Queen

I grabbed the toilet seat and hunched over, vomiting out the contents of my stomach. My abdomen convulsed as an entirely new round of nausea floated through me and I threw it all up. One thing everyone failed to tell me-- that I undoubtedly still should've fucking known. Feeding on someone else's soul in a way makes it become yours. Or at least a part of you.

I could feel him lingering in me. The essence of him...his memories. They clung to the inner walls of my mind and body, forcing me to remember exactly who and what he was. He slashed the tires. I knew that much, but I could feel and see what he was thinking.

All of his intentions.

He was sicker than I figured and I wished I was capable of prolonging his death much longer. He deserved it. He'd been doing this for years.

I flushed the toilet and dropped back, leaning against the tub. "Shit." I wiped my teary eyes and reached for a wad of toilet paper. I held it up to my mouth and took a few deep breaths, eyes closed.

I held it together longer than I thought I could. From the moment I tasted him, bile rose in my throat. It still didn't stop me though, unfortunately. Now I was paying for it.

I was satiated physically. The usual chills and coldness were gone, but my mind was all over the place. I was beginning to lose the distinction between my own thoughts and memories vs. his. It was a line that was becoming more and more blurred as time passed by, but nothing prepared me for it.

My phone buzzed from above on the counter and I pushed myself on my knees to grab it. I pressed answer and held it to my ear as a pain shot through my head. I winced. "What?"

"Oh. Sorry." I heard the voice and I stilled, my eyes immediately shooting open. "Is this a bad time?"

"Cleo?" I spoke.

"Hey, girl," she said in a soft voice. "Is this a bad time? I know it's late."

I sat back against the cabinet, the freezing marble floor against my thighs. "No, no, it's fine. Is...everything okay?"

We hadn't spoken in ages.

"Syn, uh." She paused. "He gave me your new number...I didn't know you had one-- a new number."

My heart fell at her words and I bit back tears. I blinked and shook my head. "I didn't even realize. I just figured you gave up."

"No, I would umm...I'd never do that," she said and a tear slipped down my cheek. I sniffled and immediately wiped it away before running a hand through my hair. "But umm, Syn wanted me to call and check on you. He figured you wouldn't answer his calls."

I let out a soft laugh. "He told you guys?"

"He did."

I pushed myself up to my feet and turned on the sink to rinse my mouth. "I guess that settles it, then."

"Where are you?"

I spit out the water and looked at myself in the mirror. Just a god-awful mess. My eyes were puffy from crying, and my mascara and eyeliner were smudged. "At a hotel for the night."

"You better not be getting shit-faced and watching The Notebook."

I laughed a bit. "I am not watching The Notebook."

"So..." she drawled. "Titanic, then?"

My face split into a smile as I wiped my mouth. "I guess I'm still predictable, huh?"

"Not predictable, but..."

"Predictable." I filled in for her with a laugh and she chuckled. "I'm not offended, don't worry."

"Do you want company?"

I raised a brow. "Syn want you to keep an eye on me as well?"

"No, he just wanted me to call...but you do sound like you could use a friend?"

"Your husbands will let you leave to go to a hotel at three in the morning?"

"Aht aht, fiances," she corrected me. "And let me? Puh-lease. Send that location, girl."

꧁꧂

A knock at the door snapped me out of my daze and I hopped out of the bed. I did a mental check of the room to make sure it was at least decent and ran a hand over my unruly hair. I pat my dress down and swung the door open. "Cle--" I stopped mid-sentence. "You are not Cleo."

"I am room service," a young woman smiled and I looked down at the cart of food. Each plate had a silver covering on the top so I couldn't see what was inside, but I didn't order it in the first place.

I shook my head, confused. "This isn't mine. I didn't order anything."

She frowned and picked up the placard lying on one of the plates. "Ms. Queen?"

I nodded slowly. "Yes..."

She grinned. "And this is room 610."

I glanced at the door. "Huh. Yeah, I guess it is."

"Then yes, ma'am. This is your food," she said matter-of-factly. "May I bring it in?"

"Oh, umm--" She rolled the cart past me and I scratched the back of my head awkwardly. She set it in the middle of the room before giving me a nod and walking back out the door. "Thanks?"

"You're very welcome. Please call if there is something else you need," she said. "The chef also sends his thanks for the generous tip."

Tip?

I nodded slowly, hands on the door. "Sure."

She gave me one last smile before dismissing herself and leaving me bereft. I wasn't going to complain about free food ever, but I didn't like the idea of not knowing who ordered it. The only person who knew I was here was Cleo. Oh, of course. I mentally slapped myself for letting my paranoia consume me for so long. She was probably just hungry.

My stomach grumbled as the scent of the food wafted throughout the room and I held a hand over it. Another round of knocking sounded through the room and I sighed. Did she forget something?

I opened the door and came to a halt as my eyes landed on Cleo. She gave me a nervous smile and held up a quart-size jug of milk. "Hey," she drawled cautiously. "I come with sustenance."

I laughed, a smile spreading across my face. "Milk?"

"Yeah." She shrugged. "I figured you have a lot of liquor in here anyway and I didn't want to come empty-handed. This is all we had in the fridge."

I crossed my arms, something warm filling through my chest as I looked at her. She looked the same. Her dark blue hair was straight, dropping a bit past her shoulders. She wore a white tank that hugged her upper body and paired it with skinny denim jeans. It looked like she had stepped out of a magazine as opposed to rolling out of the bed.

I missed her. I never really stopped missing her, but seeing her in front of me after all this time... made me more emotional than I thought I would be.

She winced as she looked at me. "Maybe I should've stopped by the store? I can go--"

I pulled her in for a hug and she tensed a moment out of shock before relaxing and hugging me back- tight. Her tears were the first to start falling and I began to cry right along with her.

"I missed you so much." She sobbed, her shoulders shaking.

"I missed you more." I cried. "I'm sorry I didn't call."

"I deserved it. I messed up so fucking bad, Queenie. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay." I rubbed her back.

She pulled back, her arms still around me as she shook her head. "It's not. But I swear I'll make it up to you."

"No, no, Cleo. You don't owe me a thing. I missed everything." I sniffled, wiping my eyes. "You having your babies, your fucking wedding--"

"No, no, no." She lowered my hands and took them into her own, shaking her head as tears streamed down her face. "You didn't miss the wedding."

"I thought--"

"Not yet," she said. "I wasn't ready. It didn't feel right not having you there and you were the only friend I would've invited so..."

A sob left me at her words and she cried even harder. "We're such ugly criers."

"Speak for yourself."

"I'm sorry," she told me again, pulling me into a hug.

"I am too." I rested my head on her shoulder and we stood there in each other's arms. After what felt like hours, a man passing by cleared his throat. Suddenly I remembered we were standing in the middle of the hallway and I pulled away.

"We were having a moment, asshole," she muttered toward the man's back and I laughed, pulling her along inside. When I shut the door, she let go and set the milk on the table before plopping herself onto the bed. "This is nice." She looked around.

I laughed. "Can I get you something to drink?"

She removed her purse and pushed her hair over her shoulder. "What do you have?"

I walked toward the table and glanced at the assortment. "Umm, a lot of alcohol..." I glanced at the mini fridge on the other side of the room. "And I think there's some soda, juice, and water in the fridge over there."

"Mmm. I want something sweet."

I grabbed a bottle and held it up. "Rum punch?"

"That'll do." She grinned and I grabbed a cup to pour her a drink. "Oooh, you got food?"

I closed the bottle and walked over to her. "I thought you ordered this?"

She lifted the lids on a few of them and gave me a confused look. "I didn't order anything."

"Then who..." I frowned.

She looked at the cart for a moment before wincing and giving me an apologetic glance. "I may or may not have told Syn where you were..."

"What?"

"I'm sorry," she said. "I went to go get the milk and he was in the kitchen. He started asking questions and I got nervous so I told him. I made him promise he wouldn't come, but...I guess he wanted to make sure you ate." She twiddled her fingers waiting for my reaction.

I laughed a bit and held out a glass for her. "Don't worry about it. I wasn't trying to keep it a secret anyway." She accepted the glass and I took a sip out of my own. "The room was booked with his card. Even if you didn't tell him, he would've found out."

"That man." She sighed before looking down at the glass. "Have you been drinking out of these glasses?"

"Mmm." I nodded, sitting next to her on the bed.

"Girl, you know these aren't shot glasses, right?"

"No, I had no idea." My voice was dripping with sarcasm as I laughed. I removed the lids to the plates and my eyes widened as I took in everything on the cart. It looked like the entire menu was sitting right in front of me. Buffalo wings, burgers, fries, pasta...he either knew me too well or was trying to win me over with food.

"Wow...a man after your heart." She picked up a French fry and plopped it into her mouth before moaning. "Fuck, maybe after mine too."

I sighed and pushed myself back further onto the bed, nursing the alcohol in my glass. "A man who will be gone again in less than three days."

"Apparently. Xavier was going off on him when I left, " she said, eyeing the other food in front of us. "Do you mind if I have some of this? I'm supposed to be on a diet but I'll just restart Monday."

I smiled at her. "No. Help yourself."

"Thank fuck." She dug in on the plate with the burger and I focused back on the drink, my mind reminding me of the situation I was in again. "So," she chewed and swallowed, "what are we going to do?"

I raised my brows and looked at her. "We? About what?"

"About this deal Syn made with the archangel," she said. "Did you have a plan? None of us want this to happen so we are more than willing to help."

I shook my head. "I couldn't ask you guys to do that. I have no idea what exactly I'm going to do, but every option is dangerous. You have three kids to look after."

"Syn is like a brother to Xavier. He's family now," Cleo said. "My kids would be heartbroken if something were to happen to him too so, we'd be protecting them from a lot of pain."

"Thanks, Cleo." I wiped a tear away. "I'll let you know."

She smiled at me. "So what made you spend the night here tonight? Did you two fight?"

"Oh, I'm going to need another drink for this conversation," I grumbled, looking down at my empty glass.

"Here." She took my glass and replaced it with her barely touched one. "You can have mine."

"Thanks." I took a sip and sucked my teeth.

"So..." she kicked off her shoes and laid down on the bed. "Tell me what happened."

I toyed with the zipper on Syn's hoodie and sighed. "Well, we didn't fight. I fought and Syn...he conceded, pretty much. We're at an impasse, you can say. I want him to live. I want him to want to live. I want him to want to fight for it, but he refuses to do it."

She nodded slowly, trying to dissect my drunken rambling. "Do you know why?"

"He's worried about me." I tucked my hair behind my ear. "Thinks that if he fucks up this contract, all the terms will be reversed and I'll die."

"And is that true?"

"Probably."

"Then girl, what the fuck do you want him to do?" She raised her hand and dropped it. "Damned if he does, damned if he doesn't. One thing he knows is that he can at least save you. It's a shit hand that he was dealt, but you shouldn't hold it against him."

"And I'm not."

She tilted her head, not believing me at all and I pivoted a bit. "Okay, maybe I am. But not intentionally. I was just angry." She raised a brow. "Not at him," I assured her. "He may have gotten the brunt of my anger, but he wasn't the object of it. I'm just tired."

"Of?"

"Of all the monsters." I drank. "We defeat them, just for bigger ones to come along. I'm tired of sacrificing. It's like only one of us can be alive and happy at a time and it's exhausting. So to fix that, we break up. But that's even harder so we run back to each other...and the cycle just repeats over and over again. I thought it was over."

That was wishful thinking on my part. This was our destiny. It was what we were made for.

"If you're tired, then stop."

"What?"

She reached for the bottle behind her and refilled both of our glasses. "Sacrificing, leaving each other, repeating the cycle...Just don't do it anymore."

"It's not that simple," I told her.

"Then make it that simple." I laughed at her, my mind and body most deflated and she sat up. "Queen, I watched you rule in Hell for over a year. When there was no other option, you created five. Where is that badassery? Syn wasn't there to help you and you still made shit happen. It's the same now."

My head spun as she spoke but I blinked to keep myself focused on her. She was right, I guess. It had just been so long since I had to be that woman. It felt like another lifetime ago. I was in the darkest place I had ever been mentally and keeping Hell running was the only thing that kept me going. Getting revenge on the Heavens for what they had done was my fuel-- my drug. I wouldn't have gotten out of bed if it wasn't for that.

If I had to take myself to that place to save Syn's life, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I just didn't know if I would have the strength to pull myself out of that place. The brink of insanity and depression would have to be a place I could find comfort in.

"Queen." Cleo shook me, concern painting her face and I looked at her. "You just started crying. Did I say something?"

My hand moved to my face and I felt the wetness. I sniffled and wiped my eyes. "I have no idea," I slurred. I moved to lift the drink back up to my lips and Cleo took it from my hands.

"Yeah, let's just put that right on down." She set it down on the cart. "I can see now that you pregamed heavily before I got here, girl. You are drunk out of your mind."

I pouted. "No."

"Yes," she said. "You should eat something."

"I'm not..." I burped in my mouth and held a hand over my mouth.

"Are you going to throw up?"

I waved my hand. "Nope, noooope." I shook my head and everything became dizzy.

I felt Cleo grab my shoulders and lower me onto my side. "Okay, down you go."

I groaned, nausea sending chills through my body. I could see the restroom, just out of sight and I mumbled words I was sure Cleo couldn't hear. I pointed to the restroom and she must've gotten the hint because the next thing I knew, she was pulling me to my feet and helping me walk to the bathroom.

When I reached the toilet, I let myself drop to my knees and everything went flying out of my mouth. I got flashbacks from this exact position only hours ago and my head throbbed. The floor under me felt like it was slowly tilting backwards and I was going to slip back, but I knew I wouldn't. I could feel Cleo standing behind me and holding my hair.

The smell of vomit was putrid, but my body was anchored to the toilet. Any slight movement made me feel like I was going to throw up all over again. I rested my head on my hand and shut my eyes, the world around me fading away.

I could feel Cleo shaking me and tapping my cheeks to wake me up, but I didn't have the strength to respond.

I just wanted to sleep.

To forget that everything was coming to an end.

I wanted Syn.

꧁꧂