May 10, 2023

Queen

I headed down the white halls of the hospital in the direction the nurse told me. My stomach was doing flips as I headed toward the room but it wasn't from excitement or nervousness. It was just guilt. I knew he'd ask about where I'd been these past couple of days and I had no idea how to tell him the truth.

I didn't want to hurt him. That was never my intention.

I hoped he wouldn't think that I led him on, but I couldn't read his mind during the time we spent together. What I looked at as a friendship with occasional sex could have been more to him. I needed to tread lightly and treat the situation with as much delicacy as I could.

When I reached the room number he was in, I knocked before peeking my head inside. I saw him sitting at the edge of the bed with a book and when he saw me, his eyes lit up. "Hey," I said.

"Hey yourself." He grinned. He stood up and I walked deeper into the room. "Welcome to my umm...humble temporary abode."

"You're an idiot," I joked. He wrapped his arms around me for a hug and I tensed when it lasted longer than expected. I guess it was normal for us before Syn came, but now that he was here, this felt off. I pulled away subtly and forced a small laugh. "How did you manage to get yourself in here."

"I uh..." he sat down. "I'm not exactly sure. One minute I was at a dinner with some friends, then the next I'm here."

"I was just messing with you," I said. "You're usually a lot more careful is all."

"Well." He sighed. "Mistakes happen. This will now be added to my list of most humiliating moments and I will forever be more careful."

He grinned at me and I smiled, letting the slight suspicion in my bones fade away. I was thinking way harder than I needed to. "Good."

We remained quiet for a few seconds, neither of us knowing what to say and he finally spoke up. "I've been calling you..."

I grimaced. "I haven't had my phone in the past couple of days. It was hacked."

"By who?"

"Well if I knew..." I said.

His smile spread and he laughed. "Right."

There was another awkward silence and I took a seat beside him knowing that it was now or never. I needed to tell him that I couldn't see him in that way anymore. Our arrangement would need to end today.

"Can I—"

"We need—" We cut each other off and both burst into laughter. "You go ahead."

"I wanted to ask if I could ask you something."

"That's kind of redundant," I joked and he nudged me with his arm. "Go ahead."

"A few nights ago at my parents' place, I saw you leave with your ex. You basically ran out," he said. "I didn't want to say anything on the phone in case he was around, but is he the reason you haven't been home? If he's hurting you, you can—"

I shook my head quickly. "No, no, no. It's nothing like that," I assured him.

"Oh..."

Oh...? I couldn't help but suddenly feel that he was disappointed that Syn wasn't hurting me. What should've been relief that I heard in his voice, sounded more like he was disheartened by my words...

I shook my head and I ignored the feeling, chalking it up to me wanting to see something bad in him to make ending things easier.

He was a good guy. I knew that.

"That's actually a part of what I wanted to talk to you about," I said.

"Sure." He nodded.

"I umm...I think it's best if we stop...you know," I insinuated.

"Having sex?" He asked with a chuckle.

"Yes."

"May I ask why?"

"I don't want to hurt you, Aiden."

"I'm an adult," he said. "I can handle it."

"At this point in my life I'm just not sure that...that, is what I need," I said as nicely as I could. "But you're a great guy and I really appreciate—"

"You mentioned that your ex was a part of this discussion," he interrupted me. "Do you want to stop having sex with me because you're doing it with him?"

"Aiden, that's kind of—"

"I mean it's just a question," he said. "If it makes you uncomfortable then you don't have to answer it."

"Okay, I'd rather not—"

"I would love it if you answered though," he said. "Because I'm confused."

"He and I have a long history. I could never explain it to you or anyone else. We're trying to give our relationship another chance and I believe it's worth giving a shot."

Not just one shot. A million if we needed to.

"It's worth giving a shot," he repeated. "And what about me?" He asked. "What about all the shots and chances I asked you for? Will I be getting them before or after you give them to him?"

What the fuck?

"I've always been up front with you, Aiden. I see you once a week and every week I remind you that you can't have more from me," I said, trying to look at him as he turned away from me. "This has nothing to do with you. You're amazing and there is someone out there willing to—"

"If I wanted someone out there I'd have them!" He yelled. I want you!"

"I'm really sorry, but I can't."

"I am in love with you," he said, looking down at me.

My eyes watered at the pained look in his eyes, but I shook my head. "You're in love with who you think I am, Aiden." A human. "And I'm tired of pretending to be something I'm not. I can be myself with him."

"Who's fault is that?!" He yelled. "You're the one who won't talk to me."

"I know," I said. "And I'm sorry. I'll apologize forever if you need me to but that won't change anything."

"The worst part of this all is that you're doing this to me in the damn hospital," he said. "You've been pretending all this time. Would it have killed you to pretend for a few more days?!"

"Pretend?" I scoffed. "There is no reasoning with you is there? I said I was sorry Aiden!" I yelled back as tears streamed down my face. "I don't know what more you want for me."

"You know exactly what I want," he said.

"I can't do this with you right now. I'm sorry." I headed toward the door and I heard him kick a chair to the floor. He had every right to be angry with me but this was getting out of hand. I placed my hand on the doorknob, getting ready to leave when he grabbed my forearm.

"And now you're running away," he said. "I don't even know why I'm shocked. This is what you do; run!"

I snatched my arm away from his hold and took a deep breath. "You're right, okay?! I'm running right now but it's not from anything. I'm running toward the one one thing I've wanted more than anything since I've stepped into this shithole of a realm!"

I opened the door and stormed out, wiping my teary eyes as I practically ran down the hall. When I bumped into a hard body, I wiped my eyes and quickly apologized. "I'm so sorry."

"What for?" A deep and familiar voice asked.

꧁꧂

Author's Note
*Me as a nurse listening in to their convo*

Plssss anyways😭 can y'all understand Aiden's frustrations or did he do too much?🤔 Do we still fw him?

Lmk your thoughts ❤️