little Vickie-Poo."

Alycia giggled. Hermione rolled her eyes and put her nose up in the air as she began walking faster, leaving Ron and the others behind.

———————————————

Perhaps Ron's mention of Viktor was the catalyst of the fact that, when Ron and Ben got to their common room after taking Alycia to hers, Hermione was writing a tremendously long letter.

"I wonder who that novel's for," Ron whispered to Ben.

"I heard you," she chanted.

"I'm glad," he retorted, taking the seat next to her on the sofa.

"When are you two going to assume and admit your feeli-"

"Ah!" exclaimed Ron, speaking over him. "Let's not speak of not admitting feelings!"

Ben shut up. There was an awkward silence, the only thing breaking it being the sound of Hermione's ink against her parchment. "I'm going to start our Transfigurations homework."

"Why? We have all Christmas to do that."

"Because," said Hermione. "Some of us are actually responsible and care about school, did you know?"

"Then why aren't you starting it as well?"

"Because I already finished it."

So Ron joined Ben on starting homework. Around ten minutes later, once it was almost just the three of them, Harry jumped through the portrait hole, his face emotionless.

"What kept you?" Ron asked Harry as he sat on the floor in front of the chimney, in front of them.

His eyes were fixed on the floor, as though he was processing something.

"Are you alright?" Ben asked him.

He shrugged, not meeting his gaze.

Ron and Ben exchanged looks. "What's up?" asked the redhead. "What's happened?"

He didn't reply. Hermione sighed. "Was it Mei-Xing? Did she corner you after the meeting?"

Harry nodded slowly. Hermione scoffed. Ron shifted in his seat. Ben did nothing.

"So..." said Ron, since nobody was speaking. "What did she want?"

"She..." he began, hoarsely. He cleared his throat. "She- Um... She..."

A terrible sensation crept into Ben's chest.

"She...?" insisted Ron.

Harry's eyes went from Hermione's slight frown to Ron's expression full of curiosity, but didn't stop for a second on Ben.

"She kissed me."

Oh.

The quill Ben was holding split in half. How? Good question.

"WHAT?" gasped Ron, so loudly he scared a couple of young girls who were sitting near the window. "She kissed you? You and her- Kissed?"

"That's what happens when you're kissed by someone," Ben said stiffly. "That you kiss."

Hermione and Ron looked at him. The girl's eyebrow was raised in suspicion. Ron looked as devastated as Ben felt.

Ron began stuttering. "Well... Um- How was it?"

Harry didn't look away from the rug. He hesitated. "Wet."

What was that supposed to mean?

"You didn't... Snog, did you?" asked Ron, absolutely horrified.

"No, we just kissed..." he said, frowning, and any signs of joy leaving his face. "It was wet because she was crying."

"Oh," said Ron. "Are you that bad at kissing?"

"I- I don't know."

Of course he wasn't.

"Well, it's your first kiss, I assume it's normal," shrugged Hermione, heavily.

"Yeah..." he said weakly.

Ben suddenly felt very sick to the stomach. His head was spinning, and there was a tickling sensation in his eyes, as well as some strange heaviness in his chest. He stood up, and Harry looked at him for the first time. "I'm... Er- I'm gonna head upstairs."

"Why?" asked Hermione. "You haven't finished your homework."

"It's not due tomorrow," he nearly snapped at her, then instantly tried to amend it. "I'll do it over Christmas."

It hit him that he would have to see Harry for the whole holiday. He wouldn't be able to bear it if he started talking about Mei-Xing every day. It made his head turn faster, and his stomach to hurt even more, so he rushed over to the start of the staircase.

"You're leaving your things here!"

So Ben shook his wand angrily, and his book, parchment, ink and broken quill flew at him. The stairs felt endless on his way to their dormitory. Seamus and Dean were already in bed, though not sleeping yet, since they nodded a greeting when he got there. Neville was taking care of his plant.

"Hello, Ben!"

He forced himself to smile. "Hey!"

As soon as he walked up to his bed, he let himself fall on top of the covers, and pressed his face against the cushions. He had never felt as stupid as he was feeling now. And he was feeling like a jerk as well, because he didn't think he had a single right to be mad about Harry kissing Mei-Xing. Well, he wasn't mad, he was hurt, which was different, but still not okay.

Harry had the right to move on. But it didn't take away from the fact that the mere idea of them together made his heart burn.

Oh, how much he wished he fancied Marina, as everyone thought he did.

"Are you okay, Ben?" he heard Neville's voice ask. He had sat down beside him.

"Mhm."

"You don't seem okay... What's wrong?"

He sighed and turned to face the ceiling.. "Everything. Everything's always so difficult."

There were strong, fast-paced footsteps coming up the stairs. They stopped for a second in front of the door, and whispers were heard. Right when Neville was about to speak, the door opened, and Harry came inside, followed by a worried Ron.

"Ben," he called coldly. Ben looked at him, though didn't say anything. "Can we have a word?"

Dean and Seamus were staring as well.

"Sure. Tell me."

"In private."

"Oh." His heart missed a beat, but he got up. Neville gave him a weak smile, and went back to his own bed. "Where?"

"Outside." So they walked out of the dormitory, with Ben receiving an empathetic look from Ron, and went to the boy's bathroom.

"What's wrong?" asked Ben, leaning against the wall as casually as possible, watching Harry close the door.

"That's what I'd like to know," he snapped.

Ben blinked. "What?"

"Don't act stupid again, please, Ben, for Merlin's sake."

"I haven't mastered the ability to read minds, as much as that might surprise you," he snapped back. "So I can't always tell what you mean unless you tell me."

Harry clenched his jaw.

"I want you to stop this little game of yours, because it's driving me fucking crazy."

"I'm not playing any games."

"Yes you are, Ben, you are. Maybe you don't realise it yourself, but I certainly have."

"Then explain it to me," he distanced himself from the wall.

"No, you explain it to me," he said. He breathed in deeply. "Do you want me, or not?"

Ben gaped at him.

"And be honest with me for once, will you?"

"I-I'm always honest with you."

"Answer me," he insisted, eyes glistening. "Do you?"

"Of course I want you, Harry. More than you can imagine."

"Do you really mean it?"

"I do," he admitted, feeling his face turn hot. "But I don't know why you're making me tell you this, since you clearly don't want me."

"I do want you."

"You kissed her."

"I bet you and Marina kissed as well."

"What? No, we didn't! I would never. I don't want anything with anyone who's not you."

"You don't want anything with me, either."

"You know that's not true."

"Then why are we still not together?"

"I don't know."

Harry was silent for a moment. "It's been years since I fell in love with you, Ben, did you know?"

"No."

"Well, now you do. I don't even remember when it was, exactly. Maybe I've always been, it just took a bit for me to realise."

"What's the point of telling me this now?"

"That I can and would wait for you, if you ask me to. You know I would. But I can't do it if there isn't even anything that tells me you'll actually want to be with me when the time comes. I told you I would wait last year, but things between us have been getting worse since then, and it's been long since I last felt like you actually had any feelings for me."

"Why? Because I hung out with Marina?"

"And because we kept arguing, and you suddenly didn't mind Malfoy's company, and didn't seem to have any trouble with us not speaking for weeks."

"You didn't seem to, either. And you looked exceptionally happy with Mei-Xing."

"Well that's not nearly as happy as I feel when you do something as simple as looking at me."

"What do you want me to do, then?"

"I want you to tell me what scares you so much. I want to know what's stopping you."

He hesitated. He didn't think there was any way of backing away now. If he refused, he knew he would lose him completely. And he honestly didn't think telling him the truth could change much between them anymore.

"Do you really want to know?"

"Yes."

"Okay. I'm going to show you, then."

That way, he'd understand. He'd understand why he couldn't do it. He'd get a weight off his shoulders.

"Show me?"

"That's right," he said, starting to untie his tie. Harry watched it fall to the floor as Ben took his sweater off.

"What are you doing?" Harry asked, panicking.

"Showing you, like you wanted," he replied, now unbuttoning his shirt. He was scared, and slightly cold as his skin came into contact with the air. But he didn't stop unbuttoning, watching Harry's eyes widen as he saw it.

He took it off completely, revealing all of them.

"What? Why- Wh..." stuttered Harry, his eyes flickering from scar to scar, a mixture of anger, worry and sadness becoming clearer every second. He approached him, so close that he could touch him. "Who did this to you?"

For some reason, he couldn't speak now. There was a knot in his throat, which didn't allow any sounds to come out of it. He couldn't believe he was actually showing him.

"Whoever did it is going to pay for it, Ben... I swear. I-I'll make sure of it."

Ben laughed, undoing the knot. "And how, exactly, do you plan to make my parents pay for it?"

Harry's jaw dropped. "Oh, fuck... I should've known it- How couldn't I? I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..."

He extended his hand for an instant, but stopped immediately.

"It's not your fault," he said, carefully taking Harry's hand. He brushed the tip of his finger on its back, thankful it wasn't the one scarred by Umbridge's punishment.

"Oh, there's even there..." whispered Harry, looking at his forearm.

"Yeah... And in the back. And pretty much everywhere, but I didn't feel like taking the rest off, you know..." he smiled.

"Yeah, yeah, I know," he nodded, his cheeks pink. "Can I... Can I ask why?"

Ben drew Harry's hand nearer, and placed a peck on its back before gently letting go of it. He pointed at the big burn scar on left arm. "This one's from when I came back for Christmas in our first year. Mother wanted me to stop being friends with you all, and I refused. Oh, and it's also because I had an argmuent with my grandfather during dinner."

"That mark on your cheek was because of it as well?"

He nodded, then showed him some other scars on both of his arms. "Then these are from that summer. This one is because Father called Hermione a mudblood and I told them not to. This one because, apparently, I had 'begged' the Sorting Hat to put me in Gryffindor so I could embarrass my entire bloodline. This one because I told them that Ebony had a name. Oh, and this one because Mother said something terrible about you."

"Why is it much bigger than the others?"

"Because I got so mad that I lost my mind and forgot I wasn't supposed to talk back."

"Oh."

"And this one," he hesitantly pointed at the big one on his lower stomach, "is because she found out."

Harry's eyebrows raised, horror in his eyes. "What do you mean?"

"She saw us kiss. Well, she saw the memory of it, I mean. She was convinced that I was in love with Hermione, wanted proof of it, and ended up finding out it was you I was in love with."

"Is this from before you came to Grimmauld Place?" he asked. "That's why you were covered in blood, right?"

"Yes... She didn't like it at all. I don't think I've ever seen her that mad... Maybe when the Malfoy incident happened. I don't know. But, well, she was furious. She called me something disgusting, and then did it."

"We shouldn't have kissed," he breathed out after some seconds of watching it in silence.

"Why not?"

He looked up at him. "It wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for it."

"Trust me, Harry, that kiss was probably the best thing that has ever happened to me. If I told you I didn't think of it at least once a day, I'd be lying."

Harry's face had gone bright red. "I... I agree."

"You agree?" he laughed.

"You know I get nervous with these things!" he complained. "But, I think of it every day as well. Everytime I think of you, which happens far more than I'll ever admit."

Ben chuckled.

"But don't worry, Ben... I won't do it again."

"That's a pity, honestly."

"I agree... Again."

He smirked. "But... What if I told you I wanted you to?"

"Then I guess I'd have to do it..."

"Oh well."

"But I don't... I don't want this to keep happening to you, Ben. I don't want to be the reason why you get hurt."

"The worst has already been done. They've already found out I'm not the perfect straight Slytherin boy they wanted me to be," he said, meaning it. "Besides, I'm not planning on going back. I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I refuse to ever visit that place again. So it doesn't really matter anymore... And I don't think they'd mind it that much if they found out. I bet they have more important things to worry about now."

He nodded in understanding. "Are you sure?"

"Just kiss me, Harry."

Harry's lips drew a grin, and he obeyed. Their lips crashed against each other, with such strength that Ben's back was pinned against the wall again. It was different from the first time they had kissed each other. Back then, they were both still surprised and confused, unaware of what it meant. Now, they knew it perfectly well, and they had assumed all of the consequences. None of them mattered. Nothing mattered. Nothing but each other's lips.

How had he gone so long without kissing him? How had he been capable of resisting the need? Now that it was happening again, and Harry's lips were on his own, he knew there was no way he could survive so many months without them again.

Merlin, he couldn't even bear the idea of pulling away.

But he knew they had to, at some point. And, when it happened, for both of them to catch their breaths, it didn't take long for Ben to pull him back in, his fingers buried in Harry's hair. He could feel his warm hands against the bare skin of his upper back.

They suddenly brushed the start of one of the scars, and Harry immediately backed away. "I'm sorry..."

His face was as flushed as he had ever seen it, and he was out of breath. He was so gorgeous.

"It's okay," he panted. "You can touch them, the old ones don't hurt anymore."

"Really? Mine does, sometimes."

"It's... Different. And that one was from when I was around five, anyway."

"Five?" he repeated, surprised.

He nodded. "The first one I ever got."

"Can I see it?" he asked in a whisper, as though he was ashamed of asking.

Ben turned around, allowing him to have a better view of all of them. He heard him mutter a swear word. "I'm sorry, I know it's disgusting..." he said, turning to face him again.

"No," he interrupted. "I never said that... I didn't even think about it. I would never think anything about you is disgusting."

"It's just not a very... Nice view."

Harry cupped his face with his hands.

"You're beautiful, Ben. And scars of what you had to go through don't make you any less beautiful. I still love every single part about you."

"I love every single part of you, too," he said, smiling as Harry gently brushed a finger against his cheek. "I would've really liked to hug you right now, but I'm kind of ashamed to do it shirtless."

"You're ashamed to hug me but not to kiss me without your shirt on?" he teased.

"Oh, shut up."

"Only if it's you who makes me."

Ben couldn't fight the grin creeping onto his face as he drew closer to Harry and kissed him again.

A/N: only fourteen chapters after the love confession! 😍 

honestly the slowburn in this fic was starting to drive me slightly crazy, but i'm quite proud of it, i don't know if it makes sense? 

anyways finally there's some rather happy chapters coming (or just not as angsty as some previous ones), but don't get used to it!