Queen

I felt a tug against the thick comforter and I groaned as I turned over. The warm orange burst of sunlight hit my eyelids and I exhaled slowly. Sunrise meant reality. There was no more avoiding the inevitable- I was back home. I remembered bits and pieces of Syn helping me get cleaned up and into bed.

I felt a hand gently move my hair over my shoulder and I smiled, nestling further into the bed. "Morning," I grumbled.

There was no response, but I felt Syn's hand toying with my hair. He leaned forward, his cool breath fanning the back of my neck. Then I felt a soft kiss on the back of my shoulder.

I stilled. Too soft.

I opened my eyes immediately and flipped around in bed. When my gaze landed back on my own I stilled.

Her.

She watched my hair fall from her fingers as I faced her and a smile spread across her lips. Her eyes flicked back up to mine and she raised a brow. "You," I said slowly.

"Me." She shrugged a shoulder and shifted onto her side, her head in her palm as she eyed me with a peculiar gaze. "Were you expecting someone else? I'm hurt."

"Why are you here?" I sat up, unnerved. The last time I saw her I was quite literally fighting for my life and ended up massacring an entire hospital staff. She was a part of me, but I couldn't help the unease that crawled through me as she looked at me.

"That's no way to greet your better half." She rolled her eyes and hopped off of the bed. I took the chance to take her in fully as she walked toward the dresser and I swallowed a lump in my throat. This was never something I was going to get used to.

She eyed herself in the mirror, patting her cheeks with her fingertips. "You killed a man."She adjusted the strap of her tank before meeting my eye in the mirror and raising a brow.

I have great brows, I thought to myself before swatting the thought away. "Who? Charles?"

"Hm. You did great."

"Thanks?" I eyed her.

"Anyway. As much as I appreciate and understand you ogling me as you are right now..." She flipped her hair over her shoulder and turned to me. "...we have things to discuss."

"Discuss?" I asked. She hummed her reply and nodded as she headed toward the door. "Out there?" I kicked against the blanket and jumped out of the bed, my bare feet landing against the cool marble as panic engulfed me.

"Yes." She paused at the door. "Out here."

"I'm not even dressed." I gestured down at the long grey t-shirt covering my body and she rolled her eyes.

"This isn't real life, sweetheart. No one cares. Follow me." She spun on her heel before swinging the door open and strutting out.

"Are you kidding me?" I questioned as I rushed after her. "You just dolled yourself up in the mirror, but I can't change or put on shoes?"

She stopped walking and spun around to face me. I jumped, stopping in my tracks to keep from bumping into her and she looked down at me with a look of annoyance on her face. She folded her arms over her chest. "You know Ebenezer Scrooge?"

"Eben..." I whispered in confusion. Huh? "From the Christmas Carol? What the fuck does that—"

She pointed at herself. "I'm the ghost. And you..." She turned her finger to point at me, "...are the Scrooge."

"What?"

She stepped forward, and I took one back. "Do you think that ghost gave him the chance to change out of his nightgown before showing him all that shit?"

I shook my head slowly. "I have no—"

"The answer's no, baby girl." She turned around swiftly and her soft hair skated across my face, making me cringe. "There are more pressing matters at hand. Follow me. Quickly." She snapped her fingers a few times.

She began walking away again and my shoulders slumped. She was exhausting.

When I finally started following behind her again, I took the chance to finally look at my surroundings. My steps came to a halt as I took in the white halls and paintings that plagued my nightmares. Why were we here?

"Because." She began answering my thought out loud and I looked in her direction to find her leaning against the wall a few feet away. "This is where it all began."

"But...why?" I shook my head slowly. "I don't want to be here."

"Tough shit," she said. "Come."

She turned again, resuming her stride and my anger flared as I followed. "Why the fuck do you keep walking away from me?!"

"Is it making you angry?" She asked me, strolling through the empty halls like a phantom. "Good. I prefer the angry to the whole wallowing in self-pity and misery shit. It suits us better."

She turned corners and winded down the halls as if she had been in every inch of this palace and I watched her curiously. She knew what I knew, I was aware of that much but I hardly remembered much about this place myself. After Syn's death, I moved to the Underworld and tried my best to forget about Jeradua and the memories I had here.

I followed her down the steps to the large dining hall and an ache tugged at my chest as I looked at the closed double doors to my left. I remembered those doors. I remembered the chatter and piano playing as I waited for them to open it. The first thing I remembered seeing as those doors cracked open was Syn standing at the altar.

But the memory was tainted as his suit was covered in crimson red blood.

"Nope." I felt her tug on my arm and pull me away. "We're not going there today. I'm not angry enough to relive that memory in particular, but don't push me."

We walked further down the hall to the sliding door that led out to the garden and I let out a huff of laughter. "The amount of times I've relived this memory." I rolled my eyes as she pulled me outside with her.

A breeze hit me and I shivered, wrapping my arms around myself. "Don't remember it being this cold though."

"Well, you were dressed more appropriately last time," she mumbled, eyeing me up and down before looking ahead at the gravel walkway. "Let's have a seat, hm?" Her question was hardly a request as she walked away and I rolled my eyes as I followed.

She sat down at the bench off to the side and I laughed a bit as I sat down beside her. "The infamous bench."

She sat back and nodded slowly, looking around. It didn't seem like there was anything she was searching for in particular but more like she was relishing in a memory. I wondered just how one we truly were as she inhaled deeply and bit her lip in thought.

"What are we doing here?" I asked her again finally.

She sighed, crossing her arms. "What's our plan, Queen?"

"Our plan?"

"I'm you," she said. "I know everything about you. Every thought, secret, fantasy...yet from the moment Syn told us he was going to die, there's been nothing regarding how you plan to stop it."

I blinked a few times, surprise taking over my features.

"I've deluded myself into believing you've somehow managed to figure out a way to keep secrets from your subconscious rather than believe you've just given up," she said. "Tell me that my delusions are real."

I sat back, defeat crawling at my gut as I bit my inner cheek. "I haven't given up, I just don't know what to do. He doesn't want me to do anything. You were there, you heard him."

"You think that's what he truly wants?" She asked me. "To die?"

"If it means protecting me, then yes. There's no reasoning with him."

She sighed. "He used to be so much more reasonable."

"What do you mean?"

"Emotions and love just change everything," she said lowly before looking at me. "You changed him into this person who can't see reason where you're involved."

"I find it unfair how the good things are an 'us' thing but everything bad is 'you'."

"That's not true. Anyway," she fanned her hand in my face. "There is still value in the man who he was before he became the man he is for you today."

"I don't understand what you mean by that."

"You need clarity with this entire thing?" She asked me. "Then ask him what to do."

"I've asked Syn," I answered her slowly. "He wants me to do nothing."

"Not that one." She rolled her eyes before turning back toward the palace and pointing. "That one."

I followed the direction of her gaze to see Syn headed in our direction and my eyes widened. I slapped her arm and shook her head. "I'm not wearing anything, bitch!" She merely laughed and sat back, ignoring my panic and I shot up from the bench.

This was fucking ridiculous.

She pulled me back down before I could get the hell out of dodge and I fought against her hold. A ridiculous attempt on my end. This was her domain.

"Damn right it is," she said. "Act fucking normal and talk to him. This is a dream but your embarrassment will be very real. Tighten the fuck up."

I fought every defiant bone in my body as she grinned at me before looking up at Syn who was now ten feet away. Our eyes connected and there was a dissonance in his stride as he eyed me. He looked the same, the only noticeable difference was that the twinkle in his eyes when he saw me was gone. Nothing was looking back at me as I looked into his green eyes. It was as if he was looking right through me or saw me as some lower-life form. It seemed like he was battling walking past me all together or stepping on me like a fucking roach.

"May I help you?" He spoke.

"Uh," I spoke up, looking at my doppelgänger who was amused by my nervousness before looking back at him. I stood up and held a hand out. "Do you know me?"

I plastered an awkward smile onto my face before side-eyeing my other self on the bench.

Does he know me?

She shook her head slowly in response and I let out a slow breath. Great. I was an intruder now.

"Why would I know you?" He asked me. It was a simple question but it felt like an insult as he eyed my hand instead of shaking it. His eyes then floated to my attire and I froze. He scanned me up and down before meeting my eye again. "Are you homeless?"

"N-no."

"So...this was a choice?"

"I just...didn't have time to change."

"Hm." He glanced back at the palace before looking at me. "You should leave. I don't want company."

He pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket along with his lighter and I struggled to find the words to say to him.

"Think of this as a simulation if that makes it easier for you." She sighed from the bench, twirling her hair. And I snapped my eyes in her direction. "He can't hear me. Don't be a pussy."

"I'm not a pussy."

"I didn't say you were," Syn said, a cigarette between his lips as he lit it. "Do you have some sort of mental illness?"

"It's not nice to ask people that."

"It's not nice to be somewhere you weren't invited either. Perhaps I should call the guards—"

"No, no, don't," I said quickly. "I came here to look for you."

"You came to look..." he started slowly, his head tilted, "...for me."

"Yes."

"And you're sure you're not suffering from some mental—"

"I'm not," I replied. "Do you have a moment?"

"Not for you. Goodbye." He proceeded to walk past me and something in me broke. If this was the only chance I had to save him, I was going to take advantage.

I ran in front of him and he raised a brow, eyeing me. There was blatant uninterest in his stone expression, but I knew him well enough to know he was intrigued or at the very least curious.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"For—"

I pushed him back with all my strength and he landed on the opposite bench. With him caught off guard, I planted myself on his lap and looked at him. "Listen to me. Two minutes, that's all I ask."

"Do you want to die?" His eyes bore into mine, red swirling in his and I ignored it.

"I'm your wife," I told him, my hands on his shoulders keeping him in place. Not that I was really able to keep him anywhere, but he wasn't moving anyway. "Well, fiancé, I guess but—"

"Oh...you're one of those." He rolled his eyes as he sat up straight. "Listen. If we've slept together I'm sure I've explained this to you; just because we fucked...doesn't mean I want—"

"Oh, shut the fuck up." I rolled my eyes. "I'm from...the future." Yeah. I nodded slowly. I could go with that.

"The future," he repeated.

"Yes." I held up my hand where my engagement ring was and surprised marred my features to see that it was actually there. He eyed it carefully before looking at me.

"How do you have that?"

"You proposed with it, dumbass. Future."  I wiggled my hand before dropping it back to his shoulder and he remained silent. "Tough pill to swallow?"

"You being from the future, not at all. I've heard crazier things. However, me choosing you to marry...very very difficult," he said. "Although..." his finger moved to my face as he moved my hair behind my ear. I shivered. "Perhaps I could see why, maybe." His thoughtful look lasted for all of a minute before he shook his head. "No. I'm sure I'd fuck you but nothing more than that— you're a strange girl. I don't like you."

My mouth dropped. "It'd take a lot. And by a lot I mean...a ton. Do I have some impairment or mental disorder in this future you speak of?" He asked me.

"I'll have you know you're very happy with me," I defended myself. "Quite literally can't live without me."

"Happy..." he repeated. "Out of all the things you've told me that one—"

"I know," I told him. He simply looked at me. I didn't know what the look was, but he didn't give me any other rebuttal.

"Say you are being honest," he said. "Why are you here now?"

"I came to you for some advice."

"Ah, I am great at giving that."

Ugh. "Anyways. Hypothetically, say I died and Heaven offered to bring me back, however, in return you only have three days to live—"

"You would remain dead."

"I—" I pushed away my shock and cleared my throat. "But say you did."

"I wouldn't," he said. "That is not logical as I'm more valuable than you are."

"What?"

"There is only one goal in the Underworld and every move we make is in strife of said goal. If for some impossible reason I did get married, then I must've seen some use for you. But if you were to die, how could I trade my life for yours and leave my people?"

I nodded slowly. "That mindset is truly something...but I understand your logic." I cleared my throat. "Let's switch it around then. Say there was a woman you loved—"

"There wouldn't be."

I gritted my teeth. "Fine. A woman whom you cared for." He tilted his head. "Fuck! A woman you slept with but have some kind of connection with. Obviously not love, maybe not even like but you like to see her or be around her a lot."

He nodded slowly. "Perhaps."

"Great. Say she loved you so much that when you died, she bargained with the Heavens to bring you back. And now she has three days to live," I rambled breathlessly as he watched me. "What would you do then? Would you let her die?"

"No." He said simply. "A sacrifice such as that one represents a loyalty that is hard to find these days so...I'd keep her."

"What if she didn't want to be kept?"

"I thought you said she loved me."

"Well, she believes that her staying alive or even trying to would mean that you'll die again. So she refuses to do anything and has strictly forbidden you from trying to stop it."

"She's forbidden me?" He raised a brow, clearly not a fan of the word. "For one, no one can forbid me from doing anything. Second, I'm not a fan of anyone, let alone Heaven, taking what or who belongs to me. A lot of people would die before that happens."

"But if she insisted on being a martyr?"

"This woman you're speaking of is quite infuriating."

"Oh, she's the worst."

"Willingly trying to kill herself when I'm more than capable of taking care of myself..." he paused for a moment and his brows scrunched in thought. "Is this woman set on dying for me?"

I nodded.

"Then I'd have no choice." He sighed. "I'd have to kidnap her."

My eyes widened. "You would resort to that?"

"To protect her from herself? Of course. Just until she's come to her senses. I'm not someone that needs to be saved- at least not two times. If she already brought me back to life...I can deal with the rest myself."

I nodded in understanding. His answer was a bit extreme but I understood the gist of it. He'd do anything.

"Thank you," I said softly.

He sucked in a breath and on his exhale he crossed his arms. "Don't tell me that I made such a sacrifice for you."

"I said it was hypothetical." I laughed, my eyes pricking with tears as I looked at his beautiful face.

"I'm not an idiot." He rolled his eyes. "You must be desperate if you needed to come all the way here to ask me that."

"I am."

"Am I being that difficult in the future?"

"Wayyy more difficult," I whispered.

"My mind is set?"

"In stone."

"Ah, then you don't stand a chance," he said. "You'll just have to kidnap me."

"I am not kidnapping you."

"You have my permission to do so," he said. "I don't want to die anytime soon. I have too much to do."

My chest pained as the words left his mouth. That was all I wanted to hear from him. I knew if he had said it I'd do everything I could— now he technically did, in a way.

"You're about to wake up baby girl," I heard her say behind me, reminding me that this was just a figment of my imagination.

I gave Syn a nod before standing up and facing her. "Thank you."

"Thank me by letting me help you keep him alive, whatever it takes," she said.

Whatever it takes.

I felt the ground go unsteady beneath me as my surroundings became blurred. This was it. The last few moments of some type of peace before I'd have to start making decisions. Fuck.

I closed my eyes and let out a deep breath, preparing myself. "Leaving already?" I heard his deep voice ask me and I frowned, peering at him.

"Yes, I was just getting ready to do that...until you interrupted."

He stood up and tucked his hands into his pockets, taking a languid step toward me. "I suppose, hypothetically, in some unbelievably fictional way...perhaps, I could see it."

"See what?"

"Why...I'd make such a sacrifice for you," he said. "Why you'd be a person worth a lot to me...if you came all this way."

I laughed a bit, the flowers and trees behind him beginning to fade. "I appreciate you saying that."

"With that being said, do everything you can," he said. "But you must live as well. Don't die for me. If I care for you as much as you claim, then I assume your death would be death in itself for me.

"So live. If not for me or yourself, then for the rest of the world. I can't imagine how destructive I'd get if I lost something or someone that important to me."

I blinked a few times as I looked at him. I was at a loss for words. When Syn and I fought the first thing I told him was to renege on the deal he made but now here he was giving me permission to do everything but give myself up.

"Wow," I whispered.

"What?"

"Every version of you is obsessed with me," I whispered.

"You're not okay...mentally."

"You're what, twenty-four?" I guessed in a rush. I didn't have much time left.

"Twenty-six," he corrected.

"Good."

"Why—" Before he could say anything else I grabbed his tie and pulled him down to me. His soft lips met mine, familiar and foreign all the same as he kissed me back. He smelt and felt the same. I relaxed into him as he wrapped his arms around me and within the same second, I was floating away in his embrace.

꧁꧂