May 11, 2023

Queen

I waited anxiously as he unlocked the door. When he pushed it open, he held his hand out and I accepted it, not knowing what to expect. I stepped into the darkness, my heart pounding as I waited for something terrifying to jump out at me, but when light flooded the room, I froze.

I was faced with a bedroom for what seemed like a child. Not only a child, but a little girl. The light in the room was a soft orange, bringing a certain comfort that I wouldn't have ever associated with Hell as I stepped further inside.

I looked at the small bed in the far corner of the room, the light purple and soft yellow bedsheets neatly spread across it. Stuffed teddy bears and small toys littered the bed and the floor right beside it and I smiled a bit before turning toward him. "Is this you trying to tell me that you want a baby?"

He walked into the room, closing the door behind him and shaking his head as a solemn expression overtook his features. "No."

I furrowed my brows, slightly confused before turning around and giving the room a more careful look. The high ceiling of the small room was painted a soft orange and pink hue with a few spotty orbs of white that looked like clouds. I followed the mural down to the corner of the ceiling where the blinds were and looked at the embroidered yellow sunflowers on them.

I looked a few feet away from the blinds to see a small wooden swing set hanging from the ceiling and I walked toward it, letting go of Syn's hand.

I let my hand delicately glide along his rope holding the rusting bench swing a few feet above the floor and nostalgia became to swirl around in my stomach. The room was beautiful, it completely resembled the sunflower field I hadn't seen in years, but deep down I knew it wasn't for me.

The reality of who this room truly belonged to was a daunting and painful one. It made my eyes water as I looked back at Syn.

"Syn, what is this?"

"A few months ago she would've been four," he said, looking around the room. "If she came home...I didn't want her to come back and...not have her own room."

I nodded slowly, looking around at the delicacy and time it must've taken to create this room. My heart felt heavy with each passing second and I felt an ache in my throat as tears fell down my cheeks. "I-it's a nice room." My voice broke.

"I didn't bring you in here to make you cry," he said. "Over the past few months, this has been one of the few places where I've come just to remember her. When I'm in here, it's like I can just wait in the chair and wait for her to just run through the door. As a father," He sighed. "it doesn't doesn't feel good to have the image of your own child slipping away from your mind."

I nodded, understanding why he needed to create this place for himself...but it still didn't lessen the pain of knowing that this room would always remain this way. I could hope all I wanted, but a part of me knew that hope was all that it would be. I would have given anything for a few more moments with her; to hear her ramble about nonsense she was passionate about that day.

But the universe was cruel, and Syn and I had done more than enough to piss it off.

"I get it," I told him, wrapping my arms around myself. That didn't make being in here hurting any less though. The room alone made me wonder about the life the three of us could've lived if I had just taken Syn's offer of running away with him and leaving everything behind.

There would have been no wedding, he wouldn't have died, I would've never met Sebastian again...there would have been no Saint. As much as it pained me to believe that everything happened for a reason, I had to believe it. Because even though I had lost everything that mattered to me, I was his mother for a reason. Those reasons remained unknown but how could I wake up every morning to look at him and hope for something else.

If I had to stand here and choose between those two lives; the one I have now and the one where we never went to the wedding, I couldn't do it. The answer boiled down to me having to choose between my two children, and that was impossible.

That didn't mean that I wouldn't give my life to bring Xavia back though. If I could, I would.

No questions asked.

I knew Syn felt the same. Shit...he'd already done it.

"Come here," he said. I wiped away my tears and headed over to him. When I was close enough, he grabbed my hand and pulled me into his lap before enveloping his arms around me. "We're going to figure everything out together, right?" I nodded. "If she's out there somewhere, I know that me and you, can one day find her and bring her home."

"I've already looked everywhere, Syn," I cried softly.

"So have I," he said. "But we've never done it together." He gave me a hopeful look that chipped at the wall I had up where my daughter was concerned. "Hmm? With my brains and your..."

I sniffled. "My what?"

He tilted his head, searching my face and I punched him in the chest. "I'm joking." He leaned his head against mine. "Your brains too. I'm sure we could get further than either of us had alone."

"What happened to you wanting to handle all the dangerous stuff alone, huh?"

He shrugged a shoulder. "I'm giving this a try for a change."

I gave him a small smile and he kissed me on the cheek before wrapping his arms around my waist. "After I get clean and everything, that's the first thing I want to do. With you. We can create a fucking army to look all over the universe if we have to."

"And if that doesn't work?" I asked lowly, hating that I was being so negative but I couldn't completely ignore reality. I'd look until my eyes fell out of their sockets, but there would come a day where I'd have to ask myself if I was done. "Then what?"

"Then I...resort to other methods if I need to."

"What other methods?"

He sighed, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. "Black magic."

"Syn—"

"I've been thinking about this for years, Queen. And I'm not changing my mind. If I can't find her myself, I will find magic that can. I don't care what it costs me. I'm her father."

"And I'm her mother," I said. "But black magic comes back for people? Do you not see what happened to Xavier?"

"If we got our daughter back...would it matter that much to you if we had another child that came out like me?" He asked me, looking deep into my eyes. "I've been holding off on doing it for the fear that you or Saint could be one of the things they'd take from me...but after seeing Xavier's 'punishment', I'm wondering if it's..." He shrugged. "...that bad?"

"You're asking me if I'd give up the soul of one of our future children, to save another?"

He winced. "It sounds so horrible when you put it that way."

"That child...Syn, would know that it's only in this world because we chose their sibling's soul over their own. They'd hate us. It's one thing if we didn't know the consequence, but knowing and still making the decision...they would hate Xavia and us for that. Not to mention, that was Xavier's punishment. How could you be sure that you wouldn't get a far worse one?"

"I didn't think about it that way." He rubbed his temple. "As you can see I'm getting desperate, Princess. I'm sorry. You're right, I don't know what I'm thinking."

"It's okay," I said. "I've thought about it before too. But I can't risk Saint's life like that. It's too dangerous."

He nodded slowly and we both became quiet. Me looking at him, and him looking off into the distance and thinking about God knows what. "What if...we had someone else to do it?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well clearly both of us have too much to lose when it comes to resorting to black magic," he said. "I'm not against using someone else to do it for us..."

"That's evil," I said, shaking my head. "But if I were to entertain the idea...who?"

"Someone that deserves it." He smiled. "Since we are such Good Samaritans after all."

"Who deserves something like that?"

"Almost every being in Hell," he said.

"Sure, but none of them would help us...we put them there. They'd rather kill us than give us something we want."

"Well," he said. "One of us does have the power to bend people's wills to do whatever they desire."

"Who? Little ol' me?" I teased, laying a hand over my chest.

"Yes, you."

"As nice as that sounds, I can only control their bodies. Their minds are still their own," I said, deflated. His idea sounded like a promising one, but just like all the others...it was hopeless.

"Queen," he said. "Lilith, as a succubus, had the ability to control the mind of any being she wanted."

"Well, good for her." I rolled my eyes.

"You are her daughter," he reminded me. "Meaning...by science, you should be able to as well." I froze as I realized what he was on to and he raised a brow. "Are you still with me?"

"Syn." I let out a small laugh. "I don't know how to. What you've seen me do, is all I can do. Maybe that gene didn't pass down to me like everyone thinks," I said. "I'm a lot of things, but a creature of master seduction? I don't think so."

His eyes trailed me slowly up and down, making me shift in his lap as a slow smile spread across his lips. "You definitely are that...and more. Not to toot your horn."

"Oh?" I looked at him over my shoulder with a raised brow. "Toot it."

"Be serious," he said.

"Okay, I'm sorry."

"Demonic entities and abilities lie dormant until they are brought out by another force."

"Okay..."

"That's why people aren't just born murderers or criminals. Something has to happen to bring such a sinister side. Some people are truly evil and something as little as a bad look in a grocery store could set them off...others, most people, need more. A bad childhood, abuse, losing someone they love...it varies."

"Okay..." I said. "What does that have to do with succubi?"

"As they are one of the first Underworld creatures, their power requires a bit more...of a push."

"Why are you being so ominous?" I asked. "Just tell me what I need to do?"

"You need to kill someone that loves you."

"A lot of people love me, Syn. I have a lot of family and friends—"

"Someone who loves you romantically."

꧁꧂

Author's Note
Not even gonna hold y'all...they could choose me😭

I don't mind shawty😮‍💨

Regardless though, wtf.
What did you guys think of Syn's original idea of just accepting the consequences of using black magic and getting ANOTHER potentially insane child😃?? Did y'all agree w him or Queen?

Maybe some of y'all prefer his latest idea...

Also, a huge part of this chapter. Y'all miss Xavia?😔

Lmk your thoughts ✨