May 11, 2023

Syn

I was fucking losing it. I hadn't expected to say everything that I did to her, but I couldn't help it. One word spilled out after another until I was breathless and standing here, waiting for her to say the next few words that had the potential power to rip everything in me apart.

There were only two things in the world that had the power to completely destroy every decent thing left inside me. Myself...and her. I wasn't sure if she knew it, but how could she not? If she placed a fraction of importance on the way I looked at her to the way she looked at me, there was no fucking way she didn't know.

She meant the entire universe to me.

Which was why I couldn't bear ever telling her any of this in the past. The only reason I was here now was because after she left my room, I realized that she, as often as she did it...wasn't the only one who would run. We didn't do it in the same ways but I'd run from letting her in by pushing her away and picking arguments with her. We were both pussies in our own ways, but I had reached my breaking point. I needed her completely, but that would never happen if something didn't give.

She was all in and I thought I was too until I watched her force herself to leave me at my lowest a few minutes ago. She wasn't the one keeping us from being together the way I wanted to. I was. I was the last sliver of cement holding up the brick between us.

When I realized...I knew there was no fucking way I'd wait another second before going to her.

"Wrong," she whispered. "Completely fucking wrong, Syn." My eyes found their way back to her and she dropped her bag to the floor. My eyes followed it as hit the floor and I focused on it, feeling her hands wrap around mine. "Look at me..."

Her finger moved to my chin, prompting me to face her directly and my chest tightened as my eyes landed on her shiny brown ones. "There is no perfect version of you that lives in my head like you think," she said. "You were right when you said I saw someone strong...I do. And I do see a hero. But not because I want to. Every single thing that you recognize in my eyes when I look at you is only a reflection of what I see.

"I know that you think that I see you as weak after what I saw Stella do, but that's not it at all. You have to be misinterpreting my anger and love for you as something it's not because that's all there is. I could never look at you any differently, Syn. If I have to tell you how much I love you every minute of every day for the rest of eternity, I will. But no matter how many times I say it, it won't matter until you start to believe that you're worthy of it.

"And you are. Completely. Not despite your flaws, but in light of them too. I love every single part of you, Syn. You need to know that there's nothing you could tell me that would make me change my mind about that," she said. "Before you start to doubt anything I'm saying...imagine our situations were reversed, would you love me any less?"

"No," I said quickly, not even taking a chance to think about it before replying. It was the truth.

"So why do you think I would?" She asked, searching my eyes. "I know I haven't been the best in the past with not leaving..." she looked down at our hands before looking back at me. "...but I've never stopped loving you. I'm not going anywhere, Syn."

The tense knot in my chest slowly dissolved and I felt the corner of my lip tilt up into a small smile. "Is that so?"

"It is...so." She nodded, squinting in thought if she said her sentence correctly.

"Put it on something," I said, repeating the words she has said to me what felt like an eternity ago.

"Oh?" She raised a brow. "What does that mean?"

"Put something on the line." I smiled. "Swear on something super..." she laughed softly and I tugged her closer to me. "...important to you that you can't stand losing."

"Ahh," she said in mock realization as her eyes momentarily fell on my lips before meeting my eyes again. "Then I swear on your life."

I scoffed. "Well, I've died once before so that doesn't really..."

"Oh my gosh." She rolled her eyes, her smile dropping. "That's not funny to me. I don't know why you always joke about that."

"I'm sorry." I smiled, lowering my face to hers. A small smile returned to her face as she looked at me and leaned in for a kiss. I felt her warm breath hit my lips and closed my eyes when suddenly the image of Stella kissing me in the video flashed through my mind. I took a quick step away from Queen, letting out a deep breath as I ran a hand through my hair and turned away from her. "I'm sorry," I said. "I shouldn't have..."

"It's okay," she said. "I get it. Take all the time you need. I don't mind waiting. I swear."

Huh?

"Take the time I need for what?" I asked, looking back at her. "What are you talking about?"

"After everything that happened tonight..." she started. "I understand if you need space...physically. I won't touch you."

"Won't touch..." I repeated, still lost. Once I noticed our distance and her sudden reluctance to come near me, irritation began to nag at me. "You're fucking kidding me, right?"

"What?"

"Why are you doing this to me?"

"I'm not doing anything to you," she said. "I'm just giving you time to—"

"Fuck that! I don't need time," I said. "This was what I didn't want. I'm not going to shatter if you touch me, Queen."

"We just almost kissed and you freaked out, Syn."

"First of fucking all...I didn't freak out, I recoiled. Secondly, the only reason I didn't kiss you was because I respect you. You just watched everything that happened. I can't imagine you wanting to kiss me right now."

"I kissed you earlier." She took a step toward me. "This changes nothing. I just don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"You could never make me uncomfortable," I said truthfully. "What makes me uncomfortable is you acting like I'll die or have some traumatic breakdown if you touch me."

She looked up at me for a long moment before pointing her finger at me and clapping a single time. "You know what? I want to talk about it."

"Talk about what?"

"After what happened with Sebastian, you would not touch me, remember? I had to practically beg you to just kiss me."

Oh, fuck.

"Day and night, I was begging like a dog," she said dramatically. "So how is it now...when I offer you space that you made me take...you look at me like I'm a monster. What's up with that, Synny-pooh?" She crossed her arms, raising a brow as she looked up at me. "Was it because I'm a woman?"

I scoffed, shaking my head. "I'm so sick of you."

"See, because," she continued. "that traumatized me. Those days of crawling on the floor and just begging you for a crumb of dick."

"A crumb of..." I held back my laughter and looked around the empty halls before turning back to her and shushing her. "Stop."

"No," she said, raising her voice and looking around. "Because the whole world needs to know what a sick, sick man you are." She walked past me, making anyone within hearing distance of us be able to hear us and I grabbed her wrist before turning her around and pushing her against the wall. She let out a small laugh as her back hit the wall and she leaned her head against it as she looked up at me. "Do I need to beg you to let me go, too?"

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "All I've ever wanted was the best for you. At the time, I didn't think it was sex, Queen. I thought you needed space."

She smiled. "You are what's best for me. Always. But just as you wanted it for me, I want it for you. You can take whatever time you need—"

"You're what's best for me too," I said. "I don't feel great, Princess. At all. I'm not sure when I'm going to, but I do know that I don't need time to face my issues. I need you. So don't make me wait for anything...please. Unlike you, I'm not against begging you for a crumb of pu—"

She placed a hand over my mouth quickly as her eyes widened. "Hey, have some damn decorum. You're the King for fuck's sake."

I smiled under her hand before slowly lowering it and wrapping my hand around the back of her neck. Her eyes connected with mine as I leaned into her sweet scent. I felt her lift herself on her tiptoes before her plush lips landed against mine and I took an unintentional step back, making her take one forward until I felt my back against the opposite wall.

I felt her warm hands move under the hem of my shirt to my torso and my entire body came undone at her touch. Any previous confusion and anger I had were slowly moving to the far back of my mind as it was replaced with the desire to undress her right then and there.

She moved back and my lips followed her, not wanting to be apart. I got lost in her coaxing movements until I remembered one thing that made me pull away from my mesmerizing girl. I licked my lips, taking a step away from her to clear my mind and she smiled at me. "What?"

I cleared my throat, trying to regain my composure as I looked down at her. "You're good," I said.

"Good at what?"

"Trying to distract me," I said. "You almost did. Trust me when I say I'd like to spend all night kissing you amongst other things, but there is something else we need to talk about."

"What is it?"

"I almost caught you going into a room a servant clearly warned you against going into," I said. "What are you looking for?"

Her eyes moved from me to the door and I raised a brow. "I-..umm. Fine, fuck," she sighed. "I may or may not have heard that this room was forbidden to go inside, and I was curious why."

I held back a smile and kept a serious expression on my face as she twiddled her thumbs nervously. My chest warmed as I heard her try to keep the servant out of it as she had promised, but I had heard everything. "So you tried to break in..." I walked to the door and pulled her hairpin out of the lock. "With this."

"Break in is a bit of an exaggeration," she said. When her eyes landed on my face, her smile dropped and she sighed. "Okay, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have tried—"

"I would've said yes."

"What?"

"If you had asked," I said. "I would have said yes if you asked me if you could go in."

"Oh..." she said.

"All you have to do is ask, Princess," I said. "Always. No matter what it is."

She nodded. "Okay. Umm...would you mind if I- went in?"

"No. This room belongs to you too."

꧁꧂

Author's Note
What's in that mf room man??🧍🏾‍♀️
Anyway...may I GET A CRUMB- a mf parcel of...lemme stop.

My eyes sweat a lil bit when I read this but I'm cool😵‍💫.
Any thoughts on what Queen said? Y'all think she meant it fr?
What do you think is in the room that's so secret he needed to threaten his staff...

Lmk your thoughts 🫠✨