May 13, 2023

Queen

I didn't think I'd be so emotional letting go of Saint. I mean, I knew he'd be safe and I'd be seeing him every other day, but something about this felt more permanent...even though it wasn't. I'd gone long periods without seeing him when Syn and I were sharing custody, but this felt different. When I'd give him up to go to Syn I'd know I'd see him again on an exact date. There was no uncertainty about it. But in this situation, I was clueless. And it broke my heart.

I didn't know how long it'd take.

"Mommy is going to see you soon okay, Baba?" I told him, tickling his small stomach. He burst into a fit of giggles making my heart ache that I'd be deprived of that sound for however long. It made things easier that he wasn't crying, but Saint was a smart infant- he was the fucking anti-Christ. Somewhere down in that peculiar mind of his I was sure he knew what was going on. His silence and bubbly mood subconsciously gave me a feeling that we had his approval to go.

As strange as that sounded.

Iris stood up from beside Cain and gave me a tight hug, sandwiching Saint between us and making him scream in glee. I laughed at his reaction and Iris's eyes watered as she looked at me. "Promise me you'll be okay?" She asked.

I smiled, thankful for her genuine concern. "I'll be fine, I swear."

"If you need anything, don't be afraid to call, okay? Me or Cain, we'll always answer- day or night," she ranted, moving her wavy hair over her shoulders. "Also, we can have Saint here on some days so he doesn't feel too uprooted if you're worried about that. We'll make sure that-"

"Iris," I said, my heart melting at her kindness. She was always like that, but I didn't need her to go off on a tangent trying to get me to be okay with Saint staying here with them. "I know. If there's anyone I trust most in the world with Saint, it's the two of you."

She let out a relieved breath and smiled. "Good, I'm glad. I don't want you to worry. The two of you have a lot on your plate and-" she paused, slapping Cain's hand away from her thigh. "I'm in the middle of a conversation, Cain."

"A boring one." He groaned, rising to his feet and wrapping an arm over Iris' shoulders. "She knows that Saint will be okay with us. We're fucking aunt and uncle of the year- no, of the century."

"Oh yeah?" Iris asked, looking up at him with a bright grin.

"Fuck yeah," he replied.

"...ffff-uck," Saint repeated, making Cain's smile turn into a shit-eating grin as what seemed like pride filled him.

Iris on the other hand was shocked, a hand placed over her mouth as she hit Cain's side. "Look what you did!"

"What?!" He laughed. "He doesn't even know what it means."

"You can't say those words, Saint," I said to him softly. "Your uncle is an idiot, don't be like him."

"It's not good to fill their heads up with lies," Cain chimed in.

"She hasn't told a lie," Iris said, crossing her arms as she looked at him.

Feigned shock riddled his features as he placed a dramatic hand over his chest and gasped, looking between the two of us. "My wife...and my own sister...I truly have no one in this world."

"Cain get out of my face." I rolled my eyes. We all started laughing, small conversation flowing between the three of us as Saint watched us with big curious eyes. Sometime during our conversation, my eyes drifted to Syn. He and my father seemed engrossed in some conversation, paying no mind to us being loud in the middle of the living room.

I caught Syn's eye and I smiled at him. He gave me a half smile in return, his handsome face lighting up a bit and making my heart soar. He looked like he hadn't slept in days, his black hair in a disheveled mess on his head, and his five o'clock shadow slowly making an appearance. Imperfect where he stood yet still devastatingly beautiful. From the moment I met him he was always easy on the eyes, but over the years- as I got to know the man he was- chipped down some of the walls he always had up, he became more and more enchanting.

I loved the man, like crazy...

...even though the shit he had put himself through shattered my heart into a million pieces.

"Say hi to dada," I whispered to Saint, lifting his hand to wave at Syn. His smile grew as he looked between us and after a few moments of speaking with my father, my dad gently ushered him forward to us. Syn looked at us hesitantly and I took a step toward him as Cain and Iris began bickering. "You okay?"

"I'm okay," he said softly. "You?"

"I'm okay too."

He nodded, wrapping a hand around the nape of my neck before placing a kiss on my head. He wrapped an arm around my shoulder, pulling me against him and I rested my head on his chest. We stood there a while, not saying anything but just being a small family. For one second as Saint stared up at us like we were the most perfect beings in the world, I let myself believe it.

I imagined the house on the hill, white picket fence, two dogs- maybe three children...where Syn had a 9-5 and I'd spend the day trying not to burn down the house...a simple life where we didn't have to be anything except a family.

I let that fantasy simmer in my mind for a few seconds before discarding it completely. As peaceful as that seemed, it wasn't for us. I chose to be with the King of Hell, not some suit that spent his life at work and complained that the house was dirty when he got home. I chose to be with him and accept everything that came with it- I didn't choose to be a perfect housewife that catered to his every need. And our son wouldn't be some good kid that spent his days volunteering at soup kitchens- he was destined for a life much more tumultuous and terrifying than that.

That life I imagined worked for the people that it worked for, it just would never work for us. And I was fine with that. As long as we had each other, to me, everything else would fall into place.

"I'm sorry," Syn whispered.

"You've already apologized," I responded. "It's fine."

"I know...and I am sorry for what I did, but that wasn't what I was referring to," he said lowly. I lifted my head off his chest and looked up at him in confusion. He'd apologized for everything already, I had no idea what was left... "I'm sorry for placing this burden on you."

"What?"

"You shouldn't have to be in a position to take care of me, Princess. It's supposed to be the other way around. I just know these next few days are going to be Hell for us and I'll try my best not to lash out at you...but I want to apologize ahead of time if I do."

I frowned. "Instead of apologizing can't you just...not?"

"If I could one hundred percent guarantee that, I'd never do anything to make you upset again," he said with a sad smile. "But you and I both know it's inevitable, I'm an asshole." He sighed, twirling a piece of my hair between his fingers. "Forgive me if I'm not myself and just remember that I love you very much."

I nodded slowly, and took a deep breath, adjusting Saint on my hip. "I'm not an idiot, Syn; I know the worst isn't here yet. But I'll be okay, don't worry."

"I can't not worry." He sighed. "I have no intention of losing you again yet you're about to spend the absolute worst few weeks with me. Who knows? In the end, you may decide to call it quits."

"Hmm, true." I shrugged. When a taken aback look appeared on his face I laughed softly and shook my head. "You really don't believe me when I say I'm not going anywhere, do you?"

"It's not that I don't believe you," he said. "I just haven't met someone who hasn't left...well- except Xavier...fucking parasite."

"Stop, you love him."

He cringed. "Ew."

"In a straight, platonic way," I added, my tone teasing him and the frown between his brows deepened.

"Even grosser." He shivered. I laughed at his reaction and he smiled in return before sighing. "Speaking of Xavier though..."

"Oh no..."

"He, Cleo, and Cas were here. They wanted to make sure you were okay. I believe they left once you woke up."

"Uh-huh." I squinted my eyes at him, waiting for him to say what I believed he'd say. To my surprise he said nothing else and I tilted my head in confusion. "That's all?"

"Yes," he replied. "What else did you want me to say?"

"Hmm. Nothing, I guess. I just thought you were going to try to convince me to speak to them...or forgive them."

"No."

"Why?"

He shrugged, taking Saint's hands between his fingers. "I believe that you know more than me when you're ready to do what you're ready to do. I mean, I hope you all resolve everything, but that's your decision ultimately."

I eye him, not understanding where the change in heart was coming from. "I think I preferred when you pressured me to forgive them...I don't like this reverse psychology thing you're doing."

"It's not reverse psychology. I'm just stepping back."

"Sure..." I said, unconvinced. If there was one thing Syn could do, it was come up with something and make me think it was my idea. The worse part about it was that he had the patients of a Saint...he played the long game, and that was dangerous. For all I knew I could forgive them in ten years and find out that Syn was pulling the strings all along and blindsiding me.

"You really don't trust me." He smiled.

"Of course I trust you...I just don't believe you sometimes."

"I feel the same way."

My mouth dropped, but before I could voice the offense I had taken to his words, the doorbell rang. My father looked up from the book he was reading and stood up. "It's probably Abel, I'll get it."

"Wait..." I frowned. "Abel has a key..." my voice trailed off as my father headed to the door. I let my suspicion trail away and turned back to Syn, but when we heard a familiar voice, we both froze. "I heard what happened to Queen, is she okay?" They said.

Syn let out a bitter laugh, running his fingers through his hair in frustration before looking at me. "Is that who the fuck I think it is?"

"Okay, let's just calm-"

"Please do not tell me to calm down, that shit does not work," he cut me off. Realizing how he was acting, he pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath. "Sweetheart...kindly tell me why Aiden fucking Greene is at your front door at this hour."

"I don't know, Syn."

"I trust you, okay?" He said. "But I don't believe you sometimes and if I'm being one hundred percent honest...

...this is one of those times."

꧁꧂

Author's Note
I know how y'all girls like to tussle...but don't go off on me😭💅😌

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