May 12, 2023

Syn

I held the jagged shard of glass against Felix's neck as he laughed in my face. For years, I had wondered what I had done to him that caused him enough anger to be able to not only hurt Queen...but my unborn child. I had waited years to be close enough to him to hurt him in the worst ways imaginable...but now that he was here, what I needed was answers.

"Why?" I roared, tightening my hold on the glass and disregarding the pain of it digging into my skin. "What have I ever done to you?"

He chuckled and raised a single brow. "Be."

I looked at him with a look of disgust and shock. We had never had the best relationship...he despised me and I hated his guts. But at the end of the day, he was my brother whether I liked it or not. That meant that there was a line. Whenever family was involved, there was always a line.

No matter what.

He could sleep with whatever girl I was interested in...he could fuck the girl I was supposed to marry...propose to the love of my life for shits and giggles...I'd beat his ass here and there for his puny transgressions and he'd run to his father to beat mine...but it was never more than that.

Did he truly want the throne so badly? Or was it Xyla? He could've had them both if he had just spoken to me instead of being so rash. But that's just who he was, a fucking stupid idiot that didn't think shit through.

That was why we were here.

If he had just...warned me. Even if he went along with everyone's plans and had a last-minute change of heart I would've forgiven him. But no, he wanted me gone. He wanted everything I had.

Especially her...

I supposed her coming to the palace made the both of us lose our minds.

"Her and I would've been a great match, you know?" He said. "Maybe your daughter would've been alive if you weren't so full of pride? Did you truly think you could take on Heaven by yourself and make it out alive...?"

"That's not what—"

"No," he said. "You speak of me being an idiot...but you're worse than I am. I swallowed my pride and worked with a team to get what I wanted...and it worked. I'm living the fucking life, Syn," he spat with a venomous laugh. "But you? You'll never get anywhere in life. You're not a team player. Never have been and you never will."

"Shut the fuck up!" I screamed at him, digging the glass into his skin.

"You're the reason why your daughter is gone. And you are the reason she will stay gone." He smiled. "Slowly but surely, everyone in your life will die because of your pride...I wonder what it'll take you to wake up, brother."

"You—"

"Maybe you need to lose...her?" He teased.

"You're not going to fucking lay a finger on her."

"Keep going the way you're going and I won't have to do a single thing..."

"What the fuck, Syn?!" My eyes snapped to the door of the restroom to see Caspian rush in with Xavier close behind him. Cleo ran in behind them and when she saw the scene, her mouth dropped and she rushed to my side.

"How could you?!" She sobbed, not paying any mind to the glass on the floor.

Caspian moved in front of me and lifted Felix—

...my eyes landed on the dark curly hair cascading down in front of me and my breathing stopped. Everything just...stopped. A ringing sounded in my ears as I watched Caspian carry Queen's limp body away from me.

My eyes dropped down to the bloody shard of glass in my hand and then slowly followed the large droplets of blood falling on the floor as Queen was carried away from me. My mind shuffled through puzzle pieces of memories, painful sounds of clicking ringing through my head as they were put together and shining an ugly image right back at me.

Felix was never here...

It was her.

"No!" My legs sprung into action and rushed toward her. Before I could make it, I felt a firm hand on my chest stopping me from moving any further.

"Don't," Xavier threatened.

"What the fuck are you talking about?!" I roared. "I need to make sure she's okay!"

"She's not okay," he said. "Because of you. And you're not fucking leaving this bathroom until you tell me what the hell we just walked into."

My chest felt heavy as I let out a ragged breath and looked past Xavier to my bed where Queen was lying. Cleo and Caspian surrounded her, a familiar blue light leaving Cleo's hands and onto Queen. I took a step further as I longed to be by her side and make sure she was okay, but Xavier stepped in front of me and slammed the restroom door.

"Please," I pleaded with him. "I can't do this with you right now. I'll explain later—"

"No," he snapped. "You will explain right fucking now, Syn."

"I can't," I cried. "Please go check on her. I don't know what I'll do if—"

"She is fine!" I heard Caspian yell from beyond the door. "However, I cannot say the same for you when you come out of that bathroom, fucker."

I let out a breath of relief at the confirmation, but guilt and heartache still weighed heavy on me. If I had known that she was the one...if I had fucking known I would hurt her in the slightest, I would've run away as far as I could.

"Syn." I looked at Xavier and saw his eyes shining with wetness. "Fuck!" He screamed, hitting the wall next to him. "Talk to me! You haven't been the same in almost a year! And anytime I ask you about it you call me dramatic so I shut up, but then this happens?! Either you're fucked in the head or you've been lying- lying to ME!"

I took a few steps back, leaning my head against the wall as I looked up and closed my eyes. I thought I was different than everyone else that got hooked onto some bullshit...somehow stronger. I knew other people couldn't control themselves and ended up hurting the people in their lives, but I didn't think I was capable of it.

I thought I was the exception.

How could I not?

I had been the exception to everything all my life, why was this different? I didn't know the answer to that but knew that I had completely fucked everything up...

"Xavier," I said, looking back down at him. He raised his brows, impatiently waiting for my next words and I shook my head. "Don't hate me...please."

"I could never hate you, you're my best friend," he said. "But our friendship can't be like this anymore, man. It's been years." He ran a hand through his hair. "This wall you've always had up was fine when we were kids...but don't you think it's time to give it up?" I stayed silent at his question and he sighed. "Being you must be draining, Syn. Having all these people in your life loving you unconditionally yet keeping them at arm's length...I know you're tired, you have to be. Because the rest of us are."

"I..." My words failed me. I knew Xavier for years yet somehow it was much easier to spill my soul to him when I thought I was dying. Being here and getting dangerously close to admitting that I had been using the drugs I got him off of was gut-wrenching. Even worse than that, it was humiliating.

He eyed me for a long moment, patiently waiting for my response. Give me a fucking second. After a few moments, he let out a huff and nodded his head before reaching for the door. He turned his back to me, preparing to leave and I took a step forward, ignoring the nauseating termites eating away at my gut.

"I've been taking Capxica," I spit out.

I watched his back tense as he froze and I let out a breath. What felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders, but I felt no different because it seemed like I had placed it onto him instead.

His shoulders slumped down with the heaviness of my words and I shook my head in shame. "You've been taking what?"

"Don't make me say it again, please."

"Capxica?!" He turned around. "Are you insane, Syn?!"

"Maybe."

"Do you know how selfish that is? What if something had happened to you?!"

"I know."

"You can die from that shit!"

"I know, I know..."

"Do you realize how hypocritical you—"

"Xavier, I know," I insisted. "I knew all of this from the very first time I did it, and I know it now. I'm sorry. You have every right to—"

"How long?"

I blew out a breath. "Maybe a year, I don't know."

"Have you ever done it..." he stopped and rubbed the temple of his head. "Let me not ask that shit. I'm pissed enough."

"You're trying to ask if I've ever done it while babysitting your kids..."

"Have you?"

"I can't with one-hundred percent certainty say that I haven't...I don't remember. But I know I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't put them in any danger, I swea—"

"I know," he said with a sigh. "Drug addict or not, you're one hell of a sitter." My mouth dropped in shock at his words and he let out a sad yet amused laugh. "Too soon?"

"A bit."

His smile halted when his eyes landed on my hands and I looked at them myself. They were stained with Queen's blood...or mine- maybe both, it was hard to tell.

"What happened in here?"

I stared at my hands and swallowed a painful lump in my throat. "I don't remember," I said lowly. "One second I got out of the bed because I felt like shit...and the next I was seeing Julius, then Felix...and then just..." I shook my head distraught at what I had done. "I didn't know it was her, y-you have to believe me."

He sighed. "I do believe you. But you know as well as I do how dangerous this shit is. Withdrawal can be fucking dangerous. I'm sure you remember me trying to kill you a few times, I could've seriously hurt you."

"Well, that's a bit of an overstatement, no?"

"Syn, I'm being serious," he said. "I hope this wasn't something you thought you could fix on your own...

...I needed your help back then, and now you need mine."

꧁꧂

Author's Note
Mannnnnn😭

So...sh#tttt😭
I'm not really sure what to say here...are we relieved? Are we mad at Syn? Lmk, I feel like jumping on a bandwagon rn😭

Lmk your thoughts ✨