May 10, 2023

Queen

I looked at him silently, waiting for any reaction to my words. But there was none. This was the moment I was waiting for. The second he'd find out the truth and suddenly push me, along with everyone around him away.

I hated seeing him like this. If I could've taken his pain and frustration at this moment and make it my own, I would have.

He looked at me for a long few moments and it was almost like I could see all the questions swirling in his head and clouding his mind. I just hoped that through all that fucked up fogginess, he could see me still standing here and waiting for him.

It was wishful thinking.

I didn't know what I expected, but he turned his back to me and my heart shattered for the millionth time tonight. I held my breath like it was the last thing keeping me from completely collapsing as I watched him walk away from me.

Under his shoes, I could hear the sound of the glass crunching as he strode toward a chair facing the large floor-to-ceiling window. He sunk into it and from a few steps behind him, I saw him lower his head into his hands. My body and heart and almost every fiber in me was pushing me to go to him. I wanted to completely surround myself around him until he had no memory of what he had just seen...

But I knew better than that.

This wasn't about what I wanted.

After the things that happened with Sebastian, I wanted to disappear from the entire world. I felt disgusting. My own body didn't feel like my own as he took the one thing no one should ever be stripped of.

Free will. The free choice and will to just say something as simple as no was just taken within a single second. How could I, knowing how that feels, push Syn to want me to be there for him? I couldn't. Not ever and especially not in a moment like this.

He needed space and I—

"I'm sorry," I heard him say lowly, making my mind snap back to the moment at hand.

"For what?"

He glanced at me over his shoulder before looking around at the chaotic mess in the room. "Doing this," he said, staring at the shattered glass around my feet. "I just lost it. I'm not always like this, I promise I've gotten a lot better with my—"

I shook my head. "Syn..."

"...temper," he finished. "If you need to leave, I get it."

"Do you want me to leave?"

He let out a deep breath, turning back to the window and running a hand through his hair. "I don't know," he replied in a voice not much louder than a whisper. "If I told you that I just needed the night alone to...compose myself...would you come back in the morning?"

I felt a dull ache in my chest at the thought of leaving him here alone, but I nodded in understanding. "Of course."

"Then that's what I need right now," he said, his back still to me as he stared out the window.

A tear fell down my cheek and I quickly swiped it away. "Okay." I walked to my bag in the room and picked it up before heading to the door. I had so much that I wanted to say to him. This was the last thing I wanted to do, but if he wanted to be alone, I could give him that. My hand lingered on the doorknob, and I let out a shaky breath before turning to him. "I'll be in the room...across. If you need me..."

I saw him nod slightly and I opened the door. "I promise I'll be better in the morning," I heard him say. I paused, wanting to walk back in and tell him that he didn't need to be, but instead I did the hardest thing I had in months and closed the door.

I leaned my head against the door and closed my eyes, silently hoping that he knew that I wasn't going anywhere. After a few moments, I walked away and turned on my heel to face the room that made my body want to run miles away from this place.

My old bedroom.

Memories flooded in, most of them painful until I remembered the only thing about this room that I didn't despise. Bezy. I remembered how I'd find him standing out here with the guards every night to make sure nobody would hurt me. I could almost picture his image in this exact spot as he fought sleep to guard my door.

My eyes watered at the thought of him and I laid a hand over my chest. "Y-your highness," I heard a voice say. I turned to my left to see a servant I recognized holding a pile of towels and I quickly wiped away my tears as she scurried to my side. "You're back?" She grinned.

"Umm." I returned her smile kindly. "It's looking like it."

"That's great! I'm sure everyone will love to hear—"

"Would you mind if we kept it between us?" I asked. "Just until I'm fully back. I don't want to get anyone's hopes up."

"Oh." Her smile fell a bit. "Sure, I understand."

"Also, would you mind showing me to an empty bedroom? I know it's almost morning but I haven't slept."

"Your bedroom is empty." She pointed toward the door. "If you'd like different sheets I can find—"

"No it's not that," I said. "I just don't think I can stay in there at the moment."

"Well of course you could," she said. "It's your bed—"

"I'd rather not," I said quietly, hoping she would understand.

"Yes, your majesty." She nodded quickly before giving me a small smile. She turned around and I followed closely behind her. We walked around a corner, leaving the hall where Syn's bedroom was and I relaxed as we approached a door down one of the dark halls. I was more tired than I thought.

As we neared the door, I adjusted my bag on my shoulder. Once we reached it, I stopped walking. "Thank you for—"
I stopped talking when I noticed her still walking ahead and embarrassment filled me as she turned back to face me in confusion. "This room isn't the empty one you were talking about..."

She glanced with a strange look before quickly shaking her head. "No, the empty room is down the hall. Just follow me and I'll..."

"Who stays in this one?" I asked quickly. This place was huge and I didn't feel like walking anymore. When she looked at the door and the hall behind me before answering, I frowned. "What? Whose room is this?"

"Umm," she said. "We're not allowed to go in there. The King would be very upset." She let out a nervous laugh. "As you know, there are plenty of other empty rooms—"

"Hmm, so it's empty." I looked at her and then turned to the room. "Have you ever been inside? I'm sure you're curious. I know I am." I placed my hand on the doorknob to find it locked and I looked back at her. "Do you have the key?"

"N-no, your majesty," she stuttered, gripping the towels in her arms against her.

"Oh okay." I shrugged. "Then you should go. I'll be fine here. Have a goodnight."

She took a step toward me and quickly shook her head. "This isn't allowed," she said. "He could kill us for this."

"Well he may kill you for it," I said, wincing slightly. "But I promise I won't let him even know you were in this vicinity if you leave now. For all he would know, I stumbled here all by myself."

She looked between me and the empty hall beyond me before turning on her heel and quickly scurrying away. With her departure, I pulled a pin from my hair and knelt down to the level of the lock. I took a few moments to pick it, and when I felt it gave way, I heard slow footsteps approaching me.

My body froze, and I looked to my side to see Syn looking down at me with tired eyes. "What are you doing?"

"Hey," I whispered, looking up at him. He raised a brow, waiting for my response and I gulped. "I thought you needed the rest of the night..."

"I thought I did." He crossed his arms. "I wish I did. But I needed something else more."

Oh?

"W-what?"

"You. Obviously." He deadpanned.

My heart melted at his words and I slowly stood up, hoping he'd forget what I was doing moments ago. "It's been three minutes, Syn."

"A long fucking three minutes," he said. "And I couldn't stop thinking about what you said. You wished you had come to me after what Sebastian did...but I wished that I didn't make you think that you had to. I should've just come to you. I knew that something was wrong and I—"

"You can't blame yourself for everything, Syn," I said. "There are things that happen that are beyond both of our control."

He ran a hand through his hair and leaned his head against the wall. "I'm the fucking devil; one of the most powerful beings in existence." He whispered with a scoff. "And I just let..." He closed his eyes before opening them and looking down at me. "I feel powerless and it feels like shit."

"You're not—"

"I'm supposed to be unbreakable, Princess," he said. "Untouchable. What do you think would happen if people knew that I wasn't?"

"Nobody knows, Syn. I deleted everything that was on her phone and destroyed it. No one—"

"You know," he said. "I would rather the entire world find out that I was weak than for you to just stand here knowing everything. I don't care how anyone else in the universe sees me, but I can't survive waking up in the morning and seeing you look at me differently.

"Your eyes..." he said. "They're everything to me. No matter how fucked up I feel about myself, I know I can just look into them and see someone that I respect, maybe even like. I like the version of myself that lives in your beautiful mind, Queen. As flawed as I continue to prove myself to be, your image of me remains constant.

"I'm a hero- your hero. I'm strong. An impenetrable force that you can always run to and be safe, no matter what. I always kept you at arm's length when it came to the truth about me so that look would never change. But I've failed," he said, his emerald eyes shining with fresh tears. "So what do you see now? Someone weak and pathetic that turned to fucking drugs and could hardly protect his family...let alone himself, right?"

"Wrong," I said. "Completely fucking wrong, Syn."

꧁꧂

Author's Note
Girl...u betta tell him!💔

Well...this was kind of a loaded chapter so ima keep my words short and sweet😈
What do y'all think of what Syn said?👀

Lmk your thoughts✨