May 12, 2023

Queen

He doesn't mean it, I repeated in my head, manifesting a different reality than the one that was facing me. So long as I told myself that this wasn't somehow his true self revealing how he truly felt about me, I'd be okay. It hurt but—

This isn't about you. I sucked in a quick breath at the realization that I had been stuck in my head at a time like this and looked at the grip Syn had on my wrist. His calloused hands were warm and rough as they held me. Gone was his gentle and comforting touch. In its place was a painful grasp that became tighter with each groan he let out.

"Syn, please." I winced, placing my free hand over his enclosed fingers. "Just...let me do this, okay?"

He ignored my words, shutting his eyes tightly as his free hand moved to his chest. His breathing became shallow and his body tightened as a low grumble arose from his chest. A vein in his forehead became pronounced as he tried to hold back from screaming in front of me and my heart broke once again. In the midst of all of this, he was still worried about me seeing him vulnerable in any way.

I reached for his cheek, a warmth in my chest melting as it made contact with the soft stubble on his jaw. "Syn, I'm here, okay?" I whispered. His eyes were still shut tightly, but his breathing remained more erratic than before. I moved my hand lower and placed it flat on his chest. "Do you feel my hand?"

I eyed him carefully, waiting for a response that didn't come. I opened my mouth to speak again and will him out of his daze, but before I could, his hand moved to his chest and rested directly above mine. I let out a small breath of relief knowing that he was still somewhat present, and sat back on the heel of my feet.

"Take slow breaths, Syn. You'll be able to feel our hands falling and rising...use that."

He slowly followed my instructions, and after a few moments, his breathing calmed. His tight hold on my wrist gradually decreased until his hand was loosely holding mine in my lap. I relaxed a bit as what seemed like the worst had passed, and a quiet calm filled the restroom.

I waited a few minutes, letting him calm down further before I dared trying to move him anywhere else. I slowly removed my hand from his chest, gently letting his hand drop to his lap. He stirred a bit, a small wince escaping his lips and I reached to touch his forehead. Before I could make contact, the door to the restroom shut with a harsh slam.

My head snapped to it in shock and I froze as I wondered who was responsible for it. Was it the phantom footsteps I had heard in the halls last night...? I stayed quiet, mentally preparing for something else to happen, but when nothing did, I let out a relieved sigh and turned back to Syn.

"I thought that—"

My words stopped when my eyes landed on his tired eyes looking directly at me. It startled me momentarily, but I composed myself and gave him a small smile. "We should umm...get you cleaned up and—"

"What are you doing?" He whispered, his eyes searching mine as he leaned closer to me. He couldn't have been more than a foot away from me, but I could clearly see the dark circles around his eyes from being in here for— I didn't even know how long he was in here. He could've been throwing up and in pain all night. I stared back into his eyes, expecting to see his usual focused gaze...but that wasn't there.

All I saw was sadness...

...maybe even fear.

"What's wrong?" The lights flickered in the restroom, briefly surrounding us in darkness before turning on again. I looked back at Syn who wasn't slightly fazed by it and suddenly knew who was responsible for all the strange happenings in the last few minutes.

Whether it was unintentional or intentional, it was him.

"Syn..." I said cautiously.

"What did I do wrong now?" His voice broke.

"Nothing," I answered immediately. "You haven't done anything wrong, Syn."

"Then why are you keeping me locked away in here?" He asked.

"What...?"

His jaw clenched. "I didn't mean to hurt them...I keep telling you," he said, "but you'll never believe me, will you?"

I looked at him in confusion and slowly shook my head before whispering; "Syn, it's me, Queen. I'm sorry, but I don't know what you're talking—"

"Just kill me," he said softly, "please."

My brows furrowed and I looked at him in shock. "Don't say things like that, Syn. That's not how you really feel. Whatever is going on in your head right now, it's not real."

"You can make it slow...in front of the kingdom again if you wish. I don't mind any pain...so long as I never wake up again." A tear fell down his beautiful cheek as his eyes pleaded with mine and I held back tears of my own. "I'll do it myself if you won't."

"What the fuck," I whispered under my breath.

"Please, Julius."

"Julius?" I questioned.

His eyes moved past my shoulder and I looked behind me to see no one there, as I expected. Whatever was going on, it wasn't reality. At least not my reality...

"Don't blame my mother and father for the things I've done, please. There is something wrong with me..."

"There's nothing wrong with you." I cupped his cheeks into my hands and held his gaze as the tears I tried to hold back fell. I didn't know what memory his mind was bringing back up, but his desperate words sent waves of rage throughout my entire body.

"Tell me who hurt you," I pleaded with him. A part of me felt guilty for stripping away his right to consciously reveal his dark secrets to me, but it wasn't stronger than my will to ruin everyone that ever laid a finger on him. "Hmm?"

Slowly, his eyes moved back to mine. He blinked a couple of times and after a short moment, his brows furrowed as he looked down at me. His unfocused gaze slowly turned murderous as he looked down at me and my heart dropped. "You," he seethed, his eyes shooting lasers at me as I looked at him, completely dumbfounded by the sudden change in emotion. "You fucking ruined my life."

"Wha—" Before I could speak up, his hands were around my throat and my head hit the hard floor. A pain shot through the back of my skull at the contact and I screamed out in pain. His hands wrapped around my neck as he looked down at me with blank, dark eyes.

"You killed my daughter!" He screamed at me. "You're the reason my family is gone!"

I clawed at his arms as I felt myself slipping away, but he was stronger. "Syn—," I choked out. Feeling the familiar warmth of adrenaline flow through me, I closed my eyes. When I opened them, I pushed against Syn's chest and he flew backward, his body crashing against the shower door and shattering it into a million pieces.

My hand immediately flew to my neck as I stared at him in shock. I took heavy breaths as he groaned from the floor and my throat burned with the heaviness of what was happening.

I didn't mean to push him as hard as I had, I just wanted him off of me. I didn't want him hurt.

I stood up on shaky legs and cautiously made my way toward him. I'd never forgive myself if I truly hurt him. "Syn," I cried, moving closer to him. He landed on the floor against the shower wall, but I could distinctly see his bright red blood staining the floor underneath him. "Fuck! I'm so sorry," I sobbed, rushing to his side to check on him.

I tapped his cheek, urging him to open his eyes as tears burned down my face. I didn't know what caused him to attack me as he did, but I knew it wasn't him. He wouldn't have done that to me...right?

You killed my daughter!

I recalled his words only moments ago and a monstrous sob left my body. Maybe it was him. I blamed myself for Xavia...maybe he secretly did too.

"Syn!" I shook his shoulders. "Please wake up, I didn't mean to—" My voice fell. Matter of fact, any words my mouth conjured up failed to escape my lips as shock and pain overtook my body. My teary eyes met with Syn's blank ones as he stared back at me emotionlessly. I remembered a time in the past when he felt nothing...but he never looked at me like this. He never did this to me.

I felt a pain in my side...and a warm liquid dripping down my thigh. My eyes remained on his, hoping that if I didn't look down...nothing happened. But after so long, I couldn't stop it.

Tears fell down my cheek as I lowered my eyes. A long shard of glass rested in Syn's hand as a weapon, and he used it.

On me.

He pulled the glass shard out of my side, and my body went limp as I used his chest for support. My hand weakly moved to the bloody wound and I looked back up at him. "Ouch, Syn," I said with a sad smile, searching his eyes. "You're breaking my heart right now."

꧁꧂

Author's Note
Let me tell you something! Lemme tell you something!!!
Before y'all go off on me😭

This is not my fault 🤷🏾‍♀️ The story wouldn't be the story if I stopped shiz like this😭 ik yall prolly thinking she should've just stayed gone if she was finna write this but HEY, that is rude🙄🤚🏾. Y'all fr don't believe me when I say this writes itself, I don't plan anything.

Anyways thooo I missed y'all, I hope y'all missed me too❤️
Let's get into this though...what the hell do y'all think is going on...? Why would Syn just...🔪🔪🔪??
Idk why I did that, I cried writing and reading this chapter💀

Lmk your thoughts✨